Category: 1st Marriage

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Happily ever after?

‘Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. ‘ Philippians 4:11-13(NLT)

Getting to happily ever after is complicated. No disrespect to Disney, but a good relationship is not that simple. It’s not (1) love at first sight, (2) slight misunderstanding that causes tension, (3) defeat the fill-in-the-blank villain, and (4) live happily ever after. Sorry, I’ve seen too many grinning wedding couples grimace in divorce court to believe that.

That’s why I love the Bible. Because the Bible gives us a better script for happily ever after whether you’re married, single, or divorced and a realistic view of finding true love, lasting happiness, and a deep contentment whatever your relationship status. Listen to what Paul, a single follower of Jesus, once wrote: “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11-13). Paul learned the secret to happily ever after. Notice the word learned. This isn’t something we know by nature. This isn’t obvious. It’s a secret that must be learned by God revealing it to us.

What’s the secret? Jesus. Through Jesus we are always and eternally loved, cherished, pursued, accompanied, forgiven, befriended, and desired. Through Jesus we have someone who cares, who listens, who wants to help us with our problems. That is the truth—in all the complicated ups and downs of singleness, dating, divorce, and marriage—that leads to happily ever after.

from Living Happily Ever After: Devotions From Time Of Grace

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Knowing What Matters

‘She offers you long life in her right hand, and riches and honor in her left.’ Proverbs 3:16(NLT)

‘“So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. ‘ Joshua 24:14(NLT)

‘“And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need.’ Luke 12:29-31(NLT)

‘“You must not have any other god but me.’ Exodus 20:3(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

If someone asked me what the most important things are in my life, I would give the “right” answer: God, marriage, family, work—in that order. Yet, if you looked at my calendar where I enter everything that I have to do each week, it might tell a different story. I know that if I do not purposely set aside time to spend with Nancy each day, our marriage suffers. I need time with her—both quality time and quantity time. It keeps us connected.

What story would your calendar tell? If you and your spouse sat down together and looked at your calendars, what would you see? How do you spend your time? What do your calendars say about your values and your priorities? Do you purposefully set aside time for your marriage?

The contents of your calendar are a dead giveaway as to what’s really important in your life.

Today’s Challenge: Write out your priorities in order of importance to you.

Going Deeper:

1. What does your calendar say about your priorities?

2. Define both quality of time and quantity of time. Which is most important to you? Do you need a balance of both?

3. How much time do you need to set aside for your spouse each day?

4. Circle any of the following that get in the way of time with your spouse. How can you better balance your time?

  • Children
  • Friends
  • Work
  • Hobbies
  • TV
  • Social Media

5. Did you notice in question 4 that none of the things that were listed were bad things? The key is balance. What is your first step in getting balance into your life?

from The Foundation

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Regaining the Balance

‘For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.’ Ecclesiastes 3:1(NLT)

‘You already know these things, dear friends. So be on guard; then you will not be carried away by the errors of these wicked people and lose your own secure footing. ‘ 2 Peter 3:17(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Balance is one of my favorite words, probably because I have to work so hard to keep my life in balance. Marriages are negatively affected by husbands and wives who are living chaotic, unbalanced lives. In order for a marriage to run smoothly, both a husband and wife need to regain balance in their personal lives.

Balance means keeping all the parts of my life in their proper places. It means giving priority to what matters most. For me, that means my relationship with God comes first, my marriage second, my family third. Life really runs great for me when I prioritize this way; and it really can spiral downward quickly when I do not. Often life itself and the demands that come to me each day knock me out of balance, so I have to take many “time-outs” to make sure that I am in balance.

What does balance mean to you? What are your priorities, and what prevents you from keeping them in the right order? Here’s a suggestion for balancing your life: Write out your list of priorities in the order of importance to you. Then make a list of all the things that can get you off balance. Keep your lists together in a place where you will see them often. Make a habit of taking a “time-out” each week to look at your lists. I think by doing that, you will be amazed how much easier it is to stay in balance.

Taking a “time-out” to set priorities straight is important for regaining balance in marriage.

Today’s Challenge:

Take a “time-out” today to begin adding more balance to your life!

Going deeper:

1. What does “staying in balance” mean to you as you live your life?

2. Is your life balanced today? _________ Yes _________ No.

3. What do you need to do to keep your life balanced or to put it in balance?

4. List your top four priorities in order from top to bottom.

5. What are the things that get you off balance?

from The Foundation

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Readjusting Expectations

‘And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:19(NLT)

‘Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ‘ 2 Corinthians 12:9(NLT)

‘But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”’ John 4:14(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Think about what would make you happy in terms of your marriage relationship. Does knowing that God sent you this man or this woman who is perfect for you make you happy? Is your spouse enough? From a fantasy of marriage perspective, the answer to these questions would be yes. But from a realistic perspective, the answer is no.

There was a time in our marriage when we both bought into the fantasy that we could make each other happy. As time went on, it was killing us. We were heading for disaster. Finally we got it. We realized that our expectations had been unrealistic. In my marriage, if Nancy looked to me to complete her—to make her happy—I would fail. There are times I do make her happy, but not all the time. I am human and make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes I hit home runs and sometimes I strike out.

The reality is that a spouse is not designed to meet every need—that job is already taken by God. Expecting Nancy to meet all my needs sets her up for failure. But if I let God meet all the needs that He wants to meet in my life, then that allows Nancy to meet the needs He has designed her to meet in my life. That works. That is the way God designed it.

Today’s Challenge:

Think about what you can do today to begin allowing God to meet the needs in your life that He wants to meet.

Going deeper:

1. In your marriage, what would make you happy?

2. What are the expectations you have for your spouse in marriage? List them and then decide if they are realistic or not.

3. How does it affect you and your marriage when your spouse “strikes out”?

4. What is the difference in letting God meet the needs He wants in your life and expecting your spouse to meet all your needs?

5. What is your first step in letting God meet your needs?

from The Foundation

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Placing God at the Center

‘And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. ‘ 2 Corinthians 9:8(NLT)

‘Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ‘ Ephesians 3:20(NLT)

‘God has spoken plainly, and I have heard it many times: Power, O God, belongs to you; unfailing love, O Lord, is yours. Surely you repay all people according to what they have done.’ Psalms 62:11-12(NLT)

‘But the Lord made the earth by his power, and he preserves it by his wisdom. With his own understanding he stretched out the heavens.’ Jeremiah 10:12(NLT)

Devotional Content:

In our home, we have a number of electrical outlets. Many of them have the cords of electric lamps plugged into them. Behind those electrical outlets is all the power of our electric company. The amount of power that is there is incredible. But if I do not turn on a lamp, the room remains dark. With all that power, nothing happens until I do something.

The same is true in your marriage. You have all the power of the God who created the universe. His power is endless. He designed marriage in general and your marriage in particular. He can make your marriage into something truly beautiful, but you have to invite Him in.

God has a plan for your marriage. He has the answers that you do not have. He wants to be the center of your marriage. Are you allowing Him to do that? Or are there things that are keeping you from putting God at the center? Are you ready as a couple to invite Him in and see what He will do? If so, there are some practical things you can do to get started:

  • Find a good church and go—every week.
  • Pray for your relationship and for each other every day. Keep it simple. You can pray together or separately—just focus on the same things.
  • Read the Bible together. You do not have to be Bible scholars. Pick a book and read a few verses together. Talk together about what you read.

That’s it. Try these things for sixty days and see what happens. I promise you that God will show up. God wants to be a part of your relationship. Now is the time to begin to let Him do that. It will grow you closer to each other and to Him. Are you ready to see what God will do?

Today’s Challenge:

God shows up in marriages when husbands and wives invite Him in. Take that step together today!

Going deeper:

1. What does having the power of the God who created the universe on your side mean to you and your marriage?

2. How would you answer this question: Does God have a plan for your marriage?

3. What is keeping you from putting God first in your marriage?

4. Which of these “ways of putting God first” are you as a couple prepared to commit to for the next 60 days (circle all that apply):

5. Begin keeping a simple journal for 60 days focusing on what you see God doing in your marriage.

  • Find a church and begin regular attendance.
  • Pray daily for your spouse and your marriage.
  • Read the Bible together.

from The Foundation

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Setting the Standard

‘And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. ‘ Romans 12:1(NLT)

‘Commit everything you do to the Lord . Trust him, and he will help you.’ Psalms 37:5(NLT)

‘If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless. When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ 1 Corinthians 13:1-13(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Far too many couples place the bar precariously low when choosing their standard for what they expect in marriage. This sets them up for failure. Popular acceptance of divorce as an “easy out,” prenuptial agreements, lack of preparation before marriage, fear of commitment, and disregard for God’s plan for marriage are all among the many things that help to lower the standard for marriage and fill this world with more and more divorces. When couples arbitrarily choose how far they will carry their marriage commitments, they lower the standard for their marriage.

Marriage is such a serious, binding relationship between a man and a woman, and every married couple who desires a lasting commitment must set a high standard for their marriage that is in line with God’s design for marriage. God intended marriage to be a gift to us and something that we should cherish. But this gift is not to be taken lightly. Marriage begins with a commitment to God and another person. It is not a commitment for an hour, a day, a month, or a few years. It is a commitment for life. Raising the standard for marriage is agreeing to give 100 percent to your marriage. It is saying that you will go through all that life brings your way—together. It is saying that the three of you are committed—you, your spouse, and God. It is having a no-quit attitude. It is being willing to fight for your marriage. If you can raise the bar and aim high for God’s plan for your marriage, the chances of your having a successful marriage are great.

Today’s Challenge:

The highest standard for your marriage has already been set by God; reaffirm your commitment to that as your standard today!

Going deeper:

1. Which of these do you think lower the standard of commitment to marriage? (circle your choices):

2. How would you define “setting a high standard” for marriage?

3. Name three things you can do to show a 100% commitment to your marriage.

4. How can you bring God and His plan for marriage into your life together?

5. What is the difference in “fighting in your marriage” and “fighting for your marriage.”

from The Foundation

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

SEX AND MORALITY

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5(NLT)

When it comes to sex, we enjoy God’s gifts of sensuality and “fleshly” pleasure to the fullest extent only when they’re experienced within the proper context: marriage.

Though the notion of Christian sexual morality is often criticized as “repressive,” it’s actually a matter of restraining and channeling the power of sex to make it as effective as possible to our lives.

Are you familiar with the word “dissipation”? It refers to the wasteful squandering and loss of positive energy that results when a substance is not properly contained. When water is forced to flow through a narrow channel, for example, it generates incredible power. But if it bursts outside of those boundaries and spills out across the land, that power is lost.

That’s dissipation, and the word has a particular relevance to the question of sexual morality. This is what the writer of Proverbs had in mind when he penned the following verses:

Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets?
Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman,
And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
(Proverbs 5:15-20)

Clearly, these are not the words of someone who is “uptight” about sex, who “fears” the world, or who rejects the beauties of creation. Such poetry does not flow from a “repressed” mind that “avoids the joys of life,” as some critics of sexual morality would have it.

On the contrary, it expresses deep and ecstatic appreciation for the vibrancy and vitality of sexuality that is under control. This is what has inspired those who believe in God and who keep His commandments to declare, “You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).

This is one of the best kept secrets of the “straight-laced religious life”: all the best research indicates that the most sexually satisfied people in modern society are not the adventurous swingers, but rather faithful, monogamous married couples.

This, then, is what Christian sexual morality is really all about. It’s not a set of restrictive rules designed to prevent us from having fun. It’s the key to total fulfillment of our sexuality. It’s the doorway to a truly satisfying and abundant life in the realm of marriage and male-female relationships.

For more help, visit Pure Intimacy or Focus on the Family’s main website .You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from God’s Design For Sex

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

SEX AND MARRIAGE

‘And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:16-18(NLT)

Sex is for marriage, and marriage is for sex. Exclusively.

That’s because sex is not just a matter of casual recreation. It’s not just a pleasurable way of expressing mutual love. As discussed in our previous section, “Sex and the Trinity,” it’s God’s nature expressed through the union of two people who become one flesh.

Most critics and skeptics of Christian chastity argue that the Bible has “nothing to say” about pre-marital sex. The problem, they say, is nothing negative is ever mentioned “condemning” the practice or suggesting a “thou shalt not.” But the Bible expresses its perspective on this matter primarily in positive terms.

“[Jesus] answered, ‘Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’” (Matthew 19:4-5; quoting from Genesis 1:27, 2:24).

The point here is obvious: marriage and the “one-flesh union” of Genesis 2 – which is sealed by the sexual act – are one and the same. You can’t have the one without the other.

This fits in perfectly with the apostle Paul’s warning in 1 Corinthians 6:16: “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” The same concept underlies Jesus’ unbending position on divorce: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6)

It is also implied in the commandment against adultery (Exodus 20:14). In the biblical view, adultery includes any sexual activity carried on outside the bonds of committed marriage. This is why the writer to the Hebrews tells us “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4)

It’s vital to add that God wants us to reserve sex for marriage not because it’s “bad” or “dirty,” but precisely because it’s such a unique, exclusive, and wonderful thing. Sex is a holy mystery. It’s a powerful bonding agent that shapes and affects the relationship between a man and a woman as nothing else can.

To take sex outside of marriage is like taking the wine consecrated for Holy Communion and using it for a drinking party at a frat house. This is why the writers of Scripture so often compare idolatry to the sin of fornication or adultery.

It also explains why they use sexual purity and faithfulness between spouses as an image of our relationship with God. (as, e.g., in Song of Solomon, the Book of Hosea, and the 16th chapter of Ezekiel)

To paraphrase the old song, sex and marriage go together “like a horse and carriage.” And the reason for this should be clear not only from a spiritual perspective, but also from a purely social point of view. Marriage involves a public commitment to build a strong and lasting relationship.

This relationship is supposed to serve not merely as a foundation for the nurturing of children, but also as a building block of social stability. It’s the couple’s contribution to the well-being of the broader human community. That’s why sex, which carries within itself the potential to create new life, belongs solely and strictly within the marital bond.

For more help, visit Pure Intimacy or Focus on the Family’s main website .You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from God’s Design For Sex

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

SEX AND THE TRINITY

‘In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God.’ John 1:1(NLT)

Charles Williams, close friend of C. S. Lewis and member of that illustrious group of intellectuals known as the Inklings, had a deep understanding of God’s design for human sexuality. In writing about Dante’s portrayal of romantic love in The Divine Comedy, Williams says that that the poet’s vision signifies three things.

First, it’s a picture of the Trinity: One God “subsisting” in Three Persons. Second, it’s a reminder of the Incarnation: humanity and divinity seamlessly bonded in the Person of Jesus Christ. Third, it’s a symbol of something Williams likes to call the “mystery of co-inherence”: the intimate communion of me in you and you in me.

Jesus expressed it this way in His high priestly prayer: “As You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, [I pray] that they may be one in Us …” (John 17:21).

This is what the Image of God in man is really all about. The God we worship does not exist in isolation. On the contrary, He has been in community for all eternity. The three Persons of the Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – interact with one another in perfect communion. That truth helps us better understand what the apostle John had in mind when He said that “God is Love” (1 John 4:8).

It’s also why God said that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). After all, how could one man, who was by himself, reflect the full Image of a God whose very nature exists in communion? That only became possible when Adam saw Eve advancing toward him in the full splendor of feminine beauty and said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).

All of this leads to an inescapable conclusion with regard to our sexuality. In a profound and wonderful way, our sexual lives are intended to mirror the reality and beauty of the Trinity in our marital relationships.

As theologian George Weigel explains, when we view God’s directives for our sexuality in this way, “the first moral question shifts from ‘What am I forbidden to do?’ to ‘How do I live a life of sexual love that conforms to my dignity as a human person?’”1 Sex, then, rightly understood and practiced, is in a very real sense fundamental to mankind’s function, purpose, and destiny within the miracle of God’s creation.

For more help, visit Pure Intimacy or Focus on the Family’s main website .You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

George Weigel, The Truth of Catholicism: Ten Controversies Explored (New York: Cliff Street Books, 2001), 104-105.

from God’s Design For Sex

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

“Why Did God Create Marriage?”

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. ‘ Genesis 2:18-21(NLT)

Scripture places tremendous emphasis on the sanctity of marriage. To understand why God treasures marriage, we need to only look at why God created marriage. God gives us four reasons for this creation right up front, in the book of Genesis:

1. He declares:
“Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” God charges man with procreation and the best way to fulfill His plan was through marriage.

2. God says:
“And subdue it and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” In other words, man is to be in partnership with his wife in managing the earth and caring for the environment.

3. God said:
‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” Humankind’s deep need for companionship is key reason God established marriage.

4. But that’s not all:
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” God wants the husband and wife relationship to be priority over all others on earth, with commitment for life, and to enjoy the gift of sex.

God is clear – from the very beginning – that marriage is the first and most important institution of man. Let us treat it as a sacred treasure.

from Christian Marriage