Category: 1st Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The Helmet of Salvation

‘But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. ‘ Ephesians 2:4-6(NLT)

“God gave Adam a suitable helper to his need to carry out the instruction God had previously given, and that is to rule. God didn’t give Eve to Adam just so he could have some company. God gave Eve to Adam so that he could have someone to collaborate with in achieving the goal for which he had been created. God didn’t fashion Eve out of nothing just so she could exist. He fashioned Eve out of Adam’s rib so that she could have someone with whom to collaborate in her divine purpose of dominion.” Tony Evans

Lord, in Christ’s death, burial and resurrection, He secured for us a seat with You and Him in the heavenly places. The heavenly places are where our spiritual warfare is waged. Thank You for the power that is given to us through salvation—power not only for eternity but power to wage victorious spiritual warfare while on earth. You created us, man and woman, with the purpose of ruling in the domain and spheres of influence You have appointed us to rule in. As a couple, we are able to carry that rule out even better than we could have done on our own because we are here to support and help each other.

Remind us who we are in Christ and where we are seated, but also remind us who our spouse is in Christ and where they are seated. This will affect our words with each other, our honor to each other and the passion and motivation we give to each other in helping each other pursue their purpose from You. In Christ’s name, amen.

from Prayers For Purpose In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The Shield of Faith

‘This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.’ Habakkuk 2:3(NLT)

“Experiencing a marriage where both partners are fulfilling their purpose doesn’t mean that every moment will be filled with bells and trumpets. It means that faith in God’s calling and direction for yourselves, and for each other, will often have to carry you through those mundane moments that show up as a normal part in everyone’s life.” Tony Evans

Dear God, it’s easy to question purpose and direction when things delay. It’s especially easy if the delay causes any kind of discomfort in the home, inconvenience or even financial loss of some sort. All too often these delays can turn to doubt. And doubt can lead to division as we question each other and Your purpose in each of our lives.

Lord, help us to fully commit to seeing You carry out Your purpose for both of us as individuals and for us together as a couple in Your timing. Give us patience when things don’t seem to be falling into place. Help us to pick up the shield of faith that reminds us that the vision is yet for the appointed time, and until that appointed time comes, God, we are to serve each other in humility, encouragement and mutual understanding.

When my spouse’s faith diminishes due to delays and detours toward their purpose—help me to be there to remind them to trust You in faith. And let my spouse do the same for me when it is my faith that wanes. There are days when one of us is strong and the other isn’t—when one of us has unwavering belief and vision for the future and the other doesn’t. Let us compliment each other to be the one to lift each other up in faith whether in prayer, or words of encouragement or simply by not complaining when things do seem to go wrong on this journey toward purpose. Between the two of us, help us to balance each other out so that our faith remains strong collectively and over time. In Christ’s name, amen.

from Prayers For Purpose In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The Shoes of Peace

‘So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. ‘ Ephesians 5:15-16(NLT)

“Time has been given to you for one reason. Your time has been given to you in order to accomplish your destiny. Time is consistent with destiny and purpose.” Tony Evans

Lord, Your Word tells us to be careful how we walk because the days are evil, and the time to pursue our purpose draws shorter with each day. You also tell us to walk in shoes of peace. When we live with peace as a mindset, it enables us to be careful how we walk. Because when we walk in peace in our relationship together, we don’t waste all of that time arguing, fighting, or responding in unkind ways. So much of our marriage has been lost to those moments where we did not choose to be careful how we walked, to use our time wisely and to walk in peace. God, forgive us. Let that not be the norm moving forward.

Rather, I pray for myself right now that, as Moses said, You will teach me to number my days in order that I will have a mindset of gratitude toward my spouse and the moments we do have together. Teach us to not waste our time on frivolous activities which do not bring us closer to Your purpose or on unproductive disagreements rooted in selfishness. Both of us have a great purpose to live out so enable us to be time-givers to each other rather than time-stealers. And we will do this by choosing peace as the atmosphere for our home. When peace is the atmosphere of our home, we are freed up to pursue purpose more fully. In Christ’s name, amen.

from Prayers For Purpose In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The Breastplate of Righteousness

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

“God has created marriage for the divinely appointed purpose of exercising dominion over the sphere of your world where you have responsibility and influence. As a couple, you are to influence those around you rather than be influenced by the world.” Tony Evans

Father, You tell us that when we pursue You and Your Word, our minds will be transformed and renewed. We will then be in a position to discern what is your righteous will for us. But when we neglect Your presence and Your Word, it is easy to be conformed to the unrighteousness of this world. God, enable us as a couple to seek You every day, whether it’s in our conversations with each other, during times that we pray together, text messages that we send each other—in any number of ways—let us be a reminder to each other to renew our minds in Your Word.

We know that when our minds are attuned with Yours, the unrighteousness of this world will stand out. We seek to live by that standard, and not the world’s. Guide us into Your purpose each moment of each day. In Christ’s name, amen.

from Prayers For Purpose In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The Belt of Truth

‘For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’ Ephesians 2:10(NLT)

“Marriage is a covenant union designed by God to strengthen the capacity and ability for each partner to carry out their purpose in the spheres of influence where God has placed them. Purpose involves impacting your world for good through fulfilling your purpose in all the places and ways God has positioned you to do so.”  Tony Evans

Dear Lord, You have designed each of us with a unique personality and skill set. You’ve also given each of us a distinct passion and interest in certain things. All of this combined with our different backgrounds comes together to point us in the direction of our purpose. God, help me as a spouse to be a support to my spouse in pursuing their purpose. Show me what I can do to strengthen their ability to carry out what You have called them to do. I know You have a purpose for me as well, but I don’t want that to get in the way of what You have created my spouse to fulfill. 

With every purpose comes challenges, setbacks, and discouragements in its pursuit. I want to be a sounding board for my spouse to be able to talk about these things in a safe, loving environment where I don’t try to fix it or question it or even change it, but rather I provide encouragement and hope to keep going. Help me to be a blessing in my spouse’s life so that they reach the greatest fulfillment of Your purpose in their life. Keep me from selfish ambitions and even selfish desires that may stand in the way of what You have designed us individually, and as a couple, to pursue. In Christ’s name. Amen. 

from Prayers For Purpose In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

LET IT GO

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

David: Sometimes the argument is over, but the feelings remain. Other times the memory of a harsh word replays in your mind long after the argument has ended. But if you allow your argument to endure for too long, then unforgiveness will ruin your relationship. Tam and I have decided to just L-I-G – let it go. It does not diminish my feelings or hers, but my decision to let it go frees me from my own self-induced prison. I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want is to look at my spouse and only see the pain I caused. I don’t want to become the object of her deepest pain. 

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is always worth it. Remember, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each another, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV). It’s impossible to have a successful relationship if you don’t forgive. If you’re willing to extend the same grace that God has extended to you, your marriage will flourish. 

ACTIVITY: FIVE RULES FOR FIGHTING

Come up with five rules to implement whenever you argue. These rules will help to make sure that one bad moment doesn’t turn into a miserable marriage. For example: When we argue, I will not cut you off while you are speaking.

from Our Keys to Healthier Communication in Marriage by David & Tamela Mann

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

ASK FOR HELP

‘God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.’ Matthew 5:9(NLT)

David: When an issue becomes too difficult for you and your spouse to manage together, it may be time to call on an objective third party to help you figure things out. Every once in a while, all of us can benefit from a mediator that we trust to step in and provide wise counsel. This ensures that both parties are heard and a resolve can be achieved. There is nothing wrong with going to a counselor. There is nothing wrong with confiding in your pastor or your spiritual leader. God has anointed individuals to help you work through your problems when you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is God’s will that your marriage prospers, and you must know that God is faithful to send help in the time of need. 

Tamela and I have always encouraged our friends and family members to seek counseling. We have often reached out to others that we trust (our pastor and trusted friends) to help us with difficult issues in our marriage. The key for me was to constantly tell myself, and to communicate to Tam: We can get through this. It’s only a rough patch. I’m not going to give up on you, and my desire is to strengthen our marriage by any means necessary. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1.  Is it time to seek counseling?

2.  If yes, make a list of a couple trusted and or referred counselors and interview them so you both agree on a choice.

from Our Keys to Healthier Communication in Marriage by David & Tamela Mann

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

NEVER RETIRE FOR THE NIGHT ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER

‘And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, ‘ Ephesians 4:26(NLT)

Tam: The Bible encourages us with these words: “Do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). That’s one of the Scriptures that David and I turn to frequently when we are engaged in a heated argument. In every marriage this may mean something different. Some people can’t talk when they are fuming. Some people need time to hit the reset button before they try to resolve things peaceably. But David and I have decided that, at some point in the conversation, we will agree to disagree for the moment, but we will continue in the morning. I don’t want my husband to feel punished for a lifetime simply because we had one disagreement. 

How often has one negative word or one misunderstood comment ruined an entire day? To me, it’s not worth it. I love my husband. And I know he loves me. So I try my best not to go to bed angry at him. Even if I don’t want to cuddle and kiss, I can at least say, “Goodnight, Daddy. I love you.” 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1.  Where and when do you argue?

2.  Have you designated an action plan for having tough conversations? Discuss with each other.

from Our Keys to Healthier Communication in Marriage by David & Tamela Mann

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

NEVER MAKE THE ISSUE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE MARRIAGE

‘Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ‘ Colossians 3:13(NLT)

David: When Tam and I first got married, we both agreed that, for us, divorce would not be an option. We committed to staying together through it all and sticking with each other during the difficult moments. We clearly understand that some marriages end in divorce, but we also understand that every disagreement does not have to result in divorce. 

I never liked the idea of using divorce as an ultimatum during an argument. In my opinion, that isn’t healthy. Ultimatums produce fear. Ultimatums can compromise your ability to be honest with one another. Our argument was about tuna – it wasn’t about filing for divorce – but when we make our arguments more important than the marriage, we forget why we got married in the first place. 

A bad day doesn’t mean a bad marriage. All marriages have bad days. So I’ve learned to say, “Yes, Tam, this or that bothered me, but I’m not leaving you.” 

“Yes, you hurt my feelings, but we are in this together.” 

“Yes, I may need a minute to get myself together, but I’m not going to allow the Enemy to make you think I don’t love you.” 

My marriage is more important than winning an argument, so after we resolve the issue, I work hard to secure my spouse. Why? Because one bad day doesn’t have to turn into a bad life. 

DISCUSSION QUESTION

1.  Ask  yourself, how can I work with this issue to figure out how to make myself and my spouse happy?

from Our Keys to Healthier Communication in Marriage by David & Tamela Mann

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

TAKE TIME OUT WHEN EMOTIONS GET HEATED

‘A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them.’ Proverbs 15:18(NLT)

Tam: When the water starts boiling, I’ve learned to back away and take a break. In preschool, they call it “taking a time-out.” When a child is misbehaving or a conflict gets to an uncontrollable point, the teacher invites the child to time-out. The goal is to breathe, collect themselves, and approach the situation differently. 

In our marriage, I’ve learned the importance of time-outs. Some days I just need to go shopping. Some days, David needs to go swimming. After we take time to breathe and think about how we are truly feeling, we can continue the conversation and grow from the disagreement. 

My momma used to say, “It’s not always what you say – it’s how you say it.” When I take a time-out, I can replay the scenario in my mind and ask myself what I could’ve done differently. I can pray for David to better understand how I am feeling and ask God to give me the right words so that I am not doing more harm than good. 

A time-out from your heated argument is like a commercial break—you know the show is going to come back on, but you have time to grab a snack and come on back. When we didn’t take time-outs in the past, our arguments went on and on. We didn’t have a clear perspective on what the other person was feeling. But by removing ourselves from the situation for a moment, we can approach it differently when we reconnect.

David: Tam is a yeller. She uses her voice to get her point across, and when she doesn’t think she is being heard, she will yell louder. I am a thinker, so I use my mind to argue with words, expressions, and concepts that may feel like a piercing weapon to my wife. The tools God gave us to build us up are also the weapons that destroy us when we don’t argue the right way. Tam’s voice is her tool. My communication skills are a tool. If I want to be successful in my marriage, I’ve got to learn to never turn my tool into a weapon. 

These are things we now know about each other. But taking a break to breathe has helped us not to major on a minor. Sometimes words get lost in anger. Sometimes our true love can be hidden in hurtful expressions. But I have learned to measure my words with grace. 

Couples, whenever you feel the emotions getting hotter and hotter, someone has to be the voice of reason. Healing can’t come in a hostile environment. In order to bring healing, you may need to take a time-out. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1.  Of the two of you, which spouse has the greatest temper? 

2.  How can you help each other not to explode during a difficult moment?

3.  If a soft answer turns away wrath, how well do you do with speaking softly? What can you do to improve?

from Our Keys to Healthier Communication in Marriage by David & Tamela Mann