Category: 1st Marriage

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There is no shortcut if you want your marriage to grow

‘Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. ‘ Ecclesiastes 9:9(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.’ 1 Peter 3:1-6(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

How much time do you spend on average each day with your spouse? One survey concluded that most married couples spend five minutes or less together a day. That same survey says that before marriage those same couples spent three hours together a day! That is twenty-one hours a week before marriage and thirty-five minutes a week after. In college, when Nancy and I were dating, we spent a ton of time together and it was great. Then we got married, and things began to change. She was continuing with college; I was building a career. We still spent time together, but we were not as purposeful about how we used that time. We really began to take each other for granted. Six months into marriage we were drifting apart and knew something had to change. 

What about you and your spouse? Are you at five minutes or three hours or somewhere in between? Is your relationship closer now than it was this time last year, or are you drifting apart? If your marriage is going to grow, there is no shortcut to time spent together. Start today and be purposeful. If you are currently spending zero time together each day, start by spending five minutes a day with each other. Make it the most connected five minutes you can imagine: talk, touch, listen. You will be amazed at the difference it can make.

Today’s One Thing: Spend five minutes today connecting with your spouse. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Stretch yourself on this one

‘“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord . “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’ Isaiah 55:8-9(NLT)

‘“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.’ Matthew 7:9-11(NLT)

‘Bend down, O Lord , and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help.’ Psalms 86:1(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Here’s an idea for you to think about: If we knew everything that God knows, we would answer our prayers exactly like God does. Let that soak in. We see life through our eyes and pray accordingly. God sees the big picture and answers accordingly. If we truly believe that God is good, which He is, then we need to believe that His answers to our prayers are perfect for us. 

When Nancy and I talk about things we would like to pray for or need to pray for, the list can be a little overwhelming. What about you and your spouse? What would your list look like? Even if your list may seem a little (or a lot) overwhelming, try this. First, keep your prayer list, pray, and trust our good God to answer every prayer perfectly for you. Second, pick one thing for the two of you to pray about. Use the following questions as your criteria for this “one thing”: Is it something only God can do? From what you know about the Bible, is your “one thing” something that God would want for you? Are you willing to do your part? When God answers, how will you respond to Him? Will you look for other blessings that come your way from God in this process? What is your “one thing” in prayer that God will use to change your marriage? 

Today’s One Thing: Pray that God will use the “one thing” you are praying for to change your marriage. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Bragging to benefit your marriage

‘Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.’ Proverbs 16:24(NLT)

‘A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.’ Proverbs 15:1(NLT)

‘When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.’ Proverbs 31:26(NLT)

‘Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.’ Proverbs 18:20(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Have you ever been around someone who is always complaining about their spouse? It’s like their spouse never does anything right, and even when they try, they get it wrong. As a counselor, I can’t help but take notice when I am out in public and hear someone doing that. I know from years of counseling couples that nothing good ever results from those negative words. The speaker is laying a foundation of negativity in their marriage, and their spouse gets slammed without even knowing it. It’s a no-win situation. 

One really good way to grow your marriage is to brag about your spouse to someone else. This does a couple of things: First, it is a great witness and example of a Christian marriage. Second, it keeps our thoughts about our spouse on the positive side. Another benefit of speaking positively about your spouse occurs when someone else tells your spouse what you said about them. Your husband or wife is a gift to you from God. Thank God for your gift, and start talking about your spouse to others in a positive way.

Today’s One Thing: Brag on your spouse to someone today!

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

When life gets in the way of having fun

‘A man might have a hundred children and live to be very old. But if he finds no satisfaction in life and doesn’t even get a decent burial, it would have been better for him to be born dead. ‘ Ecclesiastes 6:3(NLT)

‘So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.’ Ecclesiastes 8:15(NLT)

‘This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.’ Psalms 118:24(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Do you and your spouse have fun together? Often in the counseling room, I will ask a couple what they do for fun. More often than not, I get blank stares. What would you say if I asked you that question? The first part of my premise is that every couple had fun together at one time in their relationship. (If they did not, then they probably would never have gotten married!) The second part is that life gets in the way of having fun. Having fun together becomes less of a priority as careers and children (among other things) fight for our time and attention. But I think having fun together should be a priority in marriage! Couples need to have fun together. What did you do for fun when you were dating or in the early part of your marriage? What sounds fun to you to do as a couple today? Setting aside time each week with no agenda other than having fun together can supercharge your marriage. 

Today’s One Thing: Decide on a “fun thing” to do together this week. Then do it!

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

There is absolutely nothing to lose and a lot to gain

‘You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.’ John 16:24(NLT)

‘You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.’ John 16:24(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

When was the last time you prayed for your spouse? There are so many ways you can pray. If you need ideas for what to pray about, simply ask your spouse if there’s anything he or she would appreciate you praying for. Your prayers can also come from just being a student of your spouse. Pray for them in their work, as a spouse, as a parent, or for something they are struggling with. I think you will be amazed at what happens. Praying for your spouse connects the two of you with God. It helps you come alongside your spouse. 

When I am praying for Nancy, I look at her differently. Praying for her draws me closer to her. It shows me that we are on the same team and are working together as we navigate life. The really cool thing is that it puts us in a partnership with God. I promise you that God will show up when you invite His involvement in your marriage through prayer! Does that mean that God will answer your prayer for your spouse exactly the way you are praying? Maybe, but maybe not. What it does mean is that God will answer your prayer in the way that is perfect for you and your spouse. Try praying today and see what happens. There is absolutely nothing to lose and a lot to gain. 

Today’s OneThing: Pray for your spouse. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The common thread in a successful marriage is…

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Do you ever wonder how those couples who make it to 20, 30, 40, or more years of marriage do it? How do those marriages thrive when so many marriages struggle just to survive—if they make it at all? If you interviewed a handful of those successful couples, you would probably get a number of really good answers. You would probably also find that what works for some may not work for everyone. I do think you would find one common thread in almost every successful marriage: The husband and wife are very purposeful about their marriage. With all the distractions in life, their relationship with each other comes right behind their relationship with God. 

This kind of commitment isn’t a casual acknowledgment of the other person; it is two people who each choose to find something to do every day that will make a positive difference for their marriage. That may sound fairly insignificant, but think about this: If you are purposeful each and every day about doing one thing that is good for your marriage, in a year you would have done 365 things! In five years, your total would be 1,825! What if you kept it up for 50 years? That would amount to 18,250 intentional things you did to strengthen your marriage! Don’t you think your marriage would be better? Be here each day, as we look together for that “one thing” that will build an Awesome Marriage. 

Today’s One Thing: Commit to do One Thing that’s good for your marriage for the next 31 days. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The Fork in the Road

‘The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.’ Psalms 32:8(NLT)

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. (Psalm 32:8)

The famous baseball player Yogi Berra has a way with words. Of his many famous quotes, this is one of my favorites: “When you come to the fork in the road, take it.” He said it originally when giving someone directions to his home, because either way you turned at the fork, right or left, it still led to his house. Don’t you wish it was that way in life?

The truth is, you will come to critical times in your life when you must make decisions as to which way you will turn. Will you forgive or hold a grudge? Will you stay and work things out or run from your problems? Will you withdraw from your spouse when he or she offends you and go elsewhere to get your needs met, or will you pursue your spouse and fight for your marriage?

In life, there are many proverbial “forks in the road.” What you do at these times forms your character and forges your destiny. I recently met with a person who is bankrupt and has been divorced multiple times. He lamented to me that he had made every wrong choice at crucial times and wished he could go back and do it all over again.

Every marriage has problems and requires hard work and sacrifice for success. When you get to the difficult times in your life and marriage, you must forgive, commit and give of yourself in spite of your negative emotions. There will always be a little voice inside of you trying to convince you to take “the easy way”—the alternate road that looks so much more pleasing.

Also, at these times there are often supporters of that other path cheering you on and assuring you that you are justified in following your feelings. They want you to believe that the answer to all of your problems lies in the choice to do what God’s Word says is wrong, but what the majority of people say is right.

As you conclude this 52-week devotional study, I want to leave you with two thoughts: first, the easy way is never easy. It is brutal. The pretty side of the fork in the road that is lined with flowers and goes downhill actually has many sharp turns with steep cliffs you can’t see.

Second, the right way is the easiest way to live. Even though that side of the fork looks steep and rocky at first, it actually becomes a better road with every step you take. Also, as you climb higher and higher, the scenery becomes breathtaking as you see God’s promises for your life, marriage, and family come true.

Talk It Out | What advice have you been given about your marriage that you knew was contrary to God’s Word? And what voices have you had to choose to ignore in order to keep on the right path? Express to each other your commitment to continue on the road to building a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Walk It Out | Get together with another couple and share with them what this 52-week devotional experience has meant in your lives. Encourage them to begin the journey together!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Making Dreams Come True

‘The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing.’ Proverbs 10:28(NLT)

The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing. (Proverbs 10:28 NLT)

Research has shown that many of the more serious fights in marriage occur on a dream level. What this means is that in your heart you entertain certain deeply embedded desires and dreams. Many of them go back for many years, even into your childhood. Also, many of them are so deeply entrenched in your psyche that you don’t think of them on a conscious level.

For example, it is common for a woman to have the dream of living in a house with a white picket fence. Women also commonly dream of having a loving husband who is a present partner with them in raising a family.

It is common for men to dream of having a wife who adores them and thinks they hung the moon. Men often dream of having a wife who takes care of the house well and prepares good meals for them.

With your dreams deeply lodged within your heart, you embark upon marriage. Your hopes run high when you are dating and even during the honeymoon phase of marriage. The problems surface when you begin to violate each other’s dreams.

For example, when a man begins to work late or stay out with his friends too often, he is violating his wife in obvious ways. However, what isn’t so obvious is the fact that his insensitive behavior is actually ruining her chances of living out her dream.

On the other side, when he comes home and finds her angry and accusatory, his dream is also broken. It only makes matters worse if other areas of her behavior don’t line up with what he has hoped for.

It is important for you to realize that everyone has dreams. It helps when you are able to bring those desires out in the open and talk about them together as a couple. What helps even more is a commitment to be each other’s “dream makers” and not “dream breakers.”

I encourage you to really think about this. Do you know what each other’s dreams are? Have you made an effort to show you really care? Have you ever committed to make the other person’s dreams come true? When you begin to make the necessary changes to stop violating each other’s dreams, you’ve taken the first steps to making your marriage a dream come true.

Talk It Out | Spend a few minutes separately thinking about your deepest dreams and desires for your marriage. Then come together and share those with each other. Talk about ways you can become each other’s “dream makers.”

Walk It Out | This week, make your date night “his” night. Wives, take this chance to make your husband’s dreams come true by focusing your attention and adoration on him.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Dreaming Big

‘And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.’ 1 John 5:14-15(NLT)

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. (1 John 5:14-15)

Research proves that the best marriages are those with high goals. It’s important that you set goals for your marriage and keep your expectations high. However, high goals must also be accompanied by realistic expectations.

There are two extremes that cause a lot of marriage problems. On the one hand, it is common to see couples who have very high expectations for their marriages but also have a fairy tale mentality that everything good is just going to fall into their proverbial laps. Unrealistic expectations set them up for heartache and disappointment.

On the other extreme are the couples who don’t want to be disappointed so they keep their expectations low. Sometimes these couples are cynical because of failed marriages in their past or chronic problems in their present marriage.

Finding balance is the key to success. You must set goals and have dreams for your marriage. You must also realize that there will be challenges along the way and enemies you must face and overcome. By the way, the journey toward the dream is as important as the dream itself. It is on the journey that you learn to depend on each other, trust in each other, pray together and ultimately become close friends and intimate lovers.

Another important issue in setting high goals is to learn to establish practical disciplines in your relationship that move you toward your goals. They need to be things your regular schedule can accommodate and things you’ll stick with. Here are a few practical suggestions:

+ Have a date night every week. Do something special and work hard on that night to keep your romance alive.

+ Commit to having a vision retreat this year (which I talked about in week 44, A Common Vision).

+ Be creative and energetic in meeting each other’s needs.

+ Brush up on your manners. Recommit to appreciating each other and honoring each other.

+ Go to at least one marriage seminar this year, and read at least one marriage book together.

Be inspired to set some new goals and keep dreaming big dreams for your marriage. God created you for greatness.

Talk It Out | What goals have you set for your marriage? Do you have realistic expectations of how to attain them? Write down your common goals and pray together, asking God to help you realize your dreams.

Walk It Out | Make this week’s date night specifically for her. Husbands, let your wife choose what you will do on your date, and put extra effort into making it special for her!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Precision Required

‘“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. ‘ Matthew 7:24-25(NLT)

Whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. (Matthew 7:24-25)

In almost every realm of life, success depends on precision. The examples are almost endless. Tiger Woods must hit the ball in a precise position and putt it exactly in the hole. He must do this for eighteen holes each day and for four days in a row to win a golf tournament.

Those who assemble airplanes must build them to exact specifications for safety reasons. Those who manufacture medications, especially those to treat serious illnesses, must make them to conform to the most precise mixture of ingredients and dosages. The list goes on and on as to the areas of life that must be precise for success.

Marriage is the same. It must be conducted according to God’s specific plan if it is going to work. I’m saying this for two reasons. First, I’m simply reminding you that God created man and marriage, and He is the only person who truly understands how we operate.

The Word of God is the instruction book that tells how you are designed to operate. In His mercy, God has given detailed instructions showing you how to love each other and how to build a life and marriage that will stand every test. In the Scripture above, Jesus promises that if you will obey His words, no force on earth will be able to cause you to fail.

The second reason I am addressing this issue is because of how common it is for people to try to make their marriages and relationships work on their own terms. This is true of many married couples who ignore God’s Word and try to impose their own opinions on each other to fix their problems or to alleviate frustrations.

World history and recent American history are replete with examples of how marriage is a miserable failure when you don’t follow God’s instructions. Just like most other areas of life, marriage requires precision. Thank God that He has given you every answer needed for success.

Next time you’re flying on an airplane, be thankful that those who put it together were precise. It’s what makes your flight safe and pleasant. It’s the same for marriage. Buckle up, get your Bible out and enjoy a safe and pleasant life.

Talk It Out | Talk about everyday ways that precision is important in your life—for example, measuring ingredients for a recipe, balancing your checkbook, following safety procedures at work, etc. Then discuss how that principle carries over into your marriage. In what areas could you apply God’s Word more precisely to ensure success?

Walk It Out | Watch a favorite movie together one night this week. Pop some popcorn or fix a snack you both like; then cuddle up on the couch and enjoy!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans