Category: 2nd Marriage

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ‘ Ecclesiastes 4:9(NLT)

Scripture: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.” -Ecclesiastes 4:9 NIV

Devotional: For all these years Tam and I have been putting our minds together and working through life’s hurdles and challenges. Rarely do you see one of us without the other. Our mind-set is: if we started as a team, then we will finish as a team. The only way to win is as a team. I don’t make any major decisions without her input, and she doesn’t make any major decisions without my input. I trust her perspective and she trusts mine. But this kind of collaboration doesn’t happen overnight. It grows once you commit to working on the same team. We have to be willing to say no to our independent agenda and say yes to us working together. 

Marriage is not about you. It is about bringing life to others, starting with your spouse. 

A good marriage doesn’t just happen by accident; it happens on purpose. Every single time I talk to Tam, I have to decide to speak lovingly. Every time there is a disagreement, I have to choose to love anyway. Many people get the impression that a good marriage has to be an easy marriage. But that’s not true. Nobody’s marriage stays together because the people are perfect. Nobody’s marriage stays together because they always agree. Marriages that weather the storm do so because they decided, “We started as a team; we are going to end as a team.” 

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Lord God, you designed our marriage for a purpose. You knew the end of our story before we were born. You created us to be an answer to a problem in the world. Reveal your will for our marriage. Show us the purpose of our union. Anything that may disrupt our peace or compromise our collaboration, please remove it. We desire to please you and want to work together as a team. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 

1.  What gifts do you as a married couple bring to the world? What problem does your marriage seek to answer? 

2.  What ministry do you have together? What passions do you share? 

3.  How can you better collaborate with your spouse? How can you work together to bring out the best in each other? 

4.  Who have been models of healthy marriage for you? How have they impacted your marriage, and what aspects do you see in their marriage that you would like to see better incorporated into your marriage? 

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ‘ Colossians 3:12(NLT)

Scripture: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” -Colossians 3:12 NIV

Devotional: One of the biggest lessons we’ve learned as a couple is how to say three simple words to each other as often as possible: I love you. You’re getting on my nerves, but I love you. You just hurt my feelings, but I love you. I promise that if you can learn to incorporate these words into your marriage regularly, you’ll make it through anything. But love is what love does. If love doesn’t give, it isn’t love. If love doesn’t sacrifice, it isn’t love.

Our marriage hasn’t been perfect, and many times we have made mistakes along the way, but our compassion for one another is the glue that holds us together. Genuine concern for the other person and the ability to put ourselves in their shoes has helped us to endure the hard times and enjoy the good times. When I think about my love for Tam, the Scripture that comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 13:4–7. We use these verses as the litmus test to make sure we are loving one another the way God wants us to love. 

Love is patient, love is kind It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (NIV, emphasis added).

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

God of love, your love is unconditional. Your compassion never fails. Help me love my spouse the way you love me. Help me love with patience, understanding, selflessness, and long-suffering. Help me support and affirm my spouse as often as possible. Allow our love tanks to be filled by one another on a consistent basis. Teach us to love one another the way the Scriptures tell us to love. We want to reflect your heart. We want to grow deeper in love with one another. We can’t do this without you. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 

1.  How often do you tell your spouse, “I love you”? How often does your spouse tell you that they love you? 

2.  Do you wish your spouse was more expressive with their love? If so, share it with them.

3.  Ask your spouse, “Am I loving you the way you need to be loved?” Wait for an honest answer. Take note of what they say and how they feel, and try your best not to invalidate their feelings. 

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

‘Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! ‘ Philippians 4:4(NLT)

Scripture: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice!” -Philippians 4:4 NIV

Devotional: When Tam won her first Grammy, I was filled with indescribable joy. I can’t describe how proud I was of my wife. Seeing her on that stage made me reflect on her journey––the long tours on buses that sometimes broke down, the movie sets, late-night dinners, swollen knees, swollen ankles, lots of tears, lots of practice, lots of happy moments, and lots of funny moments. All of them brought her to this life-changing moment, and the only thing left to do was celebrate!

Celebrations are great reminders in marriage. Celebrations remind us that the rain won’t last forever, and the sun is going to come out tomorrow (thanks, Annie). The gift of celebration forces us to stop from life’s routine to smile at one another, commemorate a milestone, or just hang out and laugh. Most of the time, we give what we would want to receive, but the key to celebrating your spouse is to give what they want and need. 

Here are fifteen ways we’ve learned to celebrate each other. Try picking one or two to put into practice this week.

1.  Serve your spouse by preparing their favorite meal. 

2.  Become their personal assistant for a day. 

3.  Ask them to hire you as their personal massage therapist. 

4.  Compliment your spouse often. 

5.  Figure out one way to make them feel special every week. 

6.  Write a letter and tell your spouse what you love about them. Then allow your spouse to tell you what they love about you. 

7.  Make their special day a big deal (birthday, Valentine’s Day, anniversary). Do it big! 

8.  Write a personalized letter thanking them for things they do on a regular basis that you may have never acknowledged. 

9.  Shower them with acts of affection. Give them a real kiss, a strong hug, or a pat on the bottom (a gentle caress). 

10.  Create a fun scavenger hunt that leads them to you. 

11.  Appreciate them in public. 

12.  Cherish them in private.

13.  Honor them in front of your children. 

14.  Send flowers to their job, or hide their favorite candy somewhere on their desk.

15.  Send them a “sext” message that lets them know you’re thinking of them. Send it during a time when they will most likely blush and least expect it.

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Gracious God, thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for the priceless gift that my spouse is to me and to others. Help me to celebrate my spouse more this year than I have in past years. Help us not to focus so much on what is going wrong that we forget to celebrate what is going right. May our love deepen more and more as the years go by. We trust that you will keep us focused on you and focused on each other. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 

Fill out the following questions with your spouse. Knowing the answers to each question will help you to celebrate your spouse with more specificity and intentionality. After you’ve written down your answers, see if your spouse can guess the answers you wrote without looking at your responses. 

1.  What is your favorite color? 

2.  What is your favorite movie? 

3.  What is your favorite season of the year? 

4.  What did your spouse get you for Christmas last year? 

5.  What do you love to do that doesn’t cost any money? 

6.  Where can you go outdoors to be renewed? 

7.  What is something you’ve never done but you want to do? 

8.  Do you have a bucket list? What’s on it? 

9.  What did you like to do when you first started dating that you no longer do as a married couple? 

10.  Where is an exotic place you’d like to visit within the next three years?

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

‘Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.’ Colossians 4:6(NLT)

Scripture: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:6 NIV

Devotional: Our marriage has only worked because we are committed to communicate in a way that honors one another and doesn’t diminish each other. Communication has been the binding force of our marriage, and when we communicate respectfully, it improves our intimacy, joy, and connection. 

When I think back on senseless arguments between David and me, I can’t help but ask myself, Was it worth it? Did I really need to raise my voice? What was lying beneath the surface of our frustration? We’ve had countless arguments over the years, and they have taught us seven lessons that we now consider as we practice better communication:

1.  Stick with the issue. When we use arguments as opportunities to bring up past issues, we can bruise our spouse with our words. Our goal is to never humiliate, embarrass, or belittle the other person. Instead, whenever we find ourselves in a heated conversation, we try to stick to the issue at hand and not bring up the past.

2.  Listen to understand. Don’t listen to respond. The goal of any argument is to listen to understand, not respond. If the other person is talking, we have to discipline ourselves to let them finish. This is much easier said than done, because we want to be understood first before we work to understand. But arguing with our spouse isn’t about being right. It’s about recognizing where we are wrong. Arguments are a gift, allowing us to see what frustrates and upsets our spouse, giving us an inside look into their heart. 

3.  Take a five-minute time-out when emotions get heated. When the water starts boiling, back away and take a break. Breathe, collect yourself, and then approach the situation differently. After we take time to cool off and think about how we are truly feeling, we can continue with the conversation and grow from the disagreement. 

4.  Never make the issue more important than the marriage. When we make our arguments more important than the marriage, we forget why we got married in the first place. A bad day doesn’t mean a bad marriage. 

5.  Never retire for the night angry with each other. The Bible encourages us with these words: “Do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). Some people need time to hit the reset button before they try to resolve things peaceably, so we have decided that at some point in the conversation, we agree to disagree right now—but we will continue in the morning. 

6.  Ask for help. When an issue becomes too difficult for you and your spouse to manage together, it’s okay to call on an objective third-party to help you figure things out. This ensures that both parties are heard and a resolve can be achieved. It is God’s will that your marriage prospers, and God is faithful to send help in the time of need. 

7.  Let it go. Sometimes the argument is over but the feelings remain. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is always worth it. Remember, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV). If you’re willing to extend the same grace that God has extended to you, your marriage will flourish. 

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Dear God, thank you for the beauty and blessing of marriage. Thank you for walking with us through the good days and carrying us through the bad days. Help us remember the big picture. Forgive us if we ever used an argument to belittle or humiliate our spouse. Teach us how to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Help us to learn how to apologize when we’re wrong. We will remember that one bad day does not have to turn into a bad life. Strengthen us through hard conversations. Grant us peace during difficult seasons. We trust you to heal every hurting marriage right now. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 

1.  When you argue, do you listen to respond?

2.  If a soft answer turns away wrath, how well do you do with speaking softly? What can you do to improve?

3.  Do you stick to the issue when you argue, or does the argument open up to other things? How can you rectify that today?

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

‘Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding.’ Proverbs 3:13(NLT)

Scripture: “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.” -Proverbs 3:13 NIV

Devotional: We always like to say our family is blended and blessed. The term blended family is thrown around a lot these days, but the truth is every family is blended. Two people from different families fall in love and form a new family one way or another. Some of us are just more blended than others.

In our home, we never used the word step to describe our relationship with any of our children. I made that decision one day after I introduced Porcia to someone as my stepdaughter. I didn’t think much of it, but when we got alone, Porcia asked me never to call her a stepdaughter again. In my opinion, step is not just a word—it’s a posture of thought. It represents how someone on the outside is seen by those on the inside. I know this term works for many families, but to me, the word creates a separation. 

Blending families is difficult, but not impossible. Proverbs 3:13 says, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.” Let us be the first to tell you if you don’t already know: it will take much wisdom and understanding to love, live, and find laughter in each day being a part of a blended family. But the hard work will be worth it!

There’s a great gospel song that says, “Turn your pressure into praise!” This is exactly what David and I try to do in our family: allow pain to push us into purpose. The reality is, God purposed us to be together and parent these children. As believers, we know God will not call us to do something without equipping us for the journey. We know God will use everything in our pasts for good. Though it may be difficult to see, God will indeed use it all. 

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Father, help us to keep our marriage blessed, happy, and whole according to your divine will. Help us to be the parents our children need in childhood and in adulthood. Give us your grace and strength to get through each day, and show each of our children the amazing love that you have always shown to us. May our lives be an example to others that blended families can work. And whatever our family may be facing, may we always know that we can do this through Christ who gives us strength. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 

1.  What incremental changes can be made today so that your entire family can become better? (For example, family meetings, counseling, short-term goals, and so on.)

2.  If you are a part of a blended family, how might you work to better co-parent with your children’s biological parent(s) in the future?

3.  When you think about your childhood experiences, has anything from your past affected your present role as a parent?

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

‘Commit everything you do to the Lord . Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.’ Psalms 37:5-6(NLT)

Scripture: “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: he will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.” -Psalm 37:5-6 NIV

Devotional: Tam and I get asked all the time, “How have you stayed married for so long?” My simple answer is, God plus commitment. We committed to God first, and we committed to one another second. 

It’s no secret. Marriage is a beautiful gift, but it is also a commitment. Anyone can fall in love, but marriage takes work. A wedding ceremony will last for one hour, but a marriage will last for a lifetime. When it comes to my life, it’s Christ, it’s Tam, and then everything else. 

The first commitment we made when we got married was to honor our vows. If we honored our vows, then divorce would never be an option. Within the first week of our marriage, we decided to remove the option of divorce from the table. We wanted each other to know, “I’m not leaving you.” We were accustomed to rejection, and we grew up in families where marriage was not as healthy as it could’ve been, so we threw divorce off the table and focused on our commitments. We decided: if we do this, we are going to do this ’til death do us part. That was our promise to each other. That was our promise to ourselves. 

We know marriage has its challenges, but we are committed to never let the challenges drown out the joy. It’s a good thing to be married. It feels so good to know that we don’t have to make every decision our my own. It feels good to have a partner for life, someone who is always in our corner. Because of my commitment to Tam, she gets support, strength, encouragement, and love. And because of her commitment to me, I get prayer, wisdom, affirmation, and a beautiful woman by my side. 

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Heavenly Father, help us stay committed to our marriage through every season of life. Through the good and the bad, help us to prioritize each other. Grant us the grace to endure the difficult seasons, and give us the peace that surpasses understanding. Remind us of our vows when our faith gets tired. We trust you to be the glue that holds us together. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1.  What commitments have you made in your marriage? What promises do you struggle to keep when the going gets tough?

2.  Do you still have a copy of your wedding vows? If so, when is the last time you’ve read them together? 

3.  If you have your vows, revisit your commitments. After reading them, is there anything in your vows that has inspired you to live and love your spouse differently? 

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann