Category: Devotion for Men

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.’ Ephesians 5:22-24(NLT)

Think back to when you were newlyweds – bedtime was exciting, looked forward to and special. Now let’s fast forward ten years later, and you may have unintentionally slipped into some bedtime habits that aren’t helping your marriage. In fact, they may be hurting it. Do you and your spouse go to bed at different times? Do you spend time surfing the internet or social media on your phones instead of connecting, or sleep in different rooms from time to time?

If so, these simple bedtime ritual ideas below will help you create the intentionality your marriage may be craving. Going to bed together is one of the defining activities of a married couple. The reality is that many couples, particularly after they have children, lose the connection with each other at the end of the day.

Ritualizing your bedtime routine will offer you and your spouse opportunities for communication, closeness, and more. Just think of it, you go to bed every single night. Night after night, and year after year. With a few simple suggestions, you can turn the norm into something that benefits and strengthens your marriage. Give it a try, you know you need to. Here are a few things that will nurture your marriage.

1. Set a Bedtime Schedule

It seems like a pretty simple suggestion, right? It works for the kids, but you may think you are too old for that sort of thing. Think again. Having a set bedtime creates predictability around your bedtime routine. When both you and your spouse know that lights are out at 11:30 pm, for example, then you have the start of a bedtime ritual in place already. You can then improve that bedtime ritual by setting other boundaries to protect the sacred time that should be yours in the hours before bed.

Listen up, guys! We recognize that some people are night owls and others like to go to bed early. If you and your spouse are opposites, compromise and set an “evening routine,” that gives you the opportunity to do all of the things below, while still allowing you to go to bed at different times. For example, you may decide that from 9:00-10:30 pm, you are together in your bedroom, talking, cuddling, thinking, and perhaps making love. Then, if someone decides to go to bed at 10:30 pm and the other spouse decides to stay up until 12:30 am, at least you haven’t missed the special chance for connecting that the hours before bed offer you.

2. Get Technology out of the Bedroom

This a tough one for a lot of us. Technology has stolen so much intimacy from marriages. Make your bedroom a sacred place. Decide on a time when technology is turned off in the bedroom. If we are using the 11:30 pm bedtime suggested above, perhaps 10:30 pm is a good time to turn technology off. That means no TV, no phones, no laptops, etc. We’re not saying that positive things don’t happen when you cuddle in bed and watch the news, but if you don’t set boundaries for yourself, it is too easy to waste hours on technology. You might miss some of the most precious times you could be spending with your spouse on a daily basis.

3. Take Time to Talk

In the time leading up to bedtime, create a ritual of talking about positive things together for at least ten minutes. Some couples like to have “pillow talk” and lay in bed with the lights off, cuddling and just talking. Others prefer to just lounge on the bed, before lights out, and to have some catch-up time. Others still like to talk while they scratch each other’s backs or give each other massages. Whatever you choose to do, make time to talk for at least ten minutes together before bed. Bedtime offers the perfect time to actually have time to talk, as husband and wife, after the hustle and bustle of busy days. Husbands, take note, creating a talk ritual will help meet your wife’s emotional needs and make her feel closer to you and more likely to want to express her love to you in physical ways.

4. Create Time and Space to Make Love

The power of cherishing and protecting your bedtime rituals is that you create time and space for sex. Some couples actually like to schedule sex and determine that on certain days they are both ready and looking forward to it. Others like a more spontaneous approach. Whatever the case may be, following some of the rituals above will ensure that neither of you are too exhausted for sex and that you have already done a few things to feel closer together as a couple. One tip: make love first thing when you go in your bedroom for the night. This is in contrary to being the last thing after teeth are brushed, lights are out, and you are both tired and exhausted.

Evening Challenge: Try one of these tips above with your spouse. Talk about it first to see which one makes the most sense for nurturing your marriage. If needed, confess bad habits and your hope to change them.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

from UNCOMMEN: Being Better Husbands And Fathers Daily

‘I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised.”’ Genesis 18:19(NLT)

The division of house chores is an ever-changing activity, based on our work schedules. In general, though, I get the kids up, dressed and out the door, and my wife does the school pickup and dinner routine. The final stretch, that last half hour of bath time/kitchen cleanup/tooth-brushing/pajama wrangling, we generally split according to who feels like doing what. But it turns out that there’s one duty I should always take on, according to science, no less: the bedtime story.

Kids who are read to by dad, according to a study by Harvard University researchers, have better-developed language skills than kids who were read to by mom. So, if families have a choice—meaning the father is in the picture and present in the household—dad should take on the nightly bedtime story.

Let’s face it. Most dads interact with their kids differently than mothers and those differences can be hugely beneficial—dads roughhousing with kids, for example, helps children sync physical action and mental concentration and helps them learn to regulate themselves. In our household, at least, it’s true that dad tends to be the “roughhouser” while mom is more of the “chill cuddler.” Reading at night to your kids is also a great time to read Bible stories to your kids. We have this huge picture Bible that my kids love. As a dad, it’s hard to know how we are to lead our families spiritually, but I believe reading Scripture is one way we can do that well and know we are doing the right thing.

On another note, it also gives your spouse a much-needed break if they have been with the kids all day and need some time to reorganize the house before bed, or to step out for a break to run some errands out of the house.

Bedtime Challenge: Read to your kids every night you’re able to this week. See how that impacts your relationship with your kids.

Bible References:

Genesis 18:19 For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.”

from UNCOMMEN: Being Better Husbands And Fathers Daily

‘All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper ), and to prayer. A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity —’ Acts of the Apostles 2:42-46(NLT)

‘For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.’ Psalms 30:5(NLT)

What is your family schedule like? Does it ever seem like all the family members are going in different directions all the time? One way to fight that trend is to make dinner time a priority.

As husbands and fathers, dinner time is one of the best ways to reconnect with your family.

Is there anything magical about having a meal together? There could be. In fact, throughout Scripture we see significant moments happen over meals. (Feeding of the 5,000, The Last Supper). And studies show that when families make it a habit of eating dinner together, teenagers are less likely to use drugs or alcohol and are less likely to have high stress. Kids of all ages do better in school. Eating together isn’t the only thing that makes families strong, but it is a good indicator that family members are making time together a priority.

We can’t let our families drift apart because of busy schedules because there’s something on TV or someone calls on the phone. Once you start allowing distractions in, keeping them out becomes much more difficult. Dinner time is one tangible way to take back time as a family, although the commitment also needs to apply beyond the dinner table. We have to set boundaries for “together time” and protect it. And when the kids complain—“Family dinner … Why?”— don’t lose your positive attitude or get drawn into an argument. Just smile and say, “Thanks for being here. I appreciate it.”

One sobering exercise is to calculate how many days you have left with your children before they leave home. If your child were born today, you would have just over 6,500 days and dinner opportunities left to influence and connect with him or her at home. If your child is nine, cut that number in half. If your child is twelve, you have just under 2,200 days left with him or her. One father of a high school senior says that every time his son suggests that they do something together, he finds a way to make it work because he knows those opportunities are almost gone.

Sharing of Scripture at Dinner: One of the few times you will have the full attention of your family is at the dinner table. Take that opportunity to share a Bible verse and then talk about what that verse means, or for your children to share what their day was like.  

Dinner Time Challenge: How can you lead your family spiritually at meals? What’s a question you can ask at the dinner table to engage your family?

Bible References:
Acts 2:42–46 42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common. 45 And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts.

Psalm 30:5 For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

from UNCOMMEN: Being Better Husbands And Fathers Daily

‘For I long to visit you so I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord. When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.’ Romans 1:11-12(NLT)

‘For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.’ Psalms 30:5(NLT)

Today it seems everyone is working more, with longer hours and more stress. With email communication, endless virtual calendar invitations, and events to attend, the workday schedule becomes noisy and crowded with a lack of intentionality. This can also pose a lot of challenges for marriages where both spouses are working and pulled in a lot of directions. But God has a different plan for our day and desires us to walk in communion with both him and our spouse throughout the day, even if we are apart.

My wife and I started what we call “The Lunch Check-In.”  We are both driven and hard workers and it’s easy for both of us to get pulled into the workday without connecting. The lunch check-in is either a text or phone call where we share what happened that morning or what’s coming up that afternoon for work. Even better, we sometimes eat lunch together on the phone and have “a lunch date.”

While I wouldn’t say this is something we have time for every day, we’ve both noticed that during a stressful day, it’s nice to jump out of the office for a few moments and connect with each other or talk about something challenging going on in the office.  I’m so thankful for my wife and how we are able to share that time together. How do you best connect with your spouse during the day when you are busy? Is God calling you to make sure your spouse knows they are more important than your work?

Lunch Challenge: Find a way to meaningfully connect with your spouse at lunch today. It may be a text, a phone call, or even an in-person lunch date. We make time for important clients. Maybe we should make time for our family during the workday.

Bible References:

Romans 1:11-12 For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.

Psalm 30:5 For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

from UNCOMMEN: Being Better Husbands And Fathers Daily

‘“Have you ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to rise in the east?’ Job 38:12(NLT)

‘For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.’ Psalms 30:5(NLT)

Why do mornings seem so difficult? For parents, especially working parents, there is typically so much to do in a short period of time. Dads, if you don’t already, it’s time to help your wife out with the morning routine. “Morning is the time in which temperamental differences may be most evident – the child who is slow to get going clashes with the mother or father who is fast paced. Or the child who is crabby clashes with the parent who is also crabby,” say authors Ellen Galinsky and Judy David in their book The Preschool Years.  

Mornings also provide the perfect opportunity for children to assert their individuality. With the clock ticking for work and meetings, this is the prime time for power struggles.  

Whether your children are going back to school or struggling with a new morning routine, getting ready for school or daycare doesn’t have to be a struggle.

Tips for a Smooth Morning Routine for School or Daycare:

•    Leave room for unhurried moments. Make sure everybody has enough sleep and rises early enough to avoid rushing. Give yourselves time for some unhurried moments together before you have to leave the house. Dads, this is a great time to remind your kids about what you expect and maybe even share an encouraging Bible verse.

•    Complete chores the night before. To make the morning routine less stressful, do things the night before. After dinner, for example, prepare lunch boxes and leave them in the fridge overnight. My wife makes 90% of the lunches in our house, but even she needs a break. I try to make school lunches at least once a week and show our kids that dad is involved too.

•    Give yourself more time. Add 10 or 15 extra minutes to your usual schedule. If the child is ready on time, spend it reading, talking, or doing some other activity together. Make sure you give him your undivided attention during this period.

•    Set reasonable expectations. Expect your children to do what they are capable of. For example, washing and dressing themselves if they are old enough. This may be an unreasonable expectation for a younger child. Set one task at a time to make expectations seem more attainable. Setting expectations is key!

•    Get out the door. If a child has not been cooperative, use the extra 10-15 minutes to get your kids ready with as little fuss as possible. Do not scold or chat; just do what is necessary to leave on time. This is a great way to team up with your wife to help get everyone out the door.

Morning Challenge:  How can you as a husband be more helpful in the mornings with your kids? Pick a few things that you know your wife would value your help with and then do them each day. Talk about what’s working and not working with the morning routine. Step up, men!  

Bible Verse References:

Job 38:12 “Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, And caused the dawn to know its place,

Psalm 30:5 For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

from UNCOMMEN: Being Better Husbands And Fathers Daily

‘Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.’ Hebrews 10:24-25(NLT)

They say one of the most important things you can do in the morning is to show you are grateful for what you have in life. One of the best ways to get into a positive mindset first thing in the morning is to say a prayer of thanks to God. His mercies are new every morning. One of the greatest ways to appreciate your wife is to show your wife that you are thankful for her in the mornings as well. While that’s not always the easiest thing to remember (especially before the first cup of coffee), it’s not that difficult to say a few grateful words to her and remind her why she matters to you and to God.

Do something special – something unexpected like taking care of a household chore that your wife doesn’t like doing or making sure breakfast or lunches are ready for the kids (if that is something she normally does). You can also speak kindness with a thoughtful compliment or by expressing gratitude for what she is giving you.

Freshen Up Your Thanks

The best way to reap the benefits of gratitude is to notice new things you’re grateful for every day. Gratitude journaling works because it slowly changes the way we perceive situations by adjusting what we focus on. Gratitude notes are even better.  While you might always be thankful for your wife, merely writing “I’m grateful for my wife” week after week doesn’t keep your brain on alert for fresh grateful moments. Get specific by writing “Today my wife helped me organize my office” or “My wife helped me think through that challenging situation at work.” And be sure to stretch yourself beyond the great stuff right in front of you. Opening your eyes to more of the world around you can deeply enhance your gratitude practice. Make a game out of noticing new things each day.

Morning Challenge: Start with one compliment to your wife when you first wake up and one act of unexpected service for your wife. Show your gratitude before you pour that first cup of coffee. Even better, make her that favorite cup of coffee.

Bible Verse Reference

Hebrews 10:24-25

from UNCOMMEN: Being Better Husbands And Fathers Daily