Category: 1st Marriage

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Work

‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. ‘ Colossians 3:1-2(NLT)

‘As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”’ Luke 10:38-42(NLT)

‘You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!’ Revelation 2:3-4(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Besides raising kids, the second culprit for causing distraction in marriages is work. Obviously for most of us, work is an essential part of our lives. We have to work to pay the bills, but our marriages suffer when we allow life to get in a cycle such as getting up in the morning, working all day, coming home, eating dinner, maybe watching a little TV, going to bed, and starting all over again. We begin to drift apart. We don’t connect as often, and we don’t feel as close. Work distracts us from our marriages.

I love what I do and Nancy loves what she does, but we love each other more. For us that means that work cannot consume us. We have to keep the proper balance. When we work, we work hard; but there is a time to leave work and be together. One thing that really helps me is consciously making the transition each day from work to home. I have a short commute, but in that time I leave my workday and all its concerns behind. Prayer really helps me here. I can turn everything to God and then focus on coming home and spending time with Nancy.

Today’s Challenge: Take an honest look at how your work affects your marriage. 

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim says that our marriage suffers when we focus too much on work and not enough on our marriages. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being very distracted. How distracted are you with work?

2. When was the last time you consciously switched gears from work to home?

3.What practical step can you take this week to ensure that work isn’t becoming a bad distraction from your marriage?

4. Make a point to consciously leave work at work this week and not be consumed by it. Pray for God to give you the strength to do so.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Raising Kids

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:2-3(NLT)

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:21-33(NLT)

Devotional Content:

The number one distraction for many marriages is raising kids. Children are a blessing and the desire of most married couples. But children can also be a distraction. They require time and energy and money. Raising children is a huge responsibility and consumes years of our lives. None of this is bad, unless it hurts our marriages. All too often when children are born, the focus shifts completely to them and off of the marriage. There has to be balance. Sure, lives and marriages change when children come into the family; but if you do not continue to nurture your marriage, you will find yourselves drifting further and further apart. Eventually the kids grow up and leave. If you have not nurtured your marriage, you may look at each other when the kids are gone and say, “Who are you?”

Nancy and I were married six years before we had kids. We had wanted kids for so long that I really do not think we had any idea how they would affect our lives. We soon learned that we had to carve out time for each other. If we did not, we would slowly drift apart. We did a couple of proactive things that really made a difference for us. First, we set a weekly date night and held it almost as sacred. Nothing got in the way of our date night. We arranged to have a babysitter, and Saturday nights we spent time together away from the kids. Second, we found time each day to connect without any interruptions. It was not easy to find that time, but it was essential. Some days it was only a few minutes, and other days we found more time. But we made it a priority.

We have made a lot of mistakes in our marriage, but this is one area where we got it right, and it made a difference. Now it is your turn. How will you keep nurturing your marriage while raising kids?

Today’s Challenge: Plan a date night for just the two of you this week.

Going Deepers:

1. Dr. Kim shares that even though raising kids is a tremendous blessing, it is also a tremendous responsibility and can be a huge distraction in marriage. The important thing is to continue to nurture the marriage relationship. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best. How would you rate your intentionality with nurturing your marriage relationship?

2. What can you do this week to nurture your marriage?

3. Dr. Kim shares some practical ways you can nurture your marriage. List 2 of them here.

4. Sit down with your spouse this week and decide on 2 practical things you can start doing to nurture your marriage.

5. Ask 3 other married couples this week what they do to nurture their marriage. Getting ideas from others can help you find the best ways to focus on your marriage relationship.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Detours

‘but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced. ‘ Mark 4:19(NLT)

‘We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. ‘ Hebrews 12:2(NLT)

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Just as you notice exit signs while driving down the marriage highway, you also notice there are detour signs. Detour signs may have the same names as many of the exit signs, but there are differences between the two of them. Detours are usually good things that we allow to distract us in our marriages for a while, but they are going in the same direction as the marriage highway and eventually actually lead us back to the highway. Unlike the exits, detours allow a husband and wife to stay in the same car.

Lots of good things can happen on detours. For example, kids are a real blessing in our lives. As a couple, raising kids together is a lot of work, but if we do it together, our marriage grows through the experience. If we do not, though, we may find ourselves getting in separate cars and heading for an exit. The same can be true for work, church, extended family—all these things can be good detours in our lives if we handle them together and not let them lead us to separate lives.

Bottom line: The marriage highway has bumps, a few potholes, and detours. If your commitment is to stay in the same car and figure out how to handle these obstacles together, you are building an awesome marriage.

Today’s Challenge: If you are in a “detour” time of your marriage, what is one way to grow your marriage in this stage of life?

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim shares that detours can be good distractions in our life if we handle them together. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being very well and together. How would you rate how you and your spouse handle the distractions in your life?

2. List out your top 3 “detours.”

3.How does your spouse fit into those detours? Do you work together?

4. What is one thing you can do this week to make sure you stay focused on working through detours together as a husband and wife team?

5. Pray and ask God to help you be united as a team when it comes to the “detours” of life.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Exits

‘let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:9(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

‘Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. ‘ Ecclesiastes 9:9(NLT)

Devotional Content:

As you drive along this highway called marriage, you inevitably begin to notice that there are road signs. Written on them are the names of the many distractions in your marriage: work, kids, fights, extended family, church, alcohol, drugs, adultery. As you take an exit, you see there is a car waiting there for your passenger (your spouse). Your spouse gets out of your car and gets in the waiting car. Now you begin driving in a different direction than the marriage highway. And after awhile, you realize you cannot remember how to get back to it, and the relationship you had when your passenger was riding with you is changing dramatically for the worst.

Most people would consider exit signs in marriage to be things that are inherently bad—things like alcohol abuse, drugs, and adultery. They are all marriage killers. My experience in working with couples where there is alcohol abuse and drug abuse is that the alcohol or drug becomes the most important thing in the person’s life, and everything else takes a backseat to it. The marriage deteriorates and eventually dies. Adultery wreaks havoc with our marriages. Less than five percent of the couples who experience adultery make it in their marriages. It is an exit sign that destroys a marriage.

But even “good” things can serve as exits for any marriage. For example, kids are great and a real blessing, but if you let them come between you, and you constantly fight over how to handle them, you can grow far apart in your marriage. The same is true for work or church or extended family. If anything comes between the two of you in marriage, it can be a marriage killer. Consider this: If a distraction is an exit from your marriage, it is bad. Be aware of distractions that serve as exits in your marriage, and avoid them at all cost!

Today’s Challenge: Think about the distractions in your life that could become exits. What is something you can do today to prevent that from happening?

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim talks about how not all “exits” are bad. Even good things can become distractions in your marriages. Take time to list out some of the distractions in your marriage.

2. Dr. Kim shares that if a distraction is an exit from your marriage it is bad. Do you have any distractions in your life that are currently driving you away from your spouse?

3. What one thing do you need to do this week to move away from the distractions that are taking you away from your marriage?

4. Make time this week to sit down with your spouse and talk about the distractions in your marriage. Work together on a plan to help you two stay on the marriage highway.

5. Will you begin praying today for God to protect your marriage from distractions?

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage Saving Marriage ZZ

Distractions

‘I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.’ 1 Corinthians 7:35(NLT)

‘Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.’ Galatians 1:10(NLT)

‘Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.’ Proverbs 4:25(NLT)

Devotional Content:

In marriage it is the husband’s responsibility to make his wife feel that she is his. And the same applies to his wife. Distractions in a marriage can be anything that takes time and energy away from the marriage relationship: work, volunteering, church, sports, friends, kids, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, pornography, money, shopping, working out … the list could go on and on. Some of these are obviously bad for us. They are dangerous and can destroy marriages. But sometimes the most dangerous ones are the ones we would consider as “good” things in our lives. We may even be “helping” others by doing some of them.

They become dangerous when they take the focus off of our marriages and onto them at the expense of our marriages. They can deceive us because they are good. For example, church is great, but if I spend all my time there and it keeps me from spending time with Nancy, my marriage will suffer. The same is true with any of the other things on our lists.

In counseling, I often hear this from couples: “Our first years were really good, and then we just began to drift apart.” Drifting apart can happen in any marriage, and it usually begins with distractions. Building an awesome marriage is often about balancing the distractions of your life. If you do this well, you move your marriage forward. If you do not do it well, your marriage can crash and burn. Be aware of the distractions in your marriage and learn together to balance them well. As you look at the distractions in your lives and think about how they are affecting your marriage, let me give you one more thought: Anytime you are saying yes to something, you are saying no to something else. Sadly, it is far too easy to say no to your marriage.

Today’s Challenge: Commit to look together at the distractions in your life that take away from your marriage. What will you do today to fight those distractions?

Going Deeper:

1. Spend time thinking about the distractions in your life. List out your top 3 biggest distractions.

2. Dr. Kim shares that drifting apart can happen in every marriage and that drifting apart begins with distractions. How are the distractions in your life affecting your marriage?

3. Dr. Kim shares that there are “good” distractions and “bad” distractions” and that we need to keep even the good distractions in check. Are there any bad distractions in your life? What do you need to do to get rid of them?

4. Dr. Kim shares that building an awesome marriage is often about balancing the distractions of our life. Think of 2 ways you can better balance the distractions in your life.

5. How are the distractions in your life affecting your marriage?

6. Dr. Kim says that saying “yes” to something means you are saying “no” to something else. What can you do this week to say “yes” to your marriage?

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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1st Marriage ZZ

Smart Love Knows the Bottom Line

‘For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. ‘ Galatians 5:13(NLT)

‘Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. ‘ Ephesians 4:15(NLT)

‘If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ‘ James 1:5(NLT)

‘For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.’ Proverbs 2:6(NLT)

‘Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ‘ 2 Corinthians 12:9(NLT)

When Gary and Brenda first met, their dates mostly happened like this: If Gary wanted to see Brenda on the weekend, he called her sometime on Thursday to make plans for Saturday night; otherwise she ­didn’t hear from him. After weeks of this, Brenda balked. “It felt too unbalanced. I had no control. If I wanted to see him, I had to wait, not make other plans.” And so the 

Thursday eventually came when Brenda sweetly declared herself busy on Saturday. She turned down dates with Gary until eventually he got the message and changed his pattern.

It’s a little thing, but it illustrates a big point: Smart love has standards of behavior in a relationship. Smart love has a bottom line that says, this is what I can and cannot live with. Whether it be about common courtesy, seeing other ­ people, or having limits on sex, smart love preserves your dignity, integrity, and well-being.

In so many ways it comes down to honoring God – not to mention your partner and yourself – through your decision-making. And wise decision ultimately means leaning into God’s guidance for your life. As it says in Proverbs, “For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:6)

Everyone’s bottom line is different. We ­can’t tell you where to draw the line on every issue. That’s your decision. You call the shots about what you can and cannot live with. The point is to know what you want from a dating partner and where you are willing to bend—and where you are not.

Beware: If you are to hold to your bottom line, you must ultimately accept the possibility of being alone. You must be willing to walk if the relationship ­isn’t allowing your best self to flourish. 

Here’s the bottom line of smart love: A lousy relationship is never better than no relationship at all. 

Being alone – and leaning on God’s presence when you’re alone – is better than compromising your standard. 

(added emphasis)

Do you believe that God’s presence is better than a lousy relationship? 

Do you trust that His love – and His wisdom – will be sufficient for you regardless of your relationship status? 

If you don’t, making wise and God-honoring decisions will be compromised. 

You have to see yourself and others through the lens of God’s faithful and unending love. It will keep you steady, guide you with confidence and help you make decisions. 

Not only will God’s love motivate you to keep your standards high, but it will also prepare you to be a healthy contributor to a God-honoring and sustaining relationship. 

from Improving Your Love IQ by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

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1st Marriage ZZ

Smart Love Doesn’t Play Games

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

‘Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.’ Psalms 34:10(NLT)

‘Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:7(NLT)

Don’t return all his calls, and never stay on the phone with him longer than ten minutes. Always be the one who ends a date or a phone call. Never accept a Saturday date if he asks later than Wednesday. This is just a sampling of silly rules we’ve heard over the years about dating. 

Rules are for games, not relationships. And smart love knows the difference. Games are meant to lure, even manipulate another person into seeing you as someone you’re not. We’re not picking on this little book of codified dating advice. The games ­people play in dating relationships are nothing new. They’re as old as time. As is the damage they cause. 

Anytime you project an image that is not real, you are hiding your true self and playing a game you’ll eventually lose. You may win attention, sympathy, or admiration for the moment, but it ­ won’t last—it’s only a game.

Far more important that playing games in our dating life is to call on God to help us discern what’s best along the way. In other words,  seek God’s  wisdom, guidance and discernment along the way.  As the Psalmnist puts it: “The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing” (Psalm 34:10). The more we do this just the more honor we bring to our dating relationships (see Romans 12:2).

So if you’re looking for love that goes the distance, ­you’ve got to avoid game playing as much as possible and be real. Consider the childhood game of hide and seek. “Oh, the delicious thrill of hiding while the others come looking for you,” writes French author Jean Baudrillard, “the delicious terror of being discovered, but what panic when, after a long search, the others abandon you!” 

Dating games, played too much and too long, result in the same aloneness. So play a few games if you must, but ­ don’t hide too well. Our advice? ­ We’ll say it again, be who you are and the dates will follow. 

Today, you might have to ask God to forgive you for playing the dating game and hiding your true self with those you’ve dated. 

Ask Him to transform you to be at peace enough with who He says you are in Him that you can have discernment to guard your heart (Philippians 4:7) and while also being your truest self to others. 

from Improving Your Love IQ by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

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1st Marriage ZZ

Smart Love Seeks a Good Match

‘But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”’ 1 Samuel 16:7(NLT)

‘Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?’ Amos 3:3(NLT)

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

We’ve all heard it: Opposites attract. But is it true? Hardly. In reality, opposites seldom attract, and if they do they often ­don’t stay attracted. 

The old “birds of a feather” thing may sound trite, but it’s the truth. Close relationships are more likely to form and endure with someone who shares your ideas, values, and desires, a person who likes the same music, the same activities, even the same foods. For good reason the prophet Amos wondered, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”

How do you know if you have a lot in common? It takes time. And it ­doesn’t hurt to withhold premature judgments. We have a friend who says she dates “like Margaret Mead.” On a promising date she brings along her anthropological, oh-­isn’t-that-interesting self, observing and recording differences “as if the guy were an alien species.” 

By considering the first few dates as an expedition, she’s learned to listen more and react less. And it pays off. She ­doesn’t jump to critical conclusions because he ­isn’t willing to try Thai food or has a different political view from hers. Over time, she patiently sifts through the dating data to discover whether she and her date is a good match on the things that matter most.

The prophet, Samuel, was reminded of the power that comes from considering more than simple attractiveness to select the right person. 

King Saul had all the obvious preferences of the people – he was tall, strong, attractive, with plenty of charisma. But he wasn’t obedient to God, and God sent Samuel to find a new king that would lead with God’s vision for His people. 

This is what God said to Samuel about who He was looking for: 

…For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

While attractiveness draws us to something we might think is God’s best, we have to consider other factors about a person to know if it truly is. 

Differences emerge in any close relationship, of course. But smart love knows that for a fighting chance the relationship must be built on common ground. In one famous study of more than three hundred dating ­couples in Boston, those who eventually broke up were less well-matched in age, educational ambitions, intelligence, and physical attractiveness than those who stayed together. 

Study after study has found little support for the “opposites attract” idea. Instead, the happiest ­couples are those with lots of similarities. To paraphrase Henry Ward Beecher, “A well-matched couple is winged, an ill-matched ­couple is shackled.”   

Today, ask God to help identify the things you value that will help you know if someone you date aligns who you are based on how He’s created and designed you. 

from Improving Your Love IQ by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

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1st Marriage ZZ

What Are You Looking For?

‘Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? ‘ 2 Corinthians 6:14(NLT)

‘Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” ‘ 1 Corinthians 15:33(NLT)

‘Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly.”’ John 7:24(NLT)

‘Blind guides! You strain your water so you won’t accidentally swallow a gnat, but you swallow a camel! “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and self-indulgence! ‘ Matthew 23:24-25(NLT)

Most ­people put more time and energy into planning a dinner party or shopping for a car than they do seeking a mate who is right for them. Unfortunately, there are serious consequences when romance is left entirely to chance. Oh, we know, it sounds so businesslike to talk “strategy” when it comes to dating. “You should just let it happen,” we often hear. But that’s a cop-out. If you’re going to date smart you have to think smart.

Have you considered the kinds of things you want in a dating relationship? What qualities are you looking for in another person? What traits, skills, abilities would fit the bill for you? Whether you’ve made your “shopping list” or not, ­ we’ve got to tell you that it may be deceiving. Unless you are practicing smart love, what you think you’re looking for may be off the mark.

When asked to indicate the most important quality in a dating partner, today’s college students ­don’t hesitate. “Looks” is the first word they utter. 

So let’s all be honest, the secret’s out: whether we admit it or not, physical attractiveness tops the list of desirable dating qualities. Is this wrong? Absolutely not. Sex appeal is part of God’s design. But here’s the clincher: there’s far more to a dating relationship than looks. The truth is physical attractiveness is a good spring, but a poor regulator. It gets love going but it ­doesn’t keep love going.

Smart love understands this and looks beneath the surface. Smart love looks beyond beauty to find sustaining principles for lasting love, a love that may uphold lifelong marriage. 

That’s why God’s Word reminds us to connect with people who are in line with our spiritual life (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 15:33). By the way, Scripture doesn’t say anything about making sure the people you date are physically attractive. It directs us to focus on their spirit and character. The truth about relationships is that the healthier both individuals are emotionally and spiritually, the healthier the relationship will be.

After all, the divorce rate is so high, according to Yale researcher Robert Sternberg, not because people make foolish choices, but because they are drawn together for reasons that matter less as time goes on. In other words, the force that brings a ­couple together—physical attractiveness—has little to do with what keeps them together. 

For too long, ­couples have based the start of their relationship on superficialities and then hoped for the best. But there’s a better way. You no longer need to leave the future of your relationship to chance. 

Have you ever thought about what draws you to someone you’re interested in? 

Does your physical attraction matter more than someone’s spiritual depth or character? 

Today, ask God to help you view people the way He does. He is faithful to convict and transform our thinking and will help us to connect with others in a deeper way that honors Him. 

from Improving Your Love by IQ Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

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1st Marriage ZZ

What’s Your Love IQ?

‘So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. ‘ Romans 8:6(NLT)

‘For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.’ Proverbs 2:6(NLT)

‘So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. ‘ Ephesians 5:15(NLT)

Imagine walking into a crowded room, briefly milling around, and then with the help of a little computer technology, knowing, without ever saying a word, whether anyone there might be a good match for you as a dating partner. Sound like sci-fi? Not to researchers at M.I.T.’s Media Lab who designed Thinking Tags. These little wearable computers seek out other “smart” tags in a room and swap data. The microchip-driven, infrared-transmitting cards are programmable by the wearer, who is asked to input responses to five questions designed to help you click with another. At a Thinking Tag get-together, ­ people wander about and let their badges do the work. When they approach within five feet of each other, pairs of tags display their results in a neat row of five red and green lights. According to the inventors, you dispense with all the tired chit-chat and immediately know whether it’s worth the brain cycles to at­tempt social intercourse.

If this artificial-intelligence approach to interaction seems a bit, well, artificial, we understand. Thinking Tags, as far as we know, are far from catching on. When it comes to getting to know one another, most ­ people still opt for old-fashioned communication (even if it’s on the Internet). But you ­ don’t have to sacrifice relational intelligence if you’re not wearing a smart tag. Not if you have what we call a high Love I.Q.

Scripture calls it wisdom. And the Apostle Paul says is straight: “Be very careful then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise (Ephesians 5:15). That’s what we mean in this reading plan by improving your “Love IQ.” We want to help you be wise in your love life.  

Have you ever thought about your intelligence when it comes to love? Not your understanding of its history or origins. But your capacity to keep your wits about you when you’re engulfed by its mysterious emotions. That’s what smart love is all about. It ­doesn’t take the fun out of feeling. It simply infuses it with wisdom.

Smart love is still love, thrills and all, only wiser.

More focused. More observant. And invites scripture to help us guide us in our decision-making. Smart love ­doesn’t allow you to delude yourself into believing something that ­ isn’t true. It may, for example, point out that the person you’re with is the person you’re better off without. 

On the other hand, it may help you see clearly that the person you’re with makes you a better person. It may give you confidence to know that your relationship is headed in the right direction.

While your heart is sweetly distracted by all the possibilities, smart love keeps you aware of what is taking place. You still swoon and sigh, but you also consider facts and make intelligent choices. Smart love is all about falling in love without losing your mind – and this reading plan will show you how to do just that.

Today, ask God for wisdom and understanding. He wants for your decision-making to be spirit-led, grounded in His wisdom, and filled with His peace. 

from Improving Your Love IQ by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott