Category: 1st Marriage

‘Then I slept with my wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. And the Lord said, “Call him Maher-shalal-hash-baz. ‘ Isaiah 8:3(NLT)

‘But Ahaziah’s sister Jehosheba, the daughter of King Jehoram, took Ahaziah’s infant son, Joash, and stole him away from among the rest of the king’s children, who were about to be killed. She put Joash and his nurse in a bedroom. In this way, Jehosheba, wife of Jehoiada the priest and sister of Ahaziah, hid the child so that Athaliah could not murder him. ‘ 2 Chronicles 22:11(NLT)

‘When Priscilla and Aquila heard him preaching boldly in the synagogue, they took him aside and explained the way of God even more accurately.’ Acts of the Apostles 18:26(NLT)

‘He said, ‘I will abandon them; then see what becomes of them. For they are a twisted generation, children without integrity.’ Deuteronomy 32:20(NLT)

Now we have come to the last “MC” that God created every marriage relationship for:
To Facilitate MERGED CHRIST REFLECTION!

Mr. Isaiah was a prophet. So was his wife (Isa 8:3). Together they ministered for Yahweh’s glory. Together they build God’s kingdom.

Jehoiada was a priest in Judah. He led the nation in revolt against Athaliah, the evil queen who was out to end the Davidic dynasty. His wife Jehosheba hid the last surviving baby boy of King David’s family, Joash, with the help of a nurse (II Chron 22:11/II Chron 23). They teamed up to see the execution of God’s plan.

Aquila and Priscilla were perhaps a godly couple living in the city of Corinth. They made tents for a living. One day they invited fiery young preacher Apollos home. Apollos’ understanding of the doctrine of water baptism was inadequate. Aquilla and Priscilla corrected the wrong ideas that Apollos had about water baptism in what was clearly a joint husband-wife effort (Acts 18:26).

Join together with your spouse to witness for Jesus. Work together with your spouse to work for Jesus. Remember that you both have come together to gather – souls for Jesus! Do this in your own way.

You, the wife, could either stay at home or take care of the kids so that your husband can minister with a freedom. Or, you could join him in the meetings your husband speaks in and share his burden by preaching alongside him, if there was someone to take care of your children.

See what suits your temperament. See what suits your context. Whatever be the case, forge a partnership with your spouse for the sake of building the kingdom of God.

The Bible says that one can chase one thousand while two can chase ten thousand (not just two thousand as per the mathematical calculations, mind you!) (Deut 32:20). When couples work together for the Lord, there is an exponential multiplication of their resources resulting in great growth in the kingdom of God!

So here then are the five reasons why God created marriage. Would you at this time go over the five-fold purposes that God had for creating marriage all over again and take a vow that you will do your best to ensure each particular purpose is fulfilled in your marriage (or your upcoming marriage)? Do it right now!

from The Wedding Knot – For What? by Duke Jeyaraj

‘And Peter said, “How could the two of you even think of conspiring to test the Spirit of the Lord like this? The young men who buried your husband are just outside the door, and they will carry you out, too.”’ Acts of the Apostles 5:9(NLT)

‘At that time Jeroboam’s son Abijah became very sick. So Jeroboam told his wife, “Disguise yourself so that no one will recognize you as my wife. Then go to the prophet Ahijah at Shiloh—the man who told me I would become king. Take him a gift of ten loaves of bread, some cakes, and a jar of honey, and ask him what will happen to the boy.” So Jeroboam’s wife went to Ahijah’s home at Shiloh. He was an old man now and could no longer see. But the Lord had told Ahijah, “Jeroboam’s wife will come here, pretending to be someone else. She will ask you about her son, for he is very sick. Give her the answer I give you.” So when Ahijah heard her footsteps at the door, he called out, “Come in, wife of Jeroboam! Why are you pretending to be someone else?” Then he told her, “I have bad news for you. Give your husband, Jeroboam, this message from the Lord , the God of Israel: ‘I promoted you from the ranks of the common people and made you ruler over my people Israel. I ripped the kingdom away from the family of David and gave it to you. But you have not been like my servant David, who obeyed my commands and followed me with all his heart and always did whatever I wanted. You have done more evil than all who lived before you. You have made other gods for yourself and have made me furious with your gold calves. And since you have turned your back on me, I will bring disaster on your dynasty and will destroy every one of your male descendants, slave and free alike, anywhere in Israel. I will burn up your royal dynasty as one burns up trash until it is all gone. The members of Jeroboam’s family who die in the city will be eaten by dogs, and those who die in the field will be eaten by vultures. I, the Lord , have spoken.’” Then Ahijah said to Jeroboam’s wife, “Go on home, and when you enter the city, the child will die. All Israel will mourn for him and bury him. He is the only member of your family who will have a proper burial, for this child is the only good thing that the Lord , the God of Israel, sees in the entire family of Jeroboam. “In addition, the Lord will raise up a king over Israel who will destroy the family of Jeroboam. This will happen today, even now! Then the Lord will shake Israel like a reed whipped about in a stream. He will uproot the people of Israel from this good land that he gave their ancestors and will scatter them beyond the Euphrates River, for they have angered the Lord with the Asherah poles they have set up for worship. He will abandon Israel because Jeroboam sinned and made Israel sin along with him.” So Jeroboam’s wife returned to Tirzah, and the child died just as she walked through the door of her home. ‘ 1 Kings 14:1-17(NLT)

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ‘ Ecclesiastes 4:9-10(NLT)

‘Then I said to her, “You must live in my house for many days and stop your prostitution. During this time, you will not have sexual relations with anyone, not even with me. ”’ Hosea 3:3(NLT)

Why did God create marriage? To Facilitate MOLDING OF CHARACTER

There were areas in which Moses was very stubborn. He apparently refused to circumcise his son. This may be because he wanted to please his father-in-law who was a Medianite priest. The Medianites only circumcised men who were about to be married.

They did not circumcise babies like the Jews did. So Moses perhaps wanted to wait till his son grew up so that he could be circumcised. But his wife Zipporah had all along told him that it was not necessary for Moses to please her dad (I presume). But Moses would not listen to the soundly Scriptural advice of his wife.

So when God was about to kill Moses, Zipporah his wife, instantly knew why God was taking that seemingly extreme step. She quickly swung into action. She took a sharp stone knife and circumcised her baby son and threw the removed foreskin at Moses. Zipporah stepped in between God and Moses. Otherwise, Moses would have been executed. Thank God for wives who don’t give up on their husbands, even during the times when it appears that God has given up on their husbands.

Zipporah, through her efforts, thus molded the character of Moses. She would have even told Moses this: “Moses, you wrote about circumcision as God revealed it to you, way back in Genesis 17. Now we have reached the point of history which Exodus 4 is talking about. Many years have passed, yet you have not circumcised our own son. He must have been circumcised on the eighth day as per the laws of God, you yourself recorded! You wrote about circumcision, but you have not practiced it in your own life! Change this stubborn behavior, my hubby dear!”

This loving advice may have fallen in deaf ears for many years, before God deciding to finally kill Moses, deciding enough was enough. But even at that time, it was Moses’ wife, Zipporah, who rescued him! Every man needs a wife like Zipporah in his life to mold his character into the image of Christ!

Just as Zipporah molded the character of Moses, wives should mold their husband’s character and make room for their husbands also to mold them. Where Zipporah was successful, Sapphira failed. She failed to stop her husband from cheating Pastor Peter. She ‘conspired with her husband to test the Spirit of the Lord!’ (Acts 5:9).

As Sapphira failed in her God-given duty of molding her husband, Ananias, he lost his life! She too lost hers! Failure to make an attempt to chisel the character of your life partner, whose moral values are going down the drain as you can see with your own eyes from close quarters, can be very dangerous, you see!

Prophet Hosea saw his wife, Gomer, go back to the red light area, the area he picked her from, to get married to her in the first place. He could have chosen to ignore this expected behavior from his wife but he did not. He passionately told her, “Stop your prostitution!” (Hos 3:3). Husbands and wives are not called to share their skin, but in each other, point out sin!

King Jeroboam was the first king of the Northern Kingdom of Israel. He went away from the Lord. He backslid. At this time his son Abijah became sick. He asked his wife to disguise herself and go meet prophet Ahijah with cake and honey.

Now, this prophet could not see that much. This woman could have told her husband, “It is time you repent! It’s time to come back to God! What is the use of all this disguise before the prophet of God who knows and sees all things? I will not play-act before a man of God!” But she did not. She put on her disguise and went to meet the Prophet Ahijah complying with her husband’s sinful demands.

The prophet recognized her instantly and further denounced King Jeroboam and predicted the death of his already sick son. And that happened! (I Ki 14:1-17). When a man and his wife join together to commit sin, there could be an absolute disaster waiting to happen as this narrative warns.

The Bible teaches, “Two are better than one…if one falls down, the other will pick him up!” (Eccl 4:9-10). Marriage is the God-ordained union where two become one and ultimately become mutually accountable. Marriage is a school where ‘iron sharpens iron’ (Pro 27:17).

Do you see your husband smoking? Boozing? Watching porn? Don’t ignore these things. Lovingly confront him. Let the Lord use you to mold his character. Woo him back to his Creator.

That’s why you got married in the first place. Do you see your wife sipping gossip? Using foul words? Displaying blatant envy? Lovingly confront her. Let the Lord use you to mold her character. Woo her back to her Creator. That’s why you got married in the first place.

from The Wedding Knot – For What? by Duke Jeyaraj

‘For all the firstborn males among the people of Israel are mine, both of people and of animals. I set them apart for myself on the day I struck down all the firstborn sons of the Egyptians. ‘ Numbers 8:17(NLT)

‘“The firstborn of every animal belongs to me, including the firstborn males from your herds of cattle and your flocks of sheep and goats. ‘ Exodus 34:19(NLT)

‘Don’t let them waste their time in endless discussion of myths and spiritual pedigrees. These things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God.’ 1 Timothy 1:4(NLT)

God’s first command to man is to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28). After the floods came and devastated the earth’s population, God repeated this command to Noah (Gen 9:1). That’s the only command of God we, the human race, have obeyed very faithfully, perhaps!

Jokes apart, to be able to have children was clearly a blessing that God only can endow couples with – it is not just a result of sexual activity between a man and his wife. This is the teaching of the Bible in passages such as Psalm 128:3 which goes this way: “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine, flourishing within your home. And look at all those children! They sit around your table as vigorous and healthy as young olive trees!”

Some Bible characters understood this particular purpose that God had for their marriages very well. I am referring to Jacob – a man who was the father to 12 sons! He had an entire cricket team at his home and there was room even for the twelfth man! Gideon had 70 sons. He could have conducted a triangular cricket series right in his home’s backyard and picked up the first umpire, second umpire and third umpire from among his children!

Of course, it is not enough that one bears physical children. He or she should raise the children up in the fear of the Lord. “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them!” – this is what the Bible teaches (Prov. 13:24).

Discipline must be diligently meted out to our children every time we see them go the wrong way. We should NOT do it only once in a while or only when we feel like it or only we no longer can tolerate their mischiefs. Priest Eli was a poor dad. He looked the other way when his son slept with the women in the temple. God wasn’t happy with him. We must not ape him.

Parents of our time are keen to send their kids for tuition when it comes to coping with the subjects they are weak in. Why not send them also for tuition (read, Bible studies, youth camps, etc.) when it’s obvious they are weak in their grasp and understanding of the Bible? Why are we so callously okay with giving stepmotherly treatment to the things of God in our lives?

“All the firstborn are mine!” This is what the Lord says repeatedly (Numbers 3:13; 8:17; Ex 13:2; 34:19).

In the New Testament times, this Old Testament teaching could be taken to mean that your child with the best of talents (not necessarily your firstborn) should be encouraged for doing the Lord’s work full-time. This is the duty of parents. We must motivate them for the same. We must pray that they choose to do God’s work in the one life they have. Of course, the final decision will be theirs.

Not all parents have the God-given privilege of bearing natural children for reasons best known to God, but all of them have the greater joy and higher privilege of bearing spiritual children like Paul did. Timothy, Titus and Onesimus were sons in the Christian faith for Paul (I Tim. 1:2; Titus 1:4; Phm 10).

from The Wedding Knot – For What? by Duke Jeyaraj

‘Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”’ Genesis 1:28(NLT)

‘Then God blessed Noah and his sons and told them, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth. ‘ Genesis 9:1(NLT)

‘Your wife will be like a fruitful grapevine, flourishing within your home. Your children will be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around your table.’ Psalms 128:3(NLT)

‘Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.’ Proverbs 13:24(NLT)

‘for all the firstborn males are mine. On the day I struck down all the firstborn sons of the Egyptians, I set apart for myself all the firstborn in Israel, both of people and of animals. They are mine; I am the Lord .”’ Numbers 3:13(NLT)

In the book of Song of Songs, we read about an UNSELFISH HUSBAND we husbands must emulate. Husbands, in general, are not naturally inclined to talk lovingly or listen attentively to their wives, especially when it comes to the time for sex. They prefer to rush with the sex act without waiting to strike romance-laced conversations with their spouses, in most cases.

Here, in this book, we read of a different kind of husband. This husband says to his wife, even as both of them are gearing up to make love with each other, “Let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet!” (Song of Songs 2:14b). The same request he repeats in Song of Songs 8:13. Wow!

In the book of Song of Solomon, we read of an UNSELFISH WIFE. Wives are mostly wired to wait for their husbands to make the first move when it comes to sex. But in this book, which is of course inspired by the Holy Spirit, we read of the wife who makes the first move when it comes to sex at times.

She says to her husband, “Let us go early to the vineyards (before mother-in-law awakens, perhaps!) to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom – there I will give you my love!” (Song of Songs 7:12). The vineyard this lady is talking about here is her own body.

In poetic language she invites her husband to come and enjoy the vineyard – the vineyard of her body with all its intoxicating enticements! In Song of Songs 8:5, she further says, “Under the apple tree I aroused you!” She was the one who took the initiative in the act of sex here as well. Wow!

The husband that the book of Song of Solomon is talking about thinks, “Let me place my wife’s interests before me. Though I am not that excited about striking long romantic conversations, I will do just that because my wife likes it that way!”

The wife the book of Song of Solomon is talking about thinks, “Let me initiate sex with my husband, now and then, even though that’s not my cup of tea. That way I will show him that I love him more than I love myself!”

When both husbands and wives both become unselfish, their sex lives become sizzling and reaches the heights that God wanted it to reach! The SELFLESS nature of the husband the book of Song of Solomon is talking about is further illustrated when he ensures that his wife also reaches orgasm even as he does, by using his hands to that effect doing the sex act (that’s how some commentators interpret Song of Songs 2:6 and 8:3).

Paul only emphasizes the truths from Song of Solomon we just read about. Here is his counsel for married couples when it comes to their sex lives in the words of Eugene Peterson: “Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.” (I Cor 7:2-4, The Message)

Isaac understood that God created marriage not just for the production of kids, but also for the enjoyment of sex. That’s why, when he was not exactly young, he was seen ‘fondling’ his wife (Gen. 26:8)

from The Wedding Knot – For What? by Duke Jeyaraj

‘I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers. When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees.’ Song of Songs 8:10(NLT)

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?’ Proverbs 5:18-20(NLT)

‘Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:5(NLT)

Why did God create marriage? To provide for the only place where the most magical climax on planet earth, “the best fun one can have without laughing,” even sex, can be experienced! Hollywood actress Sharon Stone said, “The best sex there is, is married sex!”

I would like to say in similar vain, the only guilt-free sex happens between a husband and his wife. You can stare at the ceiling with a feeling of absolute serenity and total peace when you have just had sex with your spouse. This does not happen when you just had sex with anyone else. This does not happen after you have just masturbated with your mind full of adulterous thoughts.

There’s peace only when your life partner is standing unclothed in front of you; when it’s someone else (that porn star on that DVD, that movie starlet in your imagination, that office colleague in actuality, etc.), that peace will be shattered. This is the message of the Bible in Song of Songs 8:10.

In the book of Proverbs, the Bible teaches, “Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body!” (Prov 5:18-20, The Message). When some of my close friends have gotten married, I have written this set of verses, unedited, in my greeting card to them!

God’s Word teaches ‘abstaining from sex is permissible’ for the husband and wife ‘only if they mutually agree to it and it’s only for the purposes of prayer and fasting – only for those times’. After such periods, they need to ’come back together’ to experience the joy of sexual intimacy ‘again’ (I Cor 7:5, The Message).

There are 66 books in the Bible. Did you know that God put one whole book in the Bible to make us understand that he created sex for giving the married pleasures untold? I am referring to the book of Song of Solomon.

It is interesting to note that this book does not record the birth of a child. The message of this book then is: “God created marriage for pleasures within the boundary of marriage, not just for the mere production of children!”

from The Wedding Knot – For What? by Duke Jeyaraj

‘Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord . ‘ 1 Samuel 1:10(NLT)

‘“What’s the matter?” his wife Jezebel asked him. “What’s made you so upset that you’re not eating?”’ 1 Kings 21:5(NLT)

‘See which part of the field they are harvesting, and then follow them. I have warned the young men not to treat you roughly. And when you are thirsty, help yourself to the water they have drawn from the well.”’ Ruth 2:9(NLT)

If your Audi R8 breaks down, it is best that you take it to the makers of that car or to the authorized garage of that car. It would be foolish to take it to just any local garage. God is the one who invented marriage, the Bible teaches. As we see marriages being wrecked and made mockery of in our time, it is best we go back to Him, to find out the original purpose that he had for setting up marriage on planet Earth.

That purpose is revealed in God’s Word in human words, the Holy Bible. Let me outline them for you. The study of these purposes will be useful for those who are married (they will know which God-intended purpose they are missing in their marriage) and those who desire to be married (having known God’s purposes for every marriage, they will be able to wisely choose a life partner).

If you are married, you must discover why God wanted you to tie the knot in the first place. If you are planning to get married, it’s wise to find out why God wants you to tie the knot. This will be an interesting study. Let’s start. God created marriage for the facilitation of 5 “MCs”. This is the first one: MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION!

After God created the first man, the Bible records, this was what God said: “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.” God created marriage to help the human race fight loneliness. God fashioned Holy Matrimony to help especially women cope with the gnawing feeling they constantly have of being ever so lonely!

Blessed is the man who understands this! If he did and acted upon this realization, that man’s wife would be happy!

Elkanah understood this! This is what he says to Hannah, his wife – a woman who was childless: “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?” (I Sam 1:10). When was the last time you (Mr. Husband) talked that lovingly to your wife? When was the last time you had such loving conversations with your spouse?

Queen Jezebel was evil personified. But she can still be taken as an example to follow in the way she spoke to her hubby dear, King Ahab. As he came home after a disgusting day at the office (we can see it that way), she asked him, “Why is your spirit so vexed that you eat no food?” (I Kings 21:5). Not just women, even men have a need for loving, spirit-uplifting conversations in their marriages! Ask King Ahab!

Boaz offered to Ruth exactly what she wanted as a woman – plenty of meaningful conversation. Here is just a sample of what Boaz told Ruth: “And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink what the young men have drawn” (Ruth 2:9). Husband, do you ask your wife things like, “Did you eat”? Do you walk up to her with a glass of water and say, “Please drink”? These are small things, but they mean the world to your wife. They tell her that you love her and that you care for her.

In his message on the family in a huge stadium in England, I heard Dr. Billy Graham say that the secret of making one’s wife happy lies in focusing on these ‘little’ things. Little wonder, he had a successful marriage that lasted over five decades, where he remained faithful to his wife, till her death, despite all the pressures of an international itinerant ministry.

We husbands must understand that the greatest gifts we can give our wives may not be gifts like that trendy Timex watch but time itself! Your best gift to your wife may not necessarily be that diamond ring but an unhurried date in which you whisper sweet nothings to her!

To spend quality time with each other, so that meaningful conversation can evolve, the husband and the wife can read God’s Word together and reflect upon it together.

The ad punchline for the car, Chevrolet Beat Diesel, when it was released in India was this: “Long drives are back!” (because apparently this car gives you the best mileage). Let’s get back to those long drives (even if we drive a car that does not offer good mileage) and long walks with our life partners.

“You will have to consciously switch off your BlackBerry, turn off your computer, and not read your email. You should go on a vacation with your family and take a break, or else it’s coming at you all the time!” Those words weren’t spoken by Family Counselor James Dobson. You will be surprised to know they were spoken by Google Inc.’s then Vice President, Sukhinder S. Cassidy. She said this in India Today Conclave 2007.

from The Wedding Knot – For What? by Duke Jeyaraj