Category: 1st Marriage

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from 10 Days To A Better Marriage – Day 5

‘There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.’ James 2:13(NLT)

Mark loves his coffee. I love Mark, but I’m not particularly fond of his coffee. It seems I find coffee rings and coffee splotches everywhere. In the car. On the floor. On the table beside his chair (he takes the concept of “coffee table” to a whole new level!). After years of dealing with his coffee messes, I’ve decided to use my powerful God-tool of grace. 

Grace is a free gift from God. Because of Jesus, we deserve punishment but we get mercy instead. It’s an upside down response to what we deserve. God gives us grace because of who He is. We don’t earn it. We don’t even deserve it. 

Several years ago, Mark and I started using the phrase “grace space” to describe the much needed tool of grace in marriage. Grace space happens when we allow another person to be human, to make mistakes, be imperfect, and to have their own idiosyncrasies. When we give grace, it is an internal decision to forgive and a choice to let something go without addressing it.       

 

Grace is a first cousin to forgiveness. It requires forgiveness. However, grace is the tool we need in order to forgive and really let something go. We use this tool when dealing with the harmless habits that bug us but don’t really hurt us. Like coffee. Or leaving lights on. Or leaving the toilet seat up. Or when our spouse does things differently than we would. 

We also use our God-tool of grace when dealing with our spouse’s human limitations. Jill has to pull out the God-tool of grace when dealing with me being hard of hearing and missing things that are said (I often forget to put my hearing aids in after work), having ADHD (I have too much going on in my mind and have difficulty focusing), and having a smaller emotional capacity (I wear out before she does). Do I do these things on purpose? Nope! I do them because I am human.

I have to pull out my God-tool of grace when I say something to Jill and her internal-processing brain is thinking about something else so she doesn’t hear me. I have to use grace when she misplaces something (Jill only buys sunglasses and reading glasses at the dollar store because she loses them all the time!). I use my God-tool of grace when Jill forgets to pack something on a trip. Does she do these things on purpose? Nope! She does them because she’s human. Grace needs to be the tool we choose to use to handle our spouse’s human nature. 

When thinking through whether something needs forgiveness or grace, ask yourself these two questions:

1) Does this hurt me or just irritate me? 

2) Does this need to be corrected or simply accepted as part of being married to an imperfect person? 

 Grace is a beautiful gift to give to our spouse, especially if he/she is aware of places where he/she falls short or has bad habits. Grace replaces criticism. Even if he/she isn’t aware of their shortcomings, you can use your tool of grace. It’s also a beautiful gift to give yourself because it gives you another option for responding to your spouse’s imperfections. 

Next time you’re tempted to criticize, stop and pull grace out of your marriage toolbox. Ask yourself if this is an offense or an irritation. If it’s an offense, offer forgiveness before you address it, and if you’re simply bumping into your spouse’s human limitations, offer grace. 

And if you have a coffee drinker who leaves a trail wherever he/she goes, you might want to give the gift of grace right along with the gift of a sippy cup! 

What about you? Can you think of places where you need to extend forgiveness? Places where you need to give grace? How can you talk with your spouse about your areas of irritation and hurt?

from 10 Days To A Better Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

from 10 Days To A Better Marriage – Day 4

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

Forgiveness is a term we’re all familiar with, but it’s likely the most underused tool in our toolbox. In fact, if you’re married, you probably need to be using your God-tool of forgiveness well over a dozen times a day! 

This multi-faceted tool is how we handle imperfections—our spouses and our own. It’s also how we keep our heart uncluttered and available to God, downshifting our anger so we can have needed conversations without too much emotion getting in the way. 

Forgiveness is an intentional and voluntary internal process where you experience a change in feelings regarding a hurt. The result of forgiveness is freedom. You’re free from being controlled by the negative emotions surrounding whatever it was that happened and hurt you. 

Forgiveness is NOT letting someone off the hook. It’s letting them off your hook, but handing the hook to God. 

Forgiveness is NOT condoning. If you forgive, it doesn’t say that what happened was okay. 

Forgiveness is NOT excusing. The person being forgiven is still responsible for their action.

Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. The action did happen and is a part of the fabric of the relationship. 

Forgiveness is NOT being quiet. You may choose to forgive and not say anything or you may choose to address it with your spouse. However, if you’ve already made the choice to forgive, you’ll have a much better chance of your conversation going well and not being fueled by emotion, should you choose to address it.

Forgiveness, however, is almost always a crisis of the will. We never feel like forgiving. However, a feeling of relief almost always follows obedience when we do forgive. That’s because forgiveness is really about cleaning out the clutter in our soul, our mind, and our heart so they can all be fully available to God. Forgiveness requires us to trust that God is who He says He is and that He has this! 

God wants us to know and experience His forgiveness and to extend it to others. Too often we think forgiveness is only needed for the big infractions of trust. Not so. This is a tool you and I need to use day by day, hour by hour, and on the tough days of marriage, minute by minute. 

What about you? Where do you need to use your God-tool of forgiveness? 

from 10 Days To A Better Marriage

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from 10 Days To A Better Marriage – Day 3

‘This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”’ Joshua 1:9(NLT)

The first God-tool we need in our marriage toolbox is COURAGE. Doing things God’s way isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it is always the right thing to do. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is determining something is more important than the fear. Your marriage is more important than your fear of conflict, your fear of taking off your mask, your fear of intimacy, your fear of disagreement, or your fear of honest conversation. 

I (Mark) found that I was confident and courageous in business but not at home. I’d had role models in business but no role models at home. Because of this, my insecurity began to surface. The only way I knew how to assert myself at home was with anger, so instead of courage, I used my anger to control. It didn’t show up often, but when I felt fear, I responded with control instead of courage. 

I (Jill) did not grow up in a home that experienced much conflict. It wasn’t that we didn’t have conflict, but more that we didn’t engage it. So there was very real fear for me in being honest, vulnerable, and dealing with anything that looked like conflict. Like Mark, I used control in place of courage. However, my control wasn’t usually with anger. While Mark’s tendency was reactive control, I leaned toward proactive control. I feared conflict and being out of control, so I liked my ducks in a row and things done my way. Obviously both of us needed to replace control with courage. 

Want the good news? You and I have a God-tool to combat fear. It’s called courage. Psalm 31:24 reminds us to “Be strong and let your heart take courage…” This is one of hundreds of verses that address fear in the Bible. 

Having a healthy, honest marriage that pushes through the hard places requires bravery. This is why we have to use our God-tool of courage! 

What about you? Where do you need to pick up your God-tool of courage in your marriage? 

from 10 Days To A Better Marriage

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from 10 Days To A Better Marriage – Day 2

‘We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient.’ 2 Corinthians 10:5-6(NLT)

You are an imperfect human being. You are married to an imperfect human being. Two imperfect people who have to figure out money, make parenting decisions, be sexually intimate, take care of a home, make meals, do laundry, deal with car maintenance, and simply live in the same place, are destined to find all that imperfect togetherness challenging. When we bump into imperfection—our own and our spouse’s—we often don’t handle it so well. This is when many of our fades begin. However, we have some valuable tools available to us that most of us aren’t using often enough, if at all.

The concept of God-tools comes from 2 Corinthians 10:3–6 in The Message Bible, “The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.”

We believe something we call the “Perfection Infection” is a warped philosophy that most of us impose upon our marriage. When we have unrealistic expectations of each other and of marriage in general, this sets the stage for disappointment, discouragement, and disillusionment. When we unfairly compare our spouse to others or even to our “imagined spouse,” this warped philosophy prepares the soil of our heart for seeds of discontentment to be sown.

Our God-tools help us tear down the barriers we erect in our own hearts. That’s honestly where most marriage issues begin and end . . . in the heart. The condition of our heart is directly connected to the condition of our marriage.

In the same way a plumber needs specific tools to complete a plumbing job, husbands and wives need specific tools to manage their communication, emotions, and everyday, imperfect interactions with each other. For the next eight days, we’ll build our marriage toolbox so we have the tools we need to handle “for better or for worse” and everything in between. 

What about you? Can you identify any places where the “Perfection Infection” has caused disappointment, discouragement, and disillusionment in your heart? Can you see where you’ve had unrealistic expectations and unfair comparisons concerning your spouse?  

from 10 Days To A Better Marriage

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from 10 Days To A Better Marriage – Day 1

‘for anger gives a foothold to the devil.’ Ephesians 4:27 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/EPH.4.27

We’re Mark and Jill Savage. We’ve been married thirty-four years, twenty-four of them happily.

While that seems like an odd way to start a devotional, it’s honest, and probably not so far off from what you’ve experienced in your imperfect marriage. The blending of two lives into one relationship is hard work. It’s complicated. At times overwhelming. It’s also humbling, enlightening, and one of the most effective ways for us to grow up.

Most of us entered into marriage with stars in our eyes and a belief that our spouse would meet our needs, fulfill our dreams, and satisfy our expectations. We spent months preparing for our wedding and just a handful of hours—if we had some form of premarital counseling—preparing for our marriage. 

In our ceremony, we uttered vows that promised we’d love each other “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health,” having no understanding of what that might look like in practice.

Reality set in as soon as you discovered this person you committed to puts the toilet paper on the roll backward. Not only that, but they think, process life, deal with conflict, manage money, desire sex, solve problems, handle stress, and make decisions differently than you do.

What we’ve come to understand is that a real marriage isn’t perfect. A real marriage is two people being perfected. If we’ll let Him, God uses marriage to refine us in ways we never could have imagined.

Our “for better” years have been wonderful. We’ve raised five kids and spent over 30 years in ministry. Our “for worse” years included dealing with stuffed emotions, communication challenges, anger issues, and dealing with our differences. Our darkest year, however, was the year of Mark’s midlife crisis, affair included. 

The thing about our “darkest year” is that we were “working” on our marriage. We knew each other’s love languages and spoke them often. We had date nights. We did getaways on a regular basis. We were intentional about communication. In the midst of that much intentionality, infidelity became a part of our story. How in the world did that happen?

Looking back, it wasn’t the big things that made a difference. It was the little things. Things that simmered under the surface. Things unnoticed. Unattended. Untouched.

These unknowns began an unraveling that gained momentum over time. No marriage crumbles in a day. It’s a drift of one centimeter to another, one feeling or one decision that leads to another feeling or decision that’s a little off-center. If left unaddressed, those feelings will draw us away from each other instead of toward each other, creating a fade of feelings. 

But what if you could see those early symptoms? What if you could identify the slow fade and do something about it before your marriage is in crisis? Or, if your marriage is already in crisis, you could identify the fades you’re in and, with God’s help, turn things around? Understanding the slow fades and knowing what to do about them can make all the difference in the world. 

We’ve identified seven fades that we have experienced:

The Slow Fade of Unrealistic Expectations happens when we experience perpetual discontentment because of the unrealistic expectations we have of our spouse or of marriage in general. 

The Slow Fade of Minimizing happens when we either minimize our own thoughts and feelings or minimize the thoughts and feelings of our spouse. 

The Slow Fade of Not Accepting happens when we don’t accept who our spouse is and we work to change him or her.

The Slow Fade of Disagreement happens when our likes, dislikes, opinions, thoughts, and feelings clash with our spouse’s.

The Slow Fade of Defensive Responses happens when reasons trump relationship and we react with a war mentality to a non-war issue. 

The Slow Fade of Naïveté happens when we knowingly place ourselves in a position of relational danger downplaying the possibility that it could lead to compromise.

The Slow Fade of Avoiding Emotion happens when we have a guarded heart that keeps us from being vulnerable with our spouse. 

In talking with other couples—some who just face the daily challenges of marriage and some who have weathered crisis in their relationship as we have—we know that these are common patterns of drifting that every married couple needs to understand, guard against, and correct when identified. Ephesians 4:27 counsels us not to “give the devil a foothold.” John 10:10 tells us that the enemy comes to “steal and kill and destroy.” When we allow a fade to begin, it is fertile soil for the enemy to begin to divide what God has brought together. If the drift continues unnoticed and unattended, the divided relationship heads in a direction toward slow destruction.

No marriage is perfect, but some have the right tools. We’re going to equip you with some powerful God-tools to use when marriage gets hard. These tools stop the fades by lining our heart up with God’s heart. They keep us on track or get us back on track. More than anything, these right choices strengthen and mature us to become more like Christ each and every day.

What about you? Do any of the slow fades resonate with you? Can you see unhealthy thoughts and attitudes underneath the surface that are pulling your hearts apart? 

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A Trained Parent

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

‘We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. ‘ Romans 15:1(NLT)

‘Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all, in all, and living through all. However, he has given each one of us a special gift through the generosity of Christ. That is why the Scriptures say, “When he ascended to the heights, he led a crowd of captives and gave gifts to his people.” Notice that it says “he ascended.” This clearly means that Christ also descended to our lowly world. And the same one who descended is the one who ascended higher than all the heavens, so that he might fill the entire universe with himself. Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ. Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.’ Ephesians 4:1-16(NLT)

‘Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth. ‘ 2 Timothy 2:15(NLT)

‘And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.’ Hebrews 10:25(NLT)

Godly parenting might seem like a daunting task. However, the good news for us as Christians is that we are not alone in our walk with the Lord. We have a bigger family, the church of God, to help us in every aspect of our spiritual life. This includes parenting. We need to be devoted to God’s church by attending a local Christian congregation. When our church meets on Sunday for corporate worship, we should be there. If our church has a mid-week service, we should try to attend it. When we do, we experience the teaching of the Word of God together as a family. 

Many churches also have Bible studies that meet at various times and discuss different subjects. There might be a parenting class among the topics taught at our local church. The Bible says that when we meet together, we can exhort and encourage each other. Iron sharpens iron is a biblical expression that means that we can help each other and learn from each other. Since parenting is not an easy task, we should take advantage of any training and equipping a local church can offer. 

We are all students of the Word of God. When we get taught at our church, we can then go home and pass this knowledge on to our children. At home, we can practice living out the Word of God that we heard at church. Hearing the Word together as a family makes the job even easier. We can later discuss it together and help answer any questions our children might have. In other words, the church trains parents and the parents train children.

The church provides us with opportunities to serve and get trained in the Word of God in a practical way. We can come early to usher for the Sunday service. Or we can attend an outreach to the homeless the church might organize to learn compassion. We can involve our children in a youth group. They can even participate in leadership on their own level by leading a youth Bible Study or singing at a youth worship service. The church of God is an amazing place God provided for us to learn the Word of God together. The church helps us to accomplish our task of raising godly children. 

from How To Be A Good Christian Parent

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A Limited Parent

‘Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors.’ Deuteronomy 11:19-21(NLT)

‘Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Proverbs 4:23(NLT)

‘“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the Lord , search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.”’ Jeremiah 17:9-10(NLT)

‘You brood of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. ‘ Matthew 12:34(NLT)

‘and human hands can’t serve his needs—for he has no needs. He himself gives life and breath to everything, and he satisfies every need. ‘ Acts of the Apostles 17:25(NLT)

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.’ 1 Peter 5:7(NLT)

‘For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. ‘ Hebrews 4:12(NLT)

As godly parents, we also need to know our limits. Only God can convert our children. Only God can transform them. In all of our parenting, we must aim at the heart. Our children’s hearts are the battleground of their lives. This is where they will make the most important decisions. The content of their hearts is also the problem they will face throughout their lives. The Bible tells us that everything that concerns our lives flows from our hearts. Christ reiterated that when He said in the Gospels that we speak words with our mouth, but they originate from the abundance of our hearts.

The Bible also tells us that only God knows the depths of our hearts. In other words, the only solution for the human heart is the power of God. Only God can transform us from the inside out. This transformation happens on the inside through God’s Word. Our children need to hear God’s Word and see it applied in our lives. This will transform their hearts. Even though as parents we address our children’s behavior, we need to be more concerned about their hearts. We need to keep pointing our children to the Gospel and to the Lord through our instruction and by our own example. 

Our emphasis on the heart should come naturally. It should become part of our daily routine. The Old Testament says that we should discuss God’s instructions and commandments with our children when we sit at home and when we walk in the park, before we go to sleep and when we wake up in the morning. We don’t need to pretend or be legalistic about this but to demonstrate to our children that we genuinely love the Lord and practice His Word daily. 

God is involved in every part of human life. He cares for us. He is there in mundane things, and He is there in the very overt spiritual things. The Scripture says that the Lord gives us life, and breath, and all things. Our very existence is His gift. We need to demonstrate this truth to our children. 

from How To Be A Good Christian Parent

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A Family-First Parent

‘“Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.’ Deuteronomy 6:4-9(NLT)

‘“So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors.’ Deuteronomy 11:18-21(NLT)

‘So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ‘ Galatians 6:9(NLT)

‘As we pray to our God and Father about you, we think of your faithful work, your loving deeds, and the enduring hope you have because of our Lord Jesus Christ.’ 1 Thessalonians 1:3(NLT)

As a parent, you need to love your spouse. However, you also need to love your family. That means that you need to put your family first. We live in a busy world. It is so easy to get involved with many different things. It is easy to allow work and other activities to occupy all of our time. Spending quality time together with our family will not happen automatically. Sometimes, it requires a sacrifice. Nevertheless, we need to be intentional about our time together as a family. We need to make our family a priority.

Have meals together. Do fun activities together. Play together. You need to have leisure time and enjoy each other, but you also need to have serious, heartfelt conversations with your children. Sometimes we are really tired when we get home. Often, we allow that to rob us of the time we should spend with our children. We miss the opportunity of having meaningful substantive conversations with them.

Be intentional about creating quality times with your children. Guard your time together. You can volunteer at their school or coach a sport they are interested in. Or you can engage your children in an activity that you are doing. For example, if you are allowed to bring your children to your office or you work for yourself, take your children to work with you. Let them see what you do for living. Maybe, they will help. Maybe, they can learn a skill. Other times, take your children with you when you go shopping. Let them be part of daily family responsibilities. Create special time with them and also engage them in your activities; both will help them enjoy your company. Children will always appreciate that. 

Raising children is an expensive undertaking. It not only has financial costs, but it requires time, energy, and emotional resources. When you get weary, ask the Holy Spirit to replenish you. Remember your children are the greatest investment you will ever make. It is a lifelong investment. As hard as it is, it will be worth it in the end if you do it right. 

from How To Be A Good Christian Parent

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A Loving Parent

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.’ John 17:21(NLT)

‘Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ Proverbs 22:6(NLT)

‘Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. ‘ Romans 13:1(NLT)

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

‘Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:14(NLT)

‘No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.’ Hebrews 12:11(NLT)

Your marriage is an important part of your parenting. In fact, it’s vital. You and your spouse are the one relationship that is before your children’s eyes daily. It is the primary relationship where you can demonstrate to your children your own devotion to God and to His Word. Are you loving the person that God has given you in marriage?

Are husbands loving their wives as Christ loved and laid down His life for the Church? Are wives respecting their husbands in the way the Scripture teaches? Parents’ relationship to children is a relationship based on authority. To show your children how to properly relate to someone in authority and how to properly exercise authority, you need to model to them how to live under the authority of God in your own lives. How you treat your spouse is very important. This is another area where you need to examine your heart daily. 

You need to make your spouse a priority over any other relationship in your life. Do you spend time with your spouse? Do you give gifts to each other? Are you kind in your daily exchanges? Do you forgive each other? Do you pray and worship God together? Do you help each other around the house? Do you consult with each other about money? Are you respectful to your spouse in front of your children? Your children are like sponges: they absorb everything they see you do. They remember everything they hear you say. 

You and your spouse should also agree on how you parent. Your children should never find “an easier parent.” You should be one in the way you relate to your children. In other words, your children should not get a “no” from mom regarding an activity or a purchase andthen go to dad behind mom’s back and get a “yes.” Always consult each other. If you do not know what the other parent would say, tell your children to wait for the answer until you are in agreement on the matter. Your children will respect that. They might not say it at the moment, but they will love that their mom and dad love and respect each other. 

from How To Be A Good Christian Parent

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A Patient Parent

‘“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.’ Exodus 20:12(NLT)

‘“Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.’ Deuteronomy 5:16(NLT)

‘A wise child accepts a parent’s discipline; a mocker refuses to listen to correction.’ Proverbs 13:1(NLT)

‘They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. ‘ Romans 1:30(NLT)

‘So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ‘ Galatians 6:9(NLT)

‘Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.’ Ephesians 6:1-4(NLT)

‘Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. ‘ Colossians 3:20(NLT)

Any person who has children can tell you that parenting might very well be the hardest job in the world. If you are a Christian parent, the work does not get easier because you want to raise your children to honor God. The Scriptures tell the parents to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The Scriptures also tell the children to obey their parents, which does not always happen. Disobedience adds to parenting being difficult. With the tension between the encouragement of the Scriptures and the reality of life, how does one become a godly Christian parent? 

First, parenting is a lifelong endeavor. You are a parent for the rest of your life. You parent your children while they are under your roof. And you can still counsel them after they leave your house. Once you become a parent, you never stop being a parent. It is an ongoing effort, so you need patience, diligence, and endurance. You have to stay at it. You must do the right thing day in and day out. You must be kind to your children whether you had a good day at work or not. You must love them daily, continually and consistently. 

If you want to teach your children something, you must invest time into it. So if you want your children to play a musical instrument, you cannot just take them to lessons for several months and then let them quit. You need to invest years of encouragement, finances, and time into this activity. The same goes for sports. Of course, this is also true about spiritual disciplines. In other words, if you want your children to love the Lord, you need to pray together frequently. You need to study the Bible together regularly. You should go to and serve in a church together. Parenting is a long-term commitment. 

The Bible promises us that we reap what we sow as long as we do not quit. This is especially true with parenting. We cannot expect immediate results with our children. We cannot raise microwave Christians. Raising godly children takes time and patience. Actually, it takes a long time and a lot of patience. The fruit, however, is most rewarding. 

from How To Be A Good Christian Parent