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1st Marriage ZZ

Spiritual Authority and Languages of Love (Part 2)

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

How do we glorify God in our home regarding obedience, submission, and honor?

Husband:

  • LEADING: The responsibility to lead lies with him; Leading with love brings stability and firmness in adverse circumstances; being the leader, he must respect the authority that he himself bestows on his wife; must resist the enemy and not the family, receiving advice and wisdom from the wife – I Corinthians 11:3;
  • PROVIDING: not only the material needs of the family, but everything that concerns life in the Kingdom of God, as the primary source of teaching the Gospel to their domestic flock – I Timothy 5:8;
  • PROTECTING AND CALMING: being sensitive to your needs: spirit, soul and body; consoling her through the Holy Spirit and the Word of God, being empathetic and understanding, protecting her from feeling abandoned. Loving his wife not only with words but also with attitudes – I Peter 3:7;
  • BEING A PRIEST OF THE HOME, RESPONSIBLE FOR MAINTAINING THE VISION OF GOD: serve your wife with humility and joy; you must forgive, seek reconciliation and restoration; stand firm against sin, correcting with love and encouragement; use words that build the house; pray for all the members of your family – Hebrews 3:13.

Wife:

  • HELPING AND SUPPORTING: a vital and not a secondary role, must surround him with support, exhortation and comfort, when supported he is more willing to face challenges, criticism inhibits acting boldly. Respect his authority and honor him, even if his behavior is not the most correct, helping him make decisions – Proverbs 31:10-12;
  • MANAGING THE HOME: God empowers women with holiness and the ability to multiply what the husband provides, wisely investing savings to produce even more, seeking the face of God (Word and Prayer) for prosperity – Proverbs 31:13-18;
  • CORRESPONDING TO HIS LOVE, BEING A COMPANION: her first ministry is her husband. Maintain a pleasant outward appearance, honor and respect your husband with words, compliments. Deliver the soul and body to your loved one – Song of Solomon 2:16;
  • BUILDING YOUR HOME, RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MISSION: caring for your husband and children with joy; forgiving quickly without tracking mistakes; using words to build; have unique talents and gifts that will complement your husband’s; praying intensely for the family – Proverbs 31: 10-31.

Homework:

  1. Do you feel comfortable with the flow of authority established by God or does it cause you any discomfort in your marriage? Why?
  2. Of the functions that God has given to husband and wife, which ones do you exercise totally, partially or is this new subject for you? Exemplify.
  3. Honor goes beyond obedience and submission, this principle is pleasing to God. During that week, create opportunities to honor each other with gestures and attitudes.
  4. Research on the theme Languages of Love, based on the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Now” by Gary Chapman. Try to identify yourself and your spouse in how your soul interprets the different languages of love, knowing the language that best suits your spouse, do something during the week that awakens a high level of satisfaction in your spouse.

from A Cord of Three Strands

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1st Marriage ZZ

Spiritual Authority and Languages of Love (Part 1)

‘Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”’ Genesis 1:26(NLT)

On this third day, we will review what God’s guidelines were for the role of men and women in a marriage. What does He expect from each one? What are His standards? And so, I invite you to look inside yourself, judge your own attitudes and behavior and search through different languages of love, get to know yourself and your spouse better, to take the relationship to deeper levels of intimacy, respect and companionship.

God’s original plan for man and woman:

  • It is God who establishes authority over our lives – Romans 13:1-2;
  • It is up to the husband to be under the authority of Christ and the Church to have authority over his family; only those who are subject to authority have authority – Matthew 8:9;
  • It is up to the woman to submit to the authority of her husband as well as to the Lord. Being submissive means being under the same mission – Colossians 3:18.

God’s original plan for man and woman was perverted because of sin:

  • She received a capacity of internal perception of God to help her husband, in order to discern the spiritual world and warn it, like a “radar”;
  • He received the skills of a “warrior”, a desire to defeat his enemy who, upon approaching, would awaken this quality in him and raise him with authority, certain of the defeat of his enemy;
  • Sin caused the “radar” to lose its discernment, the mission, the objective, was left without direction. Sin caused the “warrior” to lose his strength, his faith, his courage, he was left without authority.

Through Jesus, God sets a new standard for the relationship of man and woman, based on Christ (the Bridegroom) and His Church (the Bride). We can understand the functions of each spouse by observing the interaction of Jesus and His Bride:

  • Jesus for the church:
  • He always made it clear that his strongest relationship was with the Church. I told your parents – Matthew 12:49;
  • He left his father and established an alliance with the Church, but remained submissive to the Father – Matthew 26:39;
  • In his covenant with the Church, Jesus loved, cared for, fed, and gave his life for her, gave his glory as God to establish a relationship with her – Ephesians 5:25.
  • The Church for Jesus:
  • Abandons everything to follow him – Luke 14:33;
  • Give him unconditional obedience, doing his will as the Holy Spirit directs – Acts 2: 1-12;
  • Loves, honors, respects and worships – Matthew 22:37.

from A Cord of Three Strands

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Blood pact (part 2)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Over time, the marriage deteriorated more and more:

  • In the Old Testament more and more polygamy, multiple concubines, divisions and divorces are reported, men dismiss their women for any reason, this to satisfy their lustful and selfish desires;
  • Finally, Moses establishes a law to try to correct this aberration and thus establishes the Letter of Divorce, in possession of this letter, the woman could remarry, as well as her ex-husband, with the consent of the city elders.

The Redemptive Work of Christ:

  • Jesus is called the “last Adam” because he came to redeem humanity and restore the relationship with God that Adam had lost – Romans 5:18;
  • In this sense, everything related to the original marriage that was lost in the fall was also redeemed by Jesus – The New Blood Covenant;
  • In Matthew 19: 3-9, we see that Jesus informs the original pattern of marriage, as God planned:
    • The Pharisees try to confuse him with respect to the Mosaic law, but Jesus does not evoke the law, but uses God’s original plan as a starting point;
    • Explain that the divorce letter was given because of hardened hearts – Ezekiel 11: 19-20, but that separation or divorce was never mentioned in God’s original plan;
    • God makes an exception ONLY when it comes to adultery – I Corinthians 7. Still, through Jesus, He teaches his disciples that forgiveness must overcome everything, and that it must prevail in the case of repentance by the adulterer;
    • Therefore, God hates divorce; separation from a Christian couple is as if a life is divided in half, resulting in death. Divorce should NEVER be an option for a Christian couple.

If both are redeemed in Christ, then they can experience the fullness of the “one flesh” relationship as God planned the marriage:

  • Only through Christ can we achieve God’s blessings. He paid a high price to recover what was lost in the Garden of Eden;
  • Without Jesus, all our efforts with human methods and techniques are failed attempts to improve our lives and marriages, only He can change our hearts;
  • Once redeemed in Christ, we have no reason to live by world standards and be attacked by the same satanic weapons that destroy other marriages around us;
  • God places powerful biblical principles at our disposal to rebuild following his original plan;
  • Following this pattern, we will fulfill his promises: “The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” – Isaiah 58:11

Homework:

  1. Remember the day of your marriage. Look for photos, videos, memories. How was that day they were happy? Are there promises that need to be renewed today? If you feel yes, do not stop doing it.
  2. What differences between you generate more conflicts in the relationship? How could you use these differences to favor and not walk away?
  3. The life of a flesh needs to be nurtured to reach maturity. For that, we need:

a) Honor our spouse considering their needs above mine.

b) Leave other relationships, considering marriage superior to any relationship on earth.

c) Be transparent and totally open and honest with each other.

Based on that information, how much are you becoming one flesh?

from A Cord of Three Strands

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1st Marriage ZZ

The Blood pact (part 1)

‘You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.’ Malachi 2:14(NLT)

On that first day, I invite you to understand Jesus’ great sacrifice when He shed His blood on the Cross of Calvary. Certainly, the power of His blood has changed our lives. He overcame death. He is risen. He gave us access to the Father. He gave us eternity. A marriage that believes in the power of the blood shed by Jesus is a marriage where Jesus himself is part of the alliance and that union becomes stable, because it is a cord not of two, but of three strands, which is not easy to break.

The first teaching is to understand that when God unites man and woman, He transforms them into one body, one flesh. However, what exactly does this mean?

Only the power of God can transform two people into one:

  • When two people decide to marry, they submit to God’s system that provides for a total unity, called marriage;
  • To be united by marriage is to become one;
  • The only earthly relationship takes place in the Spirit, Soul, and Body.

In this sense, we understand that Body and Soul concentrate through the senses and the mind, the desires and emotions that we feel. Nevertheless, if we live only that in our marriage, we risk following the standards not of Jesus, but of the world, and many times the heart of man can be deceptive. In I John 2:16 we find that “For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”

Therefore, the most important thing is to connect the Spirit of God, which will bring inspiration, revelation and communion to the couple. Moreover, here we find the strength we lacked, the third strand of the cord.

Without the Spirit, marriage is just a contract between two people:

  • They are married, but God does not live in either spouse;
  • So He is only a witness and not an active party;
  • Over time, the conditions imposed and expected in the contract may change, tolerance will decrease, dedication will no longer be the same, the Soul and the Body alone cannot bear deep crises.

 Example of the first couple in human history: Adam and Eve: Genesis 3:1-12

  • Satan, impersonating a snake, plays a word game with Eve, who is deceived, eats the fruit of the “tree of the knowledge of good and evil”, and then gives it to her husband;
  • Both sought to satisfy their flesh (Soul and Body), ignoring what God had directed (Spirit);
  • When God asked them, they tried to justify themselves for their sin, without acknowledging their guilt: couples today still do it, wanting to justify their behavior instead of repenting, asking for forgiveness and falling at the feet of the Lord;
  • They hid from God and were afraid due to disobedience: even today couples do not understand that God must be the center and the base of their marriage;
  • They covered themselves with fig leaves to hide from each other, as they lost the transparency and unity that existed between the two: more and more couples protect and hide from each other;
  • Sin made them lose their discernment about the true enemy, causing confusion between them, Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent: even today, Satan, who makes them think that the enemy is their spouse, deceives couples.

Homework:

  1. Is your marriage a blood covenant or a contract? Why?

from A Cord of Three Strands

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Farsighted Love

‘Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:7(NLT)

When asked how their marriage lasted 65 years, a woman replied, “We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away.” — Unknown

When I’m talking with a struggling couple, I like to paint a vision for them. I’ll talk about a year—many years—in the future when they’re sitting in rocking chairs on a wraparound porch. It’s summer. They’re old, all the kids are grilling and organizing the meal. He’s got his sweet tea, and she has her lemonade. They look over at each other as the grandkids run circles through the yard, and he says, “You know, we’ve had some moments; but man, it was worth it.”

Why do I do paint this vision?

Because love always hopes (1 Corinthians 13:7).

There’s a Holy Spirit optimism to true love. Painting a vision enables us to have hope so we can endure the struggle.

Why endure? Because love always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:7). To persevere means to remain, to sustain, to bear up under the struggle.

God knows true love is experienced in the context of an enduring relationship—one that perseveres. So when two people are resolutely committed to remaining together, love breaks out.

Hear me out. I know some of you are together but you’re living separate lives under one roof. It doesn’t have to be like that. Start praying and find help.

Some of you are divorced and remarried. When you hear Jesus wants you to stick it out, you feel guilty about your first marriage. Take that turmoil to God, but then apply this principle to your current marriage. Make this marriage the one that lasts.

Some of you are divorced and neither one of you has remarried. I ask you to pray about reconciliation. I know it was a mess back there; but maybe, just maybe, this is what God has in mind.

Whatever the circumstances, find a Spirit-led vision for your marriage and stick it out.

God, I ask for a God-sized vision for my relationship with my spouse. May Your Spirit present it to me so clearly that I can smell it and see it, and it will sustain me in the times I wish to walk away. To hope is grace, and I am desperate for it. Amen.

Reflection:

  1. In what context is true love known?
  2. What would it look like to fight for your marriage?
  3. What is the Spirit-led vision for your marriage?

from Enduring Marriage by Pete Briscoe

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Fight For, Not With

‘Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:7(NLT)

The moment we decide to throw more energy into fighting for our mate than with him, the crack of a fist on the enemy’s jaw splits the ears of angels. — Beth Moore

If you’re stuck in a miserable marriage, then that no-out clause—till death do us part—is looming large before you, right? And since we’ve already covered Jesus’ view on the permanence of marriage, it seems you have two options:

  • You can live in this miserable marriage until one of you dies, or
  • You can pray Jesus does a miracle, love breaks out, and you find you’re in a great marriage.

I know what you’re thinking. Yeah, Pete, but you don’t understand my messy marriage. We are two people living separate lives under the same roof. I don’t even like to go home after work.

Can Jesus really work with that? Yes, He can if you’re willing to participate. It’s not going to be easy, but you’ve got His Spirit alive in you. He’s more than enough.

Since we know Jesus is in the business of taking dead things and breathing life back into them, we just need a place to start. I recommend you start by learning some basic protection skills.

[Love] always protects. (1 Corinthians 13:7)

The word protect comes from the root word for “roof” or “covering.” The idea is that it protects us. It’s a shelter—a home. If an intruder enters your home, you defend it, right? The golf club under your bed becomes your weapon of choice to protect what is valuable.

That said, chances are good that one very dangerous intruder is stealing your marriage. It’s the idea that you don’t have to stick it out. You can leave.

Rather than surrender to that thought, I challenge you to surrender to Jesus’ power to resurrect. Both of you sit down, admit the marriage is miserable, and invite Jesus to do something miraculous.

It’s possible. I’ve seen it dozens of times.

So what’s your choice?

Healer, it’s not easy to choose to stay. Lead me into a community of friends and family that will live life with us—in good times and bad. I pray we will be a place of support and refuge for each other, so none of our marriages fall victim to the dangerous idea that we can quit. Amen.

from Enduring Marriage by Pete Briscoe

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Lose The Loopholes

‘‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:7-9(NLT)

I’m a combat specialist and marriage counselor. — Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

When I study marriage texts, the absolutes don’t bother me. It’s obvious there isn’t much wiggle room for the permanence of marriage, and I’m okay with that because Jesus was clear about the permanence of marriage.

No, my struggle isn’t theological. My struggle is applying those permanent truths to real people living real life.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Mark 10:7-9)

Not a lot of wiggle room, right? But aren’t there any exceptions to the rule?

My answer to that question is, “Yes, but… ”

Yes, there are exceptions. In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus talks about sexual infidelity and therein grants permission to step out of the marriage. Paul also addresses believers who are married to unbelievers. When the unbeliever leaves the marriage, the believer is free to divorce. Yes, there are exceptions…

But here is my concern: When we look for loopholes in the exceptions, the loopholes get bigger and bigger. And over time, the principle—truth—is washed away.

So this passage is hard for me because some people are stuck in miserable marriages. But I still believe Jesus would say, “Stay together.” God’s ideas are best expressed God’s way, and marriage is one of His best ideas.

Instead of looking for a loophole to exit your marriage, learn to fight for your marriage. Some of the more difficult situations will require that you invite others into your life—church at its finest. Find a counselor, a pastor, and supportive family. Sometimes we need to know we have people in our corner helping us fight for permanence.

Jesus, You say hard things because life is hard and we need guidance so we know what You’re capable of doing. While staying in a miserable marriage is frightening, You said it’s possible. When my relationships are struggling, I ask You to show me how to fight for a miracle. Amen.

from Enduring Marriage by Pete Briscoe

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Always And Never

‘Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:7-8(NLT)

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the garden with her than inside it without her. — Mark Twain, The Diaries of Adam and Eve

There are very few permanent things in this temporal world. Love can be one of those when experienced God’s way. In the context of marriage, an abstract idea becomes a concrete, visible way to spend two lives.

[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:7-8a)

Always, always, always, always, never. These are absolute terms that tell us love has a very clear, set definition.

I want to start with the never: Love never fails. The Greek words translated as “fails” are ec pipto. Ec means “from” and pipto means “to fall.” So when you put them together, it means “to fall from, to fall away, to fall apart.” Ec pipto: Love never falls away.

Ec pipto is used in Acts when Peter is thrown in prison. He’s locked up in chains, sleeping, when an angel of the Lord comes. The angel kicked him and woke him up, and when Peter stood the chains fell away (12:7). They were separated from him.

Again in Acts, Paul’s ship is near destruction. To prevent this, the soldiers on board cut the cords holding the safety boats, and they fell away from the ship (Acts 27:32). That’s our term—fell away.

So when two individuals get married and become one, but then become two again, they fall away. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul is saying this never happens in true love.

When Jesus was questioned about the permanence of marriage and the permission to divorce, He answered, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:8b-9).

One plus one equals one—only God can do that. Jesus is crystal clear: Marriage is for life. But in our imperfect, broken world, that dream isn’t easy to apply.

One True God, becoming one with another person is way harder than it sounds. Some days it seems easier to quit. Separation, however, isn’t what You desire for us. So love my marriage through me. Unify it. Make us one. Amen.

from Enduring Marriage by Pete Briscoe

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Really, Until Death?

‘No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.’ Joshua 1:5(NLT)

Their plan had been very simple. To stay together for the rest of their lives. — Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

The day I married my wife, I made some remarkable promises. She became my lawful wedded wife from that day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, to love and cherish, till death do us part.

Yes, I actually promised to love her until one of us dies.

Since then, I’ve realized that marriage is beautiful and challenging—sometimes maddening. It’s glorious, sweet, hard, comforting, irritating, frustrating, and exhilarating. Yet behind all these ongoing fluctuations of circumstance and emotions, the promises stand. My plan when I married her was to stay married—and that plan is still going strong.

Still… was “till death do us part” really necessary?

Not only was it necessary, but I believe God designed it that way for a reason. See, God knows that true love is experienced in the context of enduring relationship. In fact, this is the type of relationship He offers us. From Deuteronomy to Hebrews, God tells His people, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Joshua 1:5).

Not only does He invite us into enduring relationship with Him, but He also extends opportunities for us to experience this type of relationship with one another.

Answer me this: How many deep relationships do you have that have lasted more than half your life? Not many. When God came up with the idea of marriage—and I do believe marriage is God’s idea—He did so because He knows true love is experienced in the context of an enduring relationship. So He put in a no-out clause—“till death do us part”—so we’d stay together.

God’s idea. God’s way. In fact, I believe God’s ideas are always best when they are experienced God’s way.

Lord, thank You for loving without leaving. If I haven’t before, I choose to see marriage as a way to learn the language of Your love, as I experience it myself through a relationship intended to last for all my days on earth. Amen.

from Enduring Marriage by Pete Briscoe

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1st Marriage ZZ

3: Wear Positive Goggles

‘And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ‘ Philippians 4:8(NLT)

‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:29(NLT)

‘This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. ‘ John 15:12(NLT)

At a recent marriage conference, I (Doug) passed out a pair of cheap swim goggles to each couple in the audience. First, I had all the men put on the goggles and then look at their wives. It was pretty funny watching grown men maneuvering the goggles in an attempt to look cool. Then it was the women’s turn to try them on. Many were conscious of their hair, and it was obvious they weren’t pleased they were doing such a silly activity.

After all the couples had tried on the goggles, I said, “Part of the struggle of wearing these goggles is, one, they’re uncomfortable and don’t feel natural; two, they need adjustments to make them fit; and three, they require practicing in water before they’ll work the way they’re designed to.”

I then asked the couples to place the goggles in a conspicuous spot in their bedroom or bathroom (e.g., on a dresser, in the shower, on the bathroom sink, etc.) as a daily reminder to see their spouses in a more positive light.

If you don’t want to drift in your marriage, you have to put on your positive goggles every day. As I told the couples at the marriage conference, this may feel uncomfortable and unnatural at first, you’ll probably need to make some adjustments, and you’ll most likely have to practice before positivity becomes a default response. But once you make the bold and courageous decision to move from negativity to a more positive tone in your marriage, we’re confident you’ll begin to see your marriage change for the better. Being positive about each other isn’t a feeling; it’s a daily choice that you have the power to make. So go ahead. Put on your positive goggles!

from The First Few Years Of Marriage by Jim Burns & Doug Fields