Category: 2nd Marriage

‘But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.”’ 1 Peter 1:15-16(NLT)

If I told you that someone was coming to speak at your church on the topic of sexual purity, who would you assume to be the target audience? Most likely, you would picture the seats filled with teenagers and single adults. The purity movement has been almost exclusively geared toward this audience. But guess what? The message of sexual purity also applies to those wearing a wedding band.

Temptations of pornography, lustful thoughts, and other sexual sin don’t disappear on your wedding day. Most men and women will face significant sexual temptation at some point in their marriage. For many, it is a daily struggle.

To make matters more confusing, the church is often silent regarding what sexual purity looks like in marriage. So Christians are confused. I’m often asked if it is OK for a husband and wife to view pornography together. Many Christian women have read books like Fifty Shades of Grey and feel it is acceptable because they are married.

Husbands and wives wear a different form of purity ring – it’s called a wedding band. It symbolizes the commitment to forsake all others in thought, action and desire.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure.” God created sexual intimacy for a husband and wife to find great pleasure and excitement. He has given a married couple a lot of freedom in their enjoyment. However, the call to purity – keeping all sexual thoughts and actions between a husband and wife – is always a guideline and priority.

Whether you are single or married, if you have given your life to Christ, every area of yourself needs to be yielded to His Lordship. That includes your sexuality.

Question to Ponder: Have you ever considered that sexual purity applies to married people, too? How is the Lord prompting you to yield your sexuality to His holiness?

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.’ Matthew 6:15(NLT)

‘If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.’ Romans 12:8(NLT)

A few years ago, I sat across from a friend who told me an unbelievable story of forgiveness. I had heard the story before, but had no idea that she was the main character – the woman who chose to forgive. My friend forgave her husband for something that much of the world, even Christians, views as unforgivable. How could a wife forgive her husband for sexually violating their child?

My friend’s testimony brought me face-to-face with conclusions I had made about what sins are “forgivable.” In my own mind, I had reasoned through the years that some offenses are just too great to be forgiven. Certainly, this was one of them.

My thinking, though logical, was far from Biblical. Jesus made a big deal about the important of forgiving one another. He went so far as to say that if we refuse to forgive someone else, He will not forgive our sins. That’s pretty serious! Notice that when Jesus taught about forgiveness, He never categorized offenses or excused things that are just too great to forgive.

Your enemy would like you to believe that your spouse or other people who have hurt you shouldn’t be forgiven. He may have convinced you that holding onto your anger and bitterness will keep you safe from further betrayal or harm. Just as nothing is too great for Jesus to forgive, there is no offense that justifies a hard heart.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the person who hurt you gets “off the hook.” It means that you trust the Lord to bring righteousness in His time. Forgiveness also doesn’t necessarily mean full reconciliation of a relationship. When trust has been broken, it must be rebuilt. However, forgiveness means that, as far as it depends upon you, you are at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).

Question to ponder:
Have you subconsciously made a list of “unforgivable” sins?

Action Step:
If there is a person (dead or alive) that you have refused to forgive, bring that situation before the Lord. Ask Him what step to take in cementing the decision to walk in forgiveness.

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.’ 1 John 1:9-10(NLT)

‘So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. ‘ Romans 8:1(NLT)

Have you ever been given a gift that you knew you didn’t deserve? As much as you loved the gift, your guilt and sense of unworthiness kept you from enjoying it.

This is the case for many regarding the gift of sexual pleasure. It seems to be too much of a stretch to accept that God would want you to enjoy intoxicating, out-of-this world sexual excitement and fulfillment. You feel as if you’ve disqualified yourself from such a gift. After all, you tasted the sweetness of sexual pleasure before marriage. Or your mind has been twisted over the years by exposure to porn. A logical consequence for your sin is that you shouldn’t have the freedom to enjoy sex with your spouse.

Have you ever noticed that God doesn’t qualify what He will forgive and what He won’t? So why do we act as if some sins are beyond His redemption and cleansing?

It’s true that you don’t deserve sexual pleasure. None of us do. We have all fallen short of God’s holiness and deserver punishment and condemnation. Yet, Jesus’ death on the cross means that there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus!

Let me ask you a probing question. Are you at any level withholding sexual pleasure in your marriage because you feel guilty? You may not be consciously aware of it, but have you determined that you will punish yourself for past mistakes? My friend, there is nothing spiritual or godly about giving yourself a judgment for sin that God has forgiven!

The verses you read today make it clear. Don’t deny your sin or keep it hidden in the recesses of your heart. Confess it before the Lord. When you do, accept the promise that God has cleansed you from that sin and covered you with righteousness. He has given you the gift of sexual pleasure to enjoy in marriage. It’s time to open the gift!

Action Step: Get on your knees before the Lord and ask Him to forgive your sin, even sin that happened years ago but hasn’t been dealt with. Thank Him for the cleansing blood of Christ. Then, put a “stake in the ground”… something to remind you that the sin has been dealt with and has no hold on your current walk with God.

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health.’ Psalms 30:2(NLT)

‘The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord ’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.’ Isaiah 61:1-3(NLT)

Do you believe that God has the ability to heal? Throughout the Gospels are recorded accounts of Jesus healing physical problems like blindness, hemorrhaging, and leprosy. We also see Him healing spiritual conditions like demon possession and unbelief. Have you ever noticed that Jesus ministered to a number of people (particularly women) who had sexual wounds? The woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery and the woman in Luke 7 who most likely was a prostitute are examples. They carried unseen and unspoken wounds that held them in bondage.

Witnesses could plainly tell when a blind man received site or a lame man could walk. However, sexual wounds are invisible. How can we know that Jesus healed them? We can tell because those whom Jesus healed experienced freedom from bondage.

The prophet Isaiah told us what the Messiah came to do:

To proclaim good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance from our God, to comfort those who mourn… to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes…

As I’ve witnessed God bringing healing to men and women with sexual wounds, I’ve seen Him bind up the broken hearts of those who were abuse or betrayed. I’ve seen Him free captives of sexual addiction. I’ve seen Him replace the ashes of the past with the beauty of a redeemed life.

Question to Ponder: Satan would like you to believe that God cannot redeem the brokenness of your sexual wounds. God is Jehovah Rapha, your healer. Have you asked Him to pour His healing into the most intimate areas of your heart?

Action Step: Talk to God about the hidden wounds you have assumed He could never heal.

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” “Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’” “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”’ Genesis 3:1-5(NLT)

Our enemy, Satan, doesn’t just make up lies randomly because he has nothing better to do. Have you ever noticed that he hasn’t tried to convince you that the sky is green or that chocolate tastes bad? His lies and schemes always have a purpose. At the very core of every lie he whispers and every truth he distorts is an underlying agenda – to convince you that God cannot be trusted.

You read today the first recorded lie. Satan’s first interaction with the human race was a bold-faced lie about God’s character. He successfully convinced Eve that God was trying to keep her from something good rather than trying to protect her.

Your enemy repeats that same lie in your own thoughts. At a point of temptation, you may begin to believe that the world is having all the fun – that pornography, books like Fifty Shades of Grey, and a flirtation with a co-worker will bring you more pleasure than your spouse ever could. Satan wants you to believe that God’s design for sex is limited, flawed and ultimately unsatisfying. He may whisper that you deserve more than what passes for love between you and your spouse.

The Bible acknowledges that sin may be pleasurable for a season, but ultimately it leads to pain and death. God’s standards are not to limit your enjoyment, but to heighten it. God is the greatest proponent of your pleasure—not the pleasure that is sweet for a season, but the deep, profound satisfaction that only grows sweeter with time.

Question to ponder: Although you may sing worship songs about God’s goodness and even have memorized Psalms about His lovingkindness, are you susceptible to this lie of the enemy? Do you believe that living by God’s standards of holiness will keep you from the greatest pleasures?

Action Step: When Jesus was tempted by Satan, He quoted Scripture in defense. Find and memorize a Bible verse that refutes Satan’s lie that God is not trustworthy.

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. ‘ John 8:44(NLT)

‘so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.’ 2 Corinthians 2:11(NLT)

The battle for your mind can be summarized by the difference between truth and lies. Satan, our enemy, is called the father of lies. The Bible says that there is no truth found in him. Jesus, by contrast, is called “the truth.” The Gospels record seventy-four times Jesus saying, “I tell you the truth!”

The average Christian has bought a bucket-full of lies regarding sex. Those lies may be so embedded in your thinking that they feel a lot like truth. Did you know that lies can feel more trustworthy than the truth?

The woman who gave herself away countless times throughout the teen years may believe, “I’m worthless. I’m forever tarnished.” Childhood sexual abuse may make you feel damaged beyond repair or have convinced you that no man can be trusted. You may believe that God could never love you in the face of your sexual addiction or that telling the truth about your struggle will mean the end of your marriage. Satan’s lies may be subtle, like the nagging guilt you feel after having sex with your spouse – proof that sexual pleasure just isn’t right.

The essence of who you are sexually and how you approach intimacy in your marriage is in your thought life. To the extent the enemy has infiltrated your thinking, God’s truth about sex will remain on the pages of your Bible and never make it to your bedroom. The battle begins and ends with your thoughts.

Over the next few days, we will look at some of the most common lies Christians believe about sex. In the light of God’s truth, we will expose the enemy’s assault on your marriage for we are “not unaware of his schemes” (2 Corinthians 2:11).

Question to ponder: What lies do I believe about sex? Why do lies sometimes feel more trustworthy than truth?

Action Step: Pray that the Lord will shine His truth on your lies, exposing and destroying the lies of the enemy.

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.’ John 10:10(NLT)

‘But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. ‘ 1 John 4:4(NLT)

As you have learned over the past few days, God designed sex to be a power symbol and celebration of covenant love. It is a physical and emotional expression of the deepest commitment two people can make to each other. But sex is more than that. It represents the ultimate covenant love – God’s love for His people.

Because sex is a portrait of God’s sacred love, Satan will do anything he can to destroy the beauty of it. He has tried to twist, tarnish, and distort the beautiful and holy picture of sexuality in every way possible. Sexual addiction, porn, prostitution, sexual abuse, sexual pain, gender confusion… these are all examples of how Satan keeps Christians from ever celebrating sexuality within the context of God’s holy design. Sex has been dragged through the mud so thoroughly that most people can’t even comprehend that it is intended to be something holy.

It is key for you to recognize Satan’s assaults on your sexuality and your marriage. You may be carrying around guilt and sexual shame, but never have identified the source. Satan’s agenda is to destroy, discourage, and defeat the Christian marriage bed. Your spouse, your past, even pornography are not the primary culprit. Satan has used these tools toward his agenda of defiling the good gift of sex.

The good news is found in I John 4:4 – Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.

You don’t have to be a statistic – another marriage wrecked by porn, another woman permanently scarred by abuse, or another couple who fights endlessly about sex.

Satan’s schemes cannot stand against the word and the power of God. So often, God’s truth is ignored related to sexuality. When you study what God has to say about forgiveness, redemption and His design for sex, the enemy will be defeated!

Question to ponder: Have you ever considered that Satan wants to destroy your sexual intimacy in marriage? How can you see him working to do this?

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen carefully to my wise counsel. Then you will show discernment, and your lips will express what you’ve learned. For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. For she cares nothing about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. So now, my sons, listen to me. Never stray from what I am about to say: Stay away from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! If you do, you will lose your honor and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved. Strangers will consume your wealth, and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor. In the end you will groan in anguish when disease consumes your body. You will say, “How I hated discipline! If only I had not ignored all the warnings! Oh, why didn’t I listen to my teachers? Why didn’t I pay attention to my instructors? I have come to the brink of utter ruin, and now I must face public disgrace.” Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:1-19(NLT)

The verses you read today tell you all you need to know about sexual pleasure. God’s opinion is that, outside of marriage, pursuing sexual pleasure is a destructive objective. In fact, it can lead to death – the death of a ministry, a marriage, a testimony and intimacy with God. The wisdom of Proverbs tells men and women to flee from sexual temptation. It is powerful and deadly.

However, there is an abrupt change in the passage starting with verse 15. All of a sudden, sexual pleasure has become a wonderful, God-given gift. A husband is told to always delight in the sexual love of his wife. Wives are to do the same.

The entire book of Song of Solomon validates the message of Proverbs 5:15-19. Within the covenant of marriage, erotic, exciting sex is a worthy pursuit for both the husband and the wife. A godly marriage should include frequent and satisfying sexual intimacy.

Men and particularly women struggle to make the shift between Proverbs 5:14 and 15. After years of warnings like “don’t give yourself away, don’t think about sex, sex is bad!” all of a sudden, a wedding ceremony makes erotic pleasure something holy and God-honoring.

It’s key to understand that a wedding ring doesn’t somehow redeem your sexual drive. Your body was created to be sexual and to experience sexual pleasure as part of the image of God. Your sexual drive speaks to the innate, God-given passion to connect, commit, celebrate and share yourself in the most intimate way with another human being. While sexual restraint is the challenge before marriage, uninhibited sexual expression is the challenge within marriage.

Somehow, many Christians believe it honors God to withhold or subdue sexual pleasure in the marriage bed. Nothing could be further from the truth! Within the covenant of marriage, you have God’s permission to throw off every restraint and enjoy to the fullest the gift of sexual expression with your spouse.

Question to Ponder: Do you feel like you have God’s permission to fully enjoy sexual pleasure in marriage? Why or why not?

Action Step: Have a conversation with your spouse about how you can learn to bring each other greater pleasure in your sexual relationship.

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ‘ Ephesians 5:31-32(NLT)

‘O Lord , you have examined my heart and know everything about me.’ Psalms 139:1(NLT)

‘Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.’ Proverbs 3:6(NLT)

‘If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.”’ Exodus 33:13(NLT)

The ultimate reason (not the only reason) why we are sexual is to make God more deeply knowable. John Piper (from Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, p. 26).

What do you think of the above quote? Kind of a paradigm shift, isn’t it? God created sex for a lot of reasons – for procreation, for pleasure, for intimate knowing between a husband and wife. However, one of the most important reasons He created sex is to communicate about Himself.

God understands that we are limited creatures – that we have difficulty grasping spiritual truths. All throughout Scripture, God paints physical pictures to explain spiritual truths. For example, in John 15, He used the physical picture of a grapevine to explain what looks like to abide in Christ.

God created sex and the covenant of marriage to be a brilliant metaphor of how deeply He knows us and longs for us to know Him. It’s not just John Piper and the apostle Paul who say this. Consider this fact…

The Hebrew word for sexual intimacy between a husband and wife in the Old Testament is the word yada. Yada literally means, “to know deeply or intimately.” The word yada appears in the Old Testament over 940 times. No, there isn’t that much sex in the Old Testament. The word yada is most often used to describe intimacy with God – His with us, and ours with Him. Here are a few examples:

“You have searched me and you yada my heart.” Psalm 139:1

“In all your ways yada Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:6

“Moses said to the Lord…’If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may yada you and continue to find favor with you.’” Exodus 33:13.

Sexual intimacy is a powerful picture of the gospel – of the degree of intimacy and ecstasy we are capable of having with God. The Christian marriage is designed to be showcase of this masterpiece.

Question to ponder:
Have you ever considered that sexual intimacy in marriage is a way of participating in proclaiming God’s love? If you took that seriously, how would your sex life change?

Action Step:
Take a few moments to pray that God would expand your understanding of the holy metaphor of sexuality.

from God, Sex And Your Marriage

‘And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”’ John 8:32(NLT)

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Everyone has an opinion about sex. But did you know that God also has an opinion… a definite, distinct perspective? Unfortunately, many Christians have confused the voice of Christian leaders for the opinion of God. When it comes to sex, Christian leaders throughout the ages have had differing opinions on the topic. Here’s a brief sample…

Nothing is so much to be shunned as sexual relations. St. Augustine.

The Holy Spirit leaves the room when a married couple has sex, even if they do it without passion. Peter Lombard, respected 12th century theologian.

Intercourse is never without sin. Martin Luther.

If anyone says that sex itself is bad, Christianity contradicts him at once. C.S. Lewis.

A married couple gives a severe blow to the head of that ancient serpent when they aim to give as much sexual satisfaction to each other as possible. John Piper.

No wonder Christians are confused. Who speaks for God? Ultimately, God speaks for Himself through His inspired Word. If you want to know God’s opinion, look no further than the Bible. It may surprise you that the Bible has quite a bit to say on the topic. Some of it you’ll love and some of it is difficult to accept.

When a person like you or me has an opinion, it’s just that – an opinion. When God has an opinion, we call it something else – the truth. Truth is the one opinion against which every other opinion is measured.

We all have thoughts and beliefs about sex that are not based on truth. Perhaps your misinformation about sex even came from Christian sources. However, if you truly want to see the gift of sexuality as it was created to be experienced, you must be willing to expose the lies you’ve believed as measured by the truth of God’s Word.

Questions to Ponder: What are the primary sources that formed your opinion on sex? Can you identify any lies you believe about sex?

from God, Sex And Your Marriage