Category: 2nd Marriage

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

‘‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, ‘ Mark 10:7(NLT)

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

Outside of our relationship with God, our marriage is our priority relationship. Many times we become so focused on blending with the children and learning about them that we forget to invest in learning about and spending time with our spouse. But no matter how busy life gets and how many demands are placed upon us, we need to always remember that our first priority relationship is with our spouse.

How do we preserve our marriages as our priority relationship? Here are some tips:

• 1. Put God first. He should be Lord of your life and your marriage.
• 2. Set time aside each evening for you and your spouse to talk to each other about your day.
• 3. Be open to what your spouse needs.
• 4. Listen attentively to what’s going on in your spouse’s life.
• 5. Hire a reliable babysitter for date nights.
• 6. Plan date nights—and stick to them.
• 7. Plan a night away (or a few nights) to rekindle the flames.
• 8. Learn about something that interests your spouse so that you can engage in his or her interest.
• 9. Flirt with each other as much as possible.
• 10. Make communication a priority.

Think about it!

Do you and your spouse have a regular date night? How often do you pray together as a couple, and as a family?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

‘Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ Proverbs 22:6(NLT)

Frustrations arise when we blend a family and don’t consider some practical things that should be adjusted because of the new family dynamic—things like schedules, activities, and boundaries. When we set out to become Better Than Blended, it is vital that we reassess our family priorities and make adjustments where necessary to help our homes run more smoothly. In other words, we need to set some rules. Some of this is just practical common sense—after all, we need to keep track of who is going where and doing what. But setting guidelines in the home is about more than keeping order. It’s about training our children to be disciplined, obedient, and godly. It’s about discipleship.

It is important as a couple for us to handle our children’s behavioral issues in a way that leaves both spouses comfortable. In order to do this, we need to talk about our personal expectations as to how we should respond to our children’s behavior. In a home that is being guided by the goal of becoming Better Than Blended, the word “discipline” actually means “discipleship.” These two words look and sound similar—and that is because they are. The problem is, we often misunderstand the true meaning of the word “discipline.” Take a look at the differing views below:

• 1. Discipline as punishment. This view is more focused on a child’s behavior as the issue and on providing a reaction to an action, which often means punishing simply for the sake of punishing. The focus of this example is solely to dole out consequences, regardless of their actual impact on the child’s behavior.
• 2. Discipline as discipleship. This view pursues the root of a child’s behavior and not just the behavior itself. Discipleship considers why the behavior took place, what lesson needs to be learned, and what needs to be done to see the behavior changed. The focus of this approach is correction that may result in a consequence that is unpleasing to the child, but that will change the child’s behavior.

Jesus’ focus with His disciples was to teach them the right way to live so that they would correct their sinful behavior. Discipleship in the lives of our children should have a similar focus. When we allow discipleship to guide us in handling behavioral issues within the home, we avoid reacting in the moment and instead seek God on how to respond to the situation.

Think about it!

How do you and your spouse currently handle behavioral issues in the home? How can your methods of discipline be changed to better foster the goals of raising godly children to become godly adults and to prepare them for life outside the home so that they can become well-rounded citizens within society?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

‘Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:14(NLT)

While every parent wears a lot of hats, becoming a blended family requires us to fill a few more roles than those required of traditional parents. Sometimes we feel pulled in various directions, and some roles can vie for dominance over others. When we identify our different roles within the family and order them correctly, it will help our marriages and families to flourish. Something often forgotten in a blended family is that the most important role in the home that we are to fulfill is the role of a spouse.

No matter how long we were a single parent, our children must learn that they are no longer first. But most importantly, WE must understand that our children are no longer first. At the point of marriage, we became one with our spouses, and that oneness should not be infiltrated. Making our role as spouse our primary role is something that we must constantly be working on as the demands of children and life pressure us to make our marriage secondary.

We must also understand the roles we have in the lives of our children and stepchildren. It can be a heavyweight when we try to be to our stepchildren what they don’t need us to be in their lives. Sometimes we feel pressure from our spouse or from others to be what they believe is missing in a child’s life.

The Scripture tells us, “The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). This tells us that the head of the home is Christ and that everything else should follow suit. This means that the role we play in the lives of our stepchildren—and our biological children as well—is simply to BE a godly example in the home and allow Christ’s love, forgiveness, and grace to constantly be shown through us.

Think about it!

How would you define your role in the home? How do you think your stepchildren and/or biological children feel about being part of a blended family?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

‘You will live by your sword, and you will serve your brother. But when you decide to break free, you will shake his yoke from your neck.”’ Genesis 27:40(NLT)

All of us have places of pain in our lives that hinder our moving forward as healthy individuals and members of our families. Today we want to begin to open up those places, seek God intensely about them, and begin healing so that we can thrive within our families as God intended. Before we can move forward in our journey to have a family that is Better Than Blended, we must identify any weight that we are carrying that is affecting our relationship with our spouse, children, stepchildren, or other family members and that may be hindering us from fully embracing our blended family.

In Genesis 27:40, Esau’s father told him, “You will live by your sword.” For Esau, his sword was the hurt from his brother, Jacob, stealing the blessing that was rightfully his as the oldest brother. His father was telling him that he would choose to carry it with him. We all carry a “sword” of some kind. Often this is something from our past, or it could be something that has happened within our blended family. The problem is, we live by the very thing that holds us captive.

The swords that we hold onto within our marriage affect our actions and interactions with our spouse. They determine how we love, engage, and accept things within our lives. Unknowingly or knowingly, we filter things through the lenses of our pain. Although our swords may represent something from the past, they can become a strong part of our present and, if left unattended, will creep into our future.

Remember, our swords shape our view of life, of family, and, more than we know, of Christ.

Think about it!

What hurtful mind-sets are you holding onto from your childhood, past relationships, or present relationships that are hindering you and your family?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

‘Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.’ Romans 12:18(NLT)

‘And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. ”’ 2 Corinthians 6:18(NLT)

‘Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ Proverbs 22:6(NLT)

Parenting within a blended family is much different than in a traditional family. In a blended family, besides dealing with the ordinary challenges of growing up, our children also have to contend with additional external influences. Added to the vast changes that already exist in trying to become a blended family, children of blended families experience many situations due to outside influences that can affect their attitude within the family. This has the potential to generate a great deal of conflict in the home.

Some of the influences outside the home may include the other parents, their relatives, friends, and acquaintances from earlier in their lives. Any of these relationships can have a major impact on our children’s efforts to integrate into our blended family. Besides these outside influences, a child’s age, gender, and stage of life also have a great deal to do with how he or she adjusts to life in our home and can also contribute to the potential for family conflict.

Once we establish who is influencing our children, we must become aware of what we want our children’s experience in our home to look like and then set boundaries that allows us to set an atmosphere within our home that guards that experience.

Think about it!

What boundaries have you established to appropriately protect the experience in your home? What boundaries might you need to set?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.’ Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT)

Whether you are on the road to becoming a blended family, have just become a blended family, or have been part of a blended family for many years, you have probably at one time or another asked, “How does this work?” Chances are, you hope for or have worked for a smooth transition and a happy family life for you, your spouse, and your children, but you also know that things are not always that easy. Adjusting to married life can be a big challenge in itself, but when we add children to the mix, things can become a lot more complicated.

Have you ever been talking to someone and had to explain the “yours, mine, and ours” scenario? It looks a little like this: “Well, Joe was mine before I remarried, and Bill had two kids from his previous marriage, and then we had one together.” We always seem to end with an awkward pause and a half smile, especially if the kids are standing there. And all the person asked is if all these kids were ours.

God’s way of blending leads to family unity—but it requires some intentionality on our part. It is almost impossible for us to develop strong relationships within the home if we create a clear separation between our kids and our spouse’s kids. We have to remember that although the children may be our spouse’s, they are our God-given assignment to help raise. Our spouse is no longer in this boat alone, and neither are we.

You see, children know when we are not fully invested in building a relationship with them. Learning to embrace them all as “ours” breaks down the walls and shows our kids that regardless of when they decide to embrace our blended family, we are already committed. This is God’s way! And our kids need to see this.

Think about it!

Do you model oneness in your blended family? If not, how could you change that?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

‘Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:7(NLT)

When two people meet and fall in love, they typically don’t take the time to fully consider the extent to which their love will change their lives, especially in a blended family. During a beautiful marriage ceremony, they stand before witnesses and confess their undying love and vow their commitment to one another. All the decorations and ceremonial pomp, however, don’t prepare them for the hard work that lies ahead.

As children, both of us were exposed to the challenges of being in a blended family at an early age. When we joined together in marriage, we desired to become a united family! This was an audacious prayer—but with God’s help, it is attainable. 

Blending a family is a journey—one that will have some steep valleys of seeming defeat as well as high mountains of apparent victories. But it is worth it! Strong blended families aren’t the result of some magic pill or a single prayer. Strong blended families require application of the Word of God, willingness to work toward growth, and the ability to apply the wisdom of God in situations! We pray that you will begin to identify with these things in this devotional.

Wherever you are as a blended family, you will find that engaging in this devotional with an open heart and mind will take your family to the next level. As you begin and complete the Better than Blended Devotional, we would love to see three main goals achieved:

• 1. An enhanced blended family experience by drawing closer to God
• 2. A strengthened blended family by helping your children to develop heartfelt relationships with each other
• 3. More intentionality by developing unity and oneness in every aspect of your blended family

We pray that a deepened sense of God’s call for your family will take root in your hearts and that the fruit of your love for each other, your children, and God will yield a family that is Better Than Blended. 

from Better Than Blended Devotional