Category: Dating

Categories
Dating ZZ

God’s Plan for Blended Families

‘God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. ‘ 1 John 4:9(NLT)

‘The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord ’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities destroyed long ago. They will revive them, though they have been deserted for many generations. Foreigners will be your servants. They will feed your flocks and plow your fields and tend your vineyards. You will be called priests of the Lord , ministers of our God. You will feed on the treasures of the nations and boast in their riches. Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.’ Isaiah 61:1-7(NLT)

‘“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord , the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, ” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”’ Malachi 2:16(NLT)

‘For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”’ Hebrews 12:6(NLT)

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ‘ Jeremiah 29:11(NLT)

God’s intent for marriage is for a couple to love, honor, respect, and intimately know each other’s hearts for a lifetime.

We know that some relationships fail, creating brokenness in each person involved. God’s grace gives us a second chance to learn from our mistakes and build a first class, thriving, marriage and family.

Yes, the Bible says that God hates divorce. We have experienced the pain of divorce and seen the effects on children of divorce. In spite of our failures, God is still passionately in love with us. 

Our past failures and mistakes are not a stumbling block to God.

God is for us! He heals us and our children physically, mentally, and emotionally! 

Through Jesus we are more than conquerors!

Our Family Can Successfully Blend 

All families can blend through commitment, love, grace, sacrifice, time, and a desire to build the new people in our life. 

Here are some suggestions that will give hope and wholeness to stepfamilies. (We will further discuss most of these):

Start believing our family will blend. God is a good God, and is on our side.

Respect and stand up for our spouse, and expect our bio-children to act respectfully toward our spouse.

Stepparents need to intentionally build loving relationships with each stepchild. When we marry someone with children we are marrying those children. Just as we spent time getting to know and love our spouse, begin to know and love our stepchildren by spending time with them demonstrating acceptance and love.

Do not discipline our stepchildren until we love them as our own. Disciplining without love usually leads to disrespect, resentment, and chaos. 

Stop allowing a former spouse or others to interfere or manipulate our new home. 

Suggestions:

1. Write down the top three struggles you perceive in your marriage and family.

2. If your spouse perceives different struggles, write them down. It’s OK if you see things differently.

3. Discuss your perceptions with each other while maintaining respect for everyone.

4. Do not give up during the most difficult times.

Our prayer for you:

Father God, we pray for each person reading this devotional. Bring them Your grace, hope, and plan. Speak fresh ideas to them each day that will build their family. Thank You for Your River of Living Water flowing into their marriage and family each day. In Jesus’ Mighty Name!

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

from Blending A Family

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Marriage is hard: we’re stubborn

‘Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ‘ Colossians 3:13(NLT)

Apologizing is hard work. You know what else is hard? Forgiving an apologizing spouse.

Why? Why should that be hard? Well, for one, it’s easy to suspect that the apology isn’t sincere (“I’m sorry.” “You are not!”). For another, when this isn’t the first argument on a certain misbehavior, the wounded party sees a trend and fears it will continue indefinitely. Am I enabling more of this bad behavior? For another, staying angry gives you emotional leverage. For another, staying wounded gives you the moral high ground in future negotiations. Your injury is an asset–why would you give away this form of capital?

Holding onto anger, however, poisons your soul. It marinates your spirit in toxins that will affect everything else in your life and especially in this most important of all your human relationships. Holding anger blinds you to your spouse’s gifts and values for your life and keeps you from seeing his or her efforts to make things better.

There’s a better way. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). What breaks you out of these anger ruts is the sweet remembrance of the massive debt of ours that our Lord Jesus forgave. If we show a bitter and unforgiving spirit to our spouse, we are daring God to do the same to us.

Let it go.

from Marriage Is Hard

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Marriage is hard: we’re different

‘In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. ‘ Romans 12:6(NLT)

One of you is a neat freak, and the other doesn’t worry much about a few socks on the floor here and there. One of you is a saver; one is a spender. One is always on time; the other is much more relaxed about the clock. One of you loves noise and energy and parties, and the other loves quiet time at home. One of you is creative and passionate, which is nice, but also prone to leave a trail of debris behind, which drives the other crazy.

Just as Felix and Oscar argued and battled all the time in “The Odd Couple,” husbands and wives are vulnerable to Satan’s plotting to drive the tip of a crowbar into their differences and use them as a fulcrum to pry them apart. God made us different not to drive each other crazy but to enrich our lives and give us a bigger and wider and more interesting perspective on life. “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us” (Romans 12:6).

Manage your differences! Celebrate your differences! Do not allow Satan to manipulate you into arguing over them. How boring your marriage would be if you and your spouse had identical views and habits. Any fool can complain about what you don’t like about another person. It takes a Christian to celebrate the treasure you have in your spouse.

Funny . . . the more you do that, the more your spouse will appreciate you (and your quirks).

from Marriage Is Hard

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Marriage is hard: we’re selfish

‘Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others.’ 1 Corinthians 10:24(NLT)

Ever hear one of your friends say, “I have to take care of me for a change.” “It’s my time now.” “I need to be looking out for number one.” Unfortunately the people who say these things don’t mean Jesus Christ. They mean themselves.

Sinners like you and me do not need to go to grad school or subscribe to webinars on how to be selfish. We are born with software already installed and functioning. Our parents (hopefully!) slowly trained us to overcome that selfish streak and learn to share our toys, wait in line, take turns, and listen to the views and stories of others. It is embarrassing how fast those old behaviors come back under stress, and it hurts marriages.

Husbands and wives can drive each other crazy because they don’t notice things that are really important to each other. Both what they do and what they neglect can really hurt. Being self-absorbed comes naturally. Focusing energy and thought on other people’s well-being is learned behavior. It is Christ-behavior: “No one should seek their own good, but the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:24).

It is a major triumph of the cross when you think first, “What does he or she need?” instead of, “Here’s what I want.” It is part of the magic of the Christian way of life that when you put others first, your needs always get taken care of too. Always.

from Marriage Is Hard

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Marriage is hard: we’re prideful

‘Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. ‘ Romans 12:3(NLT)

Have you ever seen the sappy Ryan O’Neal/Ali MacGraw movie romance entitled “Love Story”? MacGraw played a character who was dying, and at her bedside O’Neal, choking and tearful, said he was sorry. MacGraw then unloaded a line that has done a lot of damage to relationships and marriages everywhere: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Apologizing is hard work. Apologizing and changing your behaviors is even harder, and what makes it so hard is pride. Dating and marriage always to some degree involve each person’s struggling for control. When your behaviors are driven by pride, you want to win every argument, always be right, see difficulties as your partner’s fault, bring up your partner’s admitted failures of the past, and explain away or deny your own sins and weaknesses.

You need other people’s input and critique to know how you sound, how you look, how your actions affect other people. In humility realize that you aren’t quite as brilliant and infallible as you think you are: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you” (Romans 12:3).

When your spouse has an issue with something you’ve said or done, listen twice and think three times before you say anything. It may just be that the best thing you can say is, “I’m sorry.”

from Marriage Is Hard

Categories
Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

RED FLAGS

‘Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.’ 2 Timothy 2:22(NLT)

‘O Lord , if you heal me, I will be truly healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for you alone!’ Jeremiah 17:14(NLT)

‘Let all that I am praise the Lord ; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!’ Psalms 103:2-5(NLT)

Devotional Content:

So what happens if everything seems to match up for several months and then suddenly you notice some red flags? If you are seeing red flags in your relationship, they need to be dealt with. Even if your relationship seemed destined for marriage, if you see red flags you should not ignore them.

I recommend that couples date for at least a year before entering into marriage. There is nothing magical about the one-year rule, but there is something to be said about going through one full year of life together dating before going into marriage. It allows you to get past the infatuation that a new relationship has and settle into a resemblance of normal reality.

Time in a relationship before marriage provides opportunity for the red flags to pop up.

Red flags should not be ignored. They have to be dealt with, even if it means the death of the relationship. It is far better to end a relationship on this side of the altar than on the other side. Ending a relationship is painful, but not nearly as painful as divorce.

Today’s Challenge:

Are your friends and family in support of your relationship? If not, why not?

Going Deeper:

Take a time-out to spend time looking honestly at your relationship. Pray and ask God to help you see if there are any red flags in your relationship. Remember that red flags have to be dealt with and that ending a relationship now is easier, and less hurtful, than a marriage ending in divorce.

from Getting Yourself Ready For Marriage 2 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

Categories
Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

COLD FEET

‘As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ‘ Ephesians 5:31-32(NLT)

‘“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord , the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, ” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”’ Malachi 2:16(NLT)

Devotional Content:

It is not uncommon to have cold feet at some point during the engagement process. If they are honest, most people will say that at some point doubts crossed their mind.

It is not totally concerning if you experience cold feet. It is, however, concerning if these doubts persist or are not resolved. Doubts should not be carried into marriage. Marriage is tough enough without having a ton of doubts. A couple needs to enter marriage 100% committed to each other and to the covenant of marriage.

Don’t carry your doubts over into marriage.

Today’s Challenge:

Dr. Kim shares that it is not unusual to have cold feet before marriage. The concern is when doubts persist or if they are not resolved. If you are or were having doubts, do your doubts persist? Have they been resolved?

Going Deeper:

Dr. Kim shares that a couple needs to be 100% committed to each other and the covenant of marriage. Are you committed to your significant other? To the covenant of marriage?

from Getting Yourself Ready For Marriage 2 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

Categories
Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

BOOMERANG: RETURNING TO YOUR EX

‘Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. ‘ Colossians 4:5(NLT)

‘If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ‘ James 1:5(NLT)

Devotional Content:

There are a lot of concerns and questions when a relationship ends and one of the people wants to start the relationship again.

You need to carefully weigh the positives and negatives and prepare to face the possibility that it may not work the second time around.

There are several things to think about before committing to your ex:

  • Stay realistic about why you ended the relationship in the first place.
  • Don’t let your reunion be motivated by sex. You need a better foundation for marriage than just physical pleasure.
  • There is great value in knowing when to let go and move on.

Remember it is better to let a relationship go before marriage than to marry when things are shaky and end up in divorce.

If you and your ex are set on rekindling your relationship, remember that it takes two people to build an awesome marriage so you should be equally putting work in the relationship. Go to counseling separately and as a couple and identify the changes that you need to make to make this relationship work. Take it slow and be open to God’s direction.

Today’s Challenge:

If you are seriously considering getting back into a relationship that ended, ask yourself, “Am I committed to making things work this time?”

Going Deeper:

Pray and ask God for wisdom in making this decision.

from Getting Yourself Ready For Marriage 2 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

Categories
Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

‘They all met together and were constantly united in prayer, along with Mary the mother of Jesus, several other women, and the brothers of Jesus.’ Acts of the Apostles 1:14(NLT)

‘Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.’ Hebrews 10:24-25(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Dating and getting married is a process and it takes time. Couples need to spend time together getting to know each other.

Distance can complicate this for many couples, but having a healthy long distance relationship is possible with the right use of time and resources.

There are things you can do to effectively connect with each other often and bridge that distance gap. Here are a few simple and creative things you can do to connect with each other:

  • Call and text each other often
  • Keep up with each other via social media
  • Communicate through video tools online and with your smart phone
  • Text each other pictures of yourself and what you are doing throughout the day to include them in your day
  • Mail small but meaningful gifts to each other
  • Journal thoughts and things you want to share with your significant other when you speak with them
  • Mail each other old-fashioned handwritten letters

Nothing really takes the place of being together in the same place, so plan to get together as often as possible.

It is important for a couple to live in the same city before taking the marriage step. If your relationship is moving closer to marriage, I strongly urge you to move closer together and try a more normal dating relationship before entering into marriage.

All relationships take work, and long-distance relationships are no different.

Today’s Challenge:

Dr. Kim shares that distance complicates growing the relationship but that if you use the right tools, you can have a healthy long-distance relationship. Whether or not you are in a long-distance relationship, what are five things you can do to communicate better with your significant other?

Going Deeper:

All relationships take work. What can you do this week to show your significant other you are willing to work at your relationship?

from Getting Yourself Ready For Marriage 2 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

Categories
Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

COHABITATION

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 4:3(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Many people believe that cohabitation is a normal step in the dating relationship. Cohabitation has become acceptable and even encouraged. Many people believe that it is wise to “test” the relationship this way before committing to marriage, but take a look at these statistics:

  • Within a year, 50% of these cohabitation relationships collapse, and within five years, 90% collapse.
  • Couples who cohabitate are twice as likely to divorce as couples who do not live together before marriage.
  • Married couples who cohabitated before marriage have lower levels of marital satisfaction, higher marital instability, and more negative communication than couples who waited until marriage to live together.
  • Couples who cohabitate before marriage are less sexually exclusive before and after marriage than those who didn’t cohabitate.
  • Newly married couples who cohabitated prior to marriage have a higher rate of domestic violence.

Those who live together before marriage disregard God’s plan for marriage that a man and woman should come together exclusively in a marriage relationship.

God is the God of the universe. He is all knowing and He created us, so I believe we can trust His plan for marriage and that it is wisest to follow His teachings.

God’s plan for marriage works; cohabitation doesn’t.

Today’s Challenge:

Dr. Kim shares some stats about cohabitation. How do these facts affect your thoughts on cohabitation?

Going Deeper:

God’s plan for marriage works. If you agree, make a commitment to do things God’s way. If you disagree, what is holding you back from trusting in God’s plan for marriage?

from Getting Yourself Ready For Marriage 2 by Dr. Kim Kimberling