Category: Step Father-mother

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Bonus Love

‘Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable? The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.’ Proverbs 20:6-7(NLT)

“Okay, Ron, just where do I fit in this picture?” I heard this familiar question while talking with a friend of mine. He’s a stepdad and he loves his kids dearly. He said, “Ron, I want to be the one who teaches my stepson how to shave and the one who walks Emily down the aisle on her wedding day, but I think their dad ought to do those things. So what is my role?”

You know, being the Bonus Mom or Dad sometimes means you don’t get the first seat at the table (and you’ll have to grieve this). But it does mean that as an added parent figure in the life of a child, everything you offer is bonus! A bonus hug, a bonus word of encouragement, a bonus smile, a bonus challenge, a bonus godly influence. And in a world where lots of people don’t have any at all—bonus love. Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it? When you think about it in that light, being a bonus parent is a great role to fill.

Dear God, never let me take for granted the privilege and honor of being a bonus blessing in the lives of my stepchildren. 

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© 2018 by FamilyLife. Excerpted with permission from Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews, Bethany House Publishers. Get more daily encouragement with this 365-day devotional that will keep your family blending and bonding throughout the year.

from More Daily Encouragement for the Smart StepFamily

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Be Vulnerable

‘So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord !’ Psalms 31:24(NLT)

Want a great suggestion for deepening a friendship? It starts with you sharing you. 

Ever notice that when someone is transparent and shares a vulnerability about themselves, we tend to respect them a little more? We admire their courage, and we feel like they’re more approachable—like it’s safe to be close to them. We also feel like we can trust them with our own vulnerabilities. And when both people share their real selves, the relationship takes a leap forward. 

Now think about this: Stepfamily members can do the same thing. I’ve watched adult stepchildren share something personal about themselves with a parent’s new spouse, and somehow it opens the door to friendship. I’ve also seen stepparents endear their stepkids to them just by sharing a story about a hard life-lesson they learned in their younger days, or one of their most embarrassing moments. 

Sure, it takes courage to put yourself out there. But courage is where great relationships begin. 

Father, help me be courageous enough to allow my loved ones to see my real self. 

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© 2018 by FamilyLife. Excerpted with permission from Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews, Bethany House Publishers. Get more daily encouragement with this 365-day devotional that will keep your family blending and bonding throughout the year.

from Daily Encouragement For The Smart Stepfamily

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Get on the Same Page

‘My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.’ Proverbs 1:8-94(NLT)

Every blended family is a cross-cultural experience. I mean, when you think about it, you’re essentially merging two cultures. Language, traditions, inside jokes, the meaning we attach to certain words and actions…the list could go on. And merging parenting expectations is part of this as well. For example, he always made his kids pick up their toys before coming to the dinner table. She let her kids clean them up after dinner. So who’s right? Which style should they adopt as they merge the two cultures into one? 

Actually, I don’t know the answer. I’ve searched the Scriptures and can’t find a single passage about clean-up time. What I can tell you is this: For the sake of your marriage and your family, the most important thing is that you both end up on the same side. So go ahead and talk, negotiate, and share your perspectives. In the end, choose a path you will both support. And then you’ll have the right answer for your family. 

Father, keep us patient, considerate, and willing to compromise as we move through the process of blending our two cultures into a single, united identity for our family.

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© 2018 by FamilyLife. Excerpted with permission from Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews, Bethany House Publishers. Get more daily encouragement with this 365-day devotional that will keep your family blending and bonding throughout the year. 

from Daily Encouragement For The Smart Stepfamily

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Connected by Grace

‘He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. God has now revealed to us his mysterious will regarding Christ—which is to fulfill his own good plan. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. ‘ Ephesians 1:7-104(NLT)

No matter how you’re connected to a stepfamily—whether you’re a grandparent, a stepsibling, a stepparent, or just a step-uncle-in-law—I want you to remember this: grace connects, but possessiveness divides. 

You know, the essential story of a stepfamily is someone leaving and someone joining a family. And whenever this happens, even under the best of circumstances, parents and kids feel some degree of insecurity. Unfortunately, that insecurity tempts us to become possessive—to pull some people towards us and to push others away. But our jealousy and possessiveness create division and conflict among family members. It also promotes resentment toward us.

What brings peace is a spirit of grace, especially toward people we don’t know very well. Stepchildren to stepparents; stepsibling to stepsibling; former wife to new wife. 

So remember the grace that God has lavished on you, then turn around and freely offer it to others.

Lord, remove any spirit of possessiveness from our family. Help us be grace-filled in all our interactions with each other.

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© 2018 by FamilyLife. Excerpted with permission from Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews, Bethany House Publishers. Get more daily encouragement with this 365-day devotional that will keep your family blending and bonding throughout the year.

from Daily Encouragement For The Smart Stepfamily

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Steal a Kiss

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:18-194(NLT)

One way to keep oxygen flowing to your marriage is to steal a kiss. Well, actually you’re not really stealing it; you’re drawing on your own bank account of affection. What you are stealing is a moment. A moment out of a hectic day, away from stress. A moment to step aside from the parenting role and remember the special bond you share as husband and wife. 

Ironically, this type of stealing is also a way of giving. You see, “the kiss” is a much-needed point of connection. Research shows that when you have intimate moments built into your day, you oxygenate your marriage. Habits like a warm hug before work, a funny text exchanged, or a shared recreational activity. These little routines help sustain your marriage in the midst of life’s pressures.

So your mission for today: find your moment and steal a kiss. As you do, you’ll breathe new life into your marriage relationship. And that leads to a healthier family for everyone involved.

Loving Father, help me never be too busy or grow too complacent to give my marriage the high priority it deserves. Teach me the best ways to make my beloved feel valued and cherished.

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© 2018 by FamilyLife. Excerpted with permission from Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews, Bethany House Publishers. Get more daily encouragement with this 365-day devotional that will keep your family blending and bonding throughout the year.

from Daily Encouragement For The Smart Stepfamily

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Learn All You Can

‘These are the proverbs of Solomon, David’s son, king of Israel. Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline, to help them understand the insights of the wise. Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair. These proverbs will give insight to the simple, knowledge and discernment to the young. Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles. Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.’ Proverbs 1:1-74(NLT)

One piece of advice I always give stepfamilies is this: Learn all you can about healthy stepfamily living. Sure, your general knowledge of marriage and parenting will prove helpful, but it’s the unique dynamics of stepfamily living that create stress and end up dividing families. So the smarter you are about relationships in your home, the better equipped you are to nurture and manage them. 

Seek out resources specifically developed for the blended family. Although advice meant for biological parents may sometimes be helpful, in some cases it can actually backfire on stepparents. You’ll have far more success with resources designed for the blended family home with all its unique circumstances and challenges—and yes, all its wonderful blessings, too. 

Getting “stepfamily smart” is the beginning of a successful stepfamily.

Father, you know the needs of our family even better than we do. Please lead us to the best resources that will help us understand how to build a strong, healthy family that honors you and blesses those around us.

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© 2018 by FamilyLife. Excerpted with permission from Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews, Bethany House Publishers. Get more daily encouragement with this 365-day devotional that will keep your family blending and bonding throughout the year.

from Daily Encouragement For The Smart Stepfamily

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Remember Your Vows

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:244(NLT)

“…for better or for worse, till death do us part.” 

I heard these familiar words when I attended a wedding the other day. Now I’ve decided that it would be a good idea for every married person to attend a friend or family member’s wedding from time to time. Why? Because the wedding ceremony reminds you of what you once promised; it helps you remember the heart you had for your mate on the day you said, “I do.” And because sadly, life has a way of diluting and discoloring that day, but a wedding takes you back and refreshes those special memories.

Think for a moment about your vow to protect and honor one another. You promised to leave behind former loyalties and to cleave to each another. To sustain, as your ring symbolizes, a never-ending commitment. To make your marriage a statement about how God loves, desires, and pursues us. And to make oneness a top priority, till death do you part. That is worth remembering and the vow worth refreshing.

Father, we stand before you as one, renewing our promise to live each day as a flesh and blood illustration of your unconditional love and faithfulness. Amen. 

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© 2018 by FamilyLife. Excerpted with permission from Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews, Bethany House Publishers. Get more daily encouragement with this 365-day devotional that will keep your family blending and bonding throughout the year.

from Daily Encouragement For The Smart Stepfamily

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Dress Up in Virtue

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.’ Colossians 3:12-174(NLT)

When you woke up today, you got to decide what clothes you wanted to put on, didn’t you? (That’s assuming you’re older than age two, in which case someone else probably chose for you. Or maybe not.) Colossians 3:12-14 tells us to “Put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience…and above all, love.”

Just as you choose your clothes every morning, you make a conscious decision whether or not to wear those virtues as you go throughout your day. And when you do put them on, you get the chance to reflect Jesus to your spouse, your children, your co-workers, your friends, and to the world. Now it might not feel natural at first, but the more you wear these clothes, the better they start to fit you.

So go on—get them out of the closet and get dressed for heaven’s sake. (Pun intended!)

Father, help me remember to begin each day by choosing to slip on the perfect outfit you’ve selected for me as described in Colossians 3. 

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© 2018 by FamilyLife. Excerpted with permission from Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews, Bethany House Publishers. Get more daily encouragement with this 365-day devotional that will keep your family blending and bonding throughout the year.

from Daily Encouragement For The Smart Stepfamily

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Do not be a dull axe

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

No one wants to be a dull axe. We want to be a sharp axe, effective in the hand of God. 

This will not happen if we’re apart from certain people in our lives. Wise people, godly people, humble people. People who care. We need people in our lives who love Jesus and love us. We need people who will love us enough to challenge, affirm, and encourage us. We need people who care enough to listen to us and understand us. We need people who will pray for us and pray with us. We need people who will model what it means to passionately pursue Christ.

For example, if you want to love God more, it helps immensely to be around people who are great lovers of God. Or, if you want to be a better husband or wife, it helps tremendously to spend time with people who are great husbands or wives. We need to see the life of Christ incarnated in our midst. It’s just the way God has made us.

Furthermore, this sharpening does not happen at a distance. It does not even happen at arm’s length. It happens when people get close. It happens when we let people into our lives and into our hearts. It happens when we take a risk and get real. It happens when we let people get close enough to see our struggles and our fears.

Iron doesn’t sharpen iron from a distance. Iron doesn’t sharpen iron unless there are a few sparks along the way. It might even get heated at times.

This is not the easy way. If you want the easy way, don’t let people get too close. But you will never be sharp in the hands of God. You’ll never be effective for the kingdom. You won’t be all that God intended you to be.

So what can you do? Be intentional. Let people into your heart. Care enough to reach out to others. Join a small group and raise the bar in it. Find a mentor. Find someone to mentor. Be real. Open your heart. Take a risk. Invite people to speak into your life. Do life with other people. Love boldly.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

from Wisdom For Your Marriage

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2nd Marriage Step Father-mother ZZ

Soft words vs. Harsh words

‘A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.’ Proverbs 15:1(NLT)

When you are in a dispute and your frustration is rising, when you feel hurt and angry and you want to lash out, the Bible has a simple, practical principle: be gentle. Use soft words, a soft tone, and gentle gestures, for the Bible teaches us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

You probably know what that’s like. Most of us have responded with harsh words at one time. Some of us have done that more often than we care to admit. Harsh words don’t help things, do they? They stir up anger. Whether you are right, wrong, or some mixture of both, harsh words don’t help the conflict.

It’s just the way life works. It’s not just what we say, but how we say it.

Perhaps this principle applies to marriage more than anywhere else. When you live with someone and seek to merge two lives into one, there will be friction. There will be conflict. Oh, how valuable Proverbs 15:1 can be for conflict in marriage. Every couple ought to adopt this verse as a firm rule of thumb for conflict and decide, “We don’t rant and rave. We don’t shout and yell. We don’t call each other names. We don’t speak harshly. We obey God and speak softly. It doesn’t matter if my parents yelled—we don’t yell. We obey God, for a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Marriage may be the prime application, but the principle of Proverbs 15:1 applies to all of life. When you’re upset at your high schooler, your grade schooler, or your preschooler: soft! When you are in a meeting at work and you feel disrespected and insulted: soft! When a careless, selfish driver cuts you off on the freeway: soft! When the clerk is a bit rude to you: soft! In a thousand situations, in all of life, practice the Proverbs 15:1 principle: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” By the power of the Spirit, make this the way you live your life. 

from Wisdom For Your Marriage