Category: 2nd Marriage

‘Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Proverbs 4:23(NLT)

‘But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”’ Mark 11:25(NLT)

A real man is not how he has been portrayed in so many cultures, in the deviant and perverted “Macho” culture. A real man is not the one who can last the longest at a pub drinking alcoholic beverages, but the one who lasts the longest playing with his children at home. A real man is not the one who yells the loudest, but the one who loves his wife the most. It is not the one who has been married many times with a history he likes to show off everywhere, but the one who thinks of being faithful to one woman. A real man is the one who, after many years, still has a wife who feels proud of him. 

The third filter we need is the one we should put on the heart of each spouse. We know that from the heart flow the springs of life. We are not talking about putting a filter on our physical heart, but within us, at the center of our emotions. That is the only way we can experience something we will need during our married lives: forgiveness. We need a filter on our heart so that every time it gets contaminated there can be forgiveness. That filter receives everything we do not like, every negative word, and every action that wants to destroy our marriage and our hearts. 

If we do not learn to forgive and walk practicing forgiveness as a filter on our hearts, our marriages will most likely fail. Forgiveness is not an emotion; it is a decision. Forgiveness is to intentionally end that period in our lives that caused us pain. It is taking away its power to keep hurting us. It is leaving pain at a specific place, so that we may never feel it again.



We need to bury that which has caused us pain, cover it, and never dig it up again. We need to understand that what happened, what they said to us, does not need to destroy our marriage. What can destroy our marriage is our lack of forgiveness.



Forgiveness is the good management of our hearts. You can avoid the cost of anger, hatred, bitterness, and disappointment. Forgiveness is meant to be like a debt that has been paid, fully paid. When. you forgive, you do not bring the offense up again and again. You set it aside and move on. 

Reflect

 Am I applying the process of forgiveness in my marriage?

 I pray that you can decide to forgive your spouse. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

‘So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed.’ Genesis 2:21-23(NLT)

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

‘The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord .’ Proverbs 18:22(NLT)

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

The second filter we, as married people, should use is a filter on our eyes. We need to start looking at our marriage as what it truly is. God brought someone into our lives to perfect us and so we could complement one another. The best part of the movie of your life is your wife, just as the best part of her movie is her husband.

When God saw Adam alone He said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God took Adam at the beginning and took something out of him. Adam had a void as a result of one of his ribs being removed. At that moment he was incomplete. Something that is incomplete is not good. 

God came to Adam and said, “This man needs help.” He gave him a suitable helper, the perfect helper. If God has given you the perfect helper it is because He saw that you needed help. The Scripture says in Proverbs 18:22, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure.” He finds good things. God made a woman for a man. Your wife is the extension of your life. She represents you, and you represent her. If she is happy or sad, that is the reflection of you. My wife is my mirror and I am her mirror.

We are an extension of each other—we are one. Your husband represents you: where he is, what he says, what he does. If the husband is successful, the wife is successful. Nobody knows their partner as well as a spouse does, not even their mother or father. When you are married you see every weakness, fault, and mistake that nobody else knows. 

God shows you your partner’s weaknesses so that you can help them. If your husband has a lot of weaknesses and God put you with him as a wise woman, be careful so that you can help him. We should feel proud of our spouses, because they complement our weak areas, and they know every one of our weaknesses. 

God brought you together to see things other people cannot see. This is the way God is telling you, “cover that weakness.” We need to learn when our spouses have a weakness and cover them and perfect them.

 Reflect

 Are you complementing your spouse’s weak areas? 

I pray that you have the right filter on your eyes and see the way your spouse complements you. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

‘And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! ‘ James 3:10(NLT)

‘It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.”’ Matthew 15:11(NLT)

Words have the divine power to generate realities—that is why prayer is so powerful. Prayer is declaring God’s purposes. You can pray for your spouse for years, “I want my spouse to change,” but if every time you talk to them you say negative things, that prayer is not going to work. Understand that praying is speaking what God says. Instead of praying for two hours on your knees and then doing something that contradicts your prayers, you will achieve more if you declare God’s purpose over your spouse. You need to know that he or she is who God says they are.

Our words, the same as our prayers, are declarations that align things to the will of God. James 3 in the Scriptures talks about people who do not put a filter on their mouths, people who have not learned to stop saying negative things. If two different things are coming out of your mouth, God has given you the power today to stop cursing and start speaking words of blessing. It is a choice, a decision you have to make. You can choose today to speak what is right and put a filter on your mouth to create a positive reality in your marriage.

I need to learn to speak so that the negative energy that is within me, can be changed into positive energy. My words affect not only the people I speak to but my life as well. In many ways, the state our marriages are in is the result of the words we have been declaring over our spouses. Do not let negative things come out of your mouth any longer. 

God’s message is called “The Good News” because bad news does not change a person. People and marriages change when they hear good news. Good news can change us on the inside and change our families, our jobs, and our world. We need to learn how to speak like God. God put His Word in our mouths. We need to speak of God’s decrees, establish them in our marriage, and start creating life and change in our homes.

 Reflect

 Are you using the Good News to change lives?

 I pray that you can create new realities every day, the way God does. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

‘Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.’ Proverbs 18:20(NLT)

‘So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ. ‘ Romans 10:17(NLT)

 “From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Whatever is in our hearts, that is what we are going to express. There is a direct connection between what I say and what is in my heart. What I say is linked to what I have within me. However, there is something we need to understand: since what I say is a result of what is in my heart, I need to start saying things that can change what is within me. What is in my heart comes out in the words I say, and what I say also directly affects or changes what is within me.

You reap what you sow with your words. Words are like seeds; they can be seeds of life or seeds of death. That is why Proverbs 18:20 says, “From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.” What do I have to do? I need to start saying positive things knowingly, intentionally, so that my words can build a new reality within me. 

I am made of the words I speak. Talk to a person and you will know what is inside of them. It is like a vicious cycle. I speak from what is within me, and what is within me is filled by what I speak. When I am trapped in a bad cycle of negative words, I need to break that cycle by stopping all the negative talk. Then, I need to start speaking words of life, words that can build a positive reality in my marriage. The course of your life is being outlined by the words you speak; what you say determines where you are going.

In many ways, we have been limited by the words we have allowed to enter our hearts and minds. Many of those words have hindered our abilities. In the same way, what we say when we talk to our spouse has an effect on their lives. The words I say to them will cause either belief or disbelief. If I tell them, “You are such a hypocrite! You go to church, but what kind of a Christian are you?”, this will have a negative effect on them. Those words go against everything God says. They generate a reality of unbelief and go against God’s purpose.

 

Reflect

 What are the effects of my words on my spouse? What are the words that can build my spouse up? What is within me that comes out of my mouth? Are my words aligned with what God says about me?

I pray for every negative cycle in your life to be broken.

from Bulletproof Marriages

‘The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.’ Proverbs 18:21(NLT)

‘“And now I entrust you to God and the message of his grace that is able to build you up and give you an inheritance with all those he has set apart for himself.’ Acts of the Apostles 20:32(NLT)

‘Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.’ Proverbs 25:11(NLT)

‘That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, “I have made you the father of many nations.” This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing.’ Romans 4:17(NLT)

Everything I say creates a reality in my environment. If I go to the office and see a group of people working, and I tell them that they do not look ok, that they seem ill and sad, and then I ask them what is wrong with them, the words I said can generate a negative atmosphere in their lives. However, if I tell them: “Hey, you guys look great today, what happened?”, they might ask, “Really? I look great?” They start to feel good about themselves. They start to look happy!



We need to speak words that are good for building people up and for establishing them—words that can add something good to their lives. We should understand that our words have the power to build realities. The Scriptures say that God works by calling things which are not as though they were, because He knows that there is creative power in His words. He knows that when He speaks, nonexistent things begin to exist. For this reason, when He talks about us, He calls us holy, blameless, and perfect. Everything He says about us in Christ is positive and He makes sure we know that. He calls things which are not as though they were because there lies His creative power.

Just as the Word of God has power, so do our words. They have the power to generate an atmosphere in our environment and in that of the people around us. Our words can cause one of two things: they can create something good and positive, or they can destroy and corrupt it. What we allow our mouths to speak will create a reality.

If you say to your spouse, “I do not love you anymore,” even if that is not true, what you are saying will produce something in you. If you say something negative, it will create a negative reality. Never say things that go against what God says about your spouse. If God calls them perfect, holy, and blameless, do not go against what God says. Affirm what God says about your spouse! If God says so, I believe it and I declare it with my mouth! That will create a new reality. I say “Yes!” and “Amen!” to the Word of God by affirming what He says about me and my spouse.

Reflect

What are the words that come out of my mouth when I get home and see my spouse? What kind of environment am I encouraging? Are my words building them up? Am I bringing destruction? Do you talk more about getting divorced than staying together? Do you talk to your spouse about the wonderful life you have together? Do you think and say that all husbands, or all wives, are the same? Or are you declaring that your spouse is a holy and loving child of God?

I pray that your words affirm and declare what God says about you and your spouse. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:29(NLT)

Our relationships with our coworkers, with people in general, are affected by the way we live at home, especially if we are married. Our personal life can be built up, encouraged, or held back by what happens at home. When there is no peace at home, our lives do not function properly, and it affects everything we do. 

We may ask ourselves why some marriages last while other marriages end up in divorce. What is the formula? It is not something magical. There is no simple answer to be found. 

The main reason why a marriage is successful is that the spouses have learned to put a filter on three different areas of their lives: a filter on what they say (their mouth), a filter on how they see each other (their eyes), and a filter on their hearts. 

First, Put A Filter On Your Mouth

What we say is powerful. If spouses can learn to use filters on their words, on what they declare over each other, they will avoid a lot of conflict over time. Ephesians 4:29 says that no foul language should come from our mouth, but only what is good for building others up. This is an instruction to live a life with God’s wisdom. There is a reason for every counsel God gives us, and it is really important to watch our language and the way we talk. 

There are logical, scientific, and sociological reasons for each of the practical guidelines that God has given us. It is not until we begin to put them into practice that we understand them and see their outcome. 

God is telling us that no foul language should come from our mouth. There are things that can be insulting to someone and even hurt them. There are times in our marriages when we say things that we should not say. We say things that might not consider offensive, like “You are old,” “You are fat,” and so many other things. We may think these phrases are not hurtful, but they can offend the other person. The words we say can cause such damage, it might take years to heal. Words generate realities. Words have the power of life and death.

Reflect

What kind of words are you saying to your spouse? What do those words generate in them? Is your heart open to listening to God’s wise counsel?

I pray that your words would express God in your marriage.

from Bulletproof Marriages