Category: 1st Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

Love Is Accepting

‘May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. ‘ Romans 15:5-7(NLT)

Devotional Content:

When Nancy and I married, we were quite young— especially by today’s standards. I was very immature and had some pretty crazy ideas about marriage and my role as a husband. I adored Nancy. I thought she was the most beautiful creature God ever created. Yet with all that said, I somehow got the idea that I was supposed to change some of the areas in her life that I thought needed changing. As good as she was, I just knew she would be so much better if she followed my plan for her life.

Most of you do not know Nancy. She is a godly, loving wife. She would literally do anything for me. But she also has a really strong type A personality. What that means is that she is not going to let anyone tell her what to do. When I realized this, I was appalled. How could she be so against this opportunity for improvement that I was offering her?

Gradually, my love for Nancy compelled me to seek to understand her in light of how God has uniquely wired her. I needed to learn to accept my wife completely in order to fully appreciate the gift she is from God. The bottom line is that I am so thankful that God gave me a wife with a type A personality. God knew that I needed someone who could tell me no. I needed someone who would challenge me and make me examine my plan.

God uses me in Nancy’s life to encourage her and sometimes nudge her in a certain direction, but it is His job to mold her and change her. It is His job to make her aware of areas that He wants to help her work on. He has the perfect plan for her life. I don’t. Changing her is not my job.

Today’s Challenge:

Let go of changing your spouse and accept God’s plan for their life!

Going Deeper:

Share with each other how God has used each of you in the other’s life in a positive way.

Resource: 

Use mundane moments for Godly purpose in your marriage with our House Prayer Cards.

Prayer is the single BEST thing you can for your marriage. God is the one who can ultimately change your hearts and your marriage for the better, so inviting him in to do those things is the single best thing you can do for your marriage.

from Redefining Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

Love Is Enduring

‘Give thanks to the Lord , for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.’ Psalms 118:1(NLT)

‘God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. ‘ James 1:12(NLT)

‘But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ‘ Matthew 5:28(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Just as God models forgiveness perfectly for us, He also models another one of our jobs in marriage: faithfulness. We can always count on God. He is always there for us, whether we are celebrating or grieving. He promises to walk with us through whatever we face in life. As Christians, He promises to be with us forever.

The day Nancy and I stood before God and pledged our lives to each other, we promised to endure in faithfulness to each other. We vowed to be faithful that day and every day thereafter there was no asterisk attached.

Nancy and I are to be faithful to each other in our thoughts, words, and deeds. We are to keep our marriage bed sacred. Enduring in faithfulness is our job.

Today’s Challenge:

God model’s faithfulness for us. Staying faithful in marriage is not just about sexual exclusivity; it is also about the daily commitment spouses make to honor each other with their thoughts, words, and deeds.

Going Deeper:

Think about what it means to be faithful to your spouse in your thoughts, words, and deeds.

from Redefining Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

Love Is Cherishing

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.’ Proverbs 5:18(NLT)

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ‘ Philippians 2:3(NLT)

‘Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.’ Colossians 3:19(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Marriage is a gift’ from God. We are accountable to Him with how we handle that gift. In my marriage, I have two major choices: I can work hard to make it the best marriage possible or I can really mess it up. I can choose to nurture my relationship with my wife or I can choose to damage the relationship by either doing something that hurts my wife or by simply coasting through marriage without bothering to work at it.

How is a marriage relationship nurtured? I often talk to men who really want their marriages to be better but just do not know what to do. Men are usually not very relational, but their wives usually are. Men need to understand how to relate to their wives on this level. Wives long for their husband’s’ companionship. They not only want their husbands to spend time with them but they want their husbands to actually enjoy that time spent together. If you are a husband, remember this: Your wife wants to be your first choice. And if you are a wife, remember this: Your husband wants to be your first choice.

Here are some ideas to help make that happen:

  • Talk together and ask each other how you would each like to spend time together.
  • When your spouse is talking to you, listen—I mean really listen—and be ready to respond.
  • Next to God, think of your spouse first.
  • Pray for each other.
  • Let your spouse know how much he or she means to you.
  • Surprise each other at unexpected moments.
  • Say “I love you” to each other every day.

Your spouse is a gift’ from God. Don’t ever lose sight of that truth. Each day thank God for your gi’ and ask Him to guide you in your role as a husband or a wife. Pray to see your spouse each day through God’s eyes. Cherish your spouse. It’s your job.

Today’s Challenge:

Marriage is a gift from God. We are accountable to Him with how we handle that gift. Don’t lose sight of the fact that your spouse is a gift from God.

Going Deeper:

Commit to pray daily for God to help you see your spouse through His eyes.

from Redefining Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

Love Is Listening

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

‘I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!’ Psalms 116:1-2(NLT)

‘Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.’ Proverbs 18:2(NLT)

Devotional Content:

People can listen five times faster than they can speak. This poses a problem when two people are in a conversation with each other. When one person is talking, the other has extra time to think, and it can be tempting to use that time to think about anything other than what the ears are (or should be) hearing.

How well do you listen to your spouse? How do you know when your spouse is really listening to you? Do you listen well enough so that you can repeat back to your spouse in your own words what he or she just said? Or while your spouse is talking, are you thinking about what you will say in response? I used to be really good at doing that. Nancy would be telling me something or making a point and I would be thinking about my response, or how I would solve the problem, or what I was going to do as soon as she finished. So often when she stopped, I began with my brilliant dialogue that completely disregarded all she said. I had not listened. She did not feel heard. We were in a mess.

When Nancy and I are in a discussion, I have to do three things. First I have to stop everything else that I am doing. That means turning off the TV, putting down the book, or stepping away from the computer. Then I have to look at her. I must turn so my body is squared up with hers so I can look her in the eyes. Finally, I have to listen to every word she says so I can respond in a way that lets her know I not only heard her but validate what she said.

Bottom line: Listening to my Nancy is my job.

Today’s Challenge:

Use STOP-LOOK-LISTEN in your communication today.

Going Deeper:

What do you need to do to carry out the following?:

STOP:

LOOK:

LISTEN:

from Redefining Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

Love Is Following

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:22-33(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.’ 1 Peter 3:1-6(NLT)

Devotional Content:

If a husband is the leader in a marriage, who is the follower? You may not like the answer, but it is pretty obvious—it is the wife. And before you start accusing me of crossing a line, give me a chance to explain. If this wife-as- follower idea was just something I dreamed up, you could probably argue me out of it. The problem is that I did not dream it up. It is part of God’s perfect plan for marriage.

How did our world get to the point where it is so hard for wives to follow their husbands? I believe that it is because husbands have not done a very good job of leading. God’s plan works something like this: As a husband, if I seek God’s wisdom in courageously leading my family, and if I listen to my wife and value her opinions and input, and if I lead as a servant, then I think it is pretty easy for my wife to follow.

Today’s Challenge:

A husband’s ability and willingness to lead determines his wife’s ability and willingness to follow. Husbands, seek God’s wisdom in courageously leading your family.

Going Deeper:

Husbands, what do you need to do to become a servant leader? Wives, what do you need to do to follow your husband?

from Redefining Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

Love Is a Verb

‘Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. ‘ 1 John 3:18(NLT)

‘But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.’ James 1:22-25(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Do you ever feel that there are days when it is just a little bit hard to love your spouse? Are there days when he or she is in a horribly annoying bad mood or does things that just tick you off? If you have been married for any amount of time, your answer to both of these questions is probably yes. Those days happen, and far too many people base their love for a spouse on the feelings of the day. That just does not work very well, because marriage is a commitment. It is being in it for the long haul. It is a one-day- at-a-time deal, year after year.

Love is a place where we all want to be. We want the love of our life. We want a love that lasts a lifetime. This is all well and good, but over the course of a marriage, that word love needs to change from a noun to a verb. It has to be an action word. I am to love Nancy every day. It means putting her before me. It means being totally unselfish. It means serving her like Jesus served us. I have to make sure that love is an action word in my marriage. That’s my job.

Today’s Challenge:

Make love an action word in your marriage by serving your spouse like Jesus served us.

Going Deeper:

Think of three ways you can change your love for your spouse from a noun to a verb.

from Redefining Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

Love Is Leading

‘For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. ‘ Ephesians 5:23(NLT)

‘But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”’ Matthew 20:26-28(NLT)

Devotional Content:

There are a lot of things that I can do as a husband that are good for my marriage. Nancy appreciates it when I help her around the house. She likes it when I surprise her with something special. There is nothing that makes her feel more loved than our quality time together. All these things I can do are great and enrich our marriage, but God has given me one role that is essential: to be a leader.

Being a leader is not always easy, and being a leader God’s way can really be tough. Some of us hear the word leader and think of someone in authority who has power over others. That is true in the world, and it works pretty well in a lot of situations. But I do not think that kind of leading is what God had in mind when He told husbands to lead (see Ephesians 5:23). There are two distinct yet inseparable ways in which a husband should lead his wife: as a warrior and as a servant.

If you look up the word warrior, you might get a definition such as “a brave soldier” or “someone with incredible courage.” As warriors, husbands bring a sense of safety and security to their wives. Wives want to know that their husbands will protect them, look over them, and keep them from harm. They want to know that their husbands would never knowingly hurt them. A husband warrior has the courage to lead his wife and to do it in a way that honors God.

God gave us the perfect example of leadership in Jesus. Jesus showed husbands the way to lead their wives and families by serving them, not dominating them. For me, following Jesus’ example means putting Nancy first by knowing her needs and then, with God’s help, working toward meeting those needs. It involves listening to her, talking with her, and working together with her. That is being a servant leader.

Husbands, this is for you. What does it mean for you to lead your wife as a warrior and as a servant? In what specific ways can you lead her today? Here are some ideas:

  • Set a level playing field. If you have ever hurt your wife in any way, tell her you are sorry and that from today on you will never knowingly hurt her.
  • Ask her what you can do to help her feel pro- tected and cared for.
  • Ask her about her fears and then together lay those at the feet of God in prayer.
  • Pray and ask God to daily show you how to be a courageous and selfless leader in your marriage.

Today’s Challenge:

Husband’s take that first step in being the leader God designed you to be. Wife’s encourage your husband as he takes this step!

Going Deeperp:

What does it mean to you to be a warrior or to have your spouse be a warrior in your marriage?

from Redefining Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

What Fuels Our Purpose?

‘“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord . “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’ Isaiah 55:8-9(NLT)

‘The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.’ Romans 8:11(NLT)

‘The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.’ Psalms 32:8(NLT)

‘But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.’ John 14:26(NLT)

‘For, “Who can know the Lord ’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.’ 1 Corinthians 2:16(NLT)

‘Take delight in the Lord , and he will give you your heart’s desires.’ Psalms 37:4(NLT)

A Timeless Truth

Envisioning our ideal marriage and God’s purpose for it fuels us to become all he intended.

What do you want for your marriage?

No, seriously: What do you really want?

In your most perfect vision, what does your marriage relationship look like? If you’re like most people, answering that question may take a few minutes, which we encourage you to do. After all, our best answers often bury themselves beneath more familiar answers concerned with what others expect or desire for our marriage. In other words, we are not asking what your parents, kids, or pastor wants for your marriage; we’re not asking what do you want to want or what you know you should want; we’re not even talking about what you feel obligated to provide for your marriage. We’re simply asking: As a couple, what do you really want for your marriage? When’s the last time you intentionally set aside time to dream together as a couple?

When asked, most couples say they want to live full-on for God’s purpose—but more often than not, find themselves stuck wondering, “How do we know if our vision aligns with God’s vision?” They hold back from embracing their dream out of a fear it may not be spiritual enough.

Isn’t it easy to allow the fear of mistaking God’s purpose with our own to keep us from dreaming?

From the time we’re little, we’re taught, “God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8−9), and, though that’s absolutely true, we often forget to balance that truth with other Scriptures that remind:

  • God’s Spirit empowers and guides our thoughts to align with His (Romans 8:11).
  • His Spirit corrects and convicts us if we get off track (Psalm 32:8; John 14:26).
  • We possess the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16), and when we seek Him first in all things He gives us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4)—our very passions, when surrendered to our Creator, actually come from Him. Those passions and the dream you already envision for your marriage reveals His purpose.

Today, envision your ideal marriage and God’s purpose for it; that vision will help fuel your marriage to become all He intended.

from 2 Are Better Than 1: Uncover Your Marriage Purpose

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1st Marriage ZZ

What’s Our Common Ground?

‘When Priscilla and Aquila heard him preaching boldly in the synagogue, they took him aside and explained the way of God even more accurately.’ Acts of the Apostles 18:26(NLT)

‘The churches here in the province of Asia send greetings in the Lord, as do Aquila and Priscilla and all the others who gather in their home for church meetings. All the brothers and sisters here send greetings to you. Greet each other with a sacred kiss.’ 1 Corinthians 16:19-20(NLT)

‘Paul stayed in Corinth for some time after that, then said good-bye to the brothers and sisters and went to nearby Cenchrea. There he shaved his head according to Jewish custom, marking the end of a vow. Then he set sail for Syria, taking Priscilla and Aquila with him.’ Acts of the Apostles 18:18(NLT)

‘Give my greetings to Priscilla and Aquila, my co-workers in the ministry of Christ Jesus. In fact, they once risked their lives for me. I am thankful to them, and so are all the Gentile churches. ‘ Romans 16:3-4(NLT)

‘All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper ), and to prayer.’ Acts of the Apostles 2:42(NLT)

‘And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. ‘ Acts of the Apostles 2:44(NLT)

A Timeless Truth

Couples who build on common ground are not easily divided.

When a couple determines to build on common ground and move toward a common purpose, their house stands firm and will not be divided. And we can’t think of a better biblical couple to illustrate God’s design for marriage than Priscilla and Aquila. Though Scripture only exposes small glimpses from Priscilla and Aquila’s life, one thing’s for certain: they mastered the art of building on common ground. Four books of the New Testament show glimpses into their story and highlight ways they embraced God’s big idea for their marriage. They did everything together and shared everything in common. They taught and instructed together (Acts 18:26), they led a church together (1 Corinthians 16:19-−20), and they traveled sharing the gospel together (Acts 18:18). They impacted others together so greatly that they gained respect and favor from everyone they met (Romans 16:3−4).

God reveals the perfect steps for oneness in the First Century Church (Acts 2:42).

Do you want to grow together, spiritually, with your spouse? Then devote yourselves to listening to the teaching of God’s Word. Make time to connect with God, together. The overflow of your spiritual connection will impact other aspects of your relationship, just as it did for the early church. Something about their spiritual commitment overflowed into their financial commitment to one another (Acts 2:44).

Want to know the secret to financial oneness? It begins with spiritually recognizing that everything is a gift from God. Acknowledging that everything comes from God and belongs to God is the beginning of wisdom—it alleviates the pressure of ownership and positions us as stewards over God’s property. Maintaining a heart of stewardship evens the playing field, allowing couples to simply ask: “God, what do You want to do with Your provisions?”

Acts 2 also reveals a strong emotional bond emerging within this growing group of believers. Amidst their busy schedules, believers connected together and committed to fellowship as families. Do you want blessing? Significance? Connection? The early church understood that building on common ground—spiritually, financially, and emotionally—perpetuated all three. The result? Pentecost, revival, and God’s big idea, that two are indeed better than one.

Take a moment to consider: How can I build on common ground with my spouse to better expand our influence, together?

from 2 Are Better Than 1: Uncover Your Marriage Purpose

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1st Marriage ZZ

Why Are We so Different?

‘“A kingdom divided by civil war will collapse. Similarly, a family splintered by feuding will fall apart. ‘ Mark 3:24-25 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/MRK.3.24-25

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/PRO.27.17

‘If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. ‘ 1 Corinthians 12:15-18 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/1CO.12.15-18

A Timeless Truth

Devaluing one another’s difference leads to dishonor … dishonor instigates dissension … and, dissension precedes destruction.

One thing’s for certain: Marriage affords plenty of opportunity for offense. What once caught our intrigue, if not protected, can easily cause our irritation. It’s found in all the “He never talks. She never shuts up. He’s so particular. She never pays attention to details. He’s a night owl. She gets up before the rooster. He flies by the seat of his pants. She schedules next year’s spring cleaning,” and thus it goes on and on. There is a myriad of trivial differences that discourage and distract couples from their purpose.

Be on guard. A house divided against itself will fall (Mark 3:24−25). Hold up. Don’t breeze by this familiar truth. If we devalue one another, we eventually dishonor one another. If we dishonor one another, then dissension grows between us. When dissension escalates, destruction becomes inevitable.

One of the greatest opportunities presented in marriage is appreciating our spouse’s differences—not just tolerating them, but actually celebrating them.

So, why did God make us so different?

No doubt you’ve read the Proverb, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (27:17). As believers, we tend to celebrate this great saying with a high five or a chest-bump sort of merriment. But in our enthusiasm we sometimes overlook the reality of the process. Think about it for a moment. For one piece of iron to sharpen another, friction is imperative. Sharpening occurs as one smooth, sharp edge of iron rubs against a separate rough edge of iron. As the two edges connect, the rough edge grinds away to reveal a smooth, sharp edge. The differences, not the similarities, supply the friction necessary to produce the sharpening. Hmm, sound familiar?

In a marriage relationship, God intended diversity and desires for us to celebrate and leverage one another’s differences. In 1 Corinthians, Paul encourages believers to embrace their unique design and reminds that God designed each one distinctly, just as He desired (12:15-18).

As you pursue discovering God’s purpose for your marriage, remember your differences will make you stronger and empower you to accomplish more together than you ever could apart.

Take a moment to ask: Have I made my spouse my opponent or my partner? How could I better celebrate their design?

from 2 Are Better Than 1: Uncover Your Marriage Purpose