Category: Dating

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Christ and the Church

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

Are you marriageable? Are you growing in maturity… growing in the qualities that matter regardless of your relationship status? Here are two big ones (we’ll do 2 more tomorrow):

Get tight with Jesus:
If you’re a Christian, this should be obvious. But so many Christian young adults today have absorbed a shallow, nominal and passionless faith that this deserves special emphasis.

So what needs to happen? Well, you need to get serious about your faith. It needs to infect your life, transform your heart and be the catalyst for every one of your decisions. Your relationship with Christ is bigger and better than any of your other relationships. He’s number one.

Here’s what it’s not. It’s not knowing a bunch about the Bible. It’s not having grown up in church or youth group or gone to a Christian school. It’s not having Christian parents. It’s not being American, retweeting John Piper or Francis Chan every few days, or going to the Passion or Catalyst conferences every year.

Living reconciled to God is your Relationship 101, and it matters. Besides, knowing who you are in Christ will help you make big decisions down the road. Like marriage. Because you need to find someone to marry who’s also tight with Jesus. Why? Because living together in marriage in light of an eternity with God while living out grace now is the only way to live. And it doesn’t matter how great your marriage is if you’re going to hell, right?

So put Jesus first, and keep him there. Put your future spouse firmly in second place. You’ll be glad you did. And you’ll have the best foundation for maturity there is.

Commit to a local church:
The Bible calls us to be part of a local church. A physical church with real people. The New Testament church kept lists of its people. It cared for its people, including widows (one subset of single women; I think today’s church should include any single ladies). It broke bread together, shared things in common, and provided encouragement and correction. It also provided encouragement and correction. It also provided a space for the mandates of corporate worship and observance of the sacraments.

We need the same.

So listen to the Word preached. Join a Sunday school class or small group. Begin tithing. Start serving. Become a contributor, not a consumer. You’ll strengthen a muscle of selflessness that you never knew you had.

from The Dating Manifesto

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When?

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

So when’s the time to start thinking about marriage? It’s now. I tell parents of young children that if they haven’t started casting a vision for marriage in their homes, they’re already behind. It’s never too early to show your babies what a good marriage looks like. It’s never wrong to teach a young boy the proper way to treat a woman. Little girls should know that wives and mommies have a sacred calling that may someday be theirs. It all matters.

Likewise, if you’re 20, don’t relegate marriage to the distant future. Yes, the average age of first marriage has climbed. In 1960, it was ages 20 and 22 for women and men, respectively. Those numbers have now shot up to 26 and 29. But there’s little evidence that this is overall a good thing. Instead, it’s leading to delays in maturity, job success and childbearing. It’s also making books like this necessary, because there’s a lot of hand-wringing among singles who wonder if they missed their window and were left behind when the marriage train pulled out of the station.

I’m not trying to create a panic. I’m not saying you need to run out right now and grab the first girl you see. I’m just asking you to consider marriage. Start praying about it. Cultivate an active desire for it in your heart. Let others know that you’re open to it. And honor it, even as a single person.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is to be honored by all…” That includes those who aren’t married yet and those who may never get married. Follow God’s example and have a high view of marriage. Our churches, our culture and our families desperately need it.

Similarly, if you’re 30 or older, don’t give up on the idea of marriage. I haven’t. You simply don’t know what God has for your future. It may not be the story you expected, but God never drops the ball. He’s never late, and he’s not capricious. Wait for your story to unfold, and do your part in crafting it.

from The Dating Manifesto

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What is Marriage

‘“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:4-6(NLT)

So the Bible begins with marriage and it ends with marriage. But it also talks a lot about marriage in between. Marriage is a biblical norm. You see good marriages in Scripture, and you see bad marriages. You see patterns of faithfulness, purity and devotion to God, but you also see patterns of betrayal, divorce, polygamy, interfaith marriage, marriage for political purposes and more.

Even though humans have messed up marriage in every generation throughout history, that doesn’t change what marriage is. Marriage is a covenant, a sacrament, a reflection of Christ and his bride, the church. It’s an institution for one man and one woman for one lifetime. The definition of marriage isn’t determined by popular opinion; it was delivered by God in the Garden, then affirmed by Jesus in the New Testament. Consider the words of Matthew 19:4-6. There’s a lot to be said for marriage and about marriage in Scripture. We’d be wise to pay attention.

Marriage also has a bunch of benefits. Marriage polishes our edges. The fancy word for this is sanctification. Pastor Gary Thomas says that marriage isn’t meant to make us happy, but holy. How many of us sit around and ask how we can be holier? No me. (I do, however, ask myself how others can be holier. Just trying to help!) Marriage accomplishes this naturally. If you’re going to have a successful marriage, be prepared to get over yourself. Fast.

But there’s great companionship in marriage, too. Newsflash: Marriage can actually be fun! Most people dream of that person who will walk through life with them. The one who will make memories with them, share hobbies, go on trips, celebrate holidays, dream big, raise a family, set up a home, and ultimately grow old with them. We are created for relationship. In a culture that throws away relationships with Friday’s trash, it’s easy to lose sight of this. Don’t. Sure, many of you don’t have family photo albums that span decades.

At some point, Dad walked out, or your parents calmly divided up possessions and kids like candy and started over in different cities. Maybe your parents were never married. This is far from God’s plan. Don’t let what you never experienced taint your understanding of what could be.

from The Dating Manifesto

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Dating

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord . “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”’ Jeremiah 29:11-14(NLT)

‘My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Proverbs 4:20-23(NLT)

‘And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:1-2(NLT)

Dating can sometimes be a confusing time. It can also be a time of great learning and friendship. Amidst the shifting sands that dating can present, we must remember God’s promise: ‘For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’

God has good plans for you. They are not plans for your failure or defeat. They are plans to ‘prosper you’. They are not average or mediocre plans. They are ‘good, pleasing and perfect’ (Jeremiah 29:11).

We can give our anxiety for our future to God and rest in the knowledge that the same one who brought the stars into being knows us intimately and has a plan for each of us. God will not force his plans on you, but he requires your cooperation. If you want his plans to be fulfilled in your life, you need to seek him. He promises that, if you do so, you will find him (Jeremiah 29:13–14b). As you spend time with God, be led by him into the good plans he has (29:14).

However, sometimes we also need advice on what to do whilst dating. What should be my priorities whilst dating? Who should I be dating? Paul writes, ‘Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy [because of all that Jesus has done for us through the sacrifice of himself on the cross], to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship’ (Romans 12:1, AMP). God wants you to offer all of yourself and all of your life – your time, ambitions, possessions, ears, mouths, relationships, and sexuality – as well as your mind, emotions and attitudes. Paul’s description of a living sacrifice also reminds us that you have to continue offering your life as a sacrifice to God, offering the whole of your life for the whole of your life. 

As Eugene Peterson translates it in The Message, ‘Take your every day, ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and place it before God as an offering’ (Romans 1:1, MSG). And in all things, the writer of Proverbs urges us, ‘live wisely’. You have a part to play in responding to God’s call, staying on his paths, living wisely and thereby making something beautiful out of your life. You can choose what you think about. The life you lead will flow from your heart. ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life’ (Proverbs 4:23). You are to fill your heart with good things – especially the words of God (4:20–21). They bring ‘life’ and ‘health’ (4:22). Think about ‘things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy’ (Philippians 4:8). 

from Relationships Of The Kingdom – A Plan On Marriage, Dating And Singleness

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Singleness

‘Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord , and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord . Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord , and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.’ Psalms 37:3-7(NLT)

‘I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord .’ Hosea 2:19-20(NLT)

‘Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.” Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!” “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry Let anyone accept this who can.”’ Matthew 19:8-12(NLT)

Singleness can often be a source of blessing and a source of pain rolled into one. It is also hard not to feel it is just a transitional stage. We can feel afraid and panicked about singleness, but our reading from this psalm reminds us to turn to God, bring him our fears, and ‘trust in the Lord’ (Psalm 37:3). Faith is trust. It is the opposite of fear and panic. 

Knowing that we always have someone we can turn to in our decision-making is so helpful: ‘Commit your way to the Lord’ (Psalm 37:5). This is the key to guidance. Bring the decision to God, ask him to act and trust in him. 

Trusting God in our decisions is a simple three-part process. First, committing the decision to God in prayer, asking him to open the doors that are right for you, and to close the ones that are not right. Second, trusting that he is in control. Third, watching in faith for him to act as you continue on your ‘way’, in the expectation that he will. 

In the book of Hosea, we see that God also longs for you to be living in a relationship with him, as close as that of a husband and a wife. He says, ‘I am now going to allure her’ (Hosea 2:14a). He takes her into a desert (this is so often the place where God’s voice is heard) and speaks tenderly. ‘“In that day,” declares the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’… I will betroth you to me for ever”’ (2:16,19).

This foreshadows the relationship of Jesus to his church. God promises a new love relationship between him and his people (Hosea 2:19–20). They will know (acknowledge) the Lord. Whether single or not, this relationship with God is the most profound relationship we can ever hope to kindle, maintain and fuel.

In the reading from Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus directly speaks of three types of singleness. First, genetic – ‘they were born that way’ (Matthew 19:12a) and ‘never give marriage a thought’ (MSG). Second, there is involuntary singleness (19:12b) – those who ‘never get asked or accepted’ (MSG). Third, there is voluntary singleness – those who ‘decide not to get married for kingdom reasons’ (19:12, MSG). Singleness can be temporary or permanent, but it is never regarded in the New Testament as second best. Both marriage and singleness are high callings and, according to the New Testament, there are advantages and disadvantages to both. 

As we read these passages today, may we know God’s pursuit of our affections and be filled with his everlasting, loving Spirit, which makes this relationship possible through Jesus. 

from Relationships Of The Kingdom – A Plan On Marriage, Dating And Singleness

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Marriage

‘“At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:23-24(NLT)

‘Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.’ Song of Songs 8:6-7(NLT)

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. ‘ Ephesians 5:22-23(NLT)

In the beginning God gave to humankind everything they could possibly want. The whole created world was made for us to enjoy. Every possible need was catered for. The pinnacle of God’s creation was humankind. The need for community was solved by the creation of other human beings: ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’

It started with the beautiful gift of marriage; the lifelong union of a man and a woman in which sex – another of God’s beautiful gifts – is to be enjoyed with intimacy and freedom, without guilt or shame. 

God is love and we know he is because of all he does.

The word ‘love’ or ‘lover’ appears over and over again in the Song of Songs. It is all about romantic love between a lover and his beloved. They are overcome by love for one another. The beloved says that she is ‘faint with love’.

There is a strong element of physical and erotic love. Both describe the physical beauty of their marriage partner. As one commentator put it, ‘the Song of Songs is a long, lyric poem about erotic love and sexual desire – a poem in which the body is the object of desire and source of delight, and lovers engage in a continual game of seeking and finding… sexual gratification.’ But their love goes way beyond the physical and the erotic. The beloved says, ‘This is my lover, this is my friend’. There is nothing better in marriage than having someone as your partner, your lover and your best friend. The lover says, ‘Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm’ (Song of Songs 8:6). The desire of God for his people is the same as this idea of the love held between husband and wife. 

In Ephesians we find that mutual respect is the key to a happy marriage. The key words in verses 21– 33 are ‘respect’, ‘love’ and ‘submit’. The overall heading for this section is ‘out of reverence for Christ’. 

The word ‘submit’ is different from the word ‘obey’ (Ephesians 5:22). Submission is voluntarily yielding in love. It is a beautiful characteristic and it is clear from the overall heading, ‘Submit to one another’ that Paul expects mutual submission. This teaching would have been a revolutionary concept in first-century culture. Respect is the key to a good relationship between the sexes. 

As we read these passages today, may God give us his Spirit so that we may imitate Jesus in all our relationships, whether married, engaged, or single. 

from Relationships Of The Kingdom – A Plan On Marriage, Dating And Singleness

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Dating and Relationships – Day 7

‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. ‘ Colossians 3:1(NLT)

‘And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. ‘ Colossians 3:4-5(NLT)

How to UNCOVER God’s Word:

ASK – God to connect with you here. In prayer, start by slowing down, inviting God to be present. Begin with focus and openness to see what God has for you.

READ – the selected section of Scripture slowly. Take note of the words and phrases that intrigue you, reading them a second time if necessary.

REFLECT – on what grabs you. What connections do you see at this point in your life? How might God be speaking to you through these words? Stop long enough to let this take root and thank God for engaging you.

RESPOND – to the Scripture. Speak directly to God about what’s on your mind and heart. Look for ways to live out what you’ve uncovered – individually and with your church. And look for ways to bring what you have discovered to others.

from Dating and Relationships

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Dating and Relationships – Day 6

‘We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. ‘ 2 Corinthians 6:6-7(NLT)

How to UNCOVER God’s Word:

ASK – God to connect with you here. In prayer, start by slowing down, inviting God to be present. Begin with focus and openness to see what God has for you.

READ – the selected section of Scripture slowly. Take note of the words and phrases that intrigue you, reading them a second time if necessary.

REFLECT – on what grabs you. What connections do you see at this point in your life? How might God be speaking to you through these words? Stop long enough to let this take root and thank God for engaging you.

RESPOND – to the Scripture. Speak directly to God about what’s on your mind and heart. Look for ways to live out what you’ve uncovered – individually and with your church. And look for ways to bring what you have discovered to others.

from Dating and Relationships

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Dating and Relationships – Day 5

‘Teach these things and insist that everyone learn them. Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. ‘ 1 Timothy 4:11-12(NLT)

How to UNCOVER God’s Word:

ASK – God to connect with you here. In prayer, start by slowing down, inviting God to be present. Begin with focus and openness to see what God has for you.

READ – the selected section of Scripture slowly. Take note of the words and phrases that intrigue you, reading them a second time if necessary.

REFLECT – on what grabs you. What connections do you see at this point in your life? How might God be speaking to you through these words? Stop long enough to let this take root and thank God for engaging you.

RESPOND – to the Scripture. Speak directly to God about what’s on your mind and heart. Look for ways to live out what you’ve uncovered – individually and with your church. And look for ways to bring what you have discovered to others.

from Dating and Relationships

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Dating and Relationships – Day 4

‘So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.”’ 1 Peter 1:14-16(NLT)

How to UNCOVER God’s Word:

ASK – God to connect with you here. In prayer, start by slowing down, inviting God to be present. Begin with focus and openness to see what God has for you.

READ – the selected section of Scripture slowly. Take note of the words and phrases that intrigue you, reading them a second time if necessary.

REFLECT – on what grabs you. What connections do you see at this point in your life? How might God be speaking to you through these words? Stop long enough to let this take root and thank God for engaging you.

RESPOND – to the Scripture. Speak directly to God about what’s on your mind and heart. Look for ways to live out what you’ve uncovered – individually and with your church. And look for ways to bring what you have discovered to others.

from Dating and Relationships