Category: 1st Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

Taking Care of You: Personal Health

‘Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.’ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20(NLT)

‘Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way! “My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.” Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”’ Matthew 11:26-30(NLT)

‘But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.’ Luke 5:16(NLT)

Devotional

I don’t think we often recognize the importance of taking care of our health in taking care of our marriage. I look at “issues in marriage” lists all the time and have yet to see personal health crack a list. Yet, when we surveyed couples in writing this book, it was one of the areas of concern. The problem is that we just don’t talk about it very much as it relates to marriage.  

Look at it this way. If you are working on your marriage (and you are, or you would not be reading this plan), you want it to be better. The better it gets, the more time you want to have together. Right? So taking care of yourself is really good for your marriage. It starts with a daily routine of good hygiene which makes routine checkups with the doctor and dentist a lot easier. Then how would you rate your physical conditioning? If you are in pretty good shape, keep doing what you are doing. If you aren’t, start somewhere! Take a walk. Join a gym. Get a personal trainer. Do push ups. Any exercise is better than none. Hopefully, as you get in better shape, you will feel better and and that will motivate you to keep it up.  

In the United States, many people don’t eat well. I get it! Unhealthy food can taste a lot better than healthy food – until you get used to it. It’s really about balance. I love a good hamburger and fries but I can’t eat that every day. So Nancy and I eat healthily during the week so we can splurge a little on the weekends. It works well for us.  

This next point is really for the guys because, in general, I don’t think we do this well. If you are having a health issue, go see a doctor. Most likely it is an easy fix and if it needs more, the sooner the better. Taking this whole idea of taking care of yourself seriously  will help your marriage. You will look better and feel better and you can get back to pursuing each other like you used to. That is a key to a lasting relationship.

Today’s Challenge

Take time to answer these questions together:

How much sleep do you get on average? Is it enough?

How healthfully do you eat? Do you need to make changes?

How often do you exercise? Is it adequate to keep you healthy?

When was the last time you had a medical checkup? Do you need to make an appointment?

How can you support each other in developing a plan for the best personal health possible?

Going Deeper

As part of taking care of yourself, set a time each year to evaluate yourselves on personal health issues. Hold each other accountable. Most of all, enjoy the fruits of your hard work!

from 14 Keys To Lasting Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

Marriage on Hold: Kids

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:22-25(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Devotional:

Nancy and I were married five years when our son was born. Almost three years later, our daughter was born. Both were answers to prayer as we had waited a long time to be a mom and a dad. Going into parenthood, we had a good marriage. We had worked through a number of our issues. It was far from perfect, but we were headed in the right direction. 

We had two goals as we entered into this stage of life together. We wanted to be the best parents we could be, and we wanted to have the marriage God had for us. It seemed like the right plan, and we set out with confidence, but with no clue how difficult both would be. At times, there were temptations to put all of our time and energy into the kids. They were active and involved in so much, and we loved it all.  

We had a choice. We could put our marriage on hold and live for the kids, or we could keep our marriage strong and work at balance. We choose number two. Why? First, God tells us to put Him first and our marriage second. There is no addendum that says “put kids above marriage while they are in the home.” Second, we knew from five years of working on our marriage that we could not coast. Our marriage needed consistent attention, and the absolute last thing we wanted was for our kids to grow up in a broken home. 

The pressures to have a child-centered home were probably as strong then as they are today. We saw couples we knew make that choice. Sadly, many of those marriages did not survive. It is not much fun being married to a stranger. This is what we experienced. God honored our decision. I have no doubt that we were better parents because we followed His plan and our marriage was better too. We received the best of both worlds. How about you? Which plan will you choose?

Today’s Challenge:

If someone on the outside took an honest look at your family, would they see it as child-centered or as balanced, with the marriage as first priority? Share your answers with each other.

Going Deeper:

Culturally, most of us feel pressure to put our marriage on hold while raising kids, at least to some extent. What are those pressures for the two of you? How will you navigate them together?

Resource:

Discover the 14 secrets to a lasting and loving marriage.

In this fresh, insightful marriage book, Dr. Kim talks directly to couples, showing you that marriage isn’t just meant to make you happy but to make you holy. Over the years, through his ministry, he’s conducted countless couples surveys. He knows what you struggle with and what areas of marriage scare you. He knows what you want and what you don’t want. By looking at 14 major areas of marriage, Dr. Kim shows couples how to stay on the right track. Through chapters on empathy, personal health, conflict behavior, talking, intimacy, sex, and more, you’ll learn how to have the happy, connected marriage you’ve dreamed of.

from 14 Keys To Lasting Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Sword of the Spirit

‘May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. ‘ Romans 15:5(NLT)

‘Jesus knew their thoughts and replied, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart. ‘ Matthew 12:25(NLT)

‘So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.’ Romans 14:19(NLT)

Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus. Romans 15:5 NASB

“Satan spends most of his time trying to divide couples in their marriage. He does this because he knows that God’s power and glory are both accessed and magnified through unity.”  Tony Evans

Lord, Jesus spoke these words, “Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself will not stand,” (Matthew 12:25). I take up the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God and rebuke any attempt to bring about or continue disunity in my marriage. A house divided against itself will not stand, so I refuse to accept and remain in a disunified state of mind with my spouse. Father God, bring our hearts, minds and our spirits together where we have disunity. Your Word says we are to “pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another,” (Romans 14:19). You have made it clear. We as spouses are to seek, to say and do things that build each other up in You.

Give us insight and wisdom for how to do that. I don’t always know what is going to build up my spouse in You. I may think it is one thing when it is actually something different which will be impactful toward that end. So Lord please help my mind to be in tune to say and do the things which will truly build my spouse up in You. Whether it’s the words I text, speak or whatever I do that involves my spouse, let it be something prompted by You in order to build us up and to unify us as a couple under You. In Christ’s name. Amen.

from Prayers For Unity In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Helmet of Salvation

‘Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.’ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20(NLT)

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NASB

“Unity occurs when we combine our unique differences together as we head toward a common goal. It is the sense that the thing that we are gathered for and moving toward is bigger than our own individual preferences.” Tony Evans

Lord, through Christ’s death and resurrection, You provided me with salvation for eternity. Jesus laid down His life so that my eternal salvation would be secured. You bought me with a price through the sacrifice of Your Son. Because of this truth, I exist to glorify You with my life. So does my spouse. We are not our own. Our purpose is to bring You glory through our choices, words and the state of our hearts.

Help us to relinquish our will and rights to having our own way in order to honor You in unity together. Give us the bigger picture of Your kingdom and remind us of our greatest purpose which is to glorify You. Disunity is rebellion because disunity sets my desires and will above Yours. Disunity says I lay claim to my life, my body and my choices with no regard to Christ’s sacrifice and Your gift of salvation through the forgiveness of sins.

Unity reflects hearts of surrender under You, Lord, which is what Your Word says we are to do based on Christ’s redemption of us. Give us this reminder when things are disunified in our marriage, and enable us to overcome the challenges we face in order that we might unify our hearts in alignment under You. In Christ’s name, amen.

from Prayers For Unity In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Shield of Faith

‘Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.’ Romans 12:4-5(NLT)

For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Romans 12:4-5 NASB

“Unity does not mean uniformity or sameness. Unity means oneness of purpose. Just as the Godhead is made up of three distinct Persons—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit—each unique in personhood, yet at the same time one in essence, unity reflects a oneness that does not negate individuality.” Tony Evans

Dear God, my spouse and I have some things in common but we also have a number of differences. These come in a variety of places—You know them all. Sometimes they are okay for us to handle, but other times it gets frustrating. When I do get frustrated, I lose faith that it is even possible to be unified when we are so obviously different. But You didn’t say we had to be the same to be unified. Rather, our unity should reflect what Paul wrote in Romans that the members of Your body do not have the same function, but they are still one body and members of each other.

It is easier to understand unity and to have faith that we can obtain it when I understand that You are not calling me to be like my spouse, but rather to be like-minded with my spouse, under You.

Where our spiritual perspectives and life views differ, please unify us under Your truth. As we align our thoughts, beliefs and values under You, we will naturally be more unified with each other.

Also, Father, help us to enjoy and allow each other’s differences within the unique personalities You have chosen to give us. Provide the insight we need to understand that unity does not mean we have to like the same music, events or TV shows, but rather, unity means our minds, thoughts, joint purposes and morals need to be aligned under Your Word. When we live in faith trusting in Your Word, we will be unified. In Christ’s name, amen.

from Prayers For Unity In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Shoes of Peace

‘Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:3(NLT)

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:3 NIV

“Many husbands and wives work as a team to provide for the emotional, spiritual and overall needs of their family. How beautiful it is when they bring that sense of teamwork home and model it for their children and for others in their spheres of influence.” Tony Evans

Lord, unity takes effort. If it didn’t, Paul wouldn’t have written what he did to the church at Ephesus. He told them to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit.” Forgive us as a couple when we feel entitled to unity from our spouse simply because we are married. Forgive me when I expect my spouse to get on the same page with me when I think I am in the right.

Unity takes effort. Effort comes in the form of humility, listening, grace, understanding, patience and also wisdom. Provide me with these virtues in a greater measure so that I can do my part to work toward keeping the unity in our marriage. Provide the same to my spouse, and help us both to respond to each other with peace when the other has neglected these things. Let that peace be a reminder that our unity is a critical tool in Your hands to advance Your kingdom and to bring about Your purpose for us. In Christ’s name, amen.

from Prayers For Unity In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Breastplate of Righteousness

‘Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.’ Philippians 2:2(NLT)

…make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Philippians 2:2 NASB

“Marriage is a sacred covenant not just a social contract. God promised to bless the male and female and their offspring if they faithfully functioned in accordance with His rule.” Tony Evans

Father, Your blessings and favor are critical for our marriage to reach Your intended destiny for us. Yet Your blessings and favor don’t come automatically to us simply because we are married. We seek them by living, thinking and loving according to Your established plan. Help us to view our marriage as more than a relationship to bring each of us pleasure or to satisfy our needs. Help us to view it as the sacred covenant You intended it to be. When we view marriage through Your lens and with Your perspective, it will motivate and inspire us to live in greater unity than we experience right now.

We ask that where it is our place to bend, grow or be united with each other on a deeper level that You will give us the desire and ability to do so. Please also provide the ability and willingness for that to happen. When we function together being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, and intent on Your purpose, we will be fulfilling Your kingdom agenda for our home. That is my prayer for us as a couple. In Christ’s name, amen.

from Prayers For Unity In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Belt of Truth

‘and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ‘ Mark 10:8(NLT)

‘I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me. ‘ John 17:23(NLT)

The two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Mark 10:8 NIV

“One of the elements of God’s rule is His heart for oneness, also known as unity. Unity can be defined in its simplest of terms as oneness of purpose. It is working together in harmony toward a shared vision and goal.”  Tony Evans

Dear Lord, unity in our marriage is about so much more than just agreeing on things. Your Word tells us that our unity actually reflects You to others. Our disunity reveals how far we are from You in our spiritual lives and character. Help us to keep a mindset of unity that is tied to the truth in Your Word, rather than view our decisions and disagreements as competition of thoughts and will.

Jesus described the purpose of unity when He said, “I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me,” (John 17:23). Unity is our way of sharing and validating Your love not only for Christ and that You sent Him, but also for all of us.

Jesus said we are “perfected in unity.” That being so, we are far from perfected when we quarrel or hold strong to our own desires or decisions, with no regard for our mate. Help me—help us—to be perfected spiritually through the sanctifying process of unity in our marriage. In Christ’s name. Amen.

from Prayers For Unity In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Scarlet Letter’s Book

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. ‘ Ephesians 4:2(NLT)

Author of The Scarlet Letter, one of the first mass-produced books in America, Nathaniel Hawthorne did not only owe his success to the daily encouragement of his wife, but also because he was given an opportunity to write this amazing creation. 

When Nathaniel lost his job, he returned home to tell his wife that he was a failure. What surprised him was when his wife replied, “Now you can write your book!”  

“How are we able to live while I’m writing a book?” His amazing wife took out a lot of cash. “Where did you get so much money?”

The wife answered, “I’ve known for a long time that you are a genius and you will write an amazing book. Therefore, I scrimped and saved from our grocery money every week. This money is enough for our living expenses for one year.” Hawthorne finally wrote the best book that he had ever written—The Scarlet Letter.

This story gives an illustration of the importance of a constructive relationship in a family. Nathaniel would not have been able to produce this amazing book without the support and help from his wife. If a husband and a wife could support and build one another, they could turn many problems into an opportunity to produce something extraordinary.

Prayer: Lord, teach us to work together in building our marriage, family, and future. Teach us to support and strengthen one another in everything that we are going through. Amen. 

from You and Me, Forever

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1st Marriage ZZ

True Love

‘Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:14(NLT)

If my child asked me, “Mommy, how do I find true love?” This is what I would say: “Love is an attitude of your mind and heart. Love is not dependent on appearance, physical strength or romantic ambiance”.

“Your dad did not arrange romantic dinners or a second honeymoon. He did not bring me flowers. What he did was to repair my car and ensure that the tank was filled so I would not be stranded. He cleaned the carpet when grandma was scheduled to come, not because he cared about clean carpet, but because he knew I cared. Even though your dad did not like pets, when our cat died, he buried it for me. He comforted me when I cried and encouraged me to adopt kittens. So, remember, true love – continuous kindness – may come disguised, and often goes unnoticed.”

Love is not only shown by giving something expensive or something spectacular. Often, love is shown through continuous concern and the attitude of selfless serving. Let our family life be filled with care and service to one another, so that love will continue growing in our families. 

Prayer: Lord, teach us to be more sensitive to see the needs of our spouses and children. Give us the desire to serve and do the best for our families. Amen. 

from You and Me, Forever