Category: 1st Marriage

‘The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.’ Lamentations 3:22-23(NLT)

‘For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.’ Isaiah 43:19 (NLT)

‘Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches. ‘ Revelation 2:5(NLT)

‘Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:1-4(NLT)

‘Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. ‘ 1 Corinthians 16:13(NLT)

‘Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.’ Romans 13:10(NLT)

From Leanna, married to Zach for less than a year

After Zach and I got married, we basked in the excitement of being newlyweds: our first night as a married couple, our first road trip, our first big purchase. We even slightly enjoyed our first married argument.

After several months, the novelty of our married life had worn off. We went to work, we came home, we ate dinner, we watched a show, we went to bed, and we started the whole process over in the morning.

We realized that we needed to start fresh and make investing in our marriage a priority, so we committed to reading devotionals like this together. One of our devotionals encouraged us to pursue one another as if we had just started dating. Before I left the house the next morning, I wrote encouraging words on sticky notes and placed them all over the house.

Not only did these notes make Zach feel loved, they spurred him on. I returned home to find out he’d planned an entire date night. I was so giddy you would’ve thought he was taking me out on our first date.

If you’re feeling stuck in a rut, try something new! Let your spouse know they’re loved. Because love isn’t just an action or a feeling. It’s an intentional choice.

From Zach, married to Leanna for less than a year 

On social media, our first six months of marriage looked like a blast, but in all honesty, Leanna and I were facing battles neither of us expected. I had been turned down by my dream job, her grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, my grandfather unexpectedly passed away, and with demanding schedules, we found little time to spend together.

Something needed to change.

We decided that instead of trying to face our problems individually, we were going to face them together. We started praying and reading the Word together. We began scheduling date nights and starting meaningful conversations over dinner.

We have a saying now: “I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.” These words remind us that our marriage is always starting fresh today.

Whatever your relationship status is with each other, or with God, it’s possible to be like a newlywed and start fresh in your pursuit.

from Relationship Goals

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

‘Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.’ Proverbs 4:25(NLT)

‘Take delight in the Lord , and he will give you your heart’s desires.’ Psalms 37:4(NLT)

‘Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”’ John 4:13-14(NLT)

‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. ‘ Hebrews 12:1-3(NLT)

From Madison, single and thriving

In April of 2018, I decided to be intentionally single for the remainder of the year. As someone who wants to get married one day, this idea seemed scary. What if I met the perfect guy but couldn’t pursue a relationship because of this commitment? I struggled with these thoughts, but after spending time in prayer, I knew this was the right thing for me to do. 

Over the next several months, God taught me a number of things which I think are true for everyone, regardless of relationship status.

1: I needed to eliminate distractions. 

The writer of Hebrews told us to keep focused on Christ, and I realized pretty quickly that my desire to find someone was distracting me from following Jesus. Staying single allowed me to refocus my life on what mattered. Your distractions may be different, and most likely your solution will be, too. But what can you do, both inside and outside of your relationships, to make it easier to focus on Jesus?

2: I needed to go to God for satisfaction.

God has put in each of us the need for community and some kind of companionship. But sometimes we’d rather forgo God’s timing and rush ahead to find the things we want now. Unfortunately, when we do this, we often end up unsatisfied. No matter what you’re searching for, God wants you to trust Him to satisfy all your needs. Plus, I think my married friends would tell you it doesn’t work to try and satisfy your deepest needs in your spouse. 

3: I needed to ask God to give me His desires.

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Before this season, I had an idea of what I was looking for in a spouse, but my picture wasn’t clear. So, I prayed that God would fill my heart with His desires. Over time, God changed my perspective of what I was waiting for. If you haven’t done so already, regularly talk to God, seek Him through reading the Bible, and ask Him what He wants for your life.

Whatever stage of life you’re in, whatever your relationship status is, it’s a gift. God can use this place to help you become more like Christ. 

Consider: Are there any deep desires you’re trying to satisfy in a person rather than in your relationship with God?  

from Relationship Goals

‘and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ‘ Mark 10:8(NLT)

‘Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses. ‘ 1 Timothy 6:12(NLT)

‘Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. ‘ Hebrews 13:8(NLT)

‘“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:4-6(NLT)

From Jon, married to Mandi for over 17 years

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. An atheist and a casual Christian walk into a church … to get married. 

Ah, yes. The fairy-tale romance. Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Boy and girl cheat on each other. God is ignored. Nine years after they declared before God and family, “’Til death do us part,” it’s clear to both of them that they aren’t going to make it. That was Mandi and me. 

But God had other plans for us. Mandi started attending our church, Life.Church, and it wasn’t long before I joined her. That’s when our lives were quite literally changed forever. 

We decided that if God was who He said He was, He could make our marriage work. It did take work. There were hard conversations, confessions, and tears. But we were reminded through God’s Word that “the two had become one.” 

We might not have taken our vows seriously when we married, but God did. We were reminded through 1 Timothy to “Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses.” So, we kept fighting and held tightly to Jesus, trusting Him to restore our marriage. It hasn’t been easy, and to reference day one of this Bible Plan, there was a whole lot of “in-between.”

God didn’t just make our marriage work. He made it thrive. So much so that on July 15, 2011, 10 years after we declared our vows to a God we didn’t really know, we had the honor of renewing our vows to the living God who revealed His love for us, redeemed us, and was pleased with our marriage.

All relationships, and definitely all marriages, will face challenges. Money comes and goes. Family gets sick. Careers and parenting get hard. But God remains the same—yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Regardless of where you find yourself today, trust in God to honor His covenant with you and to support your covenant with your spouse. He will always remain faithful.

Pray: Jesus, thank You for having a plan for our lives. Thank You that in times when we’ve lost hope, You haven’t. Holy Spirit, give us the strength to honor the covenants we made. 

from Relationship Goals

‘A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.’ Ephesians 6:10-18(NLT)

‘Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. ‘ 1 Peter 5:8(NLT)

‘What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure. You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. Do you think the Scriptures have no meaning? They say that God is passionate that the spirit he has placed within us should be faithful to him. And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.
Warning against Judging Others
Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?
Warning about Self-Confidence
Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.’ James 4:1-17(NLT)

From Cindy, married to Chris for over 26 years

Let me just start things off with this: Your spouse is not your enemy. Peter described your true enemy as Satan, who prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

But it can be surprisingly easy to find ourselves reacting defensively or angrily when the person we love most disagrees with us, can’t it? Any number of issues can lead to trouble. We can find conflict in conversations about money, jobs, or priorities. Tempers flare. Next thing we know, we believe the person we love most is our enemy. 

When Chris and I were younger, those were the mindsets we had when we fought. And boy did we fight. We were so wrapped up in our own wants that we would lose sight of the fact that we were supposed to be battling our common enemy, not each other.   

Where is there regular division in your relationship? Divisiveness is actually a characteristic of our spiritual enemy. That’s not to say that every time you fight as a couple that you’re under spiritual attack from Satan himself. Still, the enemy would love nothing more than for you to view your spouse or significant other as your enemy. Don’t fall for it.

The best way to kick the devil out of your relationship is to put Jesus at the center, together. Here are three ideas for moving in that direction.

Idea 1: Pray together. 

Every single day. And not just for each other but with each other. That’s right. Take a moment, hold hands if you want, and offer up your prayers as a couple.

Idea 2: Invest in one another. 

If you’ve been married a while, you know it’s easy to forget about this as the years pass. But we have to invest as much in our spouse in year 25 as we did in year one of dating. What would he or she view as an investment? Make those things happen. Make a reminder in your phone or put a sticky note in plain sight. Whatever you have to do to show them that you see them and appreciate them—do it. 

Idea 3: Come together. 

What sets healthy couples apart is their desire for unity. A marriage consists of two people whom God calls one. So, we need to act like it. Sometimes we focus so much on our own needs that we lose sight of the other person. Chris and I try to start each day by saying, “I choose us.”

Lastly, no matter what the enemy throws at you, he’s fighting a losing battle. Christ won victory over the devil once and for all, and as long as you and your spouse work toward building a strong, Christ-focused relationship, the enemy won’t succeed in his goals. So, pray together, invest in one another, and come together, knowing that your future is secure.

Consider: What’s an area where you’ve fought against each other rather than alongside each other? What would it look like for you to do this differently next time? 

from Relationship Goals

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ‘ Ecclesiastes 4:9-10(NLT)

‘Come, let us tell of the Lord ’s greatness; let us exalt his name together.’ Psalms 34:3(NLT)

From Brian, married to Maureen for over 17 years

Prior to leading the YouVersion team, my wife and I spent years in cross-cultural ministry overseas. While we faced some of our biggest challenges during those years, it was so natural for us to have a common mission together. Together, we learned new languages, sought out community, and tackled some of life’s most basic tasks, like buying food and learning how to get utilities up and running in a different country. Living our lives apart from one another simply wasn’t an option. Our circumstances forced us to depend on one another and help one another.

We returned to the United States nearly a decade ago. Since then we’ve come to realize, while life and ministry might come more easily to us in our own culture, doing those things together is actually more difficult.

Still, the unity that comes with a common mission is just as crucial now as it was then. Without Maureen’s wise encouragement and shared passion to see people transformed by God’s Word, many of my challenges leading the Bible App would have been far more difficult to navigate. Likewise, I know that when I show interest and support in her moms’ group and her work teaching our kids, I’m similarly encouraging to her.

So, in order to live mission-driven lives together, we have to be intentional in the things we do. This doesn’t happen automatically. Between homeschooling, mothering, and mentoring, Maureen has a full-time job, but she still takes the time to pray for each of our YouVersion team members and their spouses. This is her way of staying connected to the work God has tasked me with. Likewise, I’ve found that if I simply talk to Maureen about her moms’ group, that interest on my part means so much to her. It turns her mission into our mission. 

Life is busy, and it’s easy to drift apart if you’re not careful. But when you’re able to come together and find a common mission together, your relationship will be better for it.

Do: Talk with your spouse about how you can support each other’s mission. Talk about a common mission you can share together.

from Relationship Goals

‘But if you refuse to serve the Lord , then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord .”’ Joshua 24:15(NLT)

‘Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. ‘ 1 Peter 3:8(NLT)

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.’ 1 Corinthians 3:11(NLT)

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:2-3(NLT)

From Brandon and Christi, married over 23 years

Intentionally centering your relationship on Jesus is all-important. But how do you actually do that? Here’s what’s worked in our marriage.

Step 1: Decide and Commit

Have a conversation together to be sure you’re shooting for the same goal. Christ-centered means that your relationship is fully committed to Christ. Everything else is secondary. Try creating some belief statements that highlight how Christ will be at the center of your lives. “We have decided, as for us and this marriage, we will serve the Lord.” “We will trust the Lord.” “We will surrender to the Lord.” “We will follow the Lord.” 

Step 2: Individually Seek God

Seeking God as individuals is a requirement of having a Christ-centered relationship together. A.W. Tozer gave a great example of this. He said, “Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are in one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow.” To be unified together with Christ at the center, we must tune ourselves to Christ—not to each other. When we take our relationship with God seriously, He brings the unity.

Step 3: Together Seek God

You should make time to connect spiritually every day as a couple. This is where it gets fun. In order to keep your focus on Him, there are several things you can do. Your relationship may be strong in prayer. You may serve at church or in your community together consistently. Whatever passion God has given you as a couple, go with it! 

For us, discussing God’s Word has become our most consistent and powerful spiritual connection. The Bible App offers Plans with Friends and we work on a plan together every day. It’s amazing to discuss what God is showing us individually and where He is leading us together. 

When Christ is at the center of your relationship, He will do more than you could hope to accomplish on your own, even on your best day. So, take a step to put Him first. 

from Relationship Goals

‘If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless. When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ 1 Corinthians 13:1-13(NLT)

‘So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ‘ Galatians 6:9(NLT)

They say a picture’s worth a thousand words. Anytime you thumb through wedding albums, glance at walls filled with family pictures, or scroll through social media, you see smiling faces. If you guessed at what the lives of those smiling people were like, you might assume they’re always happy. Right?

But what about the days, weeks, and months in between those pictures? The “thousand words” a picture represents are filled with joy, peace, and hope, but between those pictures exists the drama, frustration, and sadness every person and relationship experiences. As much as we’d like to hope our relationships would be immune to such obstacles, every kind of relationship faces challenges. 

Would you believe those in-between times actually can make our relationships sweeter? It’s the disagreements you’ve walked through that make you appreciate, and maybe even cultivate, times of peace. It’s the caring for a sick friend that makes you thankful for days of health. It’s the account balance approaching the single digits that brings gratitude in times of plenty. 

But that’s not all the in-between can do.

The in-between makes room for us to learn how to love with the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13. It’s easy to be patient, kind, selfless, and forgiving when times are good. Yet real love is needed on in-between days when we’d rather be impatient, angry, selfish, and unforgiving. This in-between, 1 Corinthians 13 love doesn’t happen overnight. It comes with all the time and tests between the picture-perfect moments. It comes as we learn to love selflessly, like Jesus. 

Is that the sort of love you want in your relationships? Then embrace the in-between, and keep reading to learn about real, biblical relationship goals from 11 very different people. 

Pray: God, give me the courage to give and pursue true love in my relationships no matter what they’re up against.

from Relationship Goals