Category: Devotion for Men

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

Different roles in marriage

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:22-33(NLT)

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

‘This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. ‘ John 15:12(NLT)

‘Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.’ Hebrews 10:24-25(NLT)

‘There are three things that amaze me— no, four things that I don’t understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman.’ Proverbs 30:18-19(NLT)

Some years ago, an elderly brother in Christ said to me that I should not allow any man to pick a fight with my wife. He said I should step in and defend her if she is threatened verbally or in any other way. Being a younger man then, I felt a sense of pride well up in my heart when pondering the privilege that the Lord had bestowed on me to be my spouse’s protector.

What I came to realise was that I differed substantially from my wife in how she processes things, and this is a direct result of who God has made me to be. 

An example of this would be in how we differ with regard to practicality versus beauty. I would not so care for presentation as I would care for practicality. For example, the positioning of a certain item – in my mind, a glass bowl should be placed in a safe spot where it cannot be bumped off the display cabinet, even if it means that it does not get displayed at all! In my mind, it could come crashing off the display cupboard, break into pieces and then my wife and children could accidentally cut their feet. This illustrates how my wiring as a man is more about the safety and protection of my wife and family.

I believe God has intentionally wired us to be like this because we have a different role to fulfill as husbands in marriage. I must admit that I love it when my wife transforms a simple and silly looking room into something beautiful and lovely—even though I would not agree practically with the positioning of every item!

I believe God has equipped every husband with the fortitude and insight to see the danger from far off and warn his spouse to caution. As we represent Christ in marriage and our wives represent the Church, our protection of our wives should encompass much more than just physical protection. We know this because Christ’s protection encompasses more than the physical well-being of his bride, the Church. 

from How to Protect Your Wife

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

Choosing Your Wife Over the Kids

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.’ Proverbs 31:10(NLT)

Husbands, a question to ask yourself: Is your family in order? Who comes first? Does your spouse come first, or do your kids take the number one spot? Or do you put yourself first? How do you even know when they are in the right order? The results are in, and we’re here to tell you: guys, your marriage needs to be the priority over your kids. Here are a few reasons why:

It’s best for your kids.

One of the greatest needs for children is to know that their parents love not only them but also that mom and dad love each other. It’s well known that a children’s sense of security grows as they see parents committed and loving each other. Often, we see couples in love with each other early on, but as kids come in the picture, marriage gets pushed to the back. In extreme cases, marriage gets put on hold for years while you raise children. This is not only detrimental to your marriage, but experts are saying it’s also very harmful to your kids.

When the parents can’t get along and separate, it’s the kids that suffer. When they lose their family, they also lose their sense of confidence and security. And we know when children don’t feel secure, their whole world seems to unravel, and they turn to other things that cannot fulfill that security like mom and dad.

Research shows that almost all marriages take a hit when you have kids. According to an analysis of 90 studies involving 31,000 married people, the drop in marital satisfaction after the first baby’s birth is a staggering 42% larger among the current generation of parents than their predecessors. Satisfaction dips even lower, (though less) with each successive child. Studies also suggest that one-third to one-half of new-parent couples experience as much marital distress as couples already in therapy for marital difficulties.

So if you can’t seem to prioritize your marriage or spend money on dates for yourselves, or it’s a tough season in your marriage, do it for the good of your kids. And if you’re not sure how to start, here’s a great step:

Make marriage number one.

We want to challenge you to be UNCOMMEN; to take some time to talk with your spouse about how you two can make your marriage a priority. Pull out your calendars and see when you can get some time together alone without the kids. Try setting a regular date night. We understand that babysitters can be expensive. Even if it’s just once a month, that can be so refreshing for your relationship! Guys, do your best to get your babysitter ready ahead of time and make it a gift to your wife. Then alternate each month who “picks” the date spot.

Start today and don’t wait! Make your marriage a priority by setting aside time alone for you and your wife. Make sure your wife knows you choose her, even above your kids. Remember it’s the effort and the heart that counts.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

To learn more about Uncommen, visit our website.  

Scripture Reference: Proverbs 31:10

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

Prioritize Your Commitment Over Your Feelings

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

Remember walking down the aisle? You waited at the front, and then the doors swung open, and you saw your bride dressed in white. Then she walked down the aisle, and you made some enormous commitments together. Do you remember those vows? Often marriage vows involved a number of things, but in every wedding I have attended, couples share the promise to be faithful to one another no matter what: better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health.

At that moment I remember the flutter of emotions; the wedding ceremony and everything seemed to be moving 100 miles an hour that day. It was a very emotional time. We were so in love, and those feelings were very real and natural to sense at that moment on our wedding day. While that day marked the beginning of those important feelings of love toward one another, we also believed that it would continue to deepen over the years. This is beautiful and right!

But these vows were also important because they rightly assume that life will get more difficult. You will eventually be less attractive than you are today—gravity eventually wins! You will disappoint one another, see each other at your worst, and face unforeseen trials and seasons of pain.

Some of these difficulties will draw you together. Others will tempt you to drift apart. These moments may expose the unloveliness of your spouse, and you may find yourself not feeling particularly “in love.” I know you find this hard to believe now, but that is precisely why the vows you are making today are so important.

Tim Keller said: “Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.” When moments come where you find your spouse unlovely, you must remind yourselves that when Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn’t think ‘I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me.’ No, he was in agony, and he looked at us—denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him—and in the greatest act of love in history, he stayed. He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. This is why you should love your spouse.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 5:25

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

Her Needs Above Yours

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Yesterday, we looked closely at the importance of man’s vocation or job but not at the expense of the family. Today we turn our attention to your wife’s top needs. Most men are not highly emotional beings. Men enjoy action more than words. In fact, studies show that women express themselves verbally at least twice if not three times as much each day as men do. But, if a man is to love his wife, he is going to have to make a transition and become more emotionally available to her to meet her needs. Keep in mind this isn’t natural for most men, so it requires prayers and intervention from God.

Studies show that men tend to express words that convey information to get things done. Information can be shared without getting the heart or emotion involved. But if a husband is going to become who God wants him to be, he is going to need to learn to share his heart. For a woman, it is not enough to know what he did during a day. She often wants to understand how he influenced someone for the better, or how a difficult situation affected his heart, or how he needs her support and strength to accomplish his goals.

Consequently, God does not make this command to men lightly. If a husband wants God to hear his prayers, which ironically he is going to need to be doing a lot to learn to be emotionally available to her, then he will seek to open his heart to her in an open and honest way.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: 1 Peter 3:7

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

Marriage Over Your Calling

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

You got a job offer. And it’s a big one requiring some big changes for your wife and your family. You feel like you owe it to yourself and your hard work in your career to talk with your spouse. You want to take it, but your wife is against it. What do you do? How do you choose your wife and your marriage over your calling in these types of real life scenarios? For some men, especially those in leadership, your job requires immense responsibility involving tens, hundreds, and maybe even thousands of people’s jobs on the line with decisions you make. It’s easy to see your position in leadership at the office as becoming more important than your job as the leader of your home

So when I look at leaders who believe they are forced every day to put vocation before marriage and family, I wonder what they think they are going to accomplish. No one is indispensable. Everyone can be replaced on the job. God can raise up another leader to do what you are doing. While I admire these leaders’ courage, success, and endurance, I can’t help but wonder if they misunderstand their calling.

If you are called to end world poverty, serve as the CEO of a major corporation or share the Gospel with tribes who have never heard it before, your calling does not exclude your marriage and family. It doesn’t require you to sacrifice your family members for this.

When you and your spouse become one flesh in Christian marriage, this becomes who you are. Your daily thoughts and decisions are now a part of your identity as a spouse. The rules are much different than when you were single. Add kids into the mix and you have another layer of responsibility to account for.

God made you with a capacity and gifting unlike that of any other. When you join into a marriage covenant with your spouse, you now have an alliance team with a capacity and gifting unlike any other. God doesn’t view this as a waste. He leverages them. That means if your marriage is to remain healthy, you are to make big decisions together.

Wherever God calls you, know that He does not call you apart from who you are. It is you the wife he is calling; it is you the husband he is calling.

You might experience seasons in which you are asked to prioritize your vocation or calling above your time with your spouse and family, but if season connects with season, your understanding of what God desires is likely off the mark. It’s worth asking your spouse from time to time to make sure you stay on the mark.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: Genesis: 2:24

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

God’s Advice For Husbands – Day 7

‘Then the Lord said to me, “Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.’ Habakkuk 2:2(NLT)

‘Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write down all these instructions, for they represent the terms of the covenant I am making with you and with Israel.”’ Exodus 34:27(NLT)

‘Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.’ Romans 15:4(NLT)

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”

—Matthew 7:7-8 ESV

When Jesus urged his followers to ask, seek, and knock, he was saying the only way to have something is to first ask for it.

To have, we need to ask. If we don’t ask, we don’t have. That’s the clear teaching of the Bible.

It’s true in our marriages, too. In order to learn about our wives, we husbands need to ask them questions. For example, try to understand your wife’s past and how it influences her present. Ask her opinion about issues of the day. Ask how she arrived at those conclusions. What books or blogs is she presently reading? Who has she found particularly compelling? Who is influencing her thinking?

Then share with her some of the issues you’re struggling with. It may be a difficult relationship or a problem at work. Or it may be an issue in local or world affairs. Ask her opinion. “What do you think I should do about this? How would you handle it? Do you have any insights that could help me?” She may not know the answer. She may not even be able to completely understand your problem. But she’ll deeply and sincerely appreciate the fact that you asked. Indeed, she’ll feel honored that you respected her opinion enough to ask.

Be sure to ask her what things you do that she likes. Then ask her what you do that she doesn’t like. Get clarity if you need it. Find out the ways you embarrass and encourage her. Find out what she admires and doesn’t admire. Ask for specifics. If you don’t understand, ask again for more information and clarity.

Now that you’ve asked and listened, it might be helpful to make a list. That’s right—a list. If God knew the importance of writing down information and making lists, how much more should we husbands? To the prophet Habakkuk, he said, “‛Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it’” (Habakkuk 2:2). 

Write down what you do that she loves, then write down what you do that she hates. Write down her favorites and least favorites, sweet memories, and hard times. This list will grow throughout your years of marriage and will serve as a blessing to both of you as you draw from it to love your wife well.

  •  How often do you ask for your wife’s opinion on your own problems or circumstances?  
  •  Do you feel cared for by people in your life when they ask questions about you?
  •  What items would be on your list of learnings about your wife if you were to start it today? 
  •  How can you use this list to love your wife when things are going well? What about when   things are rocky? 

from God’s Advice For Husbands

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

God’s Advice For Husbands – Day 6

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

‘Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:’ Proverbs 31:28(NLT)

When you study your wife’s life, you’ll begin to empathize with her. These two parts go hand in hand. It’s difficult to understand your wife’s feelings and actions if you don’t take a step back to study not only the situations in her life but also her soul. 

What are her strengths? Her weaknesses? Where does she need you to pick her up and help her on? In what areas does she excel and how might you learn from her?

Wives aren’t merely add-ons. They’re gifts from God that help us grow and succeed. And because we as husbands are “one flesh” with our wives, when they speak to us based on their love and accumulated knowledge, they’re speaking to us as a part of us. It’s as if we were talking to ourselves with extremely wise words. We’d be wise to study their lives. 

As we study and learn from our wives, we begin to respect them in a whole new way. The more we admire their gifts and the ways that they’re uniquely part of God’s design where we are not, the more we can tune our hearts toward understanding and empathy for them in all areas of our walk together. 

If we husbands want to know our wives well, we need to develop empathy. How often do we do that? How often do we try to understand what it’s like to chase little children around all day? And seldom have another adult with whom to converse? And often have another job (or two) on top of taking care of the kids? And have a monthly physiological cycle that changes the body’s moods and perceptions? And perform all the other responsibilities that are expected of her?

If nothing else, the exercise of empathy helps a husband to develop a tender heart and a humble mind. It helps him develop a heart of compassion toward his wife and all women. It fights sexism and misogyny. It elevates all women in his eyes.

Above all, it honors his wife well.

  •  What can you learn from your wife’s strengths and weaknesses? How can you help her? 
  • If the need for constant learning is essential for success in life, how can you apply this same principle to your marriage?
  • In what ways does your wife strongly pursue Christ and his people in love that you can learn from?
  • When is the last time you put yourself in your wife’s shoes before approaching her in anger?

from God’s Advice For Husbands

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

God’s Advice For Husbands – Day 5

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

In what ways are you encouraging your wife to use her gifts? Most certainly she’s more gifted than you are in some areas. Without a doubt, she’d love for you to come alongside her and help identify and encourage her areas of giftedness and help launch them into the world. 

Here’s how you can help make this happen: 

1. Pray with her

Seek God together so you can find out his will in the matter. It could be that he’s calling your wife to something that’s not yet known or revealed to either of you. Or it could be God will confirm something you’ve already suspected. But first, go to him together in prayer. You may be surprised what he reveals.

2. Ask trusted friends

Get input from faithful friends and family who know your wife well, especially if they’re more mature Christians. Where do they see her as being especially gifted? What could they see her doing that she’d really enjoy and that would help advance the Kingdom of God? Often other people can see things we husbands don’t.

3. Watch what she does when duty-free 

We all need to set apart time in our daily or weekly schedule to do whatever we may want—our duty-free time. Watch carefully what your wife loves to do with hers. How your wife spends her duty-free time will give good clues on what makes her heart sing. Observe how she uses her time off, and you may gain insight into knowing where to encourage her gifts to be used.

4. Open doors for her

As your wife’s gifts, passions, and desires start to surface, find people who can help open doors for her. Find ways to make things happen. Help your wife network with others and come up with ideas that would help launch her gifts.  

5. Be her biggest cheerleader

First Thessalonians 5:11 states that we’re to encourage one another as followers of Jesus. Shouldn’t that begin with our spouse? Shouldn’t you greatly desire your beloved’s success—even above your own? 

6. Launch your gifts together

Here is one final point of advice: As you encourage your wife to discover her passions, try to find those areas in which you share similar giftedness. When you do, if possible, try to find ministry and service opportunities you can do together. These experiences will draw you closer like nothing else. 

  •  When can you set aside time this week to pray with your wife about her gifts?  
  •  How can you begin encouraging your wife today about using her God-given gifts?  
  •  Are you your wife’s biggest cheerleader? Do you want her success above even your own? 
  •  Who are the people involved and invested in your wife’s life from whom you could gain insight regarding her gifts and passions? 

from God’s Advice For Husbands

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

God’s Advice For Husbands – Day 4

‘what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?’ Psalms 8:4(NLT)

‘This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!’ 2 Corinthians 5:17(NLT)

While your wife desires a husband who’s a heroic warrior, she also desires him to show humility. 

Consider this: How is it possible for us to be proud if God made everything from nothing? Everything in this world, including all humanity, came from God’s sovereign hand. In recognizing this truth, we should all cry out as the psalmist did, Who am I that You are mindful of me? (paraphrased from Psalm 8:4).

Every inhalation of our next breath, every bite of food, every piece of clothing, every friend we cherish, every possession we have—everything—comes from the God who created everything from nothing. Our only posture in life should be one of humility. Every human is a beneficiary of grace.

While this in itself is amazing and beyond belief, there’s more. Because of the selfish condition that our flesh takes on from the moment of our conception, we’re hopelessly separated from our Creator. Our puny works can’t ever make us righteous before his perfect holiness. It’s impossible. A perfect and holy God can never allow the imperfection of sin and those who commit it to draw near to him.

But God, in his great mercy and love, made a way for us to be with him forever by putting on human flesh in the form of Jesus. He lived the perfect life we couldn’t live because of our sin. He died in our place on the cross, taking our sins upon himself, something he didn’t deserve. From him we can receive the forgiveness of our sins and eternal life, something we don’t deserve. We can have new hearts. We can become new creations. The old has passed away and the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

Because of this simple Gospel, where our Creator makes us new creations, there’s no response possible other than humility and worship. When a husband truly understands God’s grace, worship becomes a joy. He hungers to worship with his wife. He hopes his children will see him as a true worshiper of the one true God, a worshiper filled with humility.

A wife who knows that her husband is a humble, thankful worshiper can trust him to lead wisely. She knows he’s humbly submitted himself to a King who lovingly leads him. She knows he has her and the family’s best interests at heart. She knows humility is akin to honor. 

A humble husband who honors God will also want to honor his wife. 

  • How often do you allow yourself to meditate on the reality of our situation as saved sinners?
  •  Do you fall victim to forgetting about the basics of the Gospel and the response that it requires? 
  •  How can you walk in humility and remind yourself daily of the response that God’s power and love require? 
  •  How can practicing humility and worshiping a perfect God translate into helping you be humble and loving toward an imperfect spouse? 

from God’s Advice For Husbands

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

God’s Advice For Husbands – Day 3

‘that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) ‘ Ephesians 2:5(NLT)

‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33(NLT)

Dudley Do-Right was a much-loved cartoon character who bumbled and fumbled his way toward heroic success. Often after he’d delivered the damsel in distress, she’d coyly sigh and say to him, “My hero!” 

Some might suggest that the saved damsel’s praise of Dudley’s heroism is misogynistic drivel. I don’t think so. I think most women yearn for their husbands to be heroes. They want to believe their husbands are willing to sacrificially die for them as Jesus did for the church (Ephesians 2:5). 

That’s true love—not some syrupy, ever-changing feeling, but the willingness to die so the other can live. Jesus said there’s no greater love than that of laying down one’s life for another (John 15:13). This type of self-effacing, sacrificial heroism enhances the wife’s respect toward her husband. And respect is what a man longs for from his wife (Ephesians 5:33).

Similarly, she yearns to see his heroism take strong stands. She wants to see him as a mighty, ferocious warrior, dressed for battle, someone doggedly fighting for truth, justice, goodness, fairness, and righteousness.

These strong stands may be reflected in a stand for all life—in and outside the womb. Or perhaps it’s a commitment against sex trafficking. Or maybe it’s being an outspoken advocate for racial equality. Or perhaps it’s a dogged stand for justice for the disenfranchised and marginalized in our world. Maybe it’s working to ensure all have clean water and food. Or perhaps it’s a desire to reach the world for Christ.

Wives hunger for husbands who are heroes. These kinds of strong convictions honor our wives. Be the hero she needs to solidify respect in her heart.

  •  Would you say this heroic, sacrificial love is a character quality that describes you? 
  •  Would your wife say this is a character quality that describes you? 
  • How can you better mirror the sacrificial love that Christ has for His people to your bride?
  • Is there an injustice in the world that you’d fight to end?

from God’s Advice For Husbands