Category: 1st Marriage

‘How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony! For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil that was poured over Aaron’s head, that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe. Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And there the Lord has pronounced his blessing, even life everlasting.’ Psalms 133:1-3(NLT)

‘“I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me. ‘ John 17:20-23(NLT)

We’re more than halfway through this scripture plan and we’ve come to what may be the most impactful day yet:

 

We’re talking about faith.

 

Not just the act of faith, which is often just something we say when we’re talking about believing that God will act on our behalf. No, we’re talking about your actual faith – what you believe about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, scripture, church… all of it.

 

Faith is meant to be a major unifier, but all too often in a marriage it can wind up becoming divisive. We can very easily lose sight of the basics and get caught up in arguments about what are actually minor things.

 

This is what you must guard against in your marriage. A German theologian in the 1600s famously wrote that Christians should have, “Unity in what is essential, liberty in nonessentials, and in all things charity.”

 

This is a good way to approach faith in your marriage. Agree on the basics, let the minor things alone, and treat every aspect of your relationship with charity.

 

This is how you build a love that lasts – by building it on a strong faith foundation that holds the important things tightly and everything else loosely.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

‘For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.’ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8(NLT)

‘And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. ‘ Romans 8:26-28(NLT)

Rhythm is something that’s built right into creation. We see that in the well-worn passage from Ecclesiastes we read today: there’s a time and a season for everything. We can’t be doing everything all the time with no breaks – that’s a recipe for burnout.

 

The (sometimes) frustrating thing is: rhythm is also something that’s built into each of us as well. We all have our individual rhythms, the ways we like to go about living our lives, and working with the rhythms of the world, of the body, of the mind, and of the spirit is necessary in order to function properly.

 

So then what do you do if you and your spouse have different rhythms?

 

It’s so tricky! But that’s one of the many reasons why we have the Holy Spirit, because He can help us in submitting to one another, even when we don’t understand them or their rhythms.

 

Understanding that we have rhythms is the first key in finding ways to make those rhythms line up with one another so that we can find unity and build a love that lasts. So embrace your spouse’s rhythms and then work to find ways to line them up with yours.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

    

‘Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry. Trustworthy messengers refresh like snow in summer. They revive the spirit of their employer. A person who promises a gift but doesn’t give it is like clouds and wind that bring no rain. Patience can persuade a prince, and soft speech can break bones.’ Proverbs 25:11-15(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

No matter how blissful your relationship, no matter how easily you mesh together, no matter how many stress-free days you’ve had together, one thing is certain:

 

Conflict will come.

 

It’s unavoidable. Even the most star-kissed relationship that has ever existed, with each member of the couple constantly oohing and ahhing and finishing one another’s sentences with a cute giggle – even that couple will encounter conflict. Someday.

 

That’s why you need to know how to handle it when it happens.

 

Today’s scripture encourages us to be slow to speak – a useful admonish when conflict inevitably rears its ugly head. It also reminds us to be slow to anger – something that can often more easily be said than done.

 

Are you quick to speak? Are you prone to anger? Do you know why? Have you ever stopped to dig into those tendencies and figure them out? Because if you can, then you’re well on your way to mitigating conflict in the future.   

 

And engaging with conflict in a healthy and productive way – that’s a major building block in creating a love that lasts.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

‘May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord , my rock and my redeemer.’ Psalms 19:14(NLT)

‘“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.’ Luke 6:41-42(NLT)

Now it’s time to get into the real nuts and bolts of building a love that lasts: communication.

 

This is the big one. The important one. The one you always hear about, until maybe you’re sick of it and respond, exasperated, “Yes, I know! Communication is important in marriage!”

 

But there’s a reason you always hear about the necessity of communication: because it really is that important.

The thing about communication, though, is that it isn’t just about being heard – it’s also about hearing. It’s about actively listening while your spouse is talking so that you truly hear what they have to say – and them responding in kind.

 

But communication isn’t just about talking, either. Dialogue is important, but it’s not the only part of communication. You communicate through your face, through your tone of voice – even through your actions.

 

If you want to build   a love that lasts, you have to learn to communicate with your spouse, in as many forms of communication as you can. Fortunately, you don’t have to learn this on your own – God is here to help you. Pray, read scripture, and enlist   His help to get you on the road to blissful communication.

 

  It really is that important.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

‘My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.’ Proverbs 1:8-9(NLT)

‘Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.’ Colossians 3:20-21(NLT)

Last time we talked about sex, so this time we need to talk about the result of sex: kids. More specifically, we’re talking about parenting!

 

Marriage in general is a team effort, but there is perhaps no aspect of marriage more in need of teamwork than parenting.

 

As we read in today’s passage from Proverbs, children need instruction from both their mother and father. But not only that, the writer of Proverbs used an interesting metaphor: the parents’ instruction will be a crown around the head and a necklace around the neck.

 

If we keep that metaphor going and imagine parental instruction as jewelry, then we need to understand that, like all good jewelry, the pieces should match!

 

This is why parenting is a team effort: because mom and dad have to be on the same page and complement one another, just like a matching set of jewelry.

 

Of course, this is one of those things that’s easier said than done, which is why we have prayer. Pray together, then talk deeply with one another about your hopes, dreams, and plans for your kids so that you can be on the same page – and so your kids can look great in all that matching wisdom!

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:18-19(NLT)

‘The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:3-5(NLT)

Finally! It took three days, but now we’re getting to the good stuff. We’re talking about sex.

 

Sex is a wonderful, God-created act that has almost as many facets as it does ways to engage in it. The problem is that our warped cultural perception often infiltrates even our Godly thinking about sex. And that’s when we start to get away from a love that lasts.

 

If you want to build a love that lasts, start with this foundational thinking about sex: God created it to build intimacy between you, and the way that intimacy gets built is through service.

 

Sex isn’t about you. It’s about them.

 

Sex isn’t self-serving – it’s spouse-serving and couple-serving. You aren’t lounging in the marital bed to make yourself feel good – you’re there to generate intimacy and mutuality between the two of you.   

 

So, yes, if you want to build a love that lasts, keep having sex! But remember that sex is a beautiful, creative act that takes on so much more   meaning – and pleasure – when you serve one another.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

 

‘Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the Lord ’s purpose will prevail.’ Proverbs 19:20-21(NLT)

‘Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy.’ Philippians 2:12-18(NLT)

Here on this second day of building a love that lasts, we’re tackling yet another tough topic: combining your callings.

 

The fact of the matter is, each person in this world has a God-breathed calling in life. And when you’re by yourself, it’s much easier to imagine how God will enact that calling in your world.

 

But what happens when you get married is that you have to figure out how to combine those callings into a cohesive whole. And often we’re drawn together by similar callings – only to discover those similarities are sometimes not similar enough.

 

So what then? That’s when you welcome Jesus into your struggle to synthesize your callings with one another. It’s work – so why would you do it on your own? Invite the Lord into this and let Him work with you to turn your conflict into complements.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

‘Know the state of your flocks, and put your heart into caring for your herds, for riches don’t last forever, and the crown might not be passed to the next generation. After the hay is harvested and the new crop appears and the mountain grasses are gathered in, your sheep will provide wool for clothing, and your goats will provide the price of a field. And you will have enough goats’ milk for yourself, your family, and your servant girls.’ Proverbs 27:23-27(NLT)

‘“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’’ Luke 14:28-30(NLT)

Welcome to your journey through scripture, uncovering twelve essential building blocks to a love that lasts. First up: finances.

 

Did you think we would start with something easy? No way! We’re taking one of the hardest ones, because we’re serious about helping you build a lasting love with your spouse.

 

The thing about finances is that so many couples don’t like to talk about it. Whether it’s out of embarrassment, or not wanting to acknowledge the truth of it, or just a discontent of talking money, far too many couples let this topic languish – until they’re in trouble.

 

But scripture lets us know that not only is this a topic to talk about, but it’s also something to plan for.

 

Your finances are a resource, something for you to steward. You can spend your money how you want, as long as you do it in good conscience, and you both are on the same page, and that you’re doing it intentionally.

 

Get a plan, get on the same page, and then stay on it. And watch what God does in   your relationship as a result.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts