Category: 1st Marriage

‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ‘ Philippians 4:6(NLT)

‘But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. Some manuscripts add For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’ Matthew 6:6-13(NLT)

Jason and Kristy are best friends who’ve been married 10 years. They’re often on the road with their hound and four kids, adventuring to water, mountains, and family. 

Kristy:

“Holy Spirit we invite You into this marriage. We need You in this marriage. We invite You to our wedding, to our honeymoon, and to our life when we go back home together.” Everything was planned for on our wedding day. Then my new husband did something unplanned. He whispered this impromptu prayer at the altar. I didn’t know how this prayer would move through time and situations to bring more freedom and blessing than we ever anticipated. It’s moments like these, when you discover the power of prayer, that you’re inspired to humbly lift your priorities and thanks to God. 

The more I pray, the more I realize God doesn’t usually move your life in the exact direction of your prayers. However, the more you pray, the more you become sure He’s working for your good as He moves within and through your life. Deciding to pray—both together and apart—won’t make your marriage easy or perfect, but it will make it whole. Almost ten years in, our prayer sounds like this, “God, what’s Your mission for our marriage?” 

Jason:

As Kristy mentioned, I vowed to make prayer a part of our marriage early on. But, most of my prayers are full of information for God. “Hey God, Kristy’s kind of giving me a hard time today,” or, “I’m kind of a grump today. Can You help?” Or maybe, “The boys’ asthma is acting up, the house needs work, our van needs a mechanic, and money is tight right now, God. Did You know that?” Don’t get me wrong, I thank Him for stuff too, but even my thanksgiving is full of info. “God, this thing and that project and this relationship is working out—thanks for that.” You know what I realized recently? Prayer is far less about making God more aware of your life, and far more about making your life more aware of Him. So, now I pray to make my marriage, my family, my work, and even my stuff more aware of Him. I still tell God about how life is going because we’re close and I like to share my life with Him. But now when I pray, I also let His truth, His presence, and His love speak to my life about who He is. How? By listening. Next time you pray, spend as much time listening as you do talking. And spend as many words honoring Him as you do informing Him. 

Pray: If you’re married, pray with your spouse today out loud and decide when you’ll pray together next. If you’re not married, now’s the perfect time to make prayer a regular part of your life. 

from The Vow

‘For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, ‘ Ephesians 5:8-14(NLT)

‘How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word.’ Psalms 119:9(NLT)

‘Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. ‘ 1 Timothy 4:12(NLT)

‘But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. ‘ 1 John 1:9(NLT)

When James met Mandy, he knew she was the one. Mandy … not so much. But, years of friendship became a wonderful marriage. A year into marriage, they consider purity one of their most important commitments.

Mandy:

I grew up around church, so when I was a kid, all my friends talked about purity. Purity rings were all the rage. I assumed purity was something about not giving your body to a boy. To me, that meant no kissing or anything else until marriage. I think a lot of people view purity this way. It’s all about not doing something physical. Since then, I’ve learned it’s way more than that. Purity is about your heart. 

Purity is way less about not doing something, and way more about doing something. When James and I were dating, instead of merely avoiding something, we chose to pursue Christ first. When you truly seek God with all your heart, He helps you remain pure. Now that we’re married, we’re still pure. But that doesn’t mean we’re abstaining! I’ll never forget a moment on our honeymoon. Full of emotion, I realized how holy marriage really is. I looked at James, and said, “I get it now, more than ever. Choosing purity was so worth it.” So, even if you’ve made mistakes, you can still choose purity because purity is about pursuing Christ with all your heart. I promise you—it’s worth it. 

James:

Unlike Mandy, I didn’t grow up around church. Purity was a huge challenge. During my teenage years I developed an unhealthy view of women and a destructive relationship with pornography. After graduating high school, I gave my life to Christ. I knew I wanted to marry someone who pursued Jesus with everything they had. I also knew winning over a girl like that meant I needed to pursue Jesus with obedience. So, I changed my phone settings to only access websites I needed for work. Also, I had a close friend of mine regularly ask me how I was doing. My pastor, Craig Groeschel, put it well when he said, “Why resist a temptation tomorrow that you can eliminate today?” A year into marriage, Mandy and I realize the vow of purity remains just as important today as it was before we ever met. And like Mandy said, it’s worth it. 

Tell Someone: If you’re struggling with purity whether you’re married or not, today is your day to open up to people you love and respect. Shame grows in the dark, but you’ve been set free by the light of the world!

from The Vow

‘But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:6-9(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:31-33(NLT)

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12(NLT)

Married 17 years, Michael and Shelley work together, play together, eat together, love together, and parent three daughters together. They see marriage as a partnership of “one flesh.” But it wasn’t always that way.

Shelley:

Early in our marriage, I dreaded football season. Michael would want to enjoy a day of football while I saw Saturday as “honey do” day. After several football seasons of frustration, I decided to pray. I just wanted my husband to do the things I wanted to do (selfish, I know). God helped me with a thought like this, “Can you love what he loves?” Saturday football became “our” thing. Guess what happened next? Michael began pausing the game to help me with my projects. God helped me realize I hadn’t been treating my husband like a partner. In fact, I didn’t even understand what partnership was. Today, our marriage is stronger than ever. We’re one flesh—three strands that can’t easily be broken. And that’s largely because we’ve learned to love each other by loving each other’s passions.

Michael: 

Shelley and I have been partners for a while, so it’s easy to take her for granted. Sometimes I feel like I’m the one doing all the work while she just coasts on my momentum. (I know, I know.) And when I do, I bet she feels the same way about me. Recently, Shelley went out of town for an entire week, and any notions that I was creating the momentum left with her. Just trying to style hair, pack lunches, make coffee, and get the kids on the bus—things we do together every day—were overwhelming. It’s been 17 years, and I’m still learning we have unique strengths in this partnership. Her strengths complement my weaknesses, and mine hers. We fit. The two of us are becoming “one flesh.” It’s not that she completes me. Only God does that. But, with Him we’re two complete individuals being forged in the fires of our passions and adversity into something totally new. And, believe me, we’re so much better together.

Pray: God, help me see marriage as a partnership of passions, a two becoming one. Help me to not look to my own desires or to a spouse for my fulfillment, but to You. Help me to come to marriage whole, ready for partnership.

from The Vow
 

‘We love each other because he loved us first.’ 1 John 4:19(NLT)

‘Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you, I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News. Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God himself. For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. We are in this struggle together. You have seen my struggle in the past, and you know that I am still in the midst of it.’ Philippians 1:27-30(NLT)

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:21-25(NLT)

‘Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.’ Matthew 6:21(NLT)

Ryan and Ashia are High School sweethearts. After three years of dating, they finally got married only 5 months before writing today’s devotional about mutual pursuit!

Ryan:

The first thing I had to learn in marriage was that pursuit didn’t end at the altar. I always told myself growing up that I’d never be a workaholic who never spent time with his family. I didn’t realize how easy it was to fall into that trap. Just weeks into our marriage, I had to learn to not always bring home my work frustrations, to-do lists, or even my computer. I’ve started to pray on my way home for God’s help to slow down and intentionally shift my mind and heart from my work to my wife. Confusing wife and work—just doesn’t work. It’s way too easy to tell yourself, “My wife will always be here. I need to give more to work now so I can enjoy her later.” But what you treasure and pursue now is where you’ll end up later. Jesus taught us in Matthew 6:21 that where your treasure is found is the same place your heart is found. The Vow of Pursuit is about knowing where your treasure is and never giving up your search for it. 

Ashia:

For Ryan and me, marriage brought with it a built-in accountability partner to keep our hearts pursuing God, always. We regularly challenge each other to grow our love and passion for God and His word. As a result, my desire to pursue Ryan increases. At the same time, I see his heart open with care and passion for me. This vow to pursue God, then each other, has made dating better and our marriage stronger.

Sounds perfect, right? Well, it’s only taken a few months of marriage to realize we fall short of this ideal. I find myself wanting to pursue Ryan by trying to meet all of his needs myself. Then, I swing the opposite direction, trying to take care of only myself instead. This back and forth can be hurtful and endless until I remember our challenge to pursue God first. You see, when I pursue God, He in turn creates a desire in me to serve and pursue Ryan. And when I trust God and Ryan, I find my needs are met. It’s a side-by-side kind of pursuit. To paraphrase the Apostle Paul from Philippians 1:27, Ryan and I are standing firm in one Spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel. How does all this pursuing work so well? Because God first pursued us. 

Plan Something: If you’re married, plan a date, a lunch, or even just a conversation to rekindle pursuit. If you’re not married, write down what you want pursuit of God and each other to look like in your marriage.

from The Vow 

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

‘“You must not have any other god but me.’ Exodus 20:3(NLT)

‘Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ‘ Matthew 22:37-39(NLT)

‘“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ‘ John 15:5(NLT)

‘They even did more than we had hoped, for their first action was to give themselves to the Lord and to us, just as God wanted them to do.’ 2 Corinthians 8:5(NLT)

Jonathan and Michelle have been married for 10 years and feel they’re at their best while serving others and laughing around the table with friends.

Jonathan:

“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”

Seems simple. I don’t worship gods of other religions.  Of course I don’t bow down to a fictitious higher power or follow the teachings of other faiths. Check. I’ve got that commandment on lock. And what does this have to do with marriage?

Not so fast. Try reading it like this, “have no other thing or no other person before me.” Things I can easily put above Christ: my marriage, my job, my kids, my health, and more. All good things. Until they move God out of the top spot. Then they’re gods. Here’s what I’ve realized: when the demands of life feel overwhelming, it’s often because I’ve put something or somebody before God. 

Putting nothing before Christ isn’t easy, but it’s for your good. When your priorities are in order—God first and marriage second—there’s not just harmony in your marriage, but there’s a deep peace, comfort, and spiritual confidence in you that can’t be stopped. 

Michelle:

Too often, I find myself realizing I’ve accidentally replaced God as #1 and Jonathan as my #2 with other things simply by lacking clear priorities! I’ve even put my favorite hobbies first! 

Putting God first means intentional time with Him, reading His Word, seeking Him first above everything. Everything! And it doesn’t just affect me. When my priorities are wrong, my needs aren’t met, and I end up looking to Jonathan to meet them. Basically, I ask him to put me first. That’s simply not fair. Only God can fill my needs completely. Thankfully, I’m learning and relearning my marriage can only be as strong as I am strong in the Lord. And putting God first is the only way that works! 

Pray: God, what have I put first? Second? Third? Will You give me the strength to have the conversations and make the decisions I need to get my priorities in order? Amen. 

from The Vow

‘For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.’ Isaiah 43:19(NLT)

‘He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.’ Psalms 147:3(NLT)

‘And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.’ Romans 8:28-30(NLT)

‘That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.’ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18(NLT)

For the next six days, you’ll hear from six couples who’ve made the vows of marriage—but not just the standard wedding vows. These vows of preparation, priority, pursuit, partnership, purity, and prayer are the vows that make marriages work long past the wedding. 

Tyler and Beth weren’t prepared to meet each other via text message, but they were prepared for marriage. When they finally met face to face, the rest was history! 

Beth:

When two hearts combine, it’s a beautiful thing—but it’s not all pretty. A healthy relationship requires honesty, even about your baggage. My baggage looked like emotional scars from a previous marriage. My trust was wrecked and my fears were inflated like airbags. Still, In Isaiah 43:19, God told His people not to dwell on the past but to recognize that He’s doing something new. I sensed God had something new in store for me, too. So, I decided to get intentional about preparing. 

I prayed. I consistently read God’s Word. I listened to wise friends. I saw a counselor. I studied books about healing. And I waited patiently on God’s timing.

Through it all, God used my negative experiences and my healing to reshape me. Then, when my heart met Tyler’s, we just fit. I love how He does that. Now, when the old fears try to creep back in, I have the trust to talk about them and the strength to fight them. 

Tyler:

I’ve been praying for my future wife since I was a teenager. Over the years, I felt like God gave me specific words to focus on: “intentionality,” “patience,” and “consistency.”

When I met Beth, I quickly knew she was the one I’d been praying for. She was always honest about how she was feeling and what she struggled with which helped me be honest with her about my own pains from the past. We’d constantly remind each other of the truth found in Psalm 147:3 that God heals the broken. As we dated, we lived out the three words God gave me. We loved each other with intentionality, patience, and consistency.

It’s incredible to recount how God prepared us not just for marriage, but for each other. And yeah, I got the girl I prayed for, but I keep praying because preparation doesn’t end at the altar. I pray God will continue to prepare us and remake us for each new thing He does. 

from The Vow