Category: 2nd Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

One Way

‘Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ ‘ Matthew 22:37(NLT)

‘for through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see— such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through him and for him.’ Colossians 1:16(NLT)

‘My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ‘ Galatians 2:20(NLT)

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Do you have one way streets where you live? I do. Most of ours are in the downtown area. I think their purpose is to make traffic flow more smoothly and I think it actually works. If I am on a one-way street, I have four or six lanes going my way instead of two or three. I get where I am going faster, with less hassle. Sometimes I am in a hurry and the one-way street that I want to turn on doesn’t go the way I want it to. So I have to go another block or so, through a couple of extra traffic lights to get to the one-way street going in the direction I want to go. I have often wished that I had a remote I could click and make the one-way street always go the direction I want it to.

Marriage is a one way street — or it needs to be. One way that puts God first. One way that is a lifetime commitment to your spouse. One way that is for better or worse, richer or poorer, and in sickness or health until you die. The one-way marriage street has six lanes and I like that. The goal is always the same but there are a number of good ways to get there.  

Our problem comes when we happen to think about other one-way streets. The one we can far too easily hop over to is called “me first.” It is in direct opposition to our one-way marriage street. “Me first” puts self first instead of God. It places conditions on our commitment. It says we are here if things are better, richer, and healthy, but out of here if things are worse, poor, or sick. It says we are only here till things get tough.

The one-way marriage street can be bumpy and have a few potholes but it will get us where we want to go. Those other one-way streets can take us away from an awesome marriage – sometimes so far away that we never find the way back.

Today’s Challenge: 

1. What are the one-way streets that take your focus off of your marriage?

2. What do you need to do to stay off of them? 

3.  What do you need to do that will get – and keep – you on the one-way street leading to an Awesome Marriage?

Going Deeper:

Discuss the bumps and potholes on your one-way street today. As a couple, what will you commit to that will keep you from changing to another one-way street?

from Traffic Signs And Your Marriage – Part 1

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Yield

‘The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”’ Mark 12:31(NLT)

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:3-4(NLT)

‘You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges ; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.’ Philippians 2:5-8(NLT)

‘We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn’t live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, “The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me.” ‘ Romans 15:1-3(NLT)

Devotional Content:

I was driving through my neighborhood this morning. It was a beautiful day. I saw a friend jogging toward me. I looked over to wave at him about the same time I passed a YIELD sign. This particular YIELD sign was at a place where two roads merge into one.  If two cars try to merge from two lanes into one at the same time, the results are not good. Thus, there is a YIELD sign and it was in my lane. I was supposed to slow down or stop to let the other driver enter the lane before I did. Luckily, I looked up in time to hit my brakes before I hit another car. Close call because I did not obey the YIELD sign.  

There are YIELD signs all over my marriage and often I ignore them too. I often interpret the YIELD to mean that I do not get my way and Nancy does. What it really means is for me to be unselfish even when I do not feel like it. There are times I get it and there are times I do not want to get it. I have said for years that the number one problem in marriage is selfishness. I should know – I can achieve professional status in this area. 

I have made an interesting observation. When I am driving and obey the YIELD sign, I never have a problem. I never had a wreck from obeying the YIELD sign. In my marriage, when I am unselfish, my marriage is really good. Do you know that Nancy and I have never, ever had a fight when I was being unselfish? Amazing, huh?

What if you envisioned a YIELD sign right next to your spouse? Then, what if you obeyed it? Finally, what if you did that day after day after day? Awesome Marriage? Probably.

Today’s Challenge: 

1. When you are driving how do you handle YIELD signs?

2. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how selfish are you in your marriage?

3. How has selfishness affected your marriage?

Going Deeper:

Together make a YIELD sign to put on your refrigerator. Let it be a reminder for both of you to choose to YIELD instead of being selfish.

from Traffic Signs And Your Marriage – Part 1

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Stop

‘Stay away from every kind of evil.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:22(NLT)

‘But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ‘ Matthew 5:28(NLT)

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:18(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

‘People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed.’ Proverbs 10:9(NLT)

Devotional Content:

The STOP sign is pretty cut and dry. Stop means stop. Failing to stop could result in a ticket or even being smashed by another car. The STOP sign is a non-negotiable. If you take the driving test to get your license and you do not stop at the STOP sign, you fail the driver’s test. Stopping when told to do so is essential. There is no argument. There are no second chances.

There are STOP signs in marriage too. They mean the same thing in marriage as they do on the streets. Here are two big ones: pornography, and infidelity. The bottom line is that you stop: You do not go there. No trial runs. No baby steps. No “just this once.” STOP.

Make it an absolute. Do not cross the line. Do not give in. Pornography and infidelity destroy families and marriages. You are not the exception. Actually, there are no exceptions. These are relationship killers. The sign says “STOP,” and that is exactly what you must do. If you run this sign, the consequences are far more devastating than you could ever imagine. STOP means STOP for a reason. So STOP. Today. Now.

Today’s Challenge: 

1. Culture tells us that pornography is not a “stop sign.” Do you agree or disagree?

2. When Jesus talks about adultery, He takes the sin up a notch and includes lust. Why do you think Jesus put adultery and lust as equals?

3. What are “baby steps” that can lead us to adultery and pornography?

Going Deeper:

Come up with a plan together to protect your marriage from adultery and pornography.

from Traffic Signs And Your Marriage – Part 1

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Traffic Signs And Your Marriage

Introduction

‘Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.’ Proverbs 19:20(NLT)

‘But be sure that everything is done properly and in order.’ 1 Corinthians 14:40(NLT)

Devotional Content:

We pass them every day. Sometimes we read them and sometimes we do not.  Sometimes we obey them and sometimes we do not. Traffic signs are everywhere.  They are there to protect, to guide, to warn, and to bring order. We want every other driver on the roads and highways to abide by them. Yet, on the other hand, we want a little flexibility with these signs when it comes to ourselves. If I am in a hurry, I really do not have time to come to a full stop at the STOP sign. If there are no other cars in my line of vision, why do I need to slow down at the YIELD sign? What about the CAUTION sign? After all, I have been driving for a number of years. I don’t need some sign to tell me to be cautious! Traffic signs are everywhere. I just do not want them to get in my way.

What if these signs were in your marriage? Would you read them, obey them, or ignore them? If the signs were there, would you want your spouse to follow them to the letter?  What about you? Follow or ignore?

Over the next few days, we are going to look at traffic signs and ask, “What do these traffic signs mean if we apply them to marriage?” Join me. It’s going to be one heck of a ride!  

Today’s Challenge: 

1. What traffic signs are you most likely to ignore — or sometimes not obey?

2. What happens if another driver chooses to ignore a traffic sign?  

3. What if that other driver’s careless driving impacts you?

Going Deeper:

What would “traffic signs” in your marriage look like?

from Traffic Signs And Your Marriage – Part 1

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Learn to Communicate Openly

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

By God’s grace, we can grow in our ability to be vulnerable and transparent with those we love. Author John Powell describes this process in his excellent book, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? He lists five levels of communication.

Most people start at level five—clichés. We might call this “elevator talk”(“Have a nice day.”) in which you speak, but share nothing.

Level four involves sharing facts. You are willing to report what you know, but still you share nothing of yourself.

At level three, people reveal opinions, their ideas, judgments and viewpoints. At this level, you start to come out of your shell and reveal a little of who you are. At the same time, you’re ready to retreat in the face of disagreement or rejection.

At level two you begin to share emotions. You let the other person know just what you feel. Again, this is risky and you must be careful not to hurt one another, but it is an essential step if you’re going to move toward a deeper relationship.

Level one is transparency—being completely open with each other, sharing the real you, from the heart. This level of communication requires a large amount of trust and commitment.

We spend most of our lives communicating with others at the safest levels of communication. In marriage, however, we ought to be getting beneath the surface. When was the last time you and your spouse had a truly transparent conversation? What do you need to do to go deeper in your communication with each other?

Take some time on your next date night to review these five levels and rate yourselves and one another on how well you are doing in each of the five. Then begin to talk. Talk about how you can deepen your love for each other by becoming more intimate and transparent with each other.

from Talk It Out!

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Shun Verbal Dust-Offs

‘The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.’ Proverbs 18:21(NLT)

Ryne Duren, former pitcher for the New York Yankees, liked to intimidate batters. He became known as the patron saint of the psych-out. He knew how to mentally harass opposing batters, dusting them off with an assortment of wildly launched pitches.

Unfortunately, a similar thing can happen in our homes, although instead of a baseball, we launch hurtful, intimidating words that inflict fear, pain, and guilt. Too late we learn what the wise man meant when he said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21).

Even though you may be very skillful with the quick retort, what do you gain when you fire off such verbal volleys? The same scripture that speaks of the tongue’s destructive power also warns that those who exercise that power will have to eat whatever diseased fruit they plant. Often, that fruit is resentment, discord, and revenge. The dust-off experts not only hurt others; they poison their own relationships.

What can you do to decrease the inclination to attack each other with hurtful words? Since Jesus Christ is “the Word” (John 1:1), pray that your speech in every aspect of home life will reflect His role as Prince of Peace and Mediator.

from Talk It Out!

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Learn to Listen

‘“Listen closely to what I am about to say. Hear me out.’ Job 13:17(NLT)

Every cell phone user has experienced it at some point, and one company has built an entire advertising campaign around it: While you are speaking to a spouse, a business contact, or a friend, the connection breaks—only you don’t know it immediately. You continue to talk until you sense something is wrong and finally ask, “Are you still there?”

Dead silence or a static screech provide the answer—yes indeed, the person on the other end is gone. And then you wonder, Just how much of what I said wasn’t heard?

How often does this type of thing happen in your marriage? One of you is talking, but no one is there on the other end of the conversation. Listening is not as easy as talking for most of us! When Job told his friends, “Listen carefully to my speech, and to my declaration with your ears,” he said it out of deep frustration (13:17). Remember that attentive listening encourages and blesses the speaker.

So the Bible urges us, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak” (James 1:19). If you want the tension level in your marriage to decrease, then learn to become a better listener.

from Talk It Out!

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Talking… Face to Face

‘But Moses pleaded with the Lord , “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord ? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”’ Exodus 4:10-12(NLT)

If you want to touch your wife deeply, look into her soul through her eyes. She’s longing for intimate conversation! Touching base by phone is fine, but for a woman, that’s like watching an old black-and-white TV.

One of her top romantic needs is to be heard and understood by her man. She longs for openness, a sharing of dreams, hopes, desires, and even disappointments, through focused conversation.

You might be thinking, Time out, Dennis! A conversationalist? I’m a man of few words.

Funny, that’s what Moses said when God asked him to be His spokesman: “Moses said to the LORD,‘O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue” (Ex. 4:10). And what did the Lord tell him? “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? . . . Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say” (vv. 11, 12).

You may say, “Now that’s fine for Moses leading the nation of Israel, but will God give me words to better communicate with your wife?” My answer: Absolutely. He cares about your wife and your marriage. The Holy Spirit still guides men (and women) in what they need to say.

Are you wondering how this is going to work? It’s easier than you may think. Start by praying and asking God to help you. Then practice answering your wife’s questions with more than one sentence. It’s okay if there’s silence for a while, but work on really sharing with her on an intimate level what you are thinking and feeling. And if you don’t know, keep on praying and asking God to help you. He will. And He may use your wife to do it!

from Talk It Out!

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

How to Share Your Past with Your Mate

‘So Joshua spared Rahab the prostitute and her relatives who were with her in the house, because she had hidden the spies Joshua sent to Jericho. And she lives among the Israelites to this day.’ Joshua 6:25(NLT)

Scripture tells us that Rahab, the prostitute from Jericho who hid the Israelite spies (6:25), continued to live among God’s people and eventually became an ancestor of Jesus Christ (see Matt. 1:5).You have to wonder: What did she tell her Hebrew husband about her past?

Any discussion of sensitive material from your past must occur between two people who understand and have experienced God’s grace and forgiveness. If you are confident that you should proceed, consider some tips on how to confess information from your past:

1. Explain why you are sharing this information now. Make clear that you desire to deepen trust in your relationship.

2. Give the big picture, not the details. Don’t provide specifics of how you sinned. And if you are receiving the information, do not ask probing questions merely to feed your morbid curiosity. Vivid images will haunt you more than general statements.

3. Ask for and grant forgiveness. Don’t ever treat forgiveness flippantly, but ask for and grant forgiveness eagerly.

4. Don’t expect an immediate resolution. Keep a leash on your expectations. Your spouse may not respond positively to your disclosure. That’s okay. Give your mate time to process this new information.

Finally, as you discuss the past, if you get off in a ditch and can’t get out, don’t be ashamed to ask for some help. A trusted godly friend can be a great encouragement to both of you during these times.

from Talk It Out!

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Talk Out Past Issues

‘Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. ‘ 1 John 4:18(NLT)

Marriage has enough surprises without a spouse putting up a “No Trespassing” sign and saying, “I’m not going to talk about the issues from my past that have shaped my life.” If you want to truly know your spouse, then you must get into those issues and create a deeper level of understanding and compassion between the two of you. Then, when one of life’s inevitable trials comes along, you’ll already have put into place a deep level of trust in each other.

Every marriage must be built on love-based commitment. Remember 1 John 4:18—“Perfect love casts out fear.” Is some guilty or shameful episode from your past tormenting you and saying, “Don’t share that! She’ll reject you”? If you are doing this, then your relationship is controlled by fear, not love. Don’t risk hiding something important from your spouse, regardless of how painful it may feel.

When love encounters past mistakes in the loved one, it says, “I embrace you. I receive you. I accept you. I cherish you. And, yes, I forgive you.”

The truth is, we have all fallen. All of us have done things we are tempted to hide. But Christ offers us grace, forgiveness, cleansing, and wholeness, all in plentiful supply.

from Talk It Out!