Author: editor

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Conflict

‘Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry. Trustworthy messengers refresh like snow in summer. They revive the spirit of their employer. A person who promises a gift but doesn’t give it is like clouds and wind that bring no rain. Patience can persuade a prince, and soft speech can break bones.’ Proverbs 25:11-15(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

No matter how blissful your relationship, no matter how easily you mesh together, no matter how many stress-free days you’ve had together, one thing is certain:

 

Conflict will come.

 

It’s unavoidable. Even the most star-kissed relationship that has ever existed, with each member of the couple constantly oohing and ahhing and finishing one another’s sentences with a cute giggle – even that couple will encounter conflict. Someday.

 

That’s why you need to know how to handle it when it happens.

 

Today’s scripture encourages us to be slow to speak – a useful admonish when conflict inevitably rears its ugly head. It also reminds us to be slow to anger – something that can often more easily be said than done.

 

Are you quick to speak? Are you prone to anger? Do you know why? Have you ever stopped to dig into those tendencies and figure them out? Because if you can, then you’re well on your way to mitigating conflict in the future.   

 

And engaging with conflict in a healthy and productive way – that’s a major building block in creating a love that lasts.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Communication

‘May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord , my rock and my redeemer.’ Psalms 19:14(NLT)

‘“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.’ Luke 6:41-42(NLT)

Now it’s time to get into the real nuts and bolts of building a love that lasts: communication.

 

This is the big one. The important one. The one you always hear about, until maybe you’re sick of it and respond, exasperated, “Yes, I know! Communication is important in marriage!”

 

But there’s a reason you always hear about the necessity of communication: because it really is that important.

The thing about communication, though, is that it isn’t just about being heard – it’s also about hearing. It’s about actively listening while your spouse is talking so that you truly hear what they have to say – and them responding in kind.

 

But communication isn’t just about talking, either. Dialogue is important, but it’s not the only part of communication. You communicate through your face, through your tone of voice – even through your actions.

 

If you want to build   a love that lasts, you have to learn to communicate with your spouse, in as many forms of communication as you can. Fortunately, you don’t have to learn this on your own – God is here to help you. Pray, read scripture, and enlist   His help to get you on the road to blissful communication.

 

  It really is that important.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Parenting

‘My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.’ Proverbs 1:8-9(NLT)

‘Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.’ Colossians 3:20-21(NLT)

Last time we talked about sex, so this time we need to talk about the result of sex: kids. More specifically, we’re talking about parenting!

 

Marriage in general is a team effort, but there is perhaps no aspect of marriage more in need of teamwork than parenting.

 

As we read in today’s passage from Proverbs, children need instruction from both their mother and father. But not only that, the writer of Proverbs used an interesting metaphor: the parents’ instruction will be a crown around the head and a necklace around the neck.

 

If we keep that metaphor going and imagine parental instruction as jewelry, then we need to understand that, like all good jewelry, the pieces should match!

 

This is why parenting is a team effort: because mom and dad have to be on the same page and complement one another, just like a matching set of jewelry.

 

Of course, this is one of those things that’s easier said than done, which is why we have prayer. Pray together, then talk deeply with one another about your hopes, dreams, and plans for your kids so that you can be on the same page – and so your kids can look great in all that matching wisdom!

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Sex

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:18-19(NLT)

‘The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:3-5(NLT)

Finally! It took three days, but now we’re getting to the good stuff. We’re talking about sex.

 

Sex is a wonderful, God-created act that has almost as many facets as it does ways to engage in it. The problem is that our warped cultural perception often infiltrates even our Godly thinking about sex. And that’s when we start to get away from a love that lasts.

 

If you want to build a love that lasts, start with this foundational thinking about sex: God created it to build intimacy between you, and the way that intimacy gets built is through service.

 

Sex isn’t about you. It’s about them.

 

Sex isn’t self-serving – it’s spouse-serving and couple-serving. You aren’t lounging in the marital bed to make yourself feel good – you’re there to generate intimacy and mutuality between the two of you.   

 

So, yes, if you want to build a love that lasts, keep having sex! But remember that sex is a beautiful, creative act that takes on so much more   meaning – and pleasure – when you serve one another.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

 

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Combining Your Callings

‘Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the Lord ’s purpose will prevail.’ Proverbs 19:20-21(NLT)

‘Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy.’ Philippians 2:12-18(NLT)

Here on this second day of building a love that lasts, we’re tackling yet another tough topic: combining your callings.

 

The fact of the matter is, each person in this world has a God-breathed calling in life. And when you’re by yourself, it’s much easier to imagine how God will enact that calling in your world.

 

But what happens when you get married is that you have to figure out how to combine those callings into a cohesive whole. And often we’re drawn together by similar callings – only to discover those similarities are sometimes not similar enough.

 

So what then? That’s when you welcome Jesus into your struggle to synthesize your callings with one another. It’s work – so why would you do it on your own? Invite the Lord into this and let Him work with you to turn your conflict into complements.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Finances

‘Know the state of your flocks, and put your heart into caring for your herds, for riches don’t last forever, and the crown might not be passed to the next generation. After the hay is harvested and the new crop appears and the mountain grasses are gathered in, your sheep will provide wool for clothing, and your goats will provide the price of a field. And you will have enough goats’ milk for yourself, your family, and your servant girls.’ Proverbs 27:23-27(NLT)

‘“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’’ Luke 14:28-30(NLT)

Welcome to your journey through scripture, uncovering twelve essential building blocks to a love that lasts. First up: finances.

 

Did you think we would start with something easy? No way! We’re taking one of the hardest ones, because we’re serious about helping you build a lasting love with your spouse.

 

The thing about finances is that so many couples don’t like to talk about it. Whether it’s out of embarrassment, or not wanting to acknowledge the truth of it, or just a discontent of talking money, far too many couples let this topic languish – until they’re in trouble.

 

But scripture lets us know that not only is this a topic to talk about, but it’s also something to plan for.

 

Your finances are a resource, something for you to steward. You can spend your money how you want, as long as you do it in good conscience, and you both are on the same page, and that you’re doing it intentionally.

 

Get a plan, get on the same page, and then stay on it. And watch what God does in   your relationship as a result.

from 12 Days To A Love That Lasts

Categories
Dating ZZ

Good Gifts

‘“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.’ Matthew 7:9-11(NLT)

We’re often encouraged to be grateful for what we have, but don’t forget to be thankful for what you don’t have, too. Thank God for the “nothing” (lacking a significant other) that is a blessing in disguise. Someday you’ll see God’s grace in it all.

In the meantime, remember that God’s eager to give you good gifts, too (see Matt. 7:9-11)

It’s true that many of us are not where we’d hoped to be in terms of marriage. We’re feeling cheated and left behind. Our own mistakes and missteps aside, the generations of cultural sin before us have plopped us in a relational landscape that is confused, fickle and increasingly fragmented.

The fact that anyone still gets married is a miracle. Similar to terms “God” and “faith,” a common understanding of the word “marriage” can no longer be assumed.

We have to cling to what we know from God’s Word. We have to choose to uphold marriage even before our own is established. We must fight for purity, fidelity, and the courage to love others boldly.

This must be done even as we wait.

I never wanted to be the poster child for singleness. I certainly never asked for it. But with thousands of single young adults who look to me as an example for weathering—no, conquering—an extended season of singleness with grace and dignity, it’s where I am.

I called my mom a couple of weekends ago, and she asked what I was up to. “Well, I just finished an hour-long radio interview.”

“On what topic?”

“Singleness.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake! Are you still on that topic? You need to find some lonely man to marry you so you can move on.”

Haha. I’d love to, Mom. And I pray to that end. And you know what? As long as I’m alive, there’s still hope of it happening. But thank God I’ve learned that I’m OK right where I am, too. I’m not “less” because I’m single. I’m not incomplete. I’m not forgotten, judged or living under a death sentence. I’m a redeemed and chosen child of God, and he’s got good—no, great—things planned for me if I choose to maximize the season I’m in regardless of what the future holds.

So that’s what I’ll do.

from The Dating Manifesto

Categories
Dating ZZ

Service

‘Josiah was eight years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem thirty-one years. He did what was pleasing in the Lord ’s sight and followed the example of his ancestor David. He did not turn away from doing what was right. During the eighth year of his reign, while he was still young, Josiah began to seek the God of his ancestor David. Then in the twelfth year he began to purify Judah and Jerusalem, destroying all the pagan shrines, the Asherah poles, and the carved idols and cast images. He ordered that the altars of Baal be demolished and that the incense altars which stood above them be broken down. He also made sure that the Asherah poles, the carved idols, and the cast images were smashed and scattered over the graves of those who had sacrificed to them. He burned the bones of the pagan priests on their own altars, and so he purified Judah and Jerusalem. He did the same thing in the towns of Manasseh, Ephraim, and Simeon, even as far as Naphtali, and in the regions all around them. He destroyed the pagan altars and the Asherah poles, and he crushed the idols into dust. He cut down all the incense altars throughout the land of Israel. Finally, he returned to Jerusalem.’ 2 Chronicles 34:1-7(NLT)

‘So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.’ 1 Corinthians 7:8-9(NLT)

Your single season is a great time to serve. There’s a reason Paul said that unmarried men and women can without distraction be focused on how to “please the Lord.” We have time, attention and energy to give. And there are many great places to invest.

Start by taking a spiritual gifts test if you haven’t already. Figure out what you’re great at. Then decide what specifically you’re passionate about. As Bill Hybels says, what’s your ‘holy discontent,’ that thing that gets you riled up, that makes you want to be part of a solution, change or renewal?

Find out what’s going on in your church or community along these lines. If it doesn’t exist, create it. Or, you may feel compelled to fill a hole that already exists. Maybe it’s a ministry you’ve never tried or even considered before; check it out. Churches always have critical needs that must be filled. This may be your time to fill one of them. I’ve done my share of snack and coffee service; I’ve filled communion cups; I’ve helped hang drywall. Am I amazing at these things? No. But I can take direction. And when a need is there, I occasionally see it as my turn to step in.

This is also a great time to do mission trips, work projects and longer-term volunteering. Young adults are often criticized for being lazy, entitled and unwilling to commit to anything. Here’s a chance to prove folks wrong. Set an example a la 1 Timothy 4:12, showing that you’re a self-starter who is willing to dig in, get things done, and lead change. You’ll turn some heads for sure. After rehearsing all the great things about singleness, my final point is going to sound weird. But here it is: Your single years are a great time to start investing in marriage, both the marriages around you, and your own future marriage.

Soak in everything you can right now. Read marriage books. Go to marriage conferences. Interview married couples. Find out what this marriage thing is all about. Singles who see marriage in their future should be passionate about marriage. We should be students of it. The first few years of marriage are an adjustment—sometimes an especially tough one. Know what to expect so you can meet it all head-on. Then you can truly enjoy the process.

from The Dating Manifesto

Categories
Dating ZZ

Pursuit

‘The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord .’ Proverbs 18:22(NLT)

Embrace your role in dating and relationships. Basically, this means that men, you need to be prepared to initiate, and women, you should be prepared to respond. Does this mean that if girls ask guys out on dates that they’re doomed? No. But I’ll certainly say it’s not ideal. Here’s why.

I know married women who like to gripe about their husbands’ lack of leadership or initiative. It can be something small like his inability to pick a movie or pizza toppings, or something big like his refusal to discipline their children or go to church. When I ask these women when these patterns started, most of them can easily trace them back to their dating days.

Because ladies, the patterns you establish in dating will carry over into marriage. If you want to marry a leader, date a leader.

So, guys, step up. Get ready to boldly ask women out. It’ll be scary. It may be awkward. You’ll need practice and perhaps a few pointers. But you’ll be doing the right thing.

When I say “be bold,” I’m also saying to take the lion’s share of the risk. That’s your role, too. You’re going to state your intentions (“I’d like to date you”) and provide a safe space for the girl to accept or reject you. In other words, you’re going to lay your cards flatly on the table while she holders hers tight to her chest. You’ll let her respond, and you’ll receive her response graciously. If she rejects you, you won’t badger her or shame her. You’ll say “thank you.”

Carolyn McCulley said something a while back that made this whole issue crystal clear to me. She said, “Men trust God by risking rejection; women trust God by waiting.”

So what does the right way actually look like? For men, it’s a correct application of Proverbs 18:22 which states, “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Notice the word “finds”? That’s an active verb. It implies action and intention, getting out there and searching and pursuing.

Women, treat men with kindness, not to the exclusion of others, but there’s nothing wrong with showing a little special interest. I love what I heard a while back, “Ladies, let the men be the hunters, but don’t be afraid to snap some twigs.”

from The Dating Manifesto

Categories
Dating ZZ

Responsibility and Leadership

‘Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. ‘ 1 Timothy 4:12(NLT)

‘Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. ‘ Colossians 3:23(NLT)

Responsibility:
This is where you start mastering life skills and learning what it’s like to be in the real world. It’s everything from getting and keeping a job to managing your money, learning how to keep a household running, making responsible decisions and taking care of the things and people entrusted to you.

It’s also learning how to budget your time and talents. It’s knowing when to work and when to play. It’s knowing that work is good and should be done to the glory of God. It’s knowing that play is also good, and is to be used for refreshment and renewal, not escapism or idleness.

There’s value in accepting challenges, taking risks and doing hard things. Push yourself, and allow others to push you, too. Sometimes the easy road is the right road, but sometimes it’s just easy. Know the difference.

Leading:
You may be young. You may be on the bottom rung at work. You may not have a job at all. It doesn’t matter. You’re still a leader.

First, you’re in charge of yourself. That’s a start.

But there’s more. You are needed. Everyone (certainly every Christian) is called to serve where we are, and lead if given the opportunity. It may be in a role with a big title, it may be in a small but pivotal moment where character is needed. In both circumstances, you’re on display. What will you do?

I know for myself, it seems my number-one goal on most days is to make my life more comfortable. I have no problem looking out for me. But those who get beyond themselves reap big benefits. They have the chance to make a difference. They have the chance to be world-changers.

Don’t be afraid to be an example, regardless of your age. Remember the words of Paul to Timothy: “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” (1 Tim 4:12).

Finally, remember that active leadership now prepares you for leadership of a family in the future. You’re in training; get as much experience under your belt as you can.

from The Dating Manifesto