Category: Devotion for Men

‘A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them.’ Proverbs 15:18(NLT)

‘Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.’ Proverbs 16:32(NLT)

‘Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.’ Proverbs 20:3(NLT)

‘An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.’ Proverbs 29:22(NLT)

‘Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.’ Ecclesiastes 7:9(NLT)

‘Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. ‘ 2 Timothy 2:23-24(NLT)

‘But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. When he first arrived, he ate with the Gentile believers, who were not circumcised. But afterward, when some friends of James came, Peter wouldn’t eat with the Gentiles anymore. He was afraid of criticism from these people who insisted on the necessity of circumcision. As a result, other Jewish believers followed Peter’s hypocrisy, and even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. When I saw that they were not following the truth of the gospel message, I said to Peter in front of all the others, “Since you, a Jew by birth, have discarded the Jewish laws and are living like a Gentile, why are you now trying to make these Gentiles follow the Jewish traditions?’ Galatians 2:11-14(NLT)

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

3. DISCIPLINE

4. FIGHTING

I’m sure that most of you were likely confused or caught off guard when you saw the fourth element of an Undaunted Marriage. Up to this point, headship, direction, and discipline should all make sense to have in your marriage. Where does fighting come in? 

Let’s be real, guys… every marriage contains fighting to some degree. Every. Single. One. 

Now, I’m sure you immediately thought about a marriage where the two people “literally never fight.” Perhaps you even thought about your own marriage in this way. However, when people say that they never fight with their spouse, there are only a few options: 1. they’re lying, 2. they’re clueless, or 3. they’re stupid. Likely, they’re lying to save face in a public setting, they’re clueless to the signs around them that point to the contrary, or they’re stupid because they’re literally so dense that they could never comprehend what fighting even is. 

With that established, let’s look at fighting within the covenant relationship of marriage. When you think of fighting within a marriage, you think of the typical things (i.e., bickering, nagging, arguing, yelling, etc.). Perhaps you even take it a step further to include verbal or physical abuse. While all of those things are not equal (and some require an intervention of some sort), they can all be put into the same category: Fighting AGAINST. Additionally, all of these pointless fights usually stem from the same key ingredient: UNRIGHTEOUS anger.

If we’re being honest, most of the fights we get into with our brides are completely worthless. Furthermore, every single meaningless fight you have can be placed in the Fighting AGAINST column… Fighting over where to go to dinner… Fighting over who can take the kid to baseball practice… Fighting over who does what house chores… Fighting over which family you’ll eat Thanksgiving dinner with first… Fighting over how much money can go towards guns and ammo vs. decorations and furnishings… You get the point. These are all worthless fights. They seem like great hills to die on at the time, but it doesn’t take much internal reflection after the fight to realize how insignificant the fight actually was. 

If internal reflection isn’t enough to do the trick, today’s scripture references help shed some more light on how damaging Fighting AGAINST can be:

“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” – Proverbs 15:18 (ESV)

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” – Proverbs 16:32 (ESV)

“It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” – Proverbs 20:3 (NIV)

“An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.” – Proverbs 29:22 (NIV)

“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.” – Ecclesiastes 7:9 (ESV)

“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil…” – 2 Timothy 2:23-24 (ESV)

Pretty straightforward, right?

So, we’re intimately familiar with Fighting AGAINST. Now, let’s talk about the thing that every Undaunted Marriage has: Fighting FOR. We realize that this won’t sound earth-shattering to some, and that’s not point. The difference between AGAINST and FOR in this context may seem minute, but it is actually huge. When we’re Fighting AGAINST, you can almost guarantee that the conflict will end in anger, disappointment, abandonment, and more conflict. Contrastingly, when we’re Fighting FOR, you can almost guarantee that the conflict will end in satisfaction, understanding, closeness, and less conflict. In stark contrast to Fighting AGAINST, Fighting FOR almost always includes this key ingredient: RIGHTEOUS anger. Unrighteous anger leaves a garbage trail of regret and hurt. Righteous anger blazes a trail for resolution and improvement. 

One of our favorite stories of righteous anger in the Bible is one that many people glaze right over. We likely miss this story because it’s only a whopping four scriptures long. I’m talking about the righteous anger shown by the Apostle Paul in the direction of the Apostle Peter as described in Galatians 2:11-14. 

Paul’s home base for much of his ministry was the ancient Greco-Roman city of Antioch, which is in modern-day Turkey. This city was also where Peter spent a great deal of time in the first century. Inherently, this meant that both men had a tremendous amount of influence on the inhabitants of Antioch. However, when Paul left Antioch to spread the Gospel in other places around the Mediterranean rim, members of the Judaizers aka “The Circumcision Party” (yeah, seriously, that’s what they’re called) began to have a big impact on Peter.

Here was the rub… Based on the teachings of Jesus, Paul correctly taught that salvation came only by faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior; the gospel of justification by faith alone. This meant that Jews that became Christians were no longer required to observe the tenets of the Mosaic Law, and Gentiles (non-Jews) that became Christians would only need to have faith in Christ to have salvation. On the other hand, the Judaizers taught that salvation came by faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior AND by honoring the tenets of the Mosaic Law. Specifically, they believed that any Gentile that decided to become a Christian would need to follow the Jewish ceremonial laws that included required circumcision, cumbersome dietary restrictions, and holiday observance. 

So, imagine being a 40-year-old male, uncircumcised Gentile that decides to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior, and one of the first things you’re required to do, according to the Judaizers, is get circumcised… Yeah. That would suck. That would require a certain level of EXTRA consideration and dedication. But we digress…

Paul was staunchly and correctly in the justification by faith corner. He knew the clear mandates of Jesus required faith in Him, and that’s it. No works. No acts. No extras. Just faith.

Peter was staunchly and incorrectly in the justification by faith PLUS works corner. He was intimately aware of the teachings of Jesus, but at some point along his path he obviously decided on his own that justification by faith alone seemed a bit incomplete; there just HAD to be something more that we all needed to do. 

This was a conflict that needed a resolution, and Paul wasn’t going to back down or remain silent. He did not want anyone spreading a false version of the Gospel that could directly lead to someone turning away from Jesus and the salvation that comes with Him. 

So, filled with a belly of righteous anger, he made his way back to Antioch and confronted Peter publicly for his hypocrisy. There are varying reports as to the resolution of this conflict, but we know for certain that Paul fought directly for what was right. He did not fight AGAINST Peter for no reason. He fought FOR Peter because he had been led astray and was putting the souls of so many at risk.

Paul was justified in his fight and in his anger. His fight was worthwhile and necessary. Can you say that about the last fight you entered into with your wife? How about your last 10? What about your last 100? How many of your fights are in the Fighting AGAINST category and not the Fighting FOR category?

So, great… We’ve defined that Fighting AGAINST is bad and that Fighting FOR is good. Now, how do we go about Fighting FOR our brides and marriages? 

An Undaunted Husband will enact Fighting FOR in the following three ways:

1. Categorize

We’ve given you the categories, and you’re smart enough to figure out if the impending fight will end up as Fighting AGAINST or Fighting FOR. Just ask yourself: “In this conflict, would I be fighting AGAINST my bride and marriage or would I be Fighting FOR my bride and marriage?”

2. Prioritize

As a general rule of thumb, not every hill is worth dying on. Even some justified fights where you would be Fighting FOR your bride and marriage aren’t always appropriate at the time. Just ask yourself: “Which imminent fight is worth getting after right now, and which can be dealt with later?”

3. Galvanize

You have to be a man of action that is willing to enter the fray for the right reasons at the right time. If you’re normally a passive pansy, then stop being one. If you’re normally the guy who is always looking for conflict, then stop doing that. Shock the situation. Execute a plan. Ask yourself: “How can I fight in a way that will galvanize my marriage and bring me closer to my bride?”

from Undaunted.Life: An Undaunted Marriage

‘So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. ‘ Galatians 5:16-17(NLT)

‘Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. ‘ 1 Peter 5:8(NLT)

‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. ‘ 2 Timothy 4:7(NLT)

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

3. DISCIPLINE

“Discipline equals freedom.”

That is the mantra of one of Undaunted.Life’s favorite Americans and thought leaders: retired Navy SEAL Jocko Willink. 

Jocko is a highly respected member of the SEAL community. He was in the Navy for 20 years, and he was awarded the Silver Star and the Bronze Star for his role in the Iraq war. Furthermore, he was the commanding officer for SEAL Team THREE, Task Unit Bruiser, in Ramadi, Iraq; a unit that included Chief Petty Officer Chris Kyle, the deadliest sniper in American military history.

In addition to his military exploits, Jocko is an avid Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt, podcaster, powerlifter, reader, business owner, and author. In fact, in 2015 Jocko co-authored a book with retired SEAL Team THREE Task Unit Bruiser member Leif Babin called Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win, which has since gone on to be a best seller. In the final chapter of Extreme Ownership, Jocko goes into great detail about where the concept of “Discipline Equals Freedom” comes from. 

He introduces the theory by describing some issues his team was having while performing missions in Baghdad, Iraq. Almost all of the operations Jocko’s Task Unit performed were direct-action, capture/kill missions that took place under the cover of darkness. Basically, the team would utilize intelligence gathered from previous missions or by other headquarters to decide when and where to hit certain targets. The team would maneuver to the target location, breach the facility in some way, neutralize enemy combatants, perform battlefield questioning of surviving suspected terrorists/insurgents, and then move on to intelligence/evidence gathering. This is where the issues started to arise for Jocko’s crew…

You see, these men were all tactically squared away when it came to direct-action combat, but things had a tendency to get loose after the most dangerous parts of the mission were behind them. To put it simply, they would get a little sloppy when it came to gathering evidence. They had more of a ransack approach as opposed to a deliberate organizational one. This caused inefficiency when the same room would be searched multiple times by different SEALs, and it also caused ineffectiveness when the SEALs would miss rooms entirely within the target facility because of confusion. Especially when the Iraqi court system began to crack down on the evidence that was gathered during these raids, Jocko knew that something needed to change and fast. 

So, he tasked his Assistant Officer in Charge (AOIC) with developing a new way for their team to efficiently and effectively gather intel. The plan the AOIC came up with seemed rather difficult at first, and the team pretty much fought the new tactics wholesale citing concerns with timing and safety. Essentially, the AOIC devised a plan where individual team members would have individual tasks and that each room would have a designated “Room Owner.” When that individual team member’s room search was complete, the Room Owner would put an “X” on the room label, signifying that the room had been searched. To make a long story short, while the new plan seemed to be complex at the beginning, it was actually very simple once they put it into practice. The simplicity of the plan actually led the team to gather intel in a much more efficient and effective manner, and it cut down the time it took them to complete the intel-gathering phase considerably, which allowed them to better prepare for any potential counterattacks. 

Jocko wraps up the story in this chapter with the following statement: “Our freedom to operate and maneuver had increased substantially through disciplined procedures. Discipline equals freedom.”

Later in the chapter, he writes the following to further the point: “But there was, and is, a dichotomy in the strict discipline we followed. Instead of making us more rigid and unable to improvise, this discipline actually made us more flexible, more adaptable, and more efficient. It allowed us to be creative. When we wanted to change plans midstream on an operation, we didn’t have to recreate an entire plan. We had the freedom to work within the framework of our disciplined procedures. All we had to do was link them together and explain whatever small portion of the plan had changed. When we wanted to mix and match fire teams, squads, and even platoons, we could do so with ease since each element operated with the same fundamental procedures. Last, and perhaps most important, when things went wrong and the fog of war set in, we fell back on our disciplined procedures to carry us through the toughest challenges on the battlefield… So the balance between discipline and freedom must be found and carefully maintained. In that, lies the dichotomy: discipline—strict order, regimen, and control—might appear to be the opposite of total freedom—the power to act, speak, or think without any restrictions. But, in fact, discipline is the pathway to freedom.”

The concept of discipline is something that many of us relegate to the “self” category. When we want things to change in our life, we almost always see self-discipline as the way to achieve that (whether we actually follow through or not). However, I’ve witnessed a nefarious attitude in a lot of men. We will utilize self-discipline when it comes to our physiques: we’ll train hard, we’ll eat clean, and we’ll set goals. We will utilize self-discipline when it comes to our careers: we’ll work diligently, we’ll develop our acumen, and we’ll beat the competition… But what about our marriages?

If we’re being honest, most of us don’t utilize our self-discipline in our marriages. We just don’t. For some of us, we may never have even thought about our marriages in a context that could even include our self-discipline. We just see our marriages as this nebulous thing that just happens, this arrangement that we somehow have to try and make work, or worse, as a chore. But, what if we treated it as something that required effort on our end? What if we looked at our discipline within marriage as something that leads to freedom?

Have you lacked the discipline to eliminate porn from your life? If so, that has created a roadblock to the freedom that couples can experience without the bondage of explicit sexual imagery. You’re letting your flesh drive when you should let the Spirit lead (Galatians 5:16-17). When we think of our heroes, we certainly aren’t thinking of men sitting in front of a computer screen with their pants around their ankles. 

Have you lacked the discipline to have a regular date night with your bride? If so, you are eliminating an incredible opportunity for you to connect with your bride on a regular basis. We know we’re supposed to seek our bride’s hearts and attention, but we just don’t do it. It’s in that laziness where we leave the door open for our Adversary. 

You have an enemy that wants to do nothing more than destroy you (1 Peter 5:8). Beyond that, we’ve already established that the relationship and love that we show to our spouses is the closest thing on earth that we have available to compare to Jesus’ love for His bride (the Church). Thus, it’s easy to surmise that Satan would love nothing more than to tear your marriage to pieces. God is glorified by the holy love you show your bride; Satan is glorified by the ashes of failed marriages. 

Don’t be a fool. Don’t be a loser. Be the man that can say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7, ESV) without even a hint of irony. 

Be disciplined. Seek freedom. Discipline equals freedom.

Directional action steps for the Undaunted Husband:

1. Define the discipline you need to add to your repertoire.

What is a discipline that you need to add for the sake of your marriage? 

2. Make a plan for how you will get that part of your life under control.

What is the first step you need to take that will help you be more disciplined?  

3. Execute step one of the plan.

What step can you take TODAY that will springboard you on the path to freedom for your marriage?

from Undaunted.Life: An Undaunted Marriage

‘My steps have stayed on your path; I have not wavered from following you.’ Psalms 17:5(NLT)

‘The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.’ Psalms 32:8(NLT)

‘The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.’ Psalms 37:23-24(NLT)

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.’ Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT)

‘We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer. People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. Commit your actions to the Lord , and your plans will succeed. The Lord has made everything for his own purposes, even the wicked for a day of disaster. The Lord detests the proud; they will surely be punished. Unfailing love and faithfulness make atonement for sin. By fearing the Lord , people avoid evil. When people’s lives please the Lord , even their enemies are at peace with them. Better to have little, with godliness, than to be rich and dishonest. We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.’ Proverbs 16:1-9(NLT)

‘But for those who are righteous, the way is not steep and rough. You are a God who does what is right, and you smooth out the path ahead of them.’ Isaiah 26:7(NLT)

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

Military Academy cadet. Professional geographer. Esteemed archaeologist. Distinguished Royal Army artillery officer. Respected explorer… Directionless dolt. 

That’s quite the surprising ending descriptor for such a seemingly impressive man: Lieutenant Colonel Percival “Percy” Harrison Fawcett. 

Fawcett led a life of extraordinary service and adventure, but he went down in history as a glory-hungry, wealth-seeking fool.

Fawcett was born in England in 1867. At a very early age, he developed an interest in geography, mountaineering, exploration, and the military due in large part because his father and oldest brother enjoyed such things. He attended the Royal Military Academy at Woolwich and was eventually commissioned as a Royal Artillery Lieutenant in 1886. He did well for himself in the Royal Military, and he continued to be promoted through the ranks. Later in his military career, he met his wife Nina, and they eventually had three kids: Jack, Brian, and Joan. While the military lifestyle seemed to suit Fawcett, he wanted to sharpen his skills in other areas as well.

His desire to learn the art of surveying and mapmaking eventually led him to the Royal Geographical Society (RGS) where he learned the craft. He spent most of his educational time learning hands-on with the British Secret Service in North Africa. Once he got a handle on this line of work, he set his sights on a more rigorous, adventurous, and personally-fulfilling venture: exploration.

His newfound fervor, coupled with his military discipline and geographical prowess, led him to the jungles of South America. From 1906 to 1924, Fawcett made seven expeditions into the Amazon jungle areas near Brazil, Peru, and Bolivia. While in these areas, Fawcett was commissioned by the RGS to make maps of the jungle regions and to observe and record his findings on the local tribal people and animal life. As his work continued, he found himself entranced with an idea that would alter his life and many other lives forever: the lost city of Z.

Around 1914, Fawcett began to toy with a theory about an extinct, advanced Amazonian civilization that once existed in the Mato Grosso region in Brazil. He thought this to be the remains of the ancient city of El Dorado, and he chose to refer to this place as the lost city of “Z”. To his knowledge, this city had never been found, and if he were to be the first to find it, he would surely become one of the most renowned and respected explorers of his age. Additionally, the legend of this ancient city maintained that this now-extinct people group amassed great wealth; wealth that may still remain in the scattered ruins of Z. However, to be clear, there is no definitive evidence that such a city ever existed. 

In 1920, his obsession with the idea of this city led him, foolishly, on a solo mission into the deadly Amazon jungle to find Z. The expedition almost claimed his life as he narrowly escaped death by a horrible fever. Undeterred, Fawcett continued his commissioned explorations in the area, but he continued to be captivated with the idea of being the man to finally find Z. He would eventually give it another go, but he would not go it alone this time.

In 1925, he convinced his eldest son Jack and Jack’s best friend Raleigh to accompany him on a mission to find a city that may not even exist. With a bevy of supplies and aspirations of grandeur, the group set off on their mission… 

Now, this is probably about the time that you would expect for me to regale you with a story of near-death adventure, heroic survival, or even the extreme love between father and son or friend and friend. However, there will be none of that… because none of these men were ever seen again. There are plenty of theories and rumors about what came of these explorers, but only one thing is absolutely certain: they all died in search of a city full of riches that likely does not even exist.

You’re probably thinking something like… “What a bunch of morons!”… “Why would anyone do something like that?”… or maybe even “That’d be the way I’d want to go out!”… Regardless of your stance on the culmination of the story, we can all agree that it just didn’t have to be this way. These men didn’t have to die in some nonsensical fashion to slake the lust of some overzealous explorer. 

Here’s the key, men: Fawcett lost his true direction.

Yes, he was an accomplished military man. Yes, he worked his way into becoming a skilled geographer. Yes, he had the balls to venture out into the unknown to try and make sense of the brutal jungle. These were all aspirations inspired by a definitive direction. Nevertheless, he lost sight of the directionality of his life because of his greed, hubris, and ego.

Unfortunately, the same can be said for most marriages and most husbands. 

If you were to ask random married couples what the direction of their marriage is, you can assume that most of them don’t have a cogent answer for that. Additionally, if you were to ask random husbands what the direction of their role as husband within their marriages is, you should expect to get some blank stares in return. 

Think about it… Fawcett caused his personal death and the deaths of his eldest son and his son’s best friend because he lost his direction in life. He left his wife and two other children alone to pursue riches and fame (sound familiar, fellas?). Thus, it is by no means exaggerative to state that lack of direction leads to death. 

Some of you, even at this moment, can sense that this is true in your marriage. You have just been floating along. You are doing just enough to get by and keep the arguments to a minimum. You are keeping it together for the sake of the kids… But you certainly aren’t going forward. You see, some men actually think that you can be stagnant. This is absurdly untrue. You are either going forward or you are going backward. Especially in your marriage, there is no hover mode. Would it not be better to have a forward direction for your marriage relationship? Would it not be better to have a personal forward direction for your role as husband?

All of the scriptures references provided today should give you ample material to chew on when thinking about the direction of your life and marriage. We want to specifically highlight Proverbs 16:9: “The heart of the man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (ESV). So, we know that it’s good to have some kind of direction, but the source of that direction is imperative. If we rely on our heart to tell us where to go, which is what modern culture would tell us to do, we’ll go the way of the foolish explorer. Let God establish your steps. Let God show you the path. Let God give you and your marriage direction. 

Directional action steps for the Undaunted Husband:

1. Define how a lack of direction has stunted your marriage, and come up with an initial step towards fixing it.

How has a lack of direction hurt your marriage up to this point? What step are you going to take today to gain direction?

2. Define how a lack of direction has inhibited your ability to be a good husband, and come up with an initial step towards fixing it. 

How has a lack of direction derailed your ability to be an effective husband? Are you willing to risk the death of your marriage while you toil and chase your tail?

3. Find another husband in your life that has a direction for his marriage, and ask him for his help.

Who is that great husband with a great marriage that you look up to? Then, how can you leverage your newfound direction to speak life into the marriages and husbands around you?  

from Undaunted.Life: An Undaunted Marriage

‘neither wild plants nor grains were growing on the earth. For the Lord God had not yet sent rain to water the earth, and there were no people to cultivate the soil. Instead, springs came up from the ground and watered all the land. Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person. Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden in the east, and there he placed the man he had made. The Lord God made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground—trees that were beautiful and that produced delicious fruit. In the middle of the garden he placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. A river flowed from the land of Eden, watering the garden and then dividing into four branches. The first branch, called the Pishon, flowed around the entire land of Havilah, where gold is found. The gold of that land is exceptionally pure; aromatic resin and onyx stone are also found there. The second branch, called the Gihon, flowed around the entire land of Cush. The third branch, called the Tigris, flowed east of the land of Asshur. The fourth branch is called the Euphrates. The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden— except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”’ Genesis 2:5-17(NLT)

‘But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. ‘ 1 Corinthians 11:3(NLT)

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:22-33(NLT)

Undaunted.Life exists for the purpose of cultivating manly resilience. Specifically, we provide content and experiences that build spiritual, mental, and physical resilience. This devotional will focus on the oft-experienced and oft-neglected area of most men’s developmental lives: marriage. 

We’re not going to bore you with the same antiquated anecdotes about how men and women think differently; we know that already. We won’t insult your intelligence by pretending that you have never heard that men and women express emotions differently; that’s nothing new. We’re going to be laser-focused on five key elements of what we’re calling and “Undaunted Marriage” so that you experience the fullness of God’s original concept of marriage and so you can model that for other men of all ages. 

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage are as follows:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

3. DISCIPLINE

4. FIGHTING

5. RESILIENCE 

At the conclusion of each day of this devotional, there will be action items of some kind for you to ponder and execute. They are designed for you to be able to make immediate changes that will lead to a better marriage relationship with your bride. If you have no intention of taking these action items seriously and if you’re not going to put in the time or effort to get better, we suggest that you do not waste your time reading on any further than right here. However, if you want to improve yourself and your marriage and you’re willing to do what is necessary for that change, then proceed with force. 

On DAY 1, we will focus on HEADSHIP.

Do a quick Google search, and you will find a multitude of definitions for the word “headship.” Some define the word in a strictly literal sense, while others sprinkle a little more theological significance onto the descriptions. Furthermore, some people even use a definition of the word that allows them to use it as a club to fight back against perceived misogynistic injustices (we won’t go there). 

For our purposes, however, we will use the definition purported by Matt Chandler in his incredible dive into the concepts of biblical manhood and womanhood in his series called A Beautiful Design. In this series, Chandler unpacks the roles of men and women, how manhood and womanhood should be displayed, and how it all coalesces together. His definition of “headship” is as follows:

Headship – “the unique leadership of the man in the work of establishing order for human flourishing.”

More specifically for our purposes talking about the elements of an Undaunted Marriage, we should adjust the definition to read this way:

Headship – “the unique leadership of the man in the work of establishing order for HIS BRIDE’S flourishing.”

Guys… Let’s keep it simple… THAT is your call to action. THAT is the purpose statement for your marriage. THAT is what you should strive to be like for your bride.

I remember being asked at different points in my life what my job was. Without any real foresight or knowledge of what headship was, I would sometimes respond by saying something like, “My job is to provide for my bride’s flourishing.” Now, I would sometimes get some weird looks for saying that, but it didn’t make it any less true or real to me.

Now, let’s be clear about something right up front: we as Christian men will not live downstream of culture, especially a culture that has tried (and in a lot of ways succeeded) to weaken us and effeminize our instincts. Saying that your job is to provide for your bride’s flourishing may rub some people the wrong way… “So, you’re saying your wife can’t flourish without you?”… “So, if she didn’t have a man in her life she couldn’t survive?”… “So, you think you’re the key to your wife’s success or failure?”… I’ll make this easy for you; if you tell someone that your job is to provide for your bride’s flourishing and they respond like that, tell them to shut up and you just keep moving. They don’t get to define your relationship, and don’t you even think about allowing that person to speak death into your marriage.

Now, our boy Chandler didn’t just pull this definition out of his butt. His definition is the culmination of several incredibly important scriptures that form the foundation for the concept of headship.

The scriptural basis of headship can be summarized by the three passages in today’s devotional:

1. Genesis 2:5-17

There are two key verses in this passage that we need to look at: verse 7 and 15. Verse 7 says the following: “… then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life” (ESV). At Undaunted.Life, we talk a lot about spiritual, mental, and physical resilience. Well, in this verse, we see God breathe spiritual, mental, and physical life into existence via the First Man. 

Now, God created man, but He created him for a specific purpose. Verse 15 reveals that to us: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to WORK it and KEEP it” (ESV, emphasis added). WORK it and KEEP it. Those were the first two leadership roles/tasks that God gave Adam. Working in the garden meant that Adam had to prepare the land and tend to it. Keeping the garden meant that Adam had to guard the land. Essentially, Adam was created and then tasked with the role of headship over creation. 

2. 1 Corinthians 11:3

In this part of the letter to the church in Corinth, Paul says this: “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Pretty straight forward stuff, huh? It is, but let’s highlight a couple of things. 

First, the Greek word used for “head” in this passage literally means “authority.” So, in this context, if A is the head of B, then A has authority over B. Thus, in this scenario, Paul is reminding us that Christ has authority over every man, husbands have authority over their wives, and that God the Father has authority over Christ. Second, “authority over” does not mean “greater than.” Specifically, when Paul says that God the Father has authority over Christ, he is just describing God’s role in that dynamic. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (aka The Triune God) are all equal to one another but they just serve in different roles. The same is true for husbands and wives. As husbands, we have been given the role of authority over our wives, but that by no means makes her less than.

3. Ephesians 5:22-33

There are literally so many amazing things that we can talk about from this passage (and I would encourage you to dig deeper into it on your own), but I want to focus in on one key verse in this passage. In verse 25 of the fifth chapter of Paul’s letter to the Christians in Ephesus, he commands husbands in the following way: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (ESV). Easy to say. A lifetime to do. 

Paul isn’t describing some sort of terrible romantic comedy Hollywood kind of love. He’s not talking about the puppy love that you may have experienced in middle school. He’s talking about a real, robust, and world-changing kind of love: sacrificial love. Jesus Christ gave up his life for his Bride (the Church). We are to live a life that does the same for our wives. 

So, is headship about being domineering over your wife? NO. Should headship be our excuse to pummel our wife’s opinions whenever we see fit? NO. Was headship granted to us by God so that we could leverage it to selfish ends? NO.

An Undaunted husband will leverage headship in three ways:

1. Flourishing

Are you currently comporting yourself in a way that provides for your wife’s flourishing? If not, how will you start the process of change TODAY?

2. Provision 

Are you providing for your bride in a way that is honoring God and her? If not, what life changes do you need to make TODAY to fix it?

3. Evangelism

Are you leveraging your gift of headship to spread the Gospel? If not, why not?

from Undaunted.Life: An Undaunted Marriage