Category: 1st Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Communication In Marriage – Day 3

‘Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.’ Proverbs 16:24(NLT)

Communicating well during conflict also means never to “fight below the belt.” Fighting below the belt includes anything that would be considered hurtful to the other person’s emotional and psychological center. 

It may come through name calling, demeaning words, speaking with the intent to hurt concerning the other person’s family, threatening divorce, swearing, or bringing up the other person’s weaknesses or failures.

These types of direction in a couples’ communication should never take place. If they do, the conversation needs to come to an end until a healthy style of communication can be applied. Proverbs 16:24 reminds us, “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”

A lack of healthy communication during conflict can kill the affection and intimacy in a marriage by removing the safe environment needed for honesty and vulnerability. Harsh words lead to immediate thoughts such as, How dare she say that? or How dare he say that? Spiteful words force couples to take sides. 

Remember, you are ultimately on the same side. When you practice healthy communication during conflict, you will create an atmosphere for greater intimacy and love to flourish. 

from Communication In Marriage by Heather Hair

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Communication In Marriage – Day 2

‘The greatest among you must be a servant. ‘ Matthew 23:11(NLT)

Communication During Conflict

Along with a healthy, romantic love, married couples should also make an effort to learn how to properly communicate during conflict. Every relationship of ongoing contact will experience conflict of some kind. That’s a given. How we handle that conflict greatly affects the intimacy, or vulnerability, we offer each other following it. Thus, inept conflict skills can distance relationships creating more friction and resentment.

No one comes out of the womb ready and able to handle conflict perfectly. Communicating well during conflict is a learned trait. Why? We are naturally selfish. 

A healthy style of conflict management comes when we learn to elevate the other person to a higher level than our own, and vice versa. It takes practice and a willingness to concede. 

It also takes an emotional maturity level that filters actions through a grid of grace. Far too often, spouses function in the formal operational mode and, as a result, act out of the concrete judgment determinations. In that mode, thoughts and emotions remain on immediate and visual stimuli. When a married couple hasn’t matured beyond this level of interaction, it can lead to conflict. 

For example, when the wife sees that the dishes are still on the table hours after her husband’s breakfast, she may become angry. She sees dirty dishes and immediately equates them with laziness and apathy on his part. Afterall, she notices that he has plenty of energy to wash his car for the second time that week. She might even begin to feel offended that her husband would expect her to clear them. 

What she does not see is the depth of her own expectations clashing with those of her husband. Expectations come from a variety of sources: family, peers, television, etc. Nor does she recognize this as an opportunity to develop spiritual maturity by cultivating the virtues of service and grace. It is also an opportunity for her to practice communication skills with him in a way that is rooted in love.

Yet if she chooses instead to leave the dishes on the table while complaining instead, this will give occasion for his frustrations  to rise with her as well. He may later erupt in anger. Or she may clear them all the while grumbling, or perhaps simply noting his apparent offense and saving it for ammunition later.

No one enjoys feeling like a servant, particularly to a spouse. But Christ reminds us in the book of Matthew that, “The greatest among you will be your servant.” Cultivating a spiritual mindset about conflict is the first step to communicating rightly in scenarios of marital conflict. It removes the emotional attachment to unhealthy desires and leaves space for the couple to talk about the root that may be causing the conflict, rather than the fruit.

from Communication In Marriage by Heather Hair

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Communication In Marriage – Day 1

‘You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.’ Song of Songs 4:9(NLT)

The key to any good marriage is communication. 

Marriage requires communicating about when we are happy, sad, disappointed, excited, as well as a myriad of other emotions. Two key areas that can be adversely affected by a lack of attention, or by past sins, are romantic communication and communication during conflict.

 Romantic Communication

Romantic communication is essential in cultivating a healthy and vital marriage relationship. During the dating stage, much energy is devoted to this kind of love (eros – romantic love.) However, if a couple marries on the foundation of an intimacy that may include several past partners or that may be rooted in physical contact alone, new external stresses and demands override the surface level and competing feelings of eros within each partner. Then when children are added, time demands that come from parenting may also limit what remaining resources were available for developing eros. 

When a marriage relationship lacks healthy romantic communication, it is important to revisit this area in a way that both supports and honors each partner.

Remember, romance involves capturing the attention of the other and not demanding it. Song of Solomon 4:9 states it this way in the New Living Translation, 

“You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.”

If you have found romance to be dwindling in your relationship, seek to communicate in ways other than words. Seek to communicate through non-verbal methods such that will capture your partner’s focus and heart. Communication doesn’t always have to mean a sit-down conversation. Oftentimes it involves a smile, wink, act of service, attractive outfit or any flirtatious manner you choose to interact with your spouse. Just because you are married doesn’t mean the flirting has come to an end. Relight the flame and enjoy each other completely. 

from Communication In Marriage by Heather Hair

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Prayers for Increased Peace

‘Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all.’ 2 Thessalonians 3:16(NLT)

‘“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. ‘ John 14:27(NLT)

‘Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:7(NLT)

‘You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!’ Isaiah 26:3(NLT)

Praising God

Heavenly Father, Your peace protects, provides for, and promotes greater harmony and satisfaction in our marriage. I praise You for peace that guards us according to Philippians 4:7: 

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Accessing Your peace is as simple as focusing on You. 

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you(Isaiah 26:3).”

Thank You for the gift of peace through Jesus Christ and what it will accomplish in our marriage and in our thoughts, and in our hearts. In Christ’s name, amen.

Praying for Blessing and Intervention

Gracious Lord, fill my spouse with Your peace. Help my spouse to recognize Your presence in their life more fully and guide them in focusing their mind on You rather than on the worries of this world. 

Give my spouse an unshakeable confidence in You as our source of peace and as our provider so that they can rest in You. Make me a model of peace to my spouse by giving me the grace of a gentle spirit. Help us both to look to You first before responding or reacting to each other out of our emotions, especially emotions of worry, fear, anxiety, or disappointment. 

You promise us perfect peace when our minds are focused on You. I ask that You cultivate in my spouse a desire to pray with me and walk with me spiritually so that we develop the habit and routine of always focusing on You. In Christ’s name, Amen. 

from Increase The Love In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Prayers for Increased Joy

‘You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.’ Psalms 16:11(NLT)

‘Honor and majesty surround him; strength and joy fill his dwelling.’ 1 Chronicles 16:27(NLT)

‘I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.’ Romans 15:13(NLT)

Praising God

Heavenly Father, joy is found in You. Psalm 16:11 tells me, 

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” 

I praise You for being the source of joy not only for myself but for my marriage. I know that You will make known to us the path of life and You will fill us with joy as we abide in Your presence. 

Thank You that the attainment of true joy is found in You and that joy is available to us at any time. 1 Chronicles 16:27 assures us that ‘splendor and majesty are before him [God]; strength and joy are in His dwelling place.’ As a married couple, we can gain both strength and joy simply by remaining in Your presence. You have blessed us with access to You, and I honor Your name in praise. In Christ’s name, amen.

Praying for Blessing and Intervention

Gracious Lord, I pray for my spouse according to Romans 15:13, 

“May the God of hope fill [him/her] with all joy and peace as [he/she trusts in You], so that [he/she] may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” 

Flood my spouse’s spirit with the fullness and power of Your joy. Give them experiences that reignite their playful side. Allow me the chance to be a part of You bringing joy to my spouse. I want to see their smile, laugh, and delight in the abundance of blessings You have given us each day. 

May our home and our marriage be known for the joy we share together. And may that joy overflow into the lives of those around us, for Your glory and their good. In Christ’s name, Amen.

from Increase The Love In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Prayers for Increased Love

‘But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!’ Galatians 5:22-23(NLT)

‘But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.’ 1 John 4:8(NLT)

Praising God

Heavenly Father, You are love. 1 John 4:8 tells us, ‘Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.’ Your essence and totality are made up of love. You embody the traits of love that we should live out—traits such as patience, kindness, gentleness, humility, and self-control. . 

I praise You because of Your commitment to love me and to love my spouse in spite of the many ways we may have failed You. I praise You because Your love tempers Your anger toward us and we can appeal to Your faithful love when we need it the most. 

Your love enables us to experience Your forgiveness and blessing, along with Your mercy and favor. Thank You for Your love and for giving us the opportunity to model Your love to each other in our marriage. In Christ’s name, amen.

Praying for Blessing and Intervention

Gracious Lord, I ask that You bless my marriage with a spirit of love. Bless our actions, thoughts, and words with Your love so that we reflect Your love to each other. Help my spouse to love You with all their heart, soul, and mind. Help my spouse to love me more deeply, more passionately, and even more spontaneously. 

Revive and restore the “first love” we once felt for each other when we began to date or started our relationship together. Expand our understanding of what true love looks like. Bless my spouse with the ability to love themselves purely as well. In Christ’s name, Amen.

If you enjoyed these guided prayers and want to discover ways to pray for your husband (or to have your wife pray for you), we want to help you with Prayers for Blessing Over Your Husband. It comes with delightful insights and guided prayers. You can also find daily prayer posts on IG: @capandbuttercup

Many thanks to Harvest House Publishers for the use of this material. 

from Increase The Love In Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The Simple Things

‘Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. ‘ Ecclesiastes 9:9(NLT)

‘So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.’ Ecclesiastes 3:12-13(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

After finding out from people what things in their marriages made them sad, I countered with this question: “What things in your marriage make you happy?” Here were some of their answers: “my husband’s cooking,” “when we are being considerate of each other,” “knowing that my husband is a godly man,” “holding hands,” “finding ways to please my wife,” “I love how we communicate, even if we do not agree,” “I love our commitment to our marriage,” and “snuggling up to each other.”

As I look at these answers, I am hit by an incredible reality about marriage: The things that make people the happiest in their marriages are the simple things. Contentment in marriage is not about money or power. It is not about possessions or elaborate vacations. It is about those things that connect a husband and wife.

I have said for a long time that marriage is not rocket science. We don’t need to understand something as complicated as the science that goes into propelling a rocket into space when we try to explain what sends a marriage soaring. What fuels a marriage are the daily, simple, purposeful things that we do for and with our spouses. That is awesome!

Today’s Challenge: The simple things are what keep a marriage moving forward. Have you hugged your spouse today?

Going Deeper:

1. What things in your marriage make you happy?

2. How do you define ‘contentment’ in your marriage?

3. Name two things in your marriage that really connect you.

4. What are some of the things that you would like to do for and with your spouse?

5. Will you commit to begin doing some of those today?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 1

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Knowing What You Have Control Over

‘Better to live humbly with the poor than to share plunder with the proud.’ Proverbs 16:19(NLT)

‘You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!’ John 14:13-14(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Recently I asked a number of couples this question: “What things in your marriage make you sad?” The answers were varied: “taking each other for granted,” “my spouse’s words and actions due to drinking,” “my husband’s family hurting him,” “the thought of losing my wife,” and “not listening to each other.”

Some of these are situations we can do something about, and some are really out of our control. My advice is this: If there is something you can do about a situation, do it. Do it now. Don’t waste another day.

On the other hand, if the situation is out of your control, you must first learn to accept that fact. Secondly, set boundaries that are healthy for you if needed. Finally, pray. We sometimes forget the power of prayer. Seek God’s help, wisdom, and intervention. One of the many amazing things I have learned about God is that He always shows up!

Today’s Challenge: Trust God to reveal to you the things you have control over and the things you have zero control over in your marriage.

Going Deeper:

1. What things in your marriage can make you sad?

2. Which of these are in your control and which are out of your control?

3. Will you commit to work on the things that you have some control over?

4. Will you commit to let go of the things that are out of control?

5. Dr. Kim says, “God always shows up.” Are you willing to lay both the things you can control and the things you cannot control at His feet for His input, His guidance, and His miracles?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 1

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Making It Better

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:12-14(NLT)

Devotional Content:

What are you as a couple doing right now to purposefully make your marriage better? If you’re not actively doing anything, you might want to consider setting some reasonable goals for your marriage in order to get you started. One idea is to create a list together of the things that are important to you in your marriage. Add to the list anything that you want to exist in your marriage that is not there now.

Next, separate the items on your list into three groups—daily, short-term, and long-term. Daily items are the things you can do each day to show love, help each other out, and enrich each other’s lives. Short-term items are the things you would like to build into your marriage over the next year. And long-term items are the things that you want to build into your marriage over the next five to ten years.

Discuss what each of you will specifically do to build all these goals into your marriage. Use your lists as a guideline. Encourage each other in what you are doing. Every six months, look at your lists and see how you are doing. You can always change or update your lists.

Just remember, there is no better time than now to put your marriage as a priority and work together to make it awesome.

Today’s Challenge: If, when, and how you want to improve your marriage is a choice. What will you choose to do?

Going Deeper:

1. Discuss some of the things you have done in the past to make your marriage better.

2. Make a list together of the things that are important to you in your marriage. Then separate theM into the categories of Daily, Short-Term, and Long-Term.

3. Use your list as a guide as you discuss what part each of you will play in improving your marriage.

4. Commit to following through.

5. Evaluate and update your list every six months.

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 1

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Eliminating the ‘D’ Word

‘Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:6(NLT)

‘Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”’ Matthew 19:8-9(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Nancy and I dated for two years before we married, but we were pretty young. When we got engaged, Nancy was nineteen and I was twenty. Not only were we young, but we had no clue how to do marriage. Our premarital counseling consisted of two sessions with the pastor who married us. The first session was spent planning the wedding, and the second was spent listening to the pastor tell funny stories about Nancy’s family.

As I look back at this, the sad thing is that I thought our premarital counseling was great! My idea of marriage was to just live life together and everything would be perfect. I had no idea you had to work at marriage to make it work. Nobody ever told me that.

So we jumped into this swimming pool of marriage thinking we knew how to swim—and soon realized that not only did we not know how to swim but we did not even have a life preserver. We had more good days than bad days for the first couple of years, but then the bad days began to outnumber the good days. We tried to fix things on our own, but we didn’t know where to start.

I wish I could give you a three-step formula to what worked to save our marriage. It wasn’t that simple. But what I can give you is this: Things began to improve only after we committed to make it work. That was a huge step for us. At one point we even promised each other to never again use the word divorce in our marriage. We took the “D” word off the table for good. Fixing our marriage was still a lot of work, and the process was slow, but we were finally both working together.

Wherever you are in your marriage, do not give up. Move a giant step in the right direction by taking the “D” word off the table and committing to each other to make it work. That step alone will make a difference.

Today’s Challenge: Eliminate the “D” word from your marriage conversations, thoughts, and vocabulary; commit to making your marriage work.

Going Deeper:

1. What did you do individually and as a couple to prepare yourselves for marriage?

2. Would you do anything different today if you could have a ‘do over?’

3. Define the phrase “working at your marriage.” How can you apply that to your marriage?

4. In your marriage, what is a ‘good day’ and what is a ‘bad day?’

5. Have you taken the ‘D’ word off of the table in your marriage? If not, will you commit to do that today?

6. Finally, are you both willing to recommit to your marriage for the long haul?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 1