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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 9

‘Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. ‘ Romans 12:15(NLT)

Celebrate together in the good times and lean on each other in the hard times.

Marriage is “for better or for worse.” Your marriage will experience both extremes. When your spouse is happy, you should be the first to share in the celebration. When your spouse is sad or even heartbroken, you should be there for support. In those moments of pain your spouse won’t need you to cheer them up or to offer advice. Simply be there. Hold each other. Pray together. Cry together. These moments of shared pain will become some of your most intimate shared memories. Reflection: How can I better celebrate with my spouse in good times and better support my spouse in difficult times?

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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 8

‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

Treat your spouse like a priority; not like an interruption.

Never take your spouse for granted. Make sure he/she knows that you value your marriage more than any other part of your schedule. You can show your spouse the place of priority he/she always holds in your heart by simply answering the phone whenever he/she calls, always being thoughtful, and remembering that you’re never too busy to be thoughtful and respectful to each other.

Reflection: Do my words and my actions consistently communicate that my spouse is a top priority?

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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 7

‘So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ‘ Galatians 6:9(NLT)

Your habits will shape your marriage, so keep the right habits and quit unhealthy habits.

Keep being thoughtful. Keep writing love notes. Keep doing the things you did at the beginning of the relationship and adding new marriage-building habits to the old ones. Don’t let your marriage get on autopilot, because anything left on autopilot will eventually crash! Remember that consistency is the most powerful force in a marriage. Make sure you are consistently doing the right things.

Reflection: Which habits do I need to keep and which ones do I need to quit?

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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 6

‘You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.’ Song of Songs 4:9(NLT)

Never stop flirting with your spouse and never start flirting with anyone else!

Flirtation is an act meant to bring a romantic connection between two people. Within marriage, there are daily opportunities to make these connections through touching, talking and a myriad of other ways. There are also opportunities throughout the day to create these moments with people other than your spouse. Be very careful to keep your flirtation focused on your spouse alone and to always remain captivated by his/her love.

Reflection: Do my words to my spouse clearly communicate that I love him/her now more than ever?

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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 5

‘But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ‘ Matthew 5:28(NLT)

Don’t just be physically monogamous; be mentally monogamous too.

In our world we are constantly bombarded with lust-fueled images that objectify people, cheapen the sacred gift of sex and tempt our minds to wander into dangerous and sinful fantasies. Jesus taught that to look at someone lustfully is to commit an act of infidelity. Resist the urge to let your eyes or your thoughts travel to places that could pull you away from your spouse. Lust views people as objects to be used; love views people as souls to be cherished.

Reflection: Are my thoughts honoring God and honoring my spouse or are my thoughts harming my marriage?

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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 4

‘Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. ‘ Galatians 6:2(NLT)

Marriage means being there for each other no matter what!

A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the time. It requires a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in those moments when the other feels weak. Your spouse should never have to face any obstacle without your full partnership, encouragement, and support. You might not always be able to offer the perfect answer or the perfect solution, but simply by offering yourself and your support you can create a perfect opportunity for growth in your relationship.

Reflection: Does my spouse know that I will be there for him/her no matter what?

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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 3

‘Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.’ Genesis 2:25(NLT)

Secrecy is an enemy of intimacy.

Trust is the foundation of marriage and trust requires honesty and transparency. When God created the first married couple, they were naked and that nakedness isn’t just a picture of physical intimacy; it’s a picture of total transparency in all aspects of the marriage. Nakedness vividly conveys the message, “I have nothing to hide from you.” If you desire total trust and transparency in all aspects of your relationship, confess your secrets and get vulnerable and “naked” in all aspects of your marriage.

Reflection: In what ways am I not being completely honest, transparent, vulnerable and “naked” with my spouse?

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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 2

‘Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.’ Proverbs 12:25(NLT)

Be an encourager; the world has plenty of critics already.

Choose to be your spouse’s biggest encourager; not his/her biggest critic. Choose to be the person who wipes away their tears; not the one who causes them. Choose to become a cheerleader for your spouse’s strengths instead of always pointing out his/her weaknesses. Encouragement is a simple-but-powerful tool to bring fuel to your marriage and joy to your spouse.

Reflection: Through both my words and my actions, how can I be a better encourager to my spouse?

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31 Days To A Stronger Marriage – Day 1

‘Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:7(NLT)

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

Love is not a feeling; love is a commitment. Our world has redefined love to be nothing more than a fickle feeling that comes and goes. Based on this hollow definition of love, married couples often call it quits simply because they’ve “fallen out of love” or “don’t feel the same way they used to feel.” Resist the temptation to base your marriage on your feelings. Build your marriage on a rock-solid commitment and your feeling will usually have a way of catching up.

Reflection: How am I communicating my love and commitment to my spouse every day?

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Drink from Your Own Well

‘Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline; whoever learns from correction is wise.’ Proverbs 15:5(NLT)

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:18-19(NLT)

In marriage, you enter into a covenant with your spouse that is recognized by God and sealed physically through sex. While single, it is encouraged to wait for marriage and to reserve that unveiling for you and your spouse. The reality is that even marriage does not guarantee the prevention of the misuse of sex. ‘Drink from your own well’ here means to have sex only with your spouse. Do not derive sexual pleasure from anyone other than the person you are married to. This includes engaging in pornography or masturbation. You should derive pleasure from your spouse, not mental images or videos of third parties. These actions are capable of ruining your marriage.

For a rich and enduring relationship, loyalty is not only desired, it is required. Nobody wants to be in a marriage with someone who claims to love you yet goes to bed with other people. Some people experience the itch of wanting a better mate or they experience some sort of buyer’s remorse, thinking they could have made a better choice of whom to marry. Please pay attention: in the cycle of life, there will always be ‘something better’ out there. There will always be someone smarter, richer, taller, younger, more attractive, and more charismatic than your spouse. 

Life on this side of heaven will never be perfect. The whole purpose of making vows is to assure your spouse that in spite of what life throws your way, you will be faithful. Will you face hardship in marriage? Yes. Will you be tempted to cheat? Yes. Is it possible to resist? Yes. Once you can settle this in your heart, fidelity becomes not just a possibility but also your lifestyle. Infidelity occurs when people choose to esteem their problems above their promises. Don’t let that be your story. 

Action Point: Commit to drinking only from your own well. Make up your mind to do it and ask God to help you keep to it. Erect boundaries that will help you stand by your commitment.

from SOLID…Building the Marriage of your Dreams by Godman Akinlabi