Category: 1st Marriage

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What Is Within You Is What You Speak

‘Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.’ Proverbs 18:20(NLT)

‘So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ. ‘ Romans 10:17(NLT)

 “From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Whatever is in our hearts, that is what we are going to express. There is a direct connection between what I say and what is in my heart. What I say is linked to what I have within me. However, there is something we need to understand: since what I say is a result of what is in my heart, I need to start saying things that can change what is within me. What is in my heart comes out in the words I say, and what I say also directly affects or changes what is within me.

You reap what you sow with your words. Words are like seeds; they can be seeds of life or seeds of death. That is why Proverbs 18:20 says, “From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.” What do I have to do? I need to start saying positive things knowingly, intentionally, so that my words can build a new reality within me. 

I am made of the words I speak. Talk to a person and you will know what is inside of them. It is like a vicious cycle. I speak from what is within me, and what is within me is filled by what I speak. When I am trapped in a bad cycle of negative words, I need to break that cycle by stopping all the negative talk. Then, I need to start speaking words of life, words that can build a positive reality in my marriage. The course of your life is being outlined by the words you speak; what you say determines where you are going.

In many ways, we have been limited by the words we have allowed to enter our hearts and minds. Many of those words have hindered our abilities. In the same way, what we say when we talk to our spouse has an effect on their lives. The words I say to them will cause either belief or disbelief. If I tell them, “You are such a hypocrite! You go to church, but what kind of a Christian are you?”, this will have a negative effect on them. Those words go against everything God says. They generate a reality of unbelief and go against God’s purpose.

 

Reflect

 What are the effects of my words on my spouse? What are the words that can build my spouse up? What is within me that comes out of my mouth? Are my words aligned with what God says about me?

I pray for every negative cycle in your life to be broken.

from Bulletproof Marriages

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The Power Of Well–Spoken Words

‘The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.’ Proverbs 18:21(NLT)

‘“And now I entrust you to God and the message of his grace that is able to build you up and give you an inheritance with all those he has set apart for himself.’ Acts of the Apostles 20:32(NLT)

‘Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.’ Proverbs 25:11(NLT)

‘That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, “I have made you the father of many nations.” This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing.’ Romans 4:17(NLT)

Everything I say creates a reality in my environment. If I go to the office and see a group of people working, and I tell them that they do not look ok, that they seem ill and sad, and then I ask them what is wrong with them, the words I said can generate a negative atmosphere in their lives. However, if I tell them: “Hey, you guys look great today, what happened?”, they might ask, “Really? I look great?” They start to feel good about themselves. They start to look happy!



We need to speak words that are good for building people up and for establishing them—words that can add something good to their lives. We should understand that our words have the power to build realities. The Scriptures say that God works by calling things which are not as though they were, because He knows that there is creative power in His words. He knows that when He speaks, nonexistent things begin to exist. For this reason, when He talks about us, He calls us holy, blameless, and perfect. Everything He says about us in Christ is positive and He makes sure we know that. He calls things which are not as though they were because there lies His creative power.

Just as the Word of God has power, so do our words. They have the power to generate an atmosphere in our environment and in that of the people around us. Our words can cause one of two things: they can create something good and positive, or they can destroy and corrupt it. What we allow our mouths to speak will create a reality.

If you say to your spouse, “I do not love you anymore,” even if that is not true, what you are saying will produce something in you. If you say something negative, it will create a negative reality. Never say things that go against what God says about your spouse. If God calls them perfect, holy, and blameless, do not go against what God says. Affirm what God says about your spouse! If God says so, I believe it and I declare it with my mouth! That will create a new reality. I say “Yes!” and “Amen!” to the Word of God by affirming what He says about me and my spouse.

Reflect

What are the words that come out of my mouth when I get home and see my spouse? What kind of environment am I encouraging? Are my words building them up? Am I bringing destruction? Do you talk more about getting divorced than staying together? Do you talk to your spouse about the wonderful life you have together? Do you think and say that all husbands, or all wives, are the same? Or are you declaring that your spouse is a holy and loving child of God?

I pray that your words affirm and declare what God says about you and your spouse. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

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Relationships

‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:29(NLT)

Our relationships with our coworkers, with people in general, are affected by the way we live at home, especially if we are married. Our personal life can be built up, encouraged, or held back by what happens at home. When there is no peace at home, our lives do not function properly, and it affects everything we do. 

We may ask ourselves why some marriages last while other marriages end up in divorce. What is the formula? It is not something magical. There is no simple answer to be found. 

The main reason why a marriage is successful is that the spouses have learned to put a filter on three different areas of their lives: a filter on what they say (their mouth), a filter on how they see each other (their eyes), and a filter on their hearts. 

First, Put A Filter On Your Mouth

What we say is powerful. If spouses can learn to use filters on their words, on what they declare over each other, they will avoid a lot of conflict over time. Ephesians 4:29 says that no foul language should come from our mouth, but only what is good for building others up. This is an instruction to live a life with God’s wisdom. There is a reason for every counsel God gives us, and it is really important to watch our language and the way we talk. 

There are logical, scientific, and sociological reasons for each of the practical guidelines that God has given us. It is not until we begin to put them into practice that we understand them and see their outcome. 

God is telling us that no foul language should come from our mouth. There are things that can be insulting to someone and even hurt them. There are times in our marriages when we say things that we should not say. We say things that might not consider offensive, like “You are old,” “You are fat,” and so many other things. We may think these phrases are not hurtful, but they can offend the other person. The words we say can cause such damage, it might take years to heal. Words generate realities. Words have the power of life and death.

Reflect

What kind of words are you saying to your spouse? What do those words generate in them? Is your heart open to listening to God’s wise counsel?

I pray that your words would express God in your marriage.

from Bulletproof Marriages

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Kingdom Marriage – Day 5

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘Jesus knew their thoughts and replied, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart. ‘ Matthew 12:25(NLT)

‘I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.’ John 17:21(NLT)

‘Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:3(NLT)

If you watch any military shows or movies, you’ve probably heard a general or soldier yelling, “They’re trying to flank us!” In military tactics, this is where the enemy will try to attack from the side or from behind. The reason troops don’t want to get flanked is because it forces them to divide their defenses. 

Satan uses these same tactics against your marriage. Let me say it this way, he seeks to divide and conquer. He knows that a when a couple is not unified, he can take them out more easily. However, when a couple is operating in biblical unity, they can stand firm against Satan and defeat him.

But what is unity? Unfortunately, many people think that unity means “sameness.” This is not true. Unity is not uniformity—it doesn’t mean being just like your spouse. Instead, unity can be defined as any group of people who are characterized by a shared purpose, vision or direction. It’s not about being the exact same, but about advancing toward the same goal. Think about a basketball team. There are five different positions on the court. Each position is characterized by different skillsets, roles and responsibilities. But all five players shoot at the same basket because their goal is the same.

God doesn’t call us to lose our uniqueness as an individual when we get married. However, a healthy marriage is where the presence and work of God’s Spirit transcends our individual differences. This is unity, and unity is built from a shared commitment to defeat a common enemy—the devil. This principle must be understood, accepted and continually sought after if a marriage is to truly experience victory.

Don’t allow Satan to divide you. Rally around God’s Word, and through prayer, create a unified front against Satan’s attacks on your marriage.

What spiritual goals can you and your spouse unify around? 

from Kingdom Marriage

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Kingdom Marriage – Day 4

‘Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.’ Ephesians 6:11-17(NLT)

‘We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. ‘ 2 Corinthians 10:3-5(NLT)

In the movie Batman Begins, the villain Ra’s Al Ghul hid his true identity. He does this because he knows that he can do more damage, he can cause more chaos, he can destroy more lives when he works in secret. Batman was chasing the wrong villain. It isn’t until late in the movie when Batman figures out who the real enemy is, fights him and achieves victory.

Satan operates the same way. He is most effective when he works behind the scenes. He would love for others get the credit for the chaos that he causes. He would love for you to believe that he doesn’t exist because then you would think the real villain is your spouse. When marriages get chaotic, one spouse typically blames the other. That’s exactly what the devil wants. Basically, when you view your spouse as the enemy and disregard Satan as the true villain, you are getting duped! And when this happens, you will react to your spouse negatively instead of realizing that Satan is trying to destroy God’s plan for your marriage. 

You must realize that Satan wants to destroy your marriage. Not just for the sake of ruining it, but because by dismantling it, he’ll also demolish your legacy. He doesn’t just want your marriage; he wants your family. He wants your children and grandchildren to come from broken marriages so that the faith won’t get passed on. 

If you don’t make the spiritual connection to everything that happens in your marriage, you will continue to fight the wrong battle. It’s not a physical war, but a spiritual one. And you will only experience victory in your marriage when you fight with spiritual weapons. In other words, put on and use the full armor of God. God makes these spiritual weapons available, but He won’t force you to use them. In your marriage, you must do battle God’s way, with His armor, against an enemy who is seeking to wreck it.

How can you and your spouse fight Satan together instead of fighting each other in your marriage?

from Kingdom Marriage

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Kingdom Marriage – Day 3

‘“Therefore, obey the terms of this covenant so that you will prosper in everything you do. ‘ Deuteronomy 29:9 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/DEU.29.9

‘Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord ’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.’ Malachi 2:13-14 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/MAL.2.13-14

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

A young girl was playing with her grandmother’s hands one day when she suddenly stopped to examine her grandmother’s wedding ring. After a few minutes, she asked her grandmother why the ring was so large and heavy. It was nothing like the thinner more delicate rings she saw. The grandmother smiled and said, “Because back when I got married, rings were made to last.”

One reason so many couples turn in their rings is because they view marriage as a contract. A contract is a conditional agreement between two or more persons signifying that all parties will do something. Contracts get made for limited periods of time and are based on “if, then” statements. “If they do this, then I’ll do that.” People enter into contracts because of what they’ll get out of them. When they no longer receive what they want, or if they find a better-looking option, then they will justify terminating it. 

However, the Bible doesn’t describe marriage this way, but defines it as a covenant. A covenant is a divinely created bond meaning it is permanent. It has rules, responsibilities and benefits. Covenants are intimate relationships initiated for the benefit of the other person. In it, the good of the relationship takes precedence over the needs of the individual. This is why covenants make unconditional promises. Basically, it’s where God makes something official in the spiritual realm to be lived out in the physical world. After all, the wedding vows are made “before God” and therefore with God as well as the spouse. To break the covenant with your spouse is to break it with God.

When a husband and wife live out a covenantal marriage instead of contractual terms, they will receive a covering. It’s like an umbrella. When it’s raining, the umbrella doesn’t stop the rain, but stops it from raining on you.

Living under God’s covering won’t stop the challenges in your marriage, but those challenges won’t affect you same way they normally would if you weren’t underneath His covering. 

How can you begin relating to your spouse on covenantal terms?

from Kingdom Marriage 

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Kingdom Marriage – Day 2

‘The Lord has made the heavens his throne; from there he rules over everything. Praise the Lord , you angels, you mighty ones who carry out his plans, listening for each of his commands. Yes, praise the Lord , you armies of angels who serve him and do his will! Praise the Lord , everything he has created, everything in all his kingdom.’ Psalms 103:19-22(NLT)

‘The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known. They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world.’ Psalms 19:1-4(NLT)

‘For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.’ Romans 11:36(NLT)

‘So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. ‘ 1 Corinthians 10:31(NLT)

The term kingdom marriage assumes there is a kingdom. If there is a kingdom, then the assumption is there is a king. If there is a king, then the assumption is there are subjects over which the king rules. And finally, if there are subjects in the kingdom, the assumption is there are rules that they must live by. So, when we say kingdom marriage, we are referring to marriage operating according to the kingdom. A specific kingdom. God’s kingdom. 

Throughout the Bible, the kingdom of God refers to His rule or authority. Another word that scripture uses to describe His rule is sovereignty. This simply means that God is absolutely in charge of everything, and His kingdom also has an all-encompassing purpose—for everything and everyone to bring Him glory. The unifying and central theme of the Bible is the glory of God expressed through the advancement of His kingdom. And since marriage falls under His kingdom, then we can conclude it also exists to bring Him glory.

However, humans constantly resist giving God glory. Creation displays the glory of God every day, just as He created it to do. But humans seem to want the glory for ourselves. We want to do things our way, not God’s way. So many believers struggle in their marriage because they want God to satisfy their desires through marriage rather than their marriage bringing Him glory. They are more concerned with happiness, companionship, finances, sexual gratification and a plethora of other benefits that marriage brings, all while forgetting God’s divinely ordained purpose. In other words, they want God to bless their agenda rather than seeking to follow His agenda. 

But not a kingdom marriage. When a husband and wife model a kingdom marriage to a watching world by the way they submit to His rule, they help advance God’s kingdom, and He is glorified.

In what ways have our contemporary culture shaped your marriage toward an agenda of self-fulfillment? 

from Kingdom Marriage

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Kingdom Marriage – Day 1

‘Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”’ Genesis 1:26-28(NLT)

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”’ Genesis 2:18-23(NLT)

‘When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers— the moon and the stars you set in place— what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority—’ Psalms 8:3-6(NLT)

When a couple announces their engagement, most people want to hear “their story.” How did they meet? Was it love at first sight? Were they childhood sweethearts, or did they meet later in life? Whatever the case may be, a couple’s origin story intrigues us. 

Have you ever considered the origin story of marriage itself? If you want to have a healthy marriage, the first thing you must understand is that marriage is God’s idea. And because He created it, we must go to Him for its definition and understanding. This means that when your marriage, whatever its origin story, is brought under the rule of God, your relationship can flourish and become all that God intended it to be.

From Scripture, we discover that God created marriage to expand His kingdom in human history. A kingdom marriage is “a covenantal union between a man and a woman who commit themselves to function in unison under divine authority in order to replicate God’s image and expand His rule in the world through both their individual and joint callings.” That’s a mouthful, so you may want to go back and re-read it. But simply put, the mission of marriage is to replicate the image of God in history and to carry out His command to let mankind rule.

So, marriage is not merely a social construct. Nor is happiness its goal. This is one of the main problems that many marriages face today. Couples relate to marriage only through social and emotional terms. We must go back to the biblical understanding of marriage. God created it as a sacred covenant, with the responsibility to reflect His image and to advance His kingdom. Happiness is a benefit of marriage, but it is not the goal of marriage. The goal is to reflect God through advancing His kingdom on earth. Happiness occurs as an organic outgrowth when the biblical goal is pursued.

The bottom line is marriage is a kingdom concept, not just a social one.

How does making happiness the goal of marriage create problems in one’s marriage?  

from Kingdom Marriage

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An Intimate Heart

‘And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’’ Mark 12:30(NLT)

‘Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? ‘ 2 Corinthians 6:14(NLT)

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

2 Cor. 6:14 (TLB) “Don’t be teamed with those who do not love the Lord, for what do the people of God have in common with the people of sin? How can light live with darkness?” It really does not make sense for believers to get attached to or marry unbelievers because it is God’s Presence in the marriage equation that unites and solidifies the union. The thrill is usually short-lived but the pain and sorrow lasts longer. 

The image included is to help you visualize the indispensable role of Jesus in the marriage equation. At the base of the triangle, the distance between the man and the woman is wide. But as the man and woman move closer to Jesus, the distance between them shortens. God’s ideal is for the man and the woman to become one with Christ. When this happens, the distance between them disappears. That is why God’s Word says in Eccl. 4:12 (TLB) “…a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Christ is the third person in the relationship and He unites and binds it together. 

If love is going to last I must listen with all my heart, I must forgive with all my heart, I must be humble with all my heart, and I must love God with all my heart. However, the truth is that none of us can do this by our own strength. We need God’s help. For people that have a challenge listening because they love the sound of their own voice, you need to ask God for help to listen with all your heart. Some of us need to ask the Lord to help us forgive with all our hearts and ask for the grace to be humble with all our hearts. Or perhaps your prayer today is to ask God for help to love Him with all your heart. The truth is none of us can do these things in our strength. Take loving God, for example, no one can come to God unless He draws him or her. The objective is to be one with Christ and then listening, forgiving, being humble, and loving becomes possible.

Prayer: Father, give me the grace to listen with all my heart, to forgive with all my heart, to be humble with all my heart, and to love You with all my heart, in Jesus’ Name. Amen!

from All My Heart

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A Loving Heart

‘And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ ‘ Mark 12:30(NLT)

‘Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.’ Psalms 127:1(NLT)

Still on the thought; each time there is a space between you and the person you are in a relationship with and you are faced with the question, who should move. The answer is you. Now let us take this thought a step further, into God’s heart. What God wants is that both of you will become mature in God and will both collide with each other on the seat. That both of you will be so into your relationship that once there is a space in whatever area, you both will collide in the space moving to close the gap. Our marriages will be so beautiful if we just obey God. 

Marriage is one institution where two people have the golden opportunity of making themselves the happiest on earth. But in many cases, couples make themselves the most miserable people on earth. I said to my wife some time ago, “choose one; are we going to fight or are we going to be happy?” And she said, “let us be happy”. So we forgot about “the issues” and we closed the gap between us. Believe me, it is as simple as that. Human beings like to complicate things. I pray your marriage will be filled with happiness.

If love is to grow and love is to last in our relationships, we must listen with all our hearts, we must forgive with all our hearts, we must be humble with all our hearts, and we must Love God with all our hearts. I must love God with all my heart. You have to personalize this commitment because everyone must take responsibility for his or her actions in a relationship. I must love God with all my heart. Mark 12:30 “And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength” [with emphasis]. 

Marriage was and is still God’s idea. Marriage was not man’s idea. And the closer you get to God, the closer you would get to your spouse. Nothing else solidifies and sustains relationships like intimacy with God. If God is not the priority to the two people in a relationship, they can never be intimate. It is a mistake to think that as long as two people are together and they love each other, intimacy will happen. Anyone that has been married long enough will tell you that it does not work like that. The only thing that unites and solidifies is God. Psalm 127:1 [ERV] “If it is not the Lord who builds a house, the builders are wasting their time. If it is not the Lord who watches over the city, the guards are wasting their time.”

Prayer: Father, I declare in the Name of Jesus that I [say your name] will love the Lord, my God, with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength for all my days. Amen! 

from All My Heart