Category: 1st Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 8

‘Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine. How pleasing is your fragrance; your name is like the spreading fragrance of scented oils. No wonder all the young women love you! Take me with you; come, let’s run! The king has brought me into his bedroom.’ Song of Songs 1:2-4(NLT)

Sex can just be sex, or it can be a thousand times better when based on emotional and spiritual intimacy. Spiritual intimacy is a divine mystery. But just as emotional intimacy takes work, so does physical intimacy. I read a funny quote by a small child who said, “King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 porcupines.” 

Well, I imagine with that many women all needing one man, they may have felt like porcupines. But aside from Solomon’s disobedience to God in taking on foreign wives, he wrote a book that the Holy Spirit inspired. It’s a love song, and at least in my opinion, he is very specific on how to become a good lover to his wife. 

His wife also writes about how to make love to her husband. Many of you are reading this thinking, “I can’t believe this is in the Bible.” Well, read it for yourself. It’s all in there. Part of what you will find is a romance that is gentle, sweet, respectful, and sensual. 

Here’s an exercise for you: take the next few days and read Song of Solomon to each other. Men, you read the king’s part. Ladies, read the part of the wife. 

Remember, when Solomon was made king, God asked him how He could bless him. Solomon asked for wisdom. Within this book, you will find wisdom for a loving and fulfilling marriage bed. 

Ask God for emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy in your marriage.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 7

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” ‘ Ephesians 5:25-31(NLT)

God modeled human marriage after the relationship Christ has with us. Marriage is an illustration of the way God loves us—being totally committed to us, forgiving us, making us holy, spotless, and righteous through His sacrifice. 

On their wedding day, a bride and groom look as radiant and perfect as they ever will. The groom is perfectly attired and awaits his bride’s entrance with great hope and great desire. The bride is flawlessly coiffed. She shines with adoration and expectancy. She is even becoming a different legal entity: her name will change. 

However, after the name change and after the honeymoon, the couple will not appear as flawless to one another. So how can two imperfect people maintain the radiance? The Apostle Paul tells us how: the husband must cleanse his bride with the washing of the Word, so she can maintain the holy and blameless position of her wedding day. It is only through the Word of God that we enrich our understanding of God. As the husband and wife read the Bible together, the transforming power of the Holy Spirit will increase the Christ-likeness in both people. As each reflects Christ to the other, the radiance and beauty of Jesus will shine through, and the commitment, forgiveness, holiness, and righteousness will inspire many, many more honeymoons. 

Pray for the intentional washing of the Word together and extended honeymoons inspired by sacrificial love for each other.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 6

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” ‘ Ephesians 5:25-31(NLT)

Husbands, love your wives. If I were sending an old fashioned telegram, this is where I would say, “Stop.” You don’t have to be a Bible scholar to get this. It is all about L-O-V-E. Husbands, that is your job. 

Now here is where it gets tricky. In the Greek, the verb love is in present tense, which means it is a continuous action. Before I lose you guys, let me translate: You have to keep showing her love. Christ came into this world with intention and purpose – to show us His love. He came to sacrifice. His actions and His words demonstrated His sacrificial love. You must be intentional and purposeful or YOU WILL MISS THE MARK. 

Scripture sets the example, because dealing with the opposite sex can be tricky. We are created differently. Therefore, if a man follows the Apostle Paul’s example, “Love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her,” he will be connecting with her on the right level. Go for it guys, and be prepared to be amazed! 

Pray today for intentional and purposeful demonstrations of love in your marriage.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 5

‘A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.’ Proverbs 15:1(NLT)

Nobel Peace Prize nominee Carl Rogers was a leading psychologist of the twentieth century. He is known for his therapeutic technique called unconditional positive regard. Basically, he believed that individuals come into a counseling office with all kinds of emotional and spiritual hurts. The one thing each and every person needs is for someone to give total empathy – or unconditional positive regard. 

I believe this is a wonderful tool for marriage. Your spouse is the one person who should offer you unconditional openness and positive and authentic empathy. Empathy is a word that is often confused with sympathy. However, the term is very different from having pity on someone. Empathy is the ability to come alongside another in a certain situation as if it were your own. Webster’s Dictionary defines empathy as “vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” 

Jo Beth demonstrates this in our marriage and in our family. She comes alongside me and takes on my issues as her own. When I have been hurt, she hurts. When I have a success, she is ecstatic. When I need to vent, she is the ear that I seek, hands down! Over the years, we have grown into each other’s best counselor. Second only to the Lord, it is her gentle answer and gentle listening I seek most. 

By the way, Carl Rogers was not nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in psychology. Instead, his nomination was for his efforts to bring peace to the peoples of South Africa and Northern Ireland. His theory, much like our scripture today, was one of peace. 

Ask God, through His Holy Spirit to give you unconditional positive regard for your spouse.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 4

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

Do you want the secret to a Happy Home? Then you need to follow one verse: “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” This one command is the single most important verse regarding marriage and the home. 

I knew a godly man who had been married over fifty years, which at the time seemed like an eternity to me. The interesting thing was the joy, exuberance, and sweet flirtation I always observed in his marriage. I have never forgotten something he practiced. Each morning, he rose very early to go to work. He would fix the coffee pot and leave a china cup out for his wife, as opposed to his old mug. However, the thing that really stuck with me is that he would leave a little love note underneath her cup and saucer. He would tear a piece of paper towel, a part of an envelope, a newspaper coupon, or whatever was handy and jot a few loving words down for her eyes only. 

Her first encounter every morning was a love note. Nothing poetic, simply short, sweet, and true words! “You are my sweetheart.” “I love you.” “You are beautiful.” “Have a great day, Love.” “It’s rainy today, but you are my sunshine!” And so it went. Little thoughts, little gestures…HUGE results. 

Do you want your marriage to sizzle and to last? Be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. 

Ask the Lord for His creativity in being kind, tenderhearted, and romantic to each other, and pray for an attitude of forgiveness, as you have been forgiven.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 3

‘Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”’ John 8:12(NLT)

Yesterday, I told you about an inspiring commercial advertising a vacation destination. I described the opening words about hospitality and the visual of happy people frolicking in the sun. At the very end of the commercial, additional words got me to thinking again about the impact of establishing an inviting destination for your family at home. The announcer returns to say with dramatic emphasis, “To truly experience the light that is our destination, you must experience it for yourself. It emanates from our hearts. It is visible everywhere. It changes everything it touches. It will change you. The light of the Caribbean is calling.” 

Again, it struck me. Our home is light-filled. I don’t mean we have a lamp on in every room. I mean it is Christ-centered and emanates the true Light of the World. Our sons have grown and left our house, but I still run into their childhood friends every now and then. Often, one will bring up a funny story about hanging out at our house when they were young. Every now and then, someone will say that they enjoyed being there because it was so different from the strife-filled home in which they lived. 

This breaks my heart. 

We don’t have the perfect family or the perfect home, but what we do have is The Light. It emanates from our hearts and is visible everywhere. It changes everything it touches, and it will change you. The light that is calling is Jesus. Is He the light in your home? 

Pray for Jesus to be the light emanating from your heart and your home. Invite Him in and see how much your home will change.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 2

‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.’ Ephesians 5:28-30(NLT)

A commercial for a vacation destination showed film footage of happy people in beautiful surroundings. The announcer said, “Enjoy the warm, welcoming hospitality of our people. Come relax, unwind, and enjoy. Once you experience it, you’ll want to return over and over again.” I could not help but think to myself, “That is what I want my home to be!” 

Jo Beth has made our home a destination. Whenever I travel or have to be away for any period of time, my heart longs to return home. Home is where she most desires to be as well. Our home fits the ad. It is warm with welcoming hospitality. She serves me, and I serve her. We work at making sure we demonstrate “hospitality” to each other. It is a place we can relax, unwind, and enjoy. We have fun there. 

Parents and spouses, it is vitally important to make your home not only a haven of warmth and security, but a fun place to be. 

Biblically, it is my responsibility to set the tone of love and warmth in our home. I know most people think that task belongs to the wife. She is responsible for certain aspects, but do not miss the fact that the man’s responsibility is to set the tone. If I am loving my wife as I love my own body – making sure she is fed physically and spiritually, rested, secure, cherished and cared for – then the right tone will be set. A beautiful and enjoyable destination will be established, a place worth returning to over and over again! 

Pray for God to help you establish a warm and welcoming destination in your home. Men, ask that the Lord lovingly show you how to love your wife as you do your own body.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 1

‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.’ Ephesians 5:28-30(NLT)

Is your home a happy place? Often, home is viewed as the place to sleep, but not a true desirable destination. There is no laughter, no joy, no feeling. Usually when we see this scenario, the emotions have gone because the husband has not loved his wife as Christ loves the Church. Men, we are to love our wives as we love our own bodies. We don’t pick out a deformity in our own body and call attention to it all the time. Quite the opposite. Psychologists say we compensate for any shortcomings we feel we have. Compensate is just a fancy way of saying we build up other areas. You’ve seen the little guy who becomes a muscle-bound bodybuilder.

It’s the same with your wife. Too many times I have heard a man say, “Well, let me tell you what my crazy wife did.” He would then proceed to tell a story that was demeaning and embarrassing to her. Are you building her up or tearing her down?

As you strengthen your love for your wife, you will be strengthening your marriage and your home. My bet is joy, laughter, and emotion will return to your home, and it will be a much sought-after destination for your entire family!

Pray for God to increase your ability to set a harmonious and loving tone in your home, and for Him to help you build up each other, rather than tear down.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

“Rejoice and Share the Blessing of Your Marriage”

‘The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord .’ Proverbs 18:22(NLT)

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ‘ Ecclesiastes 4:9-11(NLT)

‘Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! ‘ Philippians 4:4(NLT)

‘Always be joyful. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 5:16(NLT)

‘Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power.’ Psalms 145:4(NLT)

“The day you and Stephana get divorced is the day I stop believing in marriage.” Those are the words a friend told me years ago. You talk about stopping you dead in your tracks! Wow. Today, I would advise him to not put all of his hope for marriage in our relationship, but back then I didn’t know what to say.

I was dumbfounded. I was dumbfounded because to me our marriage was highly dysfunctional, and nowhere near the model marriage. We were experiencing major problems, major marital issues, and weren’t always happy in our marriage.

What his comment did to me at the time was open my mind to a couple of things. First, I realized our marriage could have an impact on others, both good and bad. Second, and this took place over time, I realized that my perception of my marriage was somewhat negative. I had a good thing in my marriage (Proverbs 18:22) and I should rejoice, not focus only on the challenging or hard aspects.

God has given you a great blessing in your spouse and in your marriage. Focus on the good in your spouse and marriage, and celebrate. At the same time, your marriage is bigger than you and your spouse. Allow your relationship to be a blessing to other couples. You don’t have to be a marriage “expert” to do this. You can help somebody from your unique experiences in marriage.

Spend some time praying and praising God for each other and your marriage. Talk about what a blessing it is to be married to each other and experience life together. Meditate on the following verses together: Philippians 4:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:16, and Psalm 145:4.

from The 7 Rings Of Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

“Forgiveness, Healing, and Restoration”

‘For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. ‘ Romans 3:23(NLT)

‘Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ‘ Hebrews 10:23-24(NLT)

My wife and I hosted a marriage summit in which we interviewed 20 different couples who are living out the 7 Rings through lasting and fulfilling marriages. In addition to interviewing the other couples and learning from their marriages, we decided to jump in the interview seat ourselves. We asked one of the husbands to ask us several questions about our marriage.

One of his first questions was, “Stephana, does Jackie practice what he preaches?” Wow, what a way to come out of the gates! And what a friend (I gave him a list of questions and that wasn’t on the list). Well, my wife didn’t hesitate to answer.

She responded by saying, “Jackie is fallible…” And she went on to say, “We are both fallible.” So true and another one of the reasons why I love my wife.

The same is true about you and your spouse. We all sin, we all make mistakes, we all are fallible. It’s because of this that forgiveness is paramount in a marriage. Without forgiveness there can’t be healing when we go through the challenges that are caused by our own sin. Without forgiveness there is no restoration. Without restoration our marriages are stuck and dying right before our eyes.

Your spouse is going to mess up from time to time. Some, like me, will mess up more often than not. Yet, just like God did with us, we must show the same grace to our spouses.

Spend time in prayer confessing your sins before God and to each other. Ask for His help to turn from them. Ask Him to help you put your hope in Him, not in your spouse (Hebrews 10:23-24).

from The 7 Rings Of Marriage