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The Money Thing

‘Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law. ‘ Romans 13:8(NLT)

‘“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’’ Luke 14:28-30(NLT)

‘The wicked borrow and never repay, but the godly are generous givers.’ Psalms 37:21(NLT)

‘For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government and its peace will never end. He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity. The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies will make this happen!’ Isaiah 9:6-7(NLT)

At Awesome Marriage we talk about finances a lot because couples struggle with finances a lot. During the Christmas season these struggles can ramp up to extreme proportions. If you don’t have a plan for your finances, it is likely they will get out of hand at Christmas. You will find yourself arguing with your spouse and spending more than you wanted, and this can cast a dark cloud over the entire season.  

It is so easy to get caught up in what others are doing at Christmas. Even if our intentions are pure, this does not necessarily set the stage for good decisions. Let’s look at some steps that can make a difference for your marriage this year.

  • Christmas is really about one thing: celebrating the birth of Jesus. The fact that God loved us more than enough to send His son into this sin-filled world to redeem us is something we can never celebrate enough! If we keep this as the center of what we do, other things fall into place more easily. Start by asking for His guidance together.
  • Set aside time to sit down together and make a responsible budget for Christmas spending. Don’t go into debt. Your Christmas budget and what you decide to spend have to be the same or less. Make this budget before you look at anybody’s Christmas list or plan any Christmas gatherings. Once you have agreed on the amount you will spend, you can decide where you will spend.  
  • Be creative. Some of the best gifts we have ever received cost the giver almost nothing but time and creativity. Yet, many of these are the gifts we have truly cherished over the years.  
  • Don’t be afraid to go countercultural. You may decide to spend your budget on helping others. You may decide to spend part of the season serving others. You may decide to help those who really are in need. The point is this: When you put Christ first as a couple, He may lead you to a celebration you never imagined and I promise you will have an Awesome Marriage Christmas!

Today’s Challenge: 

Take time with your spouse to pray about your finances for the Christmas season. Ask God to give you wisdom as you plan. Now, what is your next step?

Going Deeper:

Now that you have a plan for your finances, ask God to show you other things you can do during the Christmas season as a couple to serve Him and reach out to others.

from An Awesome Marriage Christmas by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Choosing Your Wife Over the Kids

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.’ Proverbs 31:10(NLT)

Husbands, a question to ask yourself: Is your family in order? Who comes first? Does your spouse come first, or do your kids take the number one spot? Or do you put yourself first? How do you even know when they are in the right order? The results are in, and we’re here to tell you: guys, your marriage needs to be the priority over your kids. Here are a few reasons why:

It’s best for your kids.

One of the greatest needs for children is to know that their parents love not only them but also that mom and dad love each other. It’s well known that a children’s sense of security grows as they see parents committed and loving each other. Often, we see couples in love with each other early on, but as kids come in the picture, marriage gets pushed to the back. In extreme cases, marriage gets put on hold for years while you raise children. This is not only detrimental to your marriage, but experts are saying it’s also very harmful to your kids.

When the parents can’t get along and separate, it’s the kids that suffer. When they lose their family, they also lose their sense of confidence and security. And we know when children don’t feel secure, their whole world seems to unravel, and they turn to other things that cannot fulfill that security like mom and dad.

Research shows that almost all marriages take a hit when you have kids. According to an analysis of 90 studies involving 31,000 married people, the drop in marital satisfaction after the first baby’s birth is a staggering 42% larger among the current generation of parents than their predecessors. Satisfaction dips even lower, (though less) with each successive child. Studies also suggest that one-third to one-half of new-parent couples experience as much marital distress as couples already in therapy for marital difficulties.

So if you can’t seem to prioritize your marriage or spend money on dates for yourselves, or it’s a tough season in your marriage, do it for the good of your kids. And if you’re not sure how to start, here’s a great step:

Make marriage number one.

We want to challenge you to be UNCOMMEN; to take some time to talk with your spouse about how you two can make your marriage a priority. Pull out your calendars and see when you can get some time together alone without the kids. Try setting a regular date night. We understand that babysitters can be expensive. Even if it’s just once a month, that can be so refreshing for your relationship! Guys, do your best to get your babysitter ready ahead of time and make it a gift to your wife. Then alternate each month who “picks” the date spot.

Start today and don’t wait! Make your marriage a priority by setting aside time alone for you and your wife. Make sure your wife knows you choose her, even above your kids. Remember it’s the effort and the heart that counts.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

To learn more about Uncommen, visit our website.  

Scripture Reference: Proverbs 31:10

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Prioritize Your Commitment Over Your Feelings

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

Remember walking down the aisle? You waited at the front, and then the doors swung open, and you saw your bride dressed in white. Then she walked down the aisle, and you made some enormous commitments together. Do you remember those vows? Often marriage vows involved a number of things, but in every wedding I have attended, couples share the promise to be faithful to one another no matter what: better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health.

At that moment I remember the flutter of emotions; the wedding ceremony and everything seemed to be moving 100 miles an hour that day. It was a very emotional time. We were so in love, and those feelings were very real and natural to sense at that moment on our wedding day. While that day marked the beginning of those important feelings of love toward one another, we also believed that it would continue to deepen over the years. This is beautiful and right!

But these vows were also important because they rightly assume that life will get more difficult. You will eventually be less attractive than you are today—gravity eventually wins! You will disappoint one another, see each other at your worst, and face unforeseen trials and seasons of pain.

Some of these difficulties will draw you together. Others will tempt you to drift apart. These moments may expose the unloveliness of your spouse, and you may find yourself not feeling particularly “in love.” I know you find this hard to believe now, but that is precisely why the vows you are making today are so important.

Tim Keller said: “Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.” When moments come where you find your spouse unlovely, you must remind yourselves that when Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn’t think ‘I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me.’ No, he was in agony, and he looked at us—denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him—and in the greatest act of love in history, he stayed. He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. This is why you should love your spouse.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 5:25

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Her Needs Above Yours

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Yesterday, we looked closely at the importance of man’s vocation or job but not at the expense of the family. Today we turn our attention to your wife’s top needs. Most men are not highly emotional beings. Men enjoy action more than words. In fact, studies show that women express themselves verbally at least twice if not three times as much each day as men do. But, if a man is to love his wife, he is going to have to make a transition and become more emotionally available to her to meet her needs. Keep in mind this isn’t natural for most men, so it requires prayers and intervention from God.

Studies show that men tend to express words that convey information to get things done. Information can be shared without getting the heart or emotion involved. But if a husband is going to become who God wants him to be, he is going to need to learn to share his heart. For a woman, it is not enough to know what he did during a day. She often wants to understand how he influenced someone for the better, or how a difficult situation affected his heart, or how he needs her support and strength to accomplish his goals.

Consequently, God does not make this command to men lightly. If a husband wants God to hear his prayers, which ironically he is going to need to be doing a lot to learn to be emotionally available to her, then he will seek to open his heart to her in an open and honest way.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: 1 Peter 3:7

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Marriage Over Your Calling

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

You got a job offer. And it’s a big one requiring some big changes for your wife and your family. You feel like you owe it to yourself and your hard work in your career to talk with your spouse. You want to take it, but your wife is against it. What do you do? How do you choose your wife and your marriage over your calling in these types of real life scenarios? For some men, especially those in leadership, your job requires immense responsibility involving tens, hundreds, and maybe even thousands of people’s jobs on the line with decisions you make. It’s easy to see your position in leadership at the office as becoming more important than your job as the leader of your home

So when I look at leaders who believe they are forced every day to put vocation before marriage and family, I wonder what they think they are going to accomplish. No one is indispensable. Everyone can be replaced on the job. God can raise up another leader to do what you are doing. While I admire these leaders’ courage, success, and endurance, I can’t help but wonder if they misunderstand their calling.

If you are called to end world poverty, serve as the CEO of a major corporation or share the Gospel with tribes who have never heard it before, your calling does not exclude your marriage and family. It doesn’t require you to sacrifice your family members for this.

When you and your spouse become one flesh in Christian marriage, this becomes who you are. Your daily thoughts and decisions are now a part of your identity as a spouse. The rules are much different than when you were single. Add kids into the mix and you have another layer of responsibility to account for.

God made you with a capacity and gifting unlike that of any other. When you join into a marriage covenant with your spouse, you now have an alliance team with a capacity and gifting unlike any other. God doesn’t view this as a waste. He leverages them. That means if your marriage is to remain healthy, you are to make big decisions together.

Wherever God calls you, know that He does not call you apart from who you are. It is you the wife he is calling; it is you the husband he is calling.

You might experience seasons in which you are asked to prioritize your vocation or calling above your time with your spouse and family, but if season connects with season, your understanding of what God desires is likely off the mark. It’s worth asking your spouse from time to time to make sure you stay on the mark.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: Genesis: 2:24

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

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1st Marriage ZZ

Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage – Day 5

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT)

Watch today’s clip as Nancy Horton shares her renewed commitment to her husband.  

This passage in 1 Corinthians is often read at weddings because regardless of the couple’s religious commitment, their goals for love can be found in the 15 concepts listed in these four verses.

• Patience

• Kindness

• No envy of the other

• No selfish boasting

• No selfish pride

• No dishonor of the other

• No self-seeking

• Not easily angered

• No record of wrongs kept toward the other

• No evil

• Committed to truth

• Always being protective

• Always trusting

• Always hoping

• Always persevering

The stark reality is these qualities cannot be attained without the life of Christ being manifested in the marriage. One of the ways we can know this truth is to replace the word “love” with the name of “Jesus” in this passage and, suddenly, it all makes sense. Because God is love and as verse 8 begins: “Love never fails,” because He never fails. 

The context of a marriage relationship that will both experience and display these 15 qualities can only be in and through both spouses having a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Let’s close out this study by looking at three ways Christ’s brand of love can help us to see, think, and live differently than our culture to have extraordinary marriages.

• Christ’s love gives us a different place to look.

The hope of a future in Heaven encourages us to keep looking forward and fix our eyes on Jesus, not on this world. For the Christian, the best really is yet to come.

• Christ’s love gives us a different way to think.

Focusing on eternity creates a positive, optimistic, “glass half-full” mindset. The person with an attitude of hope will not only be a healthier person, but also draw others to Christ by their very being.

• Christ’s love gives us a different life to live.

We all desperately want to enjoy life. We want to feel contentment and live in the hope of a good day and a brighter tomorrow. New life in Christ is not only a different way to live, but also the best way to live. 

Review today’s list of qualities from 1 Corinthians 13. Zero in just one that you struggle with and ask God to help His love overcome you in that area.

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage – Day 4

‘But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:6-9(NLT)

In this passage, Jesus was connecting Moses’ words as to how God created male and female to be distinct creations to the “one flesh” concept for how God views the marital commitment. Christ connected this picture of a man and a woman committing fully to one another before the Father.

A great example of how we convey this concept today is in our social communication. Here’s an example: “We’re going to dinner tonight with Bob-n-Nancy.” We do not separate the male and female out distinctly any longer, but often voice their names as if it is one phrase.

To give you a proper analogy of this one flesh idea, consider a roll of duct tape. Imagine tearing off two pieces that are each six inches long. Separate, these two pieces of tape are very sticky. They are two individual components ready to bond. If you take those two pieces and carefully connect those sticky sides together, matching up corner to corner all the way around both pieces, you will quickly and effectively no longer have two pieces of tape, but one single unit. Why? Because the two have now bonded as according to their purpose. This is a simple picture of “the two will become one flesh.”

Watch today’s clip displaying the challenges couples face and how different goals can work to try and separate the one flesh union. 

Now, back to our duct tape analogy. An interesting fact about two pieces of this tape is that once they are stuck together, you can never separate them again without destroying both pieces. In fact, once they are joined together no one, regardless of strength or dexterity, can effectively separate the two. It is impossible. This is such a great representation of the same impossibility of “what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

The union between a man and woman in marriage is sacred. From Genesis to Revelation, we find no other option or substitution offered, suggested, or given other than this one flesh union for marriage.

What is one way you could make your own one flesh union more “sticky” today to bond deeper with your spouse?

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage – Day 3

‘And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:1-2(NLT)

The first action Paul encourages us to take is to respond to what God has done for us by offering ourselves as living sacrifices to Him. But for a sacrifice to be given, yet still remain alive, it must be in a continual state of dying while also living. This is also a very healthy commitment for a spouse to make in marriage because one can then continually practice putting God first and the marriage second before self.

The second action is experienced when sacrifice begins to produce personal holiness. This spiritual growth will then result in a greater opportunity for an extraordinary marriage. When a couple committed to Christ grows together in holiness, amazing worship is produced in and through their relationship, thereby glorifying God.

The third step is transformation through Christ from the mind being renewed. A couple who centers their marriage on the truth of God’s Word will both transform to the image of Christ as well as experience renewal in who they are, both individually and corporately.

The final outcome for the believer is testing and approving God’s will through the transformed life. A marriage that regularly experiences daily sacrifice, growth in holiness, true worship, transformation through Christ, and constant renewal through the Word will indeed be extraordinary.

Now, let’s consider these biblical concepts as we look at the difference between happiness and holiness. For many years, the word “happy” has been used to describe a successful marriage. But you also hear many people use that same word for the disintegration of their relationship in describing how they are no longer “happy.” The problem with “happy” is it is conditional and variable, dependent upon external circumstances and internal moods. So we must ask the question: Is God’s intention for marriage simply to make us happy?

Holiness is far more likely to be the goal God has for us. When we seek to be “holy and pleasing to God” then we focus on Him and our spouse, therefore we can better weather our varying conditions and selfish preferences.

Watch today’s clip depicting the common struggles so many marriages deal with today in balancing happiness and holiness. 

Is there an area in your marriage where you are focusing more on your personal happiness than on passionate holiness? How can you surrender to allow Christ to transform your heart and renew your mind today?

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage – Day 2

‘“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”’ Matthew 7:24-27(NLT)

A congregation was constructing a new church building at another location in the city. The pastor decided to go out and visit the job site for the first time. As he walked up and put on his hardhat, he saw three bricklayers working alone on three different walls. 

The pastor went to the first bricklayer and asked, “What are you doing today, sir?” The man answered in a frustrated tone, “I’m setting this brick.” He then went to the second bricklayer and asked, “What are you doing today, sir?” The man answered, “I’m trying to get this wall built.” He then walked to the third and final bricklayer and asked, ‘What are you doing today, sir?” The man smiled and answered, “I’m building a great cathedral!” 

You could walk up to three different husbands or wives today to separately ask them about their marriages and quite possibly get very similar answers as the bricklayers gave. Some will just be co-existing, trying to merely survive another day. Others seem happy and satisfied at simply doing life together. But then there will be a precious few that realize they are building something beautiful and extraordinary as a couple. Something they could never build alone. And something they could never build without God being right in the midst of their relationship.

Watch today’s clip of David Horton explaining how He knows that God is the foundation of his family life to his new Russian friend. 

So many marriages today have built their relational foundations on sinking sand, not on the stability and firm foundation that Christ offers to any couple that will surrender their lives to Him. That is exactly why when the storms of life threaten, their “house” crashes down around them. 

But then there are the extraordinary marriages that choose together to build on Christ, making Him the Rock that keeps their “house” safe and secure. Not that these couples don’t have problems — they most certainly will as all marriages experience — but they have simply decided where they will go together and on Whom they will depend.

Where is there too much “sand” in your marriage today? How can you exchange that area for the solid rock of Jesus Christ?

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

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1st Marriage ZZ

Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage – Day 1

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:21-33(NLT)

In this passage, the apostle Paul paints a beautiful word picture of the delicate balance of mutual submission in marriage. Our twenty-first century culture has skewed this biblical concept to seem archaic, if not downright offensive, and the health of our marriages in this nation reflect this attitude.

Watch today’s clip, showing the mutual give and take, servant-hearted relationship that David and Nancy Horton came to re-discover. 

Consider this analogy for Paul’s mutual submission in biblical marriage:

Picture a large, darkened ballroom dance floor. The spotlight focuses on a couple strolling out to the center. He is in his tux and she in a beautiful, flowing gown. They look amazing. They clasp hands, embrace, and begin the dance. They move all around the floor with style and grace, giving the appearance of floating. They hover about effortlessly, both smiling and enjoying the experience. They are having fun, proud of what they have accomplished and what they are experiencing.

Now, at any point, does anyone watching this couple ask: “So, who’s leading?” No. In ballroom dancing, everyone knows the man leads and the woman is following. 

Now, if the man decides he is tired of leading and stops, or if the woman decides she is sick of following him, what happens? You got it. The dance is not so pretty anymore. Suddenly, those watching begin to concern themselves with the issue of whose at fault and what has gone wrong.

But when a couple is great at this style of dancing, you can’t tell who is leading. Why? Because if both take their respective roles while dancing, you are so mesmerized by the corporate and cooperative effort of the two moving about as one that you aren’t concerned or distracted by the question of who is leading or following. It doesn’t matter to anyone, because what is on display is simply beautiful to watch and enjoy. In fact, it is extraordinary! That’s what the heart of Ephesians 5 is all about in regards to marriage.

What is one practical step you can take today to allow Christ to lead your life? If you are married, how can you better submit to Christ in your role with your spouse?

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage