Category: 2nd Marriage

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Connect Daily

‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:6-7(NLT)

‘Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.’ Colossians 4:6(NLT)

Truly connecting with our spouse each day is essential for our marriage. Without it, we’ll see our relationship become stagnant. When we aren’t intentional and don’t invest in our spouse, this will eventually cause us to grow apart and become nothing more than roommates and co-parents. Daily connection with our spouse requires proactivity. Here are a few fundamental practices we should incorporate each day. 

Pray 

Praying for people isn’t typically difficult for followers of Jesus. But making a commitment to pray with someone else, especially our spouse, seems to be one thing that many couples neglect. It’s easy to voice an occasional prayer to God for our spouse to get the job or to get over a sickness, but to actually pray aloud with them? This can be scary and embarrassing because people don’t think they don’t do it right. The goal of praying together isn’t to sound super spiritual, but to connect at the deepest possible place with our Creator. If praying isn’t something you’ve done consistently with your spouse, make the decision to begin today. Start slowly with just asking God to give you strength for the day and alternate who leads the prayer each day. As you make this a daily spiritual practice, not only will your connection to God and your spouse grow stronger, but your prayers will grow in depth and become broader in topic. 

Communicate 

Communication in a marriage is incredibly vital. It prevents us from drifting from our spouse. When we talk about our day, share our experiences, and tell our spouse about the things that concern us, it connects us to each other and makes our marriage stronger. When we take it a step further and share about our relationship with God and what we’re learning, the connection takes an even deeper dive toward intimacy. Make time to communicate each day with your spouse by not only sharing your heart but by being a great listener when they’re doing the same. Discuss the health of your communication with your spouse and make strides to improve. 

Be Thoughtful

When we first begin a dating relationship, it takes no effort to think about the person. But, as time passes, especially into marriage, sometimes it doesn’t come as easy for us. That means we have to make an effort to be thoughtful. Maybe we set reminders each day to call or text. We might even leave notes for them to find. Or we make the call or send the text when we see something that reminds us of them and makes us thankful. It may not feel as romantic to have to schedule a reminder, but the alternative is to neglect our spouse altogether. Ask your spouse if they feel cared for in this way and then make the effort to meet their needs.

Reflection

In what area do you need to improve in your marriage? Prayer, communication, or being thoughtful?

from Being Intentional In Your Marriage

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Am I Being Intentional In My Marriage?

‘Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ‘ Galatians 6:7-9(NLT)

‘Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:1-4(NLT)

Have you seen the married couple that just seems to always be happy and strong? The couple who just seems to know how to be married? It appears to require little to no effort as they finish each other’s thoughts and find ways to serve each other. They not only love each other, but they like each other, too. So, what makes a married couple have this kind of relationship? One vital key is intentionality.

A healthy, strong marriage doesn’t happen by accident and doesn’t just appear because we felt all the tingly feelings when we dated. When a married couple displays intentionality, they are being deliberate in their actions, purposeful in their plans, and voluntarily acting in the best interest of their marriage, not themselves. 

Let’s say you notice a happily married couple and want what they have. You want the depth you see in their relationship. Any couple will tell you that having that takes effort—just ask them. 

  • You see how happy they appear together, but what you don’t see is the conflict they’ve endured and navigated in order to get to a deeper place in their relationship. 
  • You see how thoughtful they are with one another, but what you don’t see is the effort they’ve invested to prioritize each other over every other earthly relationship. 
  • You see how united they are, but what you don’t see is the choices they’ve made to lay down their own plans to make plans that will benefit the marriage.

If you’re thinking that this type of relationship is beyond your reach, it’s time to revise your thoughts. It is possible to have the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. In this Plan, we’ll spend the next four days learning how to connect, support, protect, and love deeply in our marriages. For when we do, the joy, peace, love, and camaraderie we’ll feel toward our spouse will skyrocket. 

Reflection

Am I intentional in showing my spouse my love for them and devotion to them?

Do I feel that my spouse is intentional in showing his/her love and devotion for me? (Discuss answers with your spouse.)

from Being Intentional In Your Marriage

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US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 6

‘For what gives you the right to make such a judgment? What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if everything you have is from God, why boast as though it were not a gift?’ 1 Corinthians 4:7(NLT)

Key Verse: “Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.” 1 Corinthians 13:6

Devotional: 

From David: Love does not delight in evil, which means love does not look for a payback. Love doesn’t hope that something is done wrong so that God can teach them a lesson. Love doesn’t pray that they lose their job so that they can spend more time at home with the kids. Love doesn’t wish evil on your spouse or anyone else in your family, because, ultimately, love is going to make sacrifices without looking for a return.

From Tamela: Love always protects, so anytime my spouse is in harm’s way, I vow to cover him. Love always trusts—and this is hard, particularly when trust has been broken—but love is willing to rebuild even after the walls have been torn down. Love always believes in the best version of their spouse. Love always encourages their spouse to believe in themselves. Love always hopes that tomorrow will be a brighter today, and love always perseveres. On the good days and on the bad days, love is there to stay.

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann

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US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 5

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

Key Verse: “…it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:5b 

Devotional: 

From David: Love is not easily angered. As a child, I saw how men mistreated my mother. I saw irritable men take their anger out on her. But that isn’t love. Love expresses itself in a loving way. Now that I’m married, I’ve learned to say what needs to be said, let go of the anger, and enjoy the day. I’ve learned not to let one day turn into a bad life. When I am too angry to communicate on my own, I use my lifelines, whether a counselor, a pastor, or a trusted third-party listener. I now know it’s important to get to the core of my anger so I am not making my wife uncomfortable.

From Tamela: Here’s a tough one! Love keeps no record of wrongdoing. Another version of this scripture says, “Love . . . doesn’t keep score” (The Message). I can’t speak for all ladies, but many of us are guilty of tabulating in our heads how many times our husbands said something and didn’t keep his word. Sometimes we can even fall into the trap of guilting our husbands for the things we said we forgave them for. But I’ve learned to stop keeping score. If anything, I would rather keep score of the good things David does instead of rehashing the bad things. The way I see it, God loves us unconditionally, and if God can forget all the wrong we’ve done to him, surely I can do the same for my husband.

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann

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US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 4

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

Key Verse: “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking…” 1 Corinthians 13:5a

Devotional: 

From David: Love does not dishonor others. Sure, Tam has made me upset before, but when she does, I don’t run to her family and friends to tell them every little thing she did that bothered me. Married or not, I don’t believe anyone wants to feel dishonored. How much more should a wife feel honored by her husband? I always remind myself that God allowed me and Tam to get married for a reason. God put us together as a reflection of his love. When I honor my wife, it builds a stronger relationship between us, and it pleases God. For example, whenever I speak at an event, I make sure to introduce my spouse to the group. I would never knowingly embarrass Tam. I honor her. So I always try to make sure that at the end of every day, she knows that I love her, and I want my children to see honor in our marriage as well.

From Tamela: Love is not self-seeking. Amen! My job as David’s wife is to be considerate of his needs. Sure, I will have needs. But my goal is to spend time meeting his needs and trust that he is doing the same for me. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. As I am focused on him, David is focused on me. When we go out on dates, I’m not just thinking about what I would enjoy. I’m also thinking about what he would enjoy as well. In your marriage I encourage you to do the same. If both of you are trying to outdo the other with love and kindness, there will always be joy and mutual respect there. Remember, you are one flesh. Love and serve your spouse the same way you would your own needs and desires.

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann

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US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 3

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

Key Verse: “…it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” 1 Corinthians 13:4b

Devotional: 

From Tamela: Love does not envy. To me that means that I should never look at something David has and wish that I had it. Why? Because the two of us are one. If he can manage the money better, I won’t envy that—I will celebrate that. If he can articulate his words better than me, I see it like this: every time people compliment him, they are complimenting me, because we are one.

From David: Love does not boast. I don’t know if you’ve ever met a man who does this, but I know many people who brag about every little thing they do for their spouse. I bought her those shoes. I cleaned the house for her. But when you love your spouse, I believe you never need to brag about what you do or how you love, because when I love Tam correctly, she will boast for me, without me. Tam doesn’t throw it in my face if she does something for me. And husbands who love like Jesus don’t need a lot of accolades every time they do something nice for their spouse. When you’re in love, you do what you do because your heart wants to do it. Love does not boast.

From Tamela: Love is not proud. You’d be surprised how many marriages are suffering because one spouse is too prideful to ask the other spouse for help. I ask David for help all the time. When we are recording in the studio, I turn to him and ask him if I did a good job. I think it’s so important to remember that two married people are both a part of a team. God uniquely designed me to accompany David in life’s journey because God knew David would need some assistance. But the same is true for me. David helps me to be better, and when he helps me, it’s a sign of his love toward me. I don’t see pride when David walks in the room. I see a partner. I see a cheerleader. I can be naked and unashamed with him because, flaws and all, I know he loves me. I’ve also found that the older we get, the easier it is to let go of pride. After a while you just start telling the truth. That’s what love does.

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann

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US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 2

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

Key Verse: “Love is patient, love is kind…” 1 Corinthians 13:4a

Devotional: 

From Tamela: Patience is the first way to know that love is present. As I said earlier, many people are attracted by instant gratification, but when you are patient, you are willing to wait until your spouse is ready. You won’t rush them to become something or someone that they aren’t ready to become. You’ll wait on the things that take a little more time for them. You won’t demand that everything be perfect immediately. Love allows you to walk with your spouse as they grow and mature. Love helps you to see something in your spouse worth waiting for. When you really love your spouse, it will help you to see your own shortcomings before you impatiently bring up theirs.

From David: Love is also kind. By kind, that means I must speak to Tam in a manner that honors her. I learned a long time ago that a soft answer turns away wrath, so I speak to her the way I want her to speak to me—lovingly, thoughtfully, and softly. The question is, are you kind to your spouse? Would he call you gentle with your words? Would she say that you are a safe place for her? Kindness is a discipline that must be developed within us, every day, on purpose.

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann

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US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 1

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

Key Verse: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

Devotional: 

From David: When I think about my love for Tamela, the Scripture that comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 13:4–7. We use these verses as the litmus test to make sure we are loving one another the way God wants us to love.

Marriage is a commitment to love your spouse for a lifetime. There are no vacation days, summers off, weekend visits, or refunds. When I said “I do”, I committed to being there in every situation and season. Honestly, love doesn’t usually show up in those first few weeks or months when everybody is on their best behavior. People talk about love at first sight, but love doesn’t come easily or fast. Love is a habit that we learn and grow into. Loving someone is about sacrifice and selflessness. True love will still be there after hair starts falling out or when the extra weight starts packing on. True love can survive the test of time because it is about seeing, serving, and choosing to uplift your spouse. Real love shines brightest when the lights are off.

These verses introduce fourteen characteristics of love. When I say, “I love you, Tam,” that means I am willing to demonstrate all fourteen of these characteristics to my wife. To me, this is what godly love looks like. 

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann

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What happens when a couple worships together?

‘Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. ‘ Colossians 3:16(NLT)

‘Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire.’ Hebrews 12:28-29(NLT)

‘Give to the Lord the glory he deserves! Bring your offering and come into his presence. Worship the Lord in all his holy splendor.’ 1 Chronicles 16:29 (NLT)

‘Each of these living beings had six wings, and their wings were covered all over with eyes, inside and out. Day after day and night after night they keep on saying, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty— the one who always was, who is, and who is still to come.”’ Revelation 4:8(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

What happens when a couple worships together? Let’s first define what that means. For Nancy and me, worshiping together can actually happen anywhere as long as we are together and our focus is on God. But let’s focus today on attending a church service together. 

Do we automatically start worshiping together when we walk into the service and sit down? Probably not, because we need to focus on what is happening and what is going to happen. The key to worshiping together is walking in with anticipation. Then as we sing the same songs, hear the same message, and pray the same prayers, we are connecting together with God. It is an experiential thing. I feel closer to God and closer to Nancy. 

We have been worshiping together for many years now, but it is always transformative — every single time. This really came into focus for me a number of years ago when Nancy was out of town and I went to church alone. I experienced the difference. Sure, I still felt God’s presence, but I missed experiencing it with her. I can’t really explain it in words, but I know it is part of that whole “two become one” mystery. I am so grateful to our God who came up with the whole idea of marriage in the first place!

Today’s One Thing: As you attend church this week, go with the anticipation of encountering God and worshiping with your spouse! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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What you do

‘The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.’ 1 Corinthians 10:13(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-5(NLT)

‘Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Some days I really think I nail it as a husband. It just seems to come easy. I’m in a good mood. I am patient. I express my love. I serve. I do all the right things and none of the wrong. I wish I could say I’m consistent in perfecting my role as husband every day, but I’m not. In fact, the days I nail it are few and really far between. 

Most days I succeed in one or two areas. It’s not that I don’t want a home run every day, because I do; but my humanity gets in the way. So on most days I can beat myself up for striking out, but God is teaching me to focus on the hits, not the misses. In other words, I may only do one thing right as a husband some days, but that one thing can make a difference in my marriage—especially if it is praying with my wife or serving her or setting aside time to be with her. When I focus on the misses, I stay in a pile of regret. When I focus on the hit, I get excited and am motivated to get another hit the following day. Marriage is a journey. None of us will be perfect every day, but we can do that one thing that makes a difference.

Today’s One Thing: Focus on what you do for your marriage today, not on what you don’t do! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling