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Dating ZZ

Courtship & Dating

‘A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:39(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
Husbands
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:1-7(NLT)

A frequently asked question is, “How would you counsel concerning Christian courtship and dating?” Whether it be a single man pursuing a woman or a single woman dating, I would advise you to never compromise what you believe, in order to have a relationship with a person. That’s one of the first things I would say. You need to measure any relationship you desire by the standards of Scripture. We learn in 1 Corinthians 7 that a believer can marry anyone they want, but only in the Lord. That is the standard–someone who knows Jesus Christ; that you have fellowship with them. What fellowship does Christ have with Satan or does a believer have with an unbeliever? So your standard from the beginning is: I’m not going to be with anyone who doesn’t know Jesus.

Second, you need to understand what’s most important. This is true not only in dating but even in marriage. What is most important in a relationship is being with someone who loves God genuinely, so that they have the capacity to love you. In the same sort of way, you will love them out of your love for God. When my four kids were growing up, I told them “I’m not really praying for someone to love you, although I obviously want them to love you, but I’m praying for you to find someone who loves the Lord genuinely and sincerely; because if they love God, they will love you, as long as they walk faithfully with Christ.”

Sometimes I think our young people get caught up on things that are secondary in nature instead of thinking what’s primary in nature: praying and hoping for someone who’s going to love God and can serve the Lord together with them. I’m not ruling out the idea that you find the person you’re going to marry attractive and that you have things in common with them. But it’s amazing how those things change over time anyway. You marry someone that you think is beautiful. Yet there’s no guarantee that our temporal beauty is going to remain. I’m thinking about 1st Peter 3 where a godly woman is taught to win her husband through her godly behavior and to set her attention on the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. So even there, the woman is taught to set her attention on internal and spiritual beauty. Now if she’s to set her attention there, how about the guy who’s going to marry her? Is his attention there? Look for someone who’s beautiful in the Lord, who’s going to love Christ and love you. And don’t be so picky. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

Selfishness

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:3-4(NLT)

‘For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.’ James 3:16(NLT)

‘For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”’ Matthew 20:28(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Let’s talk about what an awesome marriage is not! An awesome marriage is not built on selfishness, and that may be the toughest obstacle any of us have to overcome. Selfishness can be one of the biggest and most damaging distractions to a marriage.

What is selfishness? To me, it is when I put my wants, my desires, and my needs above Nancy’s. It is when I want her world to revolve around mine. And although this is really hard for me to admit, there are times I think it should. That is just crazy thinking on my part. A marriage can never be built on selfishness.

Sometimes I can think that I have been a pretty good husband and it is her turn to serve me. I can build a pretty good case in my mind about this. The problem is that a healthy marriage does not work that way. A healthy marriage is not one person getting their way at the expense of the other. A healthy marriage is two people who each day purposely seek to serve each other. And amazingly enough, when both the husband and the wife do that, they each end up getting their needs met.

Bottom line: Serving works; selfishness does not. Serve your spouse each and every day. That is an awesome marriage.

Today’s Challenge: Ask God’s help in putting Him first and your spouse second today. Consistently making that your top priority will take care of your selfishness!

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim shares that an awesome marriage is not built on selfishness. In what ways has selfishness crept up in your marriage?

2. Dr. Kim shares that a healthy marriage is not one person getting their way at the expense of the other but rather that a healthy marriage is two people who purposely seek to serve the other. What can you do this week to serve your spouse?

3. Selfishness creeps up when we are not careful. What can you do to be intentional about remaining selfless in your marriage?

4. Pray and ask God to help you serve your spouse and to not let selfishness creep in.

Resource: 

Use mundane moments for Godly purpose in your marriage with our House Prayer Cards.

Prayer is the single BEST thing you can for your marriage. God is the one who can ultimately change your hearts and your marriage for the better, so inviting him in to do those things is the single best thing you can do for your marriage.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

In-Laws

‘“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:4-6(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Comedians worldwide seem to get much of their material from in-laws. We stereotype mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law. We can paint pretty negative pictures of them. But I truly believe most parents want the best for their son or daughter and the marriage. But are there times when a couple needs to set boundaries with their in-laws? Yes.

In young couples, this is what I often see. Parents do not see the young couple’s marriage as a separate entity. They seem to want to immerse the new marriage in the family circle. A daughter-in-law or son-in-law can feel like they have lost their own identity within the world of the in-laws.

In some situations, this can be a fine line. But ultimately, every married couple needs to have their own identity separate from their families of origin. If they do not, it can stifle the marriage, and the marriage never gets a chance to grow and develop into all it can be. In this way, in-laws can be a distraction to a marriage.

So if you are the in-law, give the couple the space they need to grow their marriage into everything God would have it be. If you are the couple, together set clear boundaries that allow your marriage to prosper and grow.

Today’s Challenge: What do you think God is leading you to do after reading today’s devotional?

Going Deeper:

1. Dr.Kim shares that every couple needs to have their own identity separate from their family origin. What boundaries do you need to set in place with your in-laws to make sure that you as a couple have your own identity?

2. List 2 ways you can be intentional about having your own identity as a couple apart from your families?

3. Have you ever had a conversation with your in-laws about boundaries? Do you need to?

4. Pray and ask God to protect your marriage from distractions.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

Family Origin

‘But if you refuse to serve the Lord , then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord .”’ Joshua 24:15(NLT)

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.’ Ephesians 5:21(NLT)

Devotional Content:

My wife Nancy and I grew up in very different homes. I liked the way my parents did things. They were not perfect, but overall they had a great marriage and provided us with a great home. My parents passed down to me the “textbook” for how a mother and a father, a woman and a man, and a wife and a husband are to relate.

The same was true for Nancy. She had a “textbook” from her home. Hers was very different from mine. Our problems came when she took a page from her textbook that was not in mine and I took a page from my textbook that was not in hers. We both thought we were right because we were going by the book—our separate books. Our families of origin were distractions that were killing our marriage, not because they were bad, but because they were different.

We realized we had to work together to write our own textbook of how we were going to live as husband and wife. Over the years of our marriage, we have progressively written our own unique textbook. At times we have brought forward some of the good from each of our families and blended it together. Sometimes we still bring in some of the bad, but we recognize it a lot more easily now and set it aside. When we are on the same page from the same textbook, it makes all the difference for our marriage.

Going Deeper: If there is something from your family of origin that is distracting you from your marriage, commit to working on that today!

Next Steps:

1. What was your family origin like growing up? List 5 characteristics of your family origin.

2. Take time this week to ask your spouse about their family origin. List 5 things you learned about your spouse’s family origin.

3. What negative things from your family origin should you set aside and not add to your new family origin that you are creating with your spouse?

4. Dr. Kim shares that our family origin influences us greatly and that the key is to not let that family of origin distract us from growing our marriage. What can you do to make sure your family origin doesn’t separate you from your spouse and the new family origin you are creating together as a married couple?

5. Write down 3 things you want for your new family with your spouse. What new traditions can you start that will help your marriage grow?

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

Technology

‘The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols. ‘ 1 Corinthians 10:13-14(NLT)

‘A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.’ Proverbs 25:28(NLT)

‘You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:12(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Another distraction that most of us have to deal with is technology. It is a big issue for me. A lot of my work is accomplished through my computer and my phone. I love being able to connect with people all around the world through technology. It has opened up all kinds of opportunities.

My problem is that it is too easy to connect. I can pull my phone out of my pocket and instantly connect. I can sit down at my computer and be in touch with someone on the other side of the world in seconds. What I have to remember is that the person who is most important to me is in the next room.

I have to put down the phone and walk away from the computer and connect with her. I have taken some practical steps to lessen my temptation to become distracted by technology. Most days I cut myself off from technology at the end of my work day. I try to be “unplugged” one day a week. If Nancy calls or walks into my office, I want her to know she is my priority, and I do what I can to communicate that to her. These steps have helped me. What will you do?

Today’s Challenge: Purposely avoid some of the distractions of technology today and give that extra time to your spouse.

Going Deeper:

1. What are the ways that technology affects your life every day?

2. How much time on an average day do you spend “connected” through technology?

3. When does technology distract you from your spouse?

4. What does “unplugged” mean to you?

5. What is one step you can take today to show your spouse that they are more important to you than “technology?”

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

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Devotion for Women ZZ

A Student of My Husband

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

In marriage, kindness means discerning the unique needs of that specific person. It involves taking the initiative to express care based on what you know of him or her. Kindness in marriage is based on becoming a lifelong “student” of your spouse—seeking to understand that person so that you can best love him or her. The apostle Peter referred to this when he encouraged husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7 NASB). Proverbs encourages a wife to “[look] well to the ways of her household” (31:27 NASB). This kind of understanding paves the way for loving kindness in a marriage. I can show Nick kindness like no one else because I know him so well. For example, I know the shirts he likes and how he needs to have a few minutes of down time after work. I know he likes to hang out with his buddies but there are a few couples who he enjoys as well. I know he prefers to drive, but after a business trip he feels loved if I take the wheel. These demonstrations of kindness are possible because I’ve learned to be a student of my husband.

LISTEN TO JESUS 

Remember, my beloved. I am wonderfully kind, patient, and tolerant of you. It was my kindness, in spite of your sin, that first drew you into a relationship with me. Now I’m giving you the opportunity to share some of that kindness with your spouse. Pay it forward every day. Look for ways to demonstrate kindness with your husband. Be generous as I am generous. Take thought of him just as I think of you a thousand times a day. Finally, remember that sharing truth with one another is important, but that truth needs to be coupled with kindness.

* Jesus, you are so right. You have been patient, kind, and tolerant of me even though I ________. I am grateful for your kindness toward me because ________. I pray that you would empower me to demonstrate this same kindness in my marriage. I need your help to ________.

* Lord, I pray that my husband would have a fresh experience with your kindness as well. May he sense your patience and understanding, and the generous way you love us both. I pray specifically that he would sense your kindness related to ________.

LIVE: DO THE BIBLE (Ephesians 4:32)

* God, remind me often of my husband’s preferences and uniquenesses. Show me the things I need to understand about him. Based on these special things about him, show me ways that I can demonstrate your kindness. Show me ways to be respectful and honoring of him. Show me any areas where I need to forgive, just like you’ve forgiven me. Speak to me, Lord. I’m listening for________.

* Lord, I pray for my husband. Give him a fresh experience of your kindness and tenderness. I want him to soak in your forgiveness. Show him more and more of the ways he is loved by you so that ________.

TAKE ACTION 

• Give your husband an unexpected hug, back rub, or massage. Initiate sex. 

• Serve your husband his favorite meal. 

• Compliment him on his appearance. 

• Praise your husband for his accomplishment or achievement.

from Praying For My Husband

Categories
Devotion for Women ZZ

An Attitude of Gratitude

‘Then I will praise God’s name with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving.’ Psalms 69:30(NLT)

Wonder and awe must have been at least part of what Mary felt when she made her joyful declaration to God, “My soul magnifies the Lord” (Luke 1:46 ESV). Mary’s exaltation and gratitude were not about possessions or position, but about relationship. As the most blessed of all women, Mary’s blessing came through a divinely provided relationship. Her exaltation and worship were responses to gifts from the Father. In a similar way, we who are married have been divinely blessed with the spouse God has uniquely provided. The apostle James reminds us that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father above (James 1:17). The same God who blessed Mary with His announcement of Christ has given me as one of his most special gifts. More and more frequently, I’ve recognized a sense of deep gratitude for my life partner. He’s a partner who has seen my rough side and still accepts me; a partner whose strengths lovingly balance my weaknesses; and a partner who thinks of me, gives to me, cares about me. He’s the gift my God has given me. Because of this, my soul magnifies the Lord.

PRAY: LISTEN TO JESUS 

In case you’re unsure of how to connect with me, I’ve given you a hint. Thank me. I’ve given you everything you enjoy— every breath you breathe and every relationship you call dear. It’s my absolute joy to give, yet it hurts my heart when the ones I love forget to say thank you. I feel loved and honored when I hear your words of gratitude. My followers who have learned to acclaim me walk in my presence and find great blessing. Your gratitude keeps us close.

* Jesus, I don’t ever want you to feel disappointed because I forget to say thank you. When I imagine how much you have given to me and our family, and how you might experience hurt because of my lack of gratitude, I feel ________. 

* Lord, I don’t want to forget to say thank you for my husband. He is a gift from you. Remind me of all the ways he is a special blessing from you to me. Keep me from being critical. I’m grateful you found and provided him for me because ________.

LIVE: DO THE BIBLE (Psalm 69:30)

* God, I want to bring you honor with my gratitude. Remind me of some of the special ways you have loved me recently. Today, I am particularly grateful for these ten things: ________. 

* God, in the same way, I pray for my husband. Move his heart with gratefulness for how you have loved him well. I want him to enjoy the blessing of walking in your presence. I want him to receive the joy of special connection with you because ________.

TAKE ACTION 

• Tell your husband some of the ways that he is a blessing to you. Share the top ten reasons he is God’s gift. 

• Brag on your husband and how you’ve been blessed by him. Share a post on social media or find some other public way to demonstrate your gratitude. Brag in front of your kids, family members, or friends: “I’ve recently been reminded of some of the great qualities in my husband. I’m grateful God gave him to me because ________.” 

from Praying For My Husband

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Devotion for Women ZZ

Goals and Plans

‘So I said to myself, “I will get up and roam the city, searching in all its streets and squares. I will search for the one I love.” So I searched everywhere but did not find him.’ Song of Songs 3:2(NLT)

Developing and maintaining an intimate marriage requires a consistent investment of time and emotional energy. Our marriage relationship dramatically improved when we began what we called our weekly “marriage staff meetings.” We didn’t leave the meetings to chance, instead making this time together a priority. Consistency was important, but the emotional benefit of prioritizing each other encouraged our closeness. As I heard my husband turn down engagements with friends so that we could keep our marriage staff meetings, my heart was incredibly blessed. When Kevin saw that I didn’t even take my cell phone into our staff meetings, he felt loved and reassured that I had concern for him and our marriage relationship. Here are some topics you might want to talk about: 

• Coordinate calendars: discuss kids’ schedules, church attendance, and community events. 

• Family goals: discuss financial savings, vacation ideas, and landscaping plans. 

• Parenting plans: discuss discipline issues and spiritual training. 

• Affirm one another: share appreciation and approval.

PRAY: LISTEN TO JESUS 

I love to see the plans you make, especially as you include me. It brings me joy to give you the desires of your heart and make your plans succeed. It’s a part of my divine nature to bring good things to your life. So seek me out, include me in your plans, because I long to meet your needs. Harmony is precious to me, beloved. I love seeing my people make decisions in unity. 

* Jesus, I know you have good things planned for us and I’m grateful. You’ve been faithful to give us ________. Grant us wisdom now as we make plans to ________. 

* Lord, I pray that my husband and I would come together in harmony around these goals: ________. 

LIVE: DO THE BIBLE (Song of Solomon 3:2)

* God, I want to seek your counsel about this goal: ________. Help me to know the best way and best time to seek my husband’s input about our plans for ________.

* God, in the same way, I pray that my husband would hear from you about ________. Show my husband and I the plans you have for us. We want to hear what you have to say about ________. Bring us to unity, Lord. We want to please you with the harmony and unity of our marriage. 

TAKE ACTION 

• Ask your husband to discuss plans for a special date night. Meet your goal for increased closeness. 

• Ask your husband’s input about the specific character traits that need to be emphasized as you train each of your children. Discuss plans for parenting your children in these ways. 

• Write down your response to this statement: “If all my dreams for the future could come true, here’s what our life, marriage, and family would look like: _________.” Ask your husband to do the same, and then talk through both responses.

from Praying For My Husband

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Devotion for Women ZZ

Celebrate Your Differences

‘For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’ Ephesians 2:10(NLT)

Over the years, Heath and I have wasted a lot of time and a lot of words arguing about whose thoughts and ideas are better. We’ve had arguments including things as, “There’s no gas in the car,” “The dishes don’t go in the dishwasher that way,” and “Why didn’t you call and let me know they were coming over?” Our list of marital issues can sometimes seem endless, but even though we’ve been slow learners, we’ve found a better way. We begin with the principle that neither of us has thoughts, ideas, and plans that are best. The famed missionary George Mueller prayed this way: “Father, I have my thoughts about this issue, but I want your thoughts. I don’t want to have my own will about the matter—I want your will.” In our marriage, we strive to have God’s thoughts about any issue, not just our own. As Heath and I prayerfully approach the Lord in this way, He brings us together and causes His ways to prevail. As we’ve learned to approach the disagreements of our marriage in this way, we’ve not only enjoyed more harmony but we’ve also come to appreciate one another’s perspectives.  I would not have come to fully appreciate his strengths had we not spent time together seeking God’s thoughts, ideas, and plans.

PRAY: LISTEN TO JESUS 

Humble yourself, and I will lift you up. I love it when you acknowledge your dependence on me. I can’t wait to come to your aid. I am ready to teach you my ways and lead you in how to celebrate the differences between you and your spouse. Your humility is what moves me to action. I keep my distance from the proud. So talk freely about how you need me and how you are depending on me.

* Jesus, please show me your ways and your thoughts. Especially when I’m tempted to think that my ways are best, reveal your perspective. I need to specifically hear you concerning ________. 

* Lord, I pray for my husband and our marriage. We are depending on you to help us navigate our differences. We especially need your help concerning ________.

LIVE: DO THE BIBLE (Ephesians 2:10)

* God, I want to see my husband as your masterpiece. Show me the traits about him that make you particularly proud of your creation. Show me, Lord. I am celebrating these unique characteristics about my husband: ________. 

* God, in the same way, I pray for my husband. Help him to see me as a different but still a unique creation of God. Bring unity in our relationship, particularly in how we ________.

TAKE ACTION 

• Write down the improvements or changes that you could make that would help your marriage communication, especially in regard to the ways you are different from your husband. 

• Look for an opportunity to defer to your husband. Say something like, “We’re really different in this area and yet I want to give to you by ________.” 

from Praying For My Husband

Categories
Devotion for Women ZZ

Closer to Him

‘Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises. ‘ James 5:13(NLT)

My parents had an awful marriage. My father was weak and distant, and my mother was too controlling. I mistakenly felt it was my calling to keep my own marriage from suffering the same fate. At first, my comments to my husband were helpful, but slowly he became withdrawn. Through the help of our mentors, we learned that we were locked into a cycle of hurting one another in one of the most painful ways possible: in ways that each of us had been hurt before. When I criticized my husband, it was magnified by the pain of criticism he had endured as a child. As my husband withdrew from me, it touched the pain of my dad’s distance from me in my growing-up years. After participating in a couples’ intensive retreat, my husband and I came to see each other’s pain, and we were able to offer each other words of compassion. We learned to pray together and seek the Lord for His comfort. We experienced the joy of bringing our burdens to God and then trusting Him to make changes in our marriage.

PRAY: LISTEN TO JESUS

I long to have quiet moments of conversation with you and your husband. I love when you are still and free of distractions, because those are the times when you can truly feel my love. I especially enjoy seeing you pray together as a couple. When the three of us come together in prayer, miraculous things can happen. Remember, I am the God of love. So it’s in these quiet moments of time with me that I can be your unlimited source of sacrificial love. 

* Jesus, I ask that you quiet my mind and spirit. Help me to focus on you. In my relationship with my husband, I am depending upon you to ________. Since you are the God of love, I am counting on you to ________.

* Lord, I pray for my husband. Would you draw him closely to yourself? Since you are the God of love, I ask that you empower him to ________.

LIVE: DO THE BIBLE (James 5:13)

* God, I come to you now about the hardships I/we are enduring. I need to know that you care about ________. Please reassure me of your love. I need you to intervene in this situation empower me with your love because ________. 

* God, in the same way, I pray for my husband. He needs to know that you care about ________. Please reassure him of your love. He needs you to intervene in this situation and empower him with your love because _______. 

TAKE ACTION 

• Invite your husband to talk with you about any spiritual goals each of you may have (more times of prayer together, Bible study, devotionals, church attendance). Implement one of these ideas this week. • Invite your husband to lead out in prayer. Spend several minutes discussing the most pressing needs and hardships of your life together and then pray. 

from Praying For My Husband