Category: ZZ

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Saving Marriage ZZ

“Is It Worth It?”

‘Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. ‘ Colossians 3:23(NLT)

‘For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. ‘ Philippians 4:13(NLT)

‘Commit your actions to the Lord , and your plans will succeed.’ Proverbs 16:3(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Thomas and Alison both came from broken homes. After a really good first year of marriage, life together began to have rough patches. By the end of year three, there were a lot more tough days than good days. They found themselves at a crossroads. They could take the path their parents took and get a divorce, or they could fight for their marriage. They decided to fight. For them, it was more than a decision. It really became a conviction and a mindset. That proved to be essential as they began to work through their own baggage from the past and then the problems in their marriage. It was a really difficult journey.  

One of their first steps was to find a Christian counselor. That was an integral part of the entire process. They needed someone to guide them, pray with them and for them, and help them heal individually and together as a couple. Like a lot of us, they thought as they entered a new life together the baggage from their past would just go away. It didn’t. Could God miraculously have healed them? Yes, but it seems there is more value for us as He guides and walks with us through the healing process. That is what He did with Thomas and Alison.  

Putting God first was another priority. That, too, was a process as they learned to pray and read the Bible together, and found a church home. In church they found people who loved them and were willing to walk with them through this tough journey.  

Is your marriage worth fighting for? Is it worth the work? My answer for you is “yes.” Yes it is worth the fight and the work. Your problems may be like those Thomas and Alison dealt with; they could be worse or they might not be as bad. Wherever you land, the answer is the same:  God. Why not start there today?

Today’s Challenge:

1. Dr. Kim says that fighting for your marriage takes work. What work are you going to do?

2. Define what “being glued together” looks like for the two of you in your marriage.

3. Why are the battle scars of victory worth the cost for your marriage?

Going Deeper:

As you face the everyday issues and problems of life and marriage, begin the habit of taking all of those to God and let Him give you the answers that you would never have without Him.

from Fighting For Your Marriage

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Saving Marriage ZZ

“Selfishness”

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-5(NLT)

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ‘ Philippians 2:3(NLT)

‘Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others.’ 1 Corinthians 10:24(NLT)

‘The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.’ Proverbs 11:25(NLT)

Devotional Content:

It took me a long time to admit that I was being selfish in my marriage. Let me say that a different way. I knew that I was being selfish, I just did not want to admit it. I wanted to see myself as a generous, thoughtful person who would never be selfish to my spouse, but that was not always true. In the early years of our marriage, my selfishness was probably rooted in my immaturity. Nancy and I were married so young that a lot of our growing up years were done together within our marriage relationship.  

Some of my selfishness was subtle and some was overt. Both hurt my marriage. Some of the most selfish things that I did occurred when I would point the finger at Nancy and accuse her of doing the exact thing that I was doing. Selfishness can play out in some very strange ways.  Finally, I had an amazing revelation. The marriage that I wanted for us was not happening and if something was going to be different, it had to begin with me.  

God showed me such grace and mercy as He brought my selfish lifestyle to light. He showed me that I was not putting Him first and if I did things would change. That was an understatement. Putting God first in my life turned everything upside down but then everything landed where it was supposed to be. My life was better. My marriage was better. My relationship with Him was amazing.  

Can I still slip into selfishness? Yes, but because I now know the difference He can make, I am much quicker to fall on my knees and give it back to Him.

Today’s Challenge:

1. When do you find yourself out of balance with God?

2. Think about the times you can be selfish in your marriage. How would those times look different if you were “into God” instead of “into yourself”?

3. What is one way you can begin to fight together as a couple?

Going Deeper:

What steps can you take to never give selfishness a foothold in your marriage?

from Fighting For Your Marriage

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Have You Ever Fought for Something?

‘Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:7(NLT)

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

‘The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”’ Luke 10:27(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Some of us are fighters. We grew up having to fight for what we wanted and what we believed in. Fighting was just a part of our lives. We were willing to fight because we had a vision of the end result. We knew that with hard work we could accomplish the things we wanted.  

I have always been in awe of men and women who fight for their faith. It began with Jesus’ disciples. They knew Jesus and the difference He made in their lives, so they were willing to risk everything to bring that message to the rest of the world. Can you even imagine our lives today if they had not been fighters?

As a counselor, I have seen parents fight for their kids. They have fought for better education and opportunities. They have sacrificed much for their kids to have advantages they never had.  There are generations of adults today who are where they are in life because their parents were willing to fight for them.

There are causes that I believe in with all my heart. I know the difference a cause can make in people’s lives. Recently Awesome Marriage launched the #NotMe movement, calling men to take a stand against pornography and against devaluing, objectifying, and dishonoring women.  I know the difference this will make as more and more men take a stand and say, “it stops with me.”

In this plan, we will look deeply into what it means to fight for your marriage. Most of us said, “I do” without a clue what that really meant. We didn’t realize how much work marriage requires.  Yet, fighting to have the marriage that God designed especially for you is more than worth all the effort. Your marriage is worth the fight, so let’s start fighting!

Today’s Challenge:

1. What are three things would you fight for?

2. What were your hopes and dreams for your marriage on your wedding day?

3. What stands in the way of your marriage being all you hoped it would be?

Going Deeper:

What would it mean for you to seek and pursue God with everything you have? Do you agree with Dr. Kim, that “everything else would fall into place?”

from Fighting For Your Marriage

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Couples’ Prayer

‘Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!’ Matthew 18:21-22(NLT)

Father God, in the Name of Jesus, we thank You for our marriage. Father, we thank You for Your Peace reigning in our home. 

Father, we thank You that wisdom rests within the borders of our marriage. Father, lead our language. Lord, lead our actions. Lord, guide our tongue. 

Father, we are forever Yours. Father, we forgive one another for our past transgressions. Father, we forgive and let go of the guilt, shame, and defeat of the past. 

Lord, we surrender to You. Lord, we honor You. Father, soften our hearts. Father, create a new heart within us. Lord, let Your Spirit dwell within the borders of our home. Let Your Peace dwell here forever. 

In Jesus’ Name. Amen. 

from Forgive by Vance Jackson

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Blessed Are The Peacemakers.

‘God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.’ Matthew 5:9(NLT)

‘A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.’ Proverbs 15:1(NLT)

‘I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house right on the ground, without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”’ Luke 6:47-49(NLT)

“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” Matthew‬ ‭5:9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Let peace flourish within the borders of your home. Let His Peace flourish within the walls of your marriage. Choose to sow peace instead of strife. Choose to establish an environment of peace instead of chaos. Choose to forgive instead of creating an environment of resentment and bitterness. Choose the path of peace. 

Proverbs‬ ‭15:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬ declares, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Season your words with grace. Let God lead your language. Let His Word shape the trajectory of your life, home, and your marriage. Choose God’s Way of doing things. Choose to build a foundation that’s built on God’s Word. 

Luke‬ ‭6:47-49‬ ‭KJV‬‬ declares, “Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like: He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock. But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.” Build your life and family upon God’s Word. 

from Forgive by Vance Jackson

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Corrupt Communication

‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:29(NLT)

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Forgive your spouse and let the foul communication of the past go. When you choose to hold on to the tainted communication of the past, you’re choosing to keep your marriage in the paralytic prison of the past. Choose not to keep your house in the bondage of the past. Choose to set your heart free. Choose to set your marriage free. Forgive and let the past go. Let the regret, pain, guilt, shame, and defeat of the past go. Give your heart and every aspect of your life and language over to Christ. 

Let Christ transform you from the inside out. Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭KJV‬‬ declares, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Let Christ transform your language. 

‭‭ Let Christ transform your heart. Let Christ heal every past hurt. Let Christ heal every deep-seeded wound. Let Christ construct every part of your marriage. Let Christ become your family’s foundation. 

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭AMPC‬‬ declares, “Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.” What’s polluting your house? What words are contaminating your communication towards one another? Choose your words wisely. Sow grace instead of strife. 

from Forgive by Vance Jackson

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Whiter Than Snow.

‘Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.’ Psalms 51:7(NLT)

‘I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.’ Psalms 119:11(NLT)

“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” Psalms‬ ‭51:7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Let His Word redirect the heart of your marriage. Let His Word lead, guide, and shape your home. Let His Word make you whole. ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:11‬ ‭KJV‬‬ declares, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” 

Choose to hide and treasure God’s Word within the boundaries of your marriage. When you choose to honor and cherish His Word, within the walls of your marriage, He will lead and guide every aspect of your life. 

Psalms‬ ‭51:7‬ ‭KJV‬‬ declares, “Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” According to Strong’s Concordance, the Hebrew word for “Purge” is, ‘chata’ (H2398) which means, “To sin, miss, miss the way, go wrong, incur guilt, forfeit, purify from uncleanness.” 

When you miss the mark or mishandle the heart of your spouse, repent and ask God to lead and direct your actions. Let His Word prune, purge, and purify your words, deeds, and actions. Let His Word order your steps. 

from Forgive by Vance Jackson

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Saving Marriage ZZ

The Art of Forgiving.

‘“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. ‘ Matthew 6:14(NLT)

”For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:” Matthew‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Forgive frequently. Forgive freely. Forgive often. Let the fragrance of forgiveness freely reign within the borders of your home. Let forgiveness freely rest within the boundaries of your marriage. Matthew‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭KJV‬‬ declares, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:” Choose to forgive your spouse freely, frequently, and often. Let the stain of the past go. Don’t let the chains of the past rule over your heart. Let the past go and let His Word wash your marriage. 

Matthew‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭AMPC‬‬ declares, “For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Forgive those who have come against you. Willfully choose to forgive people of their reckless and willful sins, leaving the past behind and letting go of the offense. When you forgive, you’re choosing to let resentment go. When you forgive, you’re choosing to let the weight of the past go. When you forgive, you’re choosing to heal. Choose to let the past go. Choose to love. 

Matthew‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬ declares, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.” Forgiveness is a choice. Whether you’re choosing to forgive your spouse, a family member, a friend, or an enemy — when you forgive those who have sinned against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. Let the offense of the past go and let God completely wash your heart. 

from Forgive by Vance Jackson

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Heroic Honor

‘So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:25-29(NLT)

‘We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.’ James 3:3-12(NLT)

‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

I’m not a fan of phone calls, especially when I’m “in the groove” at work. 

When my wife calls, I often get short with her. Plain mean sometimes. 

For whatever reason, the “interruption” triggers me. Countless arguments have been caused, and wonderful days ruined, because of my poisonous words and overall lack of honor towards her. 

The Bible warns us of the tongue’s fire. It is a world of unrighteousness, a restless evil. 

Our words matter.

That’s why commands are given to build each other up and (my personal favorite) to “outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:10) The verb “outdo” is a competitive verb. Heroic Husbands don’t lose this competition. We don’t win by how much honor we can accrue for ourselves. No, we win the day by honoring others, and it is our bride who should receive the bulk of it.

Your wife is like a garden. Gardens exist to be seen as beautiful, to be lingered in, and be treasured. While everyone else must marvel from afar, it is only you she invites in. You follow the radiant, sun-kissed paths of who she is; and though it is not perfection, it is lovely. She is lovely. And it is her desire for you to cherish her innate, God-given beauty. 

When my wife invites me in, and I tromp around with a tongue set on “Scorch Mode,” I damage her. I defile the very grounds I’m meant to protect and admire. 

Little nags, critiques, “hints”, and (crucially) lack of compliments, flirts, and honor are not heroic. 

Pause and consider life from your wife’s perspective for a moment. Think about how she cares for people at work, the home, the kids, on and on. Visualize going about the ordinary, overlooked, un-thanked tasks of her day, all that’s required to maintain a healthy household, thriving relationships, a stable reputation, or a progressing career. Are not these duties worthy of honor?

Husband, this is our call to action. We must shower our wives with words of honor.

I bet there is ground to reclaim here, because damage has been done. I know there is for me. 

When we fail,– as we will – we must apologize swiftly. Then get back at it.

Relentlessly choose to honor your bride with your words, even if she calls at an inconvenient time.

from Heroic Husbandry: Reclaiming Hero Status in Your Marriage

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Heroic Pursuit

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ‘ Ephesians 5:25-28(NLT)

‘See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him. Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is. ‘ 1 John 3:1-2(NLT)

Many men focus on romance before the altar, forgetting that true romance, flirtation, and fun actually begins after the altar. This is where the uncharted territory commences. This is where Heroic Husbands call home.

A husband fails when he thinks, “Whew! We’re married now. Glad I sealed the deal. Thankful I ‘beat the game.’ Now that she’s mine, time to sit back and chill.” 

Marriages that deconstruct into divorce forget how to have fun as a couple. They exchange rings and vows, and then the pursuit fades away. 

You see, pursuit is downright essential to every marriage, which is why dating – crazy-fun, expectation-shattering dating are so important. 

Heroic Husbandry is a pursuing husbandry.

Start by looking at your wife and dreaming: “what can I do this week to usher unfathomable joy into her life?” Yes, it’s that simple. Secretly brainstorm and think: next step. 

So, planning a dinner date is good. (Especially if she’s not expecting it.) But how can you take the next step? Maybe call the restaurant ahead and arrange a romantic (or silly!) shtick that the waiter is in on. Get creative. And crazy. Then, if you’re daring enough, take another step! Have a hand-written letter leaning against her pillow when she gets home, titled, ‘7 Things I Cherish About  You.’ 

Husband, honestly – like, honestly – this is easy stuff. It just takes intentionality – unchaining of the romantic monster that is in you. Delete the first seven excuses popping into your mind right now, and get after her. 

Jesus, our True Hero, pursues us with an abundant love. His finished work on the cross abundantly, overflowingly, excessively rescued us from our sin, restored us to God, and guaranteed us a bright future with Him. Therefore, when you pursue her with an abundant love, you’re loving her like Christ loved the church. That is Heroic Husbandry. 

And here’s what’s cool. As much as she will benefit from it, you will benefit, too. She’ll tell everyone how heroic her husband is, reciting stories of your heroism around the family table for decades to come.

Husband, stay fun, think up those next steps, and heroically pursue. 

from Heroic Husbandry: Reclaiming Hero Status in Your Marriage