Category: 1st Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women Step Father-mother ZZ

An Honorable Parent

‘Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”’ Genesis 1:28(NLT)

‘“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.’ Exodus 20:12(NLT)

‘My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.’ Proverbs 1:8-9(NLT)

‘Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.’ Proverbs 13:24(NLT)

‘Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ Proverbs 22:6(NLT)

‘To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.’ Proverbs 29:15(NLT)

‘Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.’ Ephesians 6:4(NLT)

‘No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.’ Hebrews 12:11(NLT)

No matter what challenges we face in raising our children, we must remember that it is our responsibility from the Lord. He will give us the strength to do it. However, He also expects us to do it well. Interestingly, there are few instructions given to children in Scripture. They should believe the Gospel, which is true for everyone, and they should obey their parents. Most other Scriptural instructions address parents. 

Since parents are the primary authority at home, they are the leaders. God expects more from them than He does from children. Young people are taught to be learners throughout the book of Proverbs, but parents are to take the lead in living a godly lifestyle and teaching their children to do the same. In our culture children are sometimes given too much freedom or too much responsibility. Some parents say that they let their children decide whether or not they want to go to church. That is wrong. As a parent, you are in control of your child’s life and their Christian upbringing. You have to get them to do the right thing. 

You are in your children’s lives for a reason: to guide, instruct, and mold them into the godly people they are to become. The Bible sees parents as the influencers in their children’s lives. You must teach your children to honor the Lord. You also need to teach them to honor you. This will help them to know how to honor authority. Of course, you must also behave honorably. You cannot yell at your spouse, lie to others, or cheat in your business and expect your children to honor the godliness in you. You must be godly.

Model honor for your children; they will follow your lead. The Scriptures tell us that children might not like discipline at the time it is given, but later it will produce a fruit of righteousness and peace in their lives. Your children might not be as enthusiastic about going to church on Sunday or reading the Bible at home as you would like them to be. But if you stay firm and consistent, these godly disciplines will become part of their lives. They will thank you when they grow up.

from How To Be A Good Christian Parent

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women Step Father-mother ZZ

A Failing Parent

‘The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.’ Proverbs 24:16(NLT)

‘“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ‘ John 15:5(NLT)

‘But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”’ Acts of the Apostles 1:8(NLT)

‘For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. ‘ Romans 3:23(NLT)

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

‘Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.’ James 3:2(NLT)

‘If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. ‘ 1 John 1:8-9(NLT)

‘For by that one offering he forever made perfect those who are being made holy.’ Hebrews 10:14(NLT)

As much as we try to raise our children well and examine our hearts before God while doing it, we don’t always get it right. Sometimes, in our parenting, we are tempted to use the old adage: do as I say, not as I do. The truth is that we do live in this world and we make mistakes. As much as we try not to be hypocritical, we are also not perfect. What do we do when we sin, or when we err? Is there room for failure in godly parenting?

The answer, surprisingly, is “Yes!” The Gospel is the main thing that we need to teach our children. In other words, we need to teach them that people have a sinful nature. We need to teach them about Christ’s sacrificial redemption. We have to tell them about forgiveness. We should show them what it means to be progressively sanctified. The Bible tells us that we all stumble in many ways. None of us is without sin. Family is the place where forgiveness is constantly needed and confession of sin is constantly practiced. 

To fail is not to be a hypocrite. That is not what hypocrisy means. Hypocrisy is wearing a mask. It is being a play actor. It is playing a role that is not you. Children can absorb a lot of failure on the part of their parents when they know that their parents are genuine in their love for God and genuine in their love for them. That’s where we need to really test ourselves. It is about our hearts. We need to ask ourselves, “Am I repeating things just to sound right? Do I really believe the things that I am saying?” 

Just like everything in our Christian walk, parenting is about faith. We must ask ourselves if we really believe the Word of God and if we are striving to teach our children to believe it too. Christ said that we can do nothing without Him. That includes parenting. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to parent right. We need God’s help in this important life endeavor. He is always there to answer our prayers and to give us the strength necessary to be a godly parent.  

from How To Be A Good Christian Parent

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women Step Father-mother ZZ

An Honest Parent

‘Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, “The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees are the official interpreters of the law of Moses. So practice and obey whatever they tell you, but don’t follow their example. For they don’t practice what they teach. They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden.’ Matthew 23:1-4(NLT)

‘Jesus replied, “You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote, ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.’ Mark 7:6(NLT)

‘Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. ‘ Ephesians 6:1(NLT)

‘Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.’ Colossians 3:21(NLT)

‘For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. ‘ 1 John 2:16(NLT)

‘Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you ; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith. ‘ 2 Corinthians 13:5(NLT)

Children are great character readers, so parents cannot be hypocrites. You cannot tell your child to do something, while you do something else. You can’t teach your children anything you are not willing to live. So if you want your children to grow up loving and honoring the Lord, you must make sure that you are doing it yourself. To train your children well, you must examine your own devotion to God. You need to be honest with yourself and examine yourself daily. 

For example, you want your children to study the Bible, ask yourself, “Do I study the Bible consistently?” You want your children to pray. Ask yourself, “Do I pray daily?” You should be teaching your children to love the church. Do you model what that means? If you want to teach your children to honor God with their money, you need to give faithfully to God’s Kingdom. Ask yourself, “Am I generous? Do I honor God with my resources?”If you want to teach your children about sexual purity, examine your life. Are you watching your heart and your mind? Are you being a good example of everything you teach? 

The Bible warns us that this world is full of evil. There is the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life that operates here. Before you can teach your children to keep themselves pure and serve the Lord, you need to do the same. Be aware of temptations in your own life because you are your children’s primary teacher. The first spiritual teacher of our children is not the church. A local church equips parents who then are primary teachers to their children. You teach by what you say, but also by how you live. In fact, your life, your actions, speak louder than your words. For you to be a good teacher to your children, you need to be a godly role model to them. 

When you are consistent in what you do, what you say will matter to your children. They will treasure your words through the years. If you are inconsistent and are a hypocrite, you will eventually frustrate your children and they will become bitter. You must live out the godliness you want to model. 

from How To Be A Good Christian Parent

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Praying Together

‘I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God’s mysterious plan, which is Christ himself. ‘ Colossians 2:2(NLT)

‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:6-7(NLT)

We have made it to the final step to becoming Better Than Blended! Although prayer is first in importance in building a godly family, we put it last so that the matter of prayer would be fresh in our minds as we finish this devotional. Prayer in a family does many things. It protects the family unity, reminds the enemy that he is defeated, teaches our children that every good and perfect gift comes from above (see James 1:17), and much more. It is also the ultimate means of drawing us close together as a family so that we will remain “encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love” (Colossians 2:2).

The key to a peaceful, joyous blended family is to love each other intentionally and, in so doing, to create a story that can be shared together for years to come. We do this by deliberately making time to be together in enjoyable and meaningful ways. As families invest in experiencing life together, they will grow together, love each other more deeply, and bond with each other.

All these are essential elements to being a family that will want to be around each other later. We don’t want our families to just exist and tolerate each other but to live with and love one another now as well as when they grow older! As we learn to pray together and for each other, we invite God into our family unit and our blended family experience. This is the way that we can become Better Than Blended.

from Better Than Blended Devotional

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Spend Time with Your Spouse

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

‘‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, ‘ Mark 10:7(NLT)

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

Outside of our relationship with God, our marriage is our priority relationship. Many times we become so focused on blending with the children and learning about them that we forget to invest in learning about and spending time with our spouse. But no matter how busy life gets and how many demands are placed upon us, we need to always remember that our first priority relationship is with our spouse.

How do we preserve our marriages as our priority relationship? Here are some tips:

  • 1. Put God first. He should be Lord of your life and your marriage.
  • 2. Set time aside each evening for you and your spouse to talk to each other about your day.
  • 3. Be open to what your spouse needs.
  • 4. Listen attentively to what’s going on in your spouse’s life.
  • 5. Hire a reliable babysitter for date nights.
  • 6. Plan date nights—and stick to them.
  • 7. Plan a night away (or a few nights) to rekindle the flames.
  • 8. Learn about something that interests your spouse so that you can engage in his or her interest.
  • 9. Flirt with each other as much as possible.
  • 10. Make communication a priority.

Think about it!

Do you and your spouse have a regular date night? How often do you pray together as a couple, and as a family?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Discipline Means Discipleship

‘Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ Proverbs 22:6(NLT)

Frustrations arise when we blend a family and don’t consider some practical things that should be adjusted because of the new family dynamic—things like schedules, activities, and boundaries. When we set out to become Better Than Blended, it is vital that we reassess our family priorities and make adjustments where necessary to help our homes run more smoothly. In other words, we need to set some rules. Some of this is just practical common sense—after all, we need to keep track of who is going where and doing what. But setting guidelines in the home is about more than keeping order. It’s about training our children to be disciplined, obedient, and godly. It’s about discipleship.

It is important as a couple for us to handle our children’s behavioral issues in a way that leaves both spouses comfortable. In order to do this, we need to talk about our personal expectations as to how we should respond to our children’s behavior. In a home that is being guided by the goal of becoming Better Than Blended, the word “discipline” actually means “discipleship.” These two words look and sound similar—and that is because they are. The problem is, we often misunderstand the true meaning of the word “discipline.” Take a look at the differing views below:

  • 1. Discipline as punishment. This view is more focused on a child’s behavior as the issue and on providing a reaction to an action, which often means punishing simply for the sake of punishing. The focus of this example is solely to dole out consequences, regardless of their actual impact on the child’s behavior.
  • 2. Discipline as discipleship. This view pursues the root of a child’s behavior and not just the behavior itself. Discipleship considers why the behavior took place, what lesson needs to be learned, and what needs to be done to see the behavior changed. The focus of this approach is correction that may result in a consequence that is unpleasing to the child, but that will change the child’s behavior.

Jesus’ focus with His disciples was to teach them the right way to live so that they would correct their sinful behavior. Discipleship in the lives of our children should have a similar focus. When we allow discipleship to guide us in handling behavioral issues within the home, we avoid reacting in the moment and instead seek God on how to respond to the situation.

Think about it!

How do you and your spouse currently handle behavioral issues in the home? How can your methods of discipline be changed to better foster the goals of raising godly children to become godly adults and to prepare them for life outside the home so that they can become well-rounded citizens within society?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Figuring Out Our Roles

‘Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:14(NLT)

While every parent wears a lot of hats, becoming a blended family requires us to fill a few more roles than those required of traditional parents. Sometimes we feel pulled in various directions, and some roles can vie for dominance over others. When we identify our different roles within the family and order them correctly, it will help our marriages and families to flourish. Something often forgotten in a blended family is that the most important role in the home that we are to fulfill is the role of a spouse.

No matter how long we were a single parent, our children must learn that they are no longer first. But most importantly, WE must understand that our children are no longer first. At the point of marriage, we became one with our spouses, and that oneness should not be infiltrated. Making our role as spouse our primary role is something that we must constantly be working on as the demands of children and life pressure us to make our marriage secondary.

We must also understand the roles we have in the lives of our children and stepchildren. It can be a heavyweight when we try to be to our stepchildren what they don’t need us to be in their lives. Sometimes we feel pressure from our spouse or from others to be what they believe is missing in a child’s life.

The Scripture tells us, “The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). This tells us that the head of the home is Christ and that everything else should follow suit. This means that the role we play in the lives of our stepchildren—and our biological children as well—is simply to BE a godly example in the home and allow Christ’s love, forgiveness, and grace to constantly be shown through us.

Think about it!

How would you define your role in the home? How do you think your stepchildren and/or biological children feel about being part of a blended family?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Better Than Mended

‘You will live by your sword, and you will serve your brother. But when you decide to break free, you will shake his yoke from your neck.”’ Genesis 27:40(NLT)

All of us have places of pain in our lives that hinder our moving forward as healthy individuals and members of our families. Today we want to begin to open up those places, seek God intensely about them, and begin healing so that we can thrive within our families as God intended. Before we can move forward in our journey to have a family that is Better Than Blended, we must identify any weight that we are carrying that is affecting our relationship with our spouse, children, stepchildren, or other family members and that may be hindering us from fully embracing our blended family.

In Genesis 27:40, Esau’s father told him, “You will live by your sword.” For Esau, his sword was the hurt from his brother, Jacob, stealing the blessing that was rightfully his as the oldest brother. His father was telling him that he would choose to carry it with him. We all carry a “sword” of some kind. Often this is something from our past, or it could be something that has happened within our blended family. The problem is, we live by the very thing that holds us captive.

The swords that we hold onto within our marriage affect our actions and interactions with our spouse. They determine how we love, engage, and accept things within our lives. Unknowingly or knowingly, we filter things through the lenses of our pain. Although our swords may represent something from the past, they can become a strong part of our present and, if left unattended, will creep into our future.

Remember, our swords shape our view of life, of family, and, more than we know, of Christ.

Think about it!

What hurtful mind-sets are you holding onto from your childhood, past relationships, or present relationships that are hindering you and your family?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Dealing with Conflict

‘Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.’ Romans 12:18(NLT)

‘And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. ”’ 2 Corinthians 6:18(NLT)

‘Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ Proverbs 22:6(NLT)

Parenting within a blended family is much different than in a traditional family. In a blended family, besides dealing with the ordinary challenges of growing up, our children also have to contend with additional external influences. Added to the vast changes that already exist in trying to become a blended family, children of blended families experience many situations due to outside influences that can affect their attitude within the family. This has the potential to generate a great deal of conflict in the home.

Some of the influences outside the home may include the other parents, their relatives, friends, and acquaintances from earlier in their lives. Any of these relationships can have a major impact on our children’s efforts to integrate into our blended family. Besides these outside influences, a child’s age, gender, and stage of life also have a great deal to do with how he or she adjusts to life in our home and can also contribute to the potential for family conflict.

Once we establish who is influencing our children, we must become aware of what we want our children’s experience in our home to look like and then set boundaries that allows us to set an atmosphere within our home that guards that experience.

Think about it!

What boundaries have you established to appropriately protect the experience in your home? What boundaries might you need to set?

from Better Than Blended Devotional

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Writing Your Own Blended Family Story

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.’ Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT)

Whether you are on the road to becoming a blended family, have just become a blended family, or have been part of a blended family for many years, you have probably at one time or another asked, “How does this work?” Chances are, you hope for or have worked for a smooth transition and a happy family life for you, your spouse, and your children, but you also know that things are not always that easy. Adjusting to married life can be a big challenge in itself, but when we add children to the mix, things can become a lot more complicated.

Have you ever been talking to someone and had to explain the “yours, mine, and ours” scenario? It looks a little like this: “Well, Joe was mine before I remarried, and Bill had two kids from his previous marriage, and then we had one together.” We always seem to end with an awkward pause and a half smile, especially if the kids are standing there. And all the person asked is if all these kids were ours.

God’s way of blending leads to family unity—but it requires some intentionality on our part. It is almost impossible for us to develop strong relationships within the home if we create a clear separation between our kids and our spouse’s kids. We have to remember that although the children may be our spouse’s, they are our God-given assignment to help raise. Our spouse is no longer in this boat alone, and neither are we.

You see, children know when we are not fully invested in building a relationship with them. Learning to embrace them all as “ours” breaks down the walls and shows our kids that regardless of when they decide to embrace our blended family, we are already committed. This is God’s way! And our kids need to see this.

Think about it!

Do you model oneness in your blended family? If not, how could you change that?

from Better Than Blended Devotional