Category: 2nd Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Marriage is hard: we’re stubborn

‘Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ‘ Colossians 3:13(NLT)

Apologizing is hard work. You know what else is hard? Forgiving an apologizing spouse.

Why? Why should that be hard? Well, for one, it’s easy to suspect that the apology isn’t sincere (“I’m sorry.” “You are not!”). For another, when this isn’t the first argument on a certain misbehavior, the wounded party sees a trend and fears it will continue indefinitely. Am I enabling more of this bad behavior? For another, staying angry gives you emotional leverage. For another, staying wounded gives you the moral high ground in future negotiations. Your injury is an asset–why would you give away this form of capital?

Holding onto anger, however, poisons your soul. It marinates your spirit in toxins that will affect everything else in your life and especially in this most important of all your human relationships. Holding anger blinds you to your spouse’s gifts and values for your life and keeps you from seeing his or her efforts to make things better.

There’s a better way. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). What breaks you out of these anger ruts is the sweet remembrance of the massive debt of ours that our Lord Jesus forgave. If we show a bitter and unforgiving spirit to our spouse, we are daring God to do the same to us.

Let it go.

from Marriage Is Hard

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Marriage is hard: we’re different

‘In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. ‘ Romans 12:6(NLT)

One of you is a neat freak, and the other doesn’t worry much about a few socks on the floor here and there. One of you is a saver; one is a spender. One is always on time; the other is much more relaxed about the clock. One of you loves noise and energy and parties, and the other loves quiet time at home. One of you is creative and passionate, which is nice, but also prone to leave a trail of debris behind, which drives the other crazy.

Just as Felix and Oscar argued and battled all the time in “The Odd Couple,” husbands and wives are vulnerable to Satan’s plotting to drive the tip of a crowbar into their differences and use them as a fulcrum to pry them apart. God made us different not to drive each other crazy but to enrich our lives and give us a bigger and wider and more interesting perspective on life. “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us” (Romans 12:6).

Manage your differences! Celebrate your differences! Do not allow Satan to manipulate you into arguing over them. How boring your marriage would be if you and your spouse had identical views and habits. Any fool can complain about what you don’t like about another person. It takes a Christian to celebrate the treasure you have in your spouse.

Funny . . . the more you do that, the more your spouse will appreciate you (and your quirks).

from Marriage Is Hard

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Marriage is hard: we’re selfish

‘Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others.’ 1 Corinthians 10:24(NLT)

Ever hear one of your friends say, “I have to take care of me for a change.” “It’s my time now.” “I need to be looking out for number one.” Unfortunately the people who say these things don’t mean Jesus Christ. They mean themselves.

Sinners like you and me do not need to go to grad school or subscribe to webinars on how to be selfish. We are born with software already installed and functioning. Our parents (hopefully!) slowly trained us to overcome that selfish streak and learn to share our toys, wait in line, take turns, and listen to the views and stories of others. It is embarrassing how fast those old behaviors come back under stress, and it hurts marriages.

Husbands and wives can drive each other crazy because they don’t notice things that are really important to each other. Both what they do and what they neglect can really hurt. Being self-absorbed comes naturally. Focusing energy and thought on other people’s well-being is learned behavior. It is Christ-behavior: “No one should seek their own good, but the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:24).

It is a major triumph of the cross when you think first, “What does he or she need?” instead of, “Here’s what I want.” It is part of the magic of the Christian way of life that when you put others first, your needs always get taken care of too. Always.

from Marriage Is Hard

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Marriage is hard: we’re prideful

‘Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. ‘ Romans 12:3(NLT)

Have you ever seen the sappy Ryan O’Neal/Ali MacGraw movie romance entitled “Love Story”? MacGraw played a character who was dying, and at her bedside O’Neal, choking and tearful, said he was sorry. MacGraw then unloaded a line that has done a lot of damage to relationships and marriages everywhere: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Apologizing is hard work. Apologizing and changing your behaviors is even harder, and what makes it so hard is pride. Dating and marriage always to some degree involve each person’s struggling for control. When your behaviors are driven by pride, you want to win every argument, always be right, see difficulties as your partner’s fault, bring up your partner’s admitted failures of the past, and explain away or deny your own sins and weaknesses.

You need other people’s input and critique to know how you sound, how you look, how your actions affect other people. In humility realize that you aren’t quite as brilliant and infallible as you think you are: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you” (Romans 12:3).

When your spouse has an issue with something you’ve said or done, listen twice and think three times before you say anything. It may just be that the best thing you can say is, “I’m sorry.”

from Marriage Is Hard

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Focus Matters In Marriage – Day 3

‘In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.’ Colossians 2:15(NLT)

Prayer is critical for implementing spiritual truths in your life and in your marriage relationship. Let’s spend today’s reading entry praying for greater trust, rest and focus on God’s perspective over our own.

Opening Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, We praise You for Your great might and for Your victory over our enemy, Satan, and his demons (Colossians 2:15). It is in that victory which we find our own confidence to live, work and move forward in the purposes for which You have called us as a couple. It is in Your love that we are able to know what it means to cherish the love of each other. When our eyes are on You, we are set free to experience and enjoy the gifts and grace found within our spouse. We are set free to overlook unmet expectations as we rest in the knowledge of Your control and providential mercies.

Presenting the Situation

Use this portion of your time to direct your thoughts to specific areas in your marriage where distractions or worries may interfere with the confident peace and assurance which comes from faith in God. You may want to spend time writing out a diary of how you and your spouse spend your time and on what you focus your thoughts. 

Then take a moment to place these before God in prayer, asking Him for wisdom on which things remove your focus from what He has for you to do, or to be. Sometimes the things Satan uses to distract us do not seem overtly evil and so we maintain their presence in our lives longer than we should. But anything that siphons your attention off of God’s presence and purpose for you as a couple should be examined as to its true worth.

Closing Prayer for Greater Focus 

“Gracious Lord, life has a way of interfering in our thoughts and our focus, distracting us from what matters most. We come before you as a couple and pray that in our marriage, you will help us to stay focused on You and Your values and Your calling for our lives. Part of that focus is in living out our relationship together embodying the character of Christ to each other. Help us to stay attentive to the need for this character in how we address each other and serve each other. 

Another part of that focus entails facing spiritual warfare from the perspective of victory rather than defeat, knowing that You are seated in the heavenlies above all rule, power and authority and that through Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection, we are also seated with You. Give us insight and wisdom on the decisions we make as a couple that will reflect a long-term, eternal focus rather than a short-term, material mindset. And reveal to us throughout the moments of our days the blessing and peace that comes through keeping our thoughts set on You. 

When our focus center on You, worry and anxiety cannot keep us from embracing our relationship fully. Set us free to fully live out the blessings of our marriage by keeping our focus on You and the wisdom, comfort and assurances we find in Your truth. In Christ’s name, amen.” 

from Focus Matters In Marriage by Bruce Wilkinson & Heather Hair

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Focus Matters In Marriage – Day 2

‘You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!’ Isaiah 26:3(NLT)

Our spiritual lives reflect the reality of the need for focus in many ways. This holds especially true with regard to marriage – a relationship that faces multiple levels of stress on a regular basis. When a couple is weighed down with the cumbersome need to control everything themselves … adjust every angle, move every light, lift every chin, pose every moment, they miss out on the ability to do much at all. They get stranded in the minutia while missing the miracle of marriage itself.

When our focus is on the temporal details of life, rather than on God, we spend the bulk of our time dictating our distractions instead of dwelling on our destinies. We willingly enslave ourselves to the tyranny of the urgent. We forget the value of a moment, a word, a look, hug, or even a shared meal. 

Marriages fall prey to frenzy rather than peace due to a lack of perspective which keeps God as the Sovereign, in control of all, and resting in the truth of His Word. God tells us that when we focus on Him, peace presides. “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you,” Isaiah 26:3. 

If you long for more moments, more peace, more memories in your marriage, focus on God. Let Him figure out the details and blur out the backgrounds. As you do, you will discover the tremendous beauty right before your very eyes.

A Prayer for Focus

“Heavenly Father, You are seated above all and Your rule is carried out over all (Psalm 115:3). We honor Your position as supreme authority. Through Christ, the world was created and in Christ all things are held together (Colossians 1:16). You hold things in place and by Your plans, a matter is established. We give You praise and thanksgiving for the power which is Yours, knowing that it is this power which enables us to live out our days. It is Your divine wisdom and authority which has positioned us on earth to carry out the plans You have for us. And in Your wisdom, You have brought us together as a couple knowing that we can accomplish more for Your glory in this way. Help us to rest in this truth as a couple so we can experience more of Your leading, provision and power in our home. In Christ’s name, amen.”

from Focus Matters In Marriage by Bruce Wilkinson & Heather Hair

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Focus Matters In Marriage – Day 1

‘Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. ‘ Colossians 3:2(NLT)

There existed a time when the only way to get professional-looking photographs required hiring a professional photographer. Family portraits took place once a year, if that. Families often waited until the local church brought in a photographer for the church’s membership catalog. Then time slots were chosen, outfits were purchased and families made their way to pose for the camera. A few weeks later, the photographer placed different package options in front of each family to be considered and chosen for purchase. Purchase at a pretty steep price, mind you.

Today; however, professional-looking photographs often require little more than your, or a friend’s, smartphone. The resolution quality, along with the camera’s pre-programmed abilities to isolate the position of focus can make the average person’s pictures look like portraits. In fact, one smartphone even offers “portrait” mode to give the additional effect of blurring the background while sharpening the person or object of choice. 

Focus matters. 

What the professional photographer understood to do with the various buttons, lenses and lighting options necessary to operate the equipment from days gone by, smartphones now enable pretty much everyone to do simply by aiming in the right direction. 

The ease of this focus has allowed families to have portraits made much more frequently than before, not to mention much more cheaply. It’s allowed for not just a roll of film, or two rolls, to capture a vacation but rather hundreds, if not thousands, of photos to catch and share these memories. It’s also allowed parents to have more than the yearly portrait of the littles as they grow, but rather a daily timeline of growth, joys, activities and sweet-sayings caught on film. Yes, live-photos now add video and audio to a photo as well. This enables all of us to seize segments of our seconds at random, simply for our sentimental remembrance.

The bottom line: We’re able to do more when we’re able to focus well. 

The same holds true for marriage. When you as a couple follow the principle set for us in Colossians 3:2 about setting your eyes on God and living with an eternal perspective, you will experience a greater depth of love in your marriage. Let’s explore more on how that works in tomorrow’s reading plan entry. 

from Focus Matters In Marriage by Bruce Wilkinson & Heather Hair

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

What Does Purity in Marriage Look Like?

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

‘“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand#5:30 Greek your right hand.—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.’ Matthew 5:27-30(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. ‘ Colossians 3:1-2(NLT)

Devotional Content:

I don’t hear the word purity used very often, especially when it comes to marriage. We can use it a lot before marriage as we talk about premarital sex. We ask, “Do we keep our relationship pure before marriage or not?” Yet, in marriage, the word has lost its impact.

I think purity is just as important—if not more important—in marriage than before, and I think culture backs me up. You can search for the statistics, but the consensus is that around 50 percent of women and 70 percent of men will at some point cheat on their spouse. Every time I see those figures it saddens me. There are a lot of reasons given for infidelity, but easy accessibility through technology is a big one. There are also more women in the workplace, and the stigma of having an affair does not seem to have the effect it once did. Yet, as a counselor, one of the deepest hurts I see comes from infidelity.

Let’s define purity in marriage. Simply put, purity means I keep my eyes only on my spouse. I don’t look lustfully at someone of the opposite sex. I don’t flirt. I don’t have meals alone with someone of the opposite sex. I don’t travel for business alone with someone of the opposite sex. I don’t look at porn. I keep my sexual thoughts on my spouse only. As a couple, we work on our sexual relationship. We talk about what we like and don’t like. We make sex a priority and seek to meet each other’s needs. We are unselfish. We pray every day that our sexual desire would be for our spouse alone. In sports, we say that a good offense is the best defense. That is definitely true in sex. The better your sex life is in marriage, the less attractive something or someone else will be.

A couple of final thoughts. You will be tempted, but temptation is not a sin. Don’t forget that Jesus was tempted. Every person is vulnerable. Anytime you think you are not, you take the first step toward a fall. You have the power of the Creator of everything in you. He wants so much for you to stay pure in your marriage, and He will do anything and everything you allow Him to do to keep your marriage pure. Just let Him in!

Today’s Challenge:

Share with each other your areas of vulnerability as related to purity. Decide what steps you will take to protect the purity of your marriage. If you need outside counsel, get it. Your marriage may depend on it.

Going Deeper:

Take a time-out to spend time looking honestly at your relationship. Pray and ask God to help you see if there are any red flags in your relationship. Remember that red flags have to be dealt with and that ending a relationship now is easier, and less hurtful, than a marriage ending in divorce.

from Challenges Of A Millennial Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Where Did All the Role Models Go?

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

‘Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.’ Proverbs 13:20(NLT)

‘Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.’ Philippians 4:9(NLT)

‘As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.’ Titus 2:1-5(NLT)

‘Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”’ John 8:31-32(NLT)

Devotional Content:

As we entered into the millennial era in 1980, 61 percent of children were born into a home where their parents were together in their first marriage. Twenty-five-plus years later, that number is now less that 46 percent.* Many of you as married millennials did not grow up in a home with both of your biological parents present. Some grew up in single parent homes. Some grew up with stepparents in their lives. It is not uncommon at a millennial wedding to have four or more sets of parents present. Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying that there were not good role models for you. I’m saying that it was just different than what the boomers and the silent generation experienced. God’s original design was for marriage to last and for a child growing up in a home to have two parents serving as good role models. Your family of origin is where you learned about how to be a man or a woman, a husband or a wife, and a dad or a mom. That was the ideal; but unfortunately, half of you did not experience a home with both of your parents staying together.

I still believe good role models are there. There are those who have worked hard to live the lives and have the marriages God designed for them. You just may need to put out more effort to find them. Where do you look?

Start with your parents and stepparents. Ask them about what they did well, what they would change, and the things that helped them grow in their marriage(s). Remember, someone does not have to have a perfect marriage to be able to help you. In fact, I have learned from many people as they have shared their mistakes and the things they would do differently if they could have a second chance. There is a lot of wisdom to be found in someone who is willing to be transparent and honest.

With your spouse, look for couples at your church who are at least a stage ahead of you in their marriage—couples who are not perfect but who are working hard to have the marriage that God has for them. Observe them. Take them to lunch. Ask them if they would be willing to mentor you for a season. This could literally change the direction of your marriage.

One more thing. There is the truth that if you believe something to be true—even if it is a lie—you will live your life as though it were true. Ask God to reveal to you and your spouse the lies you have believed about marriage and to replace them with His truth.

God has a plan for your marriage. You are both unique. There will never be another you. That means that your marriage is also unique and there will never be another marriage like yours. That was God’s design. As you seek Him, He will guide you into your own Awesome Marriage.

* Gretchen Livingston, “Fewer Than Half of U.S. Kids Today Live in a ‘Traditional’ Family,” Pew Research Center, December 22, 2014, [http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/12/22/less-than-half-of-u-s-kids-today-live-in-a-traditional-family/.]

Today’s Challenge:

Discuss the areas of your marriage where a mentor couple or role model could help. Then seek out those people.

Going Deeper:

Pray together for God to remove any lies about marriage that you have believed to be true and to replace those with His truth.

from Challenges Of A Millennial Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

How Do We Deal with the Pressures of Social Media?

‘Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.’ Galatians 6:4-5(NLT)

‘For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.’ James 3:16(NLT)

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

‘Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.’ 1 Timothy 6:6-8(NLT)

‘But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’ Ephesians 2:4-10(NLT)

Devotional Content:

To say that social media is a phenomenon does not tell the entire story. Social media has changed our way of life. The opportunities to connect are seemingly endless. With all the good things social media has brought to our lives, there are also negative things that can upset our lives. As millennials, social media is a normal part of your everyday life. Ninety percent of millennials currently use social media, but research indicates that for more than half of these, social media is a chronic source of unhappiness—at least in some situations.* Forty-one percent of millennials still use Facebook every day but are pulling away more and more because Facebook makes many people unhappy as they watch their friends’ highlight reels.** Ask yourself these questions: How hooked are you on social media? How does it affect your life and your marriage?

The comparison game has long been a part of social media. It affected you as a single when you were or were not invited to an event or when you were or were not dating that almost perfect person. Now that you are married, the game is still there; it just plays out in different ways. Someone’s spouse gets a promotion or a new car; friends get a new home or go on that dream vacation; their kids get all the awards and never cause problems. More highlight reels, and you can still feel the pressure to measure up. It’s not like making comparisons is something new. It’s not. People have been doing it since God created man and woman. The difference today is that it can be in your face every minute of every day.

So the question remains: How do we deal with these pressures? The first step for many of you will be to unplug from social media—at least for a period of time. You need to put some distance between you and your feed. Look at it this way: If social media is causing you to be unhappy with your life, your marriage, and your spouse, do you really want to stay in that world? I really believe we will begin to see many millennials back away somewhat from social media as they correlate their unhappiness with their social media usage.

Beginning to reevaluate your social media usage is a big step, but the biggest step in the right direction begins with your relationship with God. It seems we are all vulnerable to letting our world define us instead of seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. He created you and your spouse perfectly. Neither one of you is a mistake. God loves you just the way you are. Nothing you can do will make Him love you more or less. When you stood with your spouse before Him and committed to this marriage for the rest of your lives, His commitment to help you have an Awesome Marriage was even greater than yours. Never let social media define you, your spouse, your lives, or your marriage. That is God’s job. Lean into His definition.

*Tom Pick, “47 Superb Social Media Marketing Stats and Facts,” Infusionsoft.com, January 21, 2016, [https://learn.infusionsoft.com/marketing/social-media/best-social-media-marketing-stats-and-facts.]

** Lauren Friedman, “4 Millennial Social Media Trends To Watch In 2017,” Forbes, December 29, 2016, [https://www.forbes.com/sites/laurenfriedman/2016/12/29/4-millennial-social-media-trends-to-watch-in-2017/#157daa976e69.]

Today’s Challenge:

Together talk about your connections to social media. Where do you need to unplug, and when will you take that step?

Going Deeper:

Together pray that you will see each other and your marriage through God’s loving eyes.

from Challenges Of A Millennial Marriage