Category: 1st Marriage

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.’ Colossians 3:12-17(NLT)

‘But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. ‘ Galatians 5:22-25(NLT)

‘You brood of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. ‘ Matthew 12:34(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

‘For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. ‘ Philippians 2:13-15(NLT)

Your marriage is what you make it. Commit to developing your US intimacy with Jesus. Do not neglect it. Then, taking all the grace and help of Jesus, create a beautiful love story.

Let’s look at four more marital values and some of their opponents. Desires (Expectations on Demand). Desire is good. Desires are good. You want to embrace the good of desire in the things that are important to you, to your partner, and to creating a fulfilling marriage. Holiness in Character Development (Negative Responses). God does desire your happiness in marriage, but the greater good is to make you holy in Christian character. Growth/Change (Comfort). Growth and change are necessary for spiritual and emotional maturity, as well as relational maturity. The pursuit of comfort will defy your growth and change and all that God has for your marriage. World Focus in balance with US focus. There’s no greater way to express the gospel to the world than a marriage that puts on display the qualities of love, forgiveness, repentance, serving, listening, healing, wholeness, truth, trust, transparency, restoration, hope, harmony, and the list could go on and on. 

Reflection: Spend time together seeking ways to share in the good of your desires. Be reflective in the ways you can develop greater Christian maturity in your marriage. Pause for a few minutes and consider: where does my comfort prevent US growth? Be very mindful of growing your marriage in a way that puts God on display in His glory. List the ways in which you choose your US! Here is my prayer for you and your marriage. God, I pray death to the plans of the enemy to kill and steal, and I pray Your resurrected power and life to your plans of redemption, grace, and love to every couple as they create their beautiful love story.

from Daily Habits Of Marital Intimacy

‘Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world. God has made a home in the heavens for the sun.’ Psalms 19:4(NLT)

‘So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ‘ James 4:7(NLT)

‘For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. ‘ Galatians 5:13(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-5(NLT)

‘And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”’ James 4:6(NLT)

Marriage is a journey. You started this journey when you said “yes” in your covenant to God and commitment to your partner on your wedding day. There is no perfect marriage journey; there is only the limping and learning with all the grace and help of Jesus! When transparency, truth, and trust join forces, then unity will emerge. 

Marriage values are imperative to a strong, secure marriage. Here are four, along with their opponents. Spiritual Warfare (Spiritual Neglect). The moment you say yes to follow Jesus and yes to marriage, you are on the enemy’s hit list. Your pursuit of Jesus will be your strongest asset against the enemy. Interdependence/shared life (Independence). When you made the decision to marry, you were letting go of living independently, not of your healthy I. Your purpose for choosing marriage was to share life with another. Selflessness (Selfishness). You will need the Holy Spirit to help you choose selflessness. Selflessness flows not from your human nature, but your spiritual nature. Selfish traits are arrogant, rude, demanding, controlling, unforgiving, passive, and self-seeking, to name a few. Humility (Pride). Humility requires the grace of Jesus to help you to regard your partner as more important than yourself. Pride will not allow you to build a strong foundation of love to experience the beauty of grace in your marriage. Embrace humility in your marriage. 

Reflection: Remember, at the center of your union is Jesus. From your oneness with Him flows the oneness of your US. Jesus is the one to whom you must cling when pursuing unity in your marriage. Your eyes must be on Him, not each other, on your marriage journey. Hold to this truth: The devil is your enemy; your partner is your friend, advocate, and your lover. Consider: what agreements do you make with the enemy in your marriage? Give thought to how you can give greater priority to your marriage. Develop a daily attitude of selflessness and humility to your partner. Humility is the essence of your shared love.  

from Daily Habits Of Marital Intimacy

‘A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense. Through knowledge its rooms are filled with all sorts of precious riches and valuables. The wise are mightier than the strong, and those with knowledge grow stronger and stronger.’ Proverbs 24:3-5(NLT)

‘I have tried hard to find you— don’t let me wander from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. I praise you, O Lord ; teach me your decrees. I have recited aloud all the regulations you have given us. I have rejoiced in your laws as much as in riches. I will study your commandments and reflect on your ways. I will delight in your decrees and not forget your word.’ Psalms 119:10-16(NLT)

‘Children are a gift from the Lord ; they are a reward from him.’ Psalms 127:3(NLT)

‘Now I want you to know, dear brothers and sisters, what God in his kindness has done through the churches in Macedonia. They are being tested by many troubles, and they are very poor. But they are also filled with abundant joy, which has overflowed in rich generosity. For I can testify that they gave not only what they could afford, but far more. And they did it of their own free will. They begged us again and again for the privilege of sharing in the gift for the believers in Jerusalem. ‘ 2 Corinthians 8:1-4(NLT)

‘Since you excel in so many ways—in your faith, your gifted speakers, your knowledge, your enthusiasm, and your love from us —I want you to excel also in this gracious act of giving.’ 2 Corinthians 8:7(NLT)

‘So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.’ Galatians 5:1(NLT)

Marriage and family planning is important for two primary reasons. First, to create a structured plan to develop a healthy flow of your now shared life. Second, to decrease unnecessary conflict that comes from misunderstanding, faulty expectations, or words never spoken (leaving your partner needing a degree in mind reading!). Consider these four: responsibilities, decision-making, children, and finances. No doubt there will still be plenty of issues that will arise over the years, but I trust you will use your Couch Time and Table Time to address them to continue to experience growth in your marriage.

The more you intentionally communicate and put a viable, reasonable structure in place that you both commit to, the greater harmony you will experience for years to come. Plans offer safeguards and decrease unnecessary conflict. These strategies will be different for every couple, with each one’s different personal variables, but the principles are the same. The primary principle undergirding every plan is LOVE: what would love have me do? What would love have US do? Love commits to creating wise plans to guide your US, and love commits to walking out those plans daily.

Reflection: I encourage you to become the best team in working together in the functional aspects for the good of your US. Give thought to what wisdom you need in responsibilities, training your children, decisions, and financial concerns. Commit to being advocates and prayer warriors for your children or grandchildren. Ask yourselves, “How can we be wise stewards of the monies God has given to us?” Choose to be generous with cheerful hearts in all aspects of your marriage.

from Daily Habits Of Marital Intimacy

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. ‘ 1 Timothy 6:7(NLT)

‘My lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among the lilies.’ Song of Songs 2:16(NLT)

‘I have entered my garden, my treasure, my bride! I gather myrrh with my spices and eat honeycomb with my honey. I drink wine with my milk. Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love!’ Song of Songs 5:1(NLT)

‘Commit yourself to instruction; listen carefully to words of knowledge.’ Proverbs 23:12(NLT)

Sexual intimacy is something God designed for your marriage. For the beauty of sexual intimacy to flourish, your sexual histories matter. For whatever blocks your sexual intimacy, seek wise counsel to enjoy its beauty in your marriage. Here are eight values to grow your sexual intimacy to be life-giving in your marriage.

Talk. Use your words, your thoughts, feelings, and desires (TFDs) to express yourself regarding sexual intimacy. Touch. Keep your touches memorable and fresh—never routine or checklist. Creativity. Vulnerability and risk-taking is a part of creativity. Change. You will need grace for change. Many times as change enters into your marriage, you will need to create a new sexual normal for the two of you. Passion. Lovemaking that flows out of passionately loving and knowing your partner sexually is beautiful. A passionate relationship maintains the mindset, “I want you to feel loved, beautiful, special, delighted in, and enjoyed relationally and sexually.” Pleasure. Mutual trust and communication are two valued principles that are needed to enjoy the value of pleasure in your marriage. Desire. There are three aspects of desire to consider: desire is a gift from God; desire is not your sexual drive; and desire is the glue between passion and pleasure. Discipline. There are specific ways you will want to protect it: your thought life, your imaginations, what you view, and the decisions you make based on what you think and see. 

Reflection: I pray that you will create a beautiful sexual love story! May God heal every sexual wound, replacing every lie with the truth, restoring transparency, trust, and your intimacy with each other! I trust you will draw from God’s redemptive plan and receive His help, hope, and grace for healing! You can be restored fully and your marriage can be redeemed. I trust as you care for your marriage spiritually, emotionally, and now sexually, you will do all you can to enjoy it. Take time to consider the ways that you can grow, deepen, create, or safeguard your sexual intimacy with your partner.

from Daily Habits Of Marital Intimacy

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ‘ Colossians 3:12(NLT)

‘I prayed to the Lord , and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.’ Psalms 34:4-5(NLT)

‘The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil; he will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.’ Psalms 34:15-18(NLT)

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.’ Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT)

‘He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. ‘ Ephesians 1:7(NLT)

‘So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.’ Hebrews 4:16(NLT)

Relational intimacy is the interactive parts of your relationship. As you journey together, consider three areas in your communication and connection as I reference them as God Time, Couch Time, and Table Time. 

God Time. It is always your first stop in growing your relationship. Your time with God needs to be front and center, ever present, an integral part of your personal and marital journey. It is here you receive healing for every hurt, forgive one another, and hear what truths you need to believe. Please do not move to second stop, Couch Time, until you have engaged in your God Time first. 

Couch Time. The primary purpose of Couch Time is for listening in order to understand the thoughts, feelings, and desires (your TFDs) of your partner. Whether you are discussing a topic of interest, telling one another about your day, or seeking a solution to a problem, sharing your thoughts, feelings, and desires from your healthy I is very important. Remember, there are two voices, and both need to be given time to express themselves. 

Table Time. Your third stop is Table Time. It is meant to help you work towards a solution for further growth of the relationship. The bottom line: Solving a problem is for the growth of your US. Keep growth as your focus. 

Reflection: Keep God close beside you; invite Him in on every aspect of your life and your marriage. This is your greatest safeguard for your marriage. You need Jesus like you need air, food, and water to do your life and your marriage every day! Challenge yourself from your God relationship: how can I improve my listening and value two voices and move stronger towards the focus of growth in my marriage? Remember, marriage is a constant, continual process of nurturing, listening, connecting, changing, and growing.

from Daily Habits Of Marital Intimacy

‘Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. ‘ 1 John 3:18(NLT)

‘And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.’ Romans 5:5(NLT)

‘Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. ‘ 1 John 4:11(NLT)

When couples marry, there is a deep desire to feel a variety of emotions together. The list is endless, but here are a few: we desire to feel loved, protected, affirmed, enjoyed, inspired, encouraged, supported, respected, cared for, and secure. There are few couples that would not agree that over the years they have become less attentive to the emotional care of one another, letting the daily demands of life rule over their relationship. It is in this state that storms often find their way in and complicate marriage, creating even greater distance.

I urge you to make it a priority to be mindful daily of your partner’s emotional well-being. Emotional intimacy can be experienced in four values of shared fun, daily love-communicating behaviors, weekly interactive date nights to keep knowing one another, and expressing affirmations for how you serve one other.

Reflection: Remember, you have an enemy that wants you to neglect your own emotional care as well as the emotional health of your marriage. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative, with all the help and grace of God, to commit to the emotional intimacy of your relationship. Ask yourself, “What can I do for my partner today to ensure he or she feels loved and cared for by me?” This is your greatest joy: to help another feel not only loved by God, but by another human being. 

from Daily Habits Of Marital Intimacy