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Infidelity: ZZ

DISCERNING THE EFFECTS OF SOCIAL MEDIA ON YOUR MARRIAGE

‘My lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among the lilies.’ Song of Songs 2:16(NLT)

Are you involved with social media — Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc.? If so, do you think this involvement could have a negative impact on your marriage?

You may be tempted to dismiss the question altogether, but it’s worth pondering — especially if you’re serious about protecting and enhancing your connection with your spouse.

Remember, your marriage needs to be your most important relationship. It’s an exclusive bond that makes exclusive demands on those who enter into it. As far as you are concerned, it has to take priority over every other connection with every other human being. This is important to bear in mind since, at the most basic level, social media are all about relationships — whether virtual or real.

How can you tell if those online relationships pose a threat to your matrimonial bliss? There are a number of ways. First, if you sense that your feelings for your spouse may be slipping from the number one position, you need to stop and ask yourself some pointed questions. This is particularly true if the quantity and quality of your communication with your spouse appears to be going downhill.

Second, if social media are dominating your time — if you’re spending more time on Facebook than you are interacting with your spouse, and if you sense that online “relationships” are more enjoyable and fulfilling than your marriage or other “real life” activities — this is another sure sign that something isn’t right.

Third, watch out for disagreements about the content of your Facebook page or pages. If one spouse is unhappy with the way the other is representing the family, this could become a source of serious conflict. The problem can be especially significant if one partner feels that the other’s Facebook postings or photos are silly, that they’re giving the entire household a foolish reputation, or that they violate the sanctity of the marriage covenant or the family’s privacy in any way.

Fourth, arguments about the appropriateness of “friend” requests from ex-spouses or “old flames” can be another potential landmine. You’ll know that social media are impacting your marriage in a negative way if you ever find yourselves caught in the middle of that discussion.

Fifth, secrecy in any form is a serious danger signal. Do you feel a sudden compulsion to log off or minimize the Facebook window when your spouse walks into the room unannounced? If so, you need to ask yourself why. Transparency is the foundation of trust, and trust is essential to every successful marriage. Husbands and wives who are active in social media need to maintain an “open door policy” by sharing their passwords with one another, both out of mutual respect and as a way of ensuring accountability.

In connection with this last point, there are several additional questions you should probably ask yourself about your interactions with online acquaintances and “friends,” especially those of the opposite sex. Do your conversations include things that should be kept between you and your spouse? Do you find yourself daydreaming about any of these people? Do you look for excuses to visit them online? Do you share thoughts, feelings, or problems with them that you don’t reveal to your spouse? Are you convinced that they understand you better than your spouse does? If so, there’s a danger that these relationships may be crossing the line between the platonic and the romantic. It goes without saying that this is a serious red flag.

For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s Help Center (http://family.custhelp.com/app/home), or call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

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ZZ

“Pray That Your Millennial Will Please God”

‘So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, ‘ Colossians 1:9-11(NLT)

Based on this prayer of Paul to the Colossians, pray over your millennial in these five areas: 

  • Pray that he or she is filled with the knowledge of God. 
  • Pray that your child knows and pursues God’s will for his or her life. 
  • Pray that your son or daughter grows in wisdom and understanding. 
  • Pray that your child lives a life of purity and pleases the Lord in all that he or she does.
  • Pray that your son or daughter would be strengthened in the Holy Spirit and will experience endurance and joy in his or her life.

Understanding the power of prayer and the impact your prayers can have on your millennial will radically change your life. There aren’t many guarantees raising children, but one thing is sure— your prayers can change their lives for the better.

 Keep praying, mom and dad. Don’t give up! Stay in the fight by staying on your knees.

from How To Help Your Millennial Return To Faith by Jason Jimenez

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ZZ

“The Power of a Prayer Map”

‘Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.Some manuscripts add For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’ Matthew 6:9-13(NLT)

‘Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart. ‘ Colossians 4:2(NLT)

Praying for our children is one of the greatest things we can do for them. It is more important than paying for their college, sending them money, or buying them gifts. Parents, praying for your children is powerful. Your millennial needs your prayers. He or she may not ask you to pray, but your son or daughter desperately needs your prayers. 

I (Jason) remember vividly a picture my mom placed on my bedroom bookshelf. It depicted a father kneeling at the bedside of his son. The father’s face is buried in his hands, signifying he is interceding for his son. Behind him is an arched window with the splendor of a shining angel. It’s a remarkable picture that shows the power of a praying father and the intense warfare that rages over the souls of children. My mom put it in my room to remind me that she and my dad were praying for me. 

Several years after my mother’s death, I was lying in bed. It was late, but I couldn’t sleep. I’d been having nightmares and felt under attack by the evil one. I was scared to tell anyone but shared it with Joe, one of my older brothers, who then shared it with my dad unbeknownst to me. I remember distinctly falling into a deep sleep, and then being awakened by what sounded like whispering prayers. 

What I didn’t realize was those sounds coming up the staircase were the sounds of prayers coming from my dad. He was interceding for me! That morning my dad and I talked about spiritual warfare and why he stayed up praying for me. It changed my outlook on prayer. 

Your prayers matter. Your prayers are mighty weapons used on behalf of your children to fight off Satan. Your prayers have the power to protect your children and provide them with opportunity after opportunity to grow in their relationship with God and with you. It’s disheartening to hear from parents who lack the confidence to pray bold prayers. We know of many, and we identify with those who struggle as well. But we have good news for you: the Bible is filled with many amazing prayers. All you need to do is take some of these prayers recorded in the Bible, learn to follow their patterns, and adapt them as guides for praying for your children.

from How To Help Your Millennial Return To Faith by Jason Jimenez

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ZZ

“Building Community Starts with Marriage”

‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
Husbands
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
All Christians
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. ‘ 1 Peter 3:1-9(NLT)

Years ago, when I (Jason) was a pastor at a local church, I ran into a woman who worked downstairs. I said my hellos and kept walking. She called my name. I turned around to see if something was wrong. 

She ran up to me frantically. Just a few months back, she had shared about her son and how well he was doing in college. He had always been a great student and even considered becoming a missionary. But now something was terribly wrong. When her son came home for spring break, he told his mom and dad that he was an atheist. She was shocked. For the next year, I tried helping the family, but their college son never came back to Christ. 

I remember how defeated the parents felt. Over and over they would explain their efforts to raise their kids in a Christian home. They spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on private Christian education and stayed involved in as many activities as their kids were in. But as I talked with the parents, I kept noticing something. The couple argued all the time. When he would start to say something, she would interrupt him. When she would speak, he would correct her, which led to even more arguing. It was nonstop. 

Why do I bring up this story? 

I bring it up because if you want to get along with your millennial, you have to first get along with your spouse. Given the divorce rates and remarriages these days, I’m sure it’s going to be very difficult for some of you. 

Some of you are divorced and have very little (or no) communication with your ex-spouse. Some of you have been married a long time but were never on the same page when raising the kids. Now that your children are grown, it’s a moot issue. 

Others of you are divorced and remarried. Which means you have stepchildren in the mix—and that can make things a bit more complicated. 

The rest of you are still happily married and finding more ways to relate and get along with your adult children. Good for you! 

Families these days are very different. Some are more complicated and messy than others. But the fact remains that God expects parents to strive for togetherness and be a united front in the home. To have a rock-solid marriage and be on the same page in their parenting. It’s really hard to get along with your millennial if you can’t even get along with your spouse. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to keep your marital problems from interfering with your parenting. Work things out with your spouse. Do whatever is necessary to restore and strengthen your marriage. 

Marriage is the centerpiece of the family. When the marriage is strong, the family will be strong. But if the marriage is weak, the family will be weak. If the marriage is in trouble, the family is in trouble. The problems you have with your millennial may easily be related to past and present troubles in your marriage. 

If things are really bad in your marriage or between you and your millennial child, seek help from a godly couple, accountability group, or from a biblical counselor. The Bible says, “Where there is no counsel people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11: 14). Added guidance will give you the support needed to work through major issues between you and your millennial. Don’t neglect this. Get the help you need. Because in order for parents to build their relationship with their millennials, they need to first and foremost have unity in their marriages. 

from How To Help Your Millennial Return To Faith by Jason Jimenez

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ZZ

“The Role of Parents as Faith Influencers”

‘I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord .’ Psalms 40:1-3(NLT)

There is no denying that culture and church play a major role in the developmental life of any person. But the role parents play in their children’s lives far outweighs any other influence. What parents believe and how they live out their beliefs (positively or negatively) has a huge impact on their children.

 You see, parents are the key. Parents are the most influential and most powerful force in a child’s life. Nothing can compare to the love a mother has for her children. Nothing comes close to the security and wisdom a father provides for his children.

 When parents strive to model a pattern of Christianity to their millennial children, those children are far more likely to follow in their parents’ footsteps. There is no one more powerful and uniquely qualified to do this than mom and dad. There is nothing more compelling and persuasive than a parent living out his or her faith with great boldness and conviction. 

However, parents must be willing to step up and step out to assume their spiritual roles in the lives of their millennial children. The family is central to the spiritual formation of any child (regardless of the age); but if parents lack the passion and drive to live it and teach it, then the world will ultimately shape our children. (You don’t want that, and neither do we.)

These are critical times for millennials. And that’s why it is so vitally important that you stay invested in their lives. They need you now more than ever. And remember, you are not alone in this situation. Find other parents who share your concerns. Speak up at church. Surround yourself with a support group of like-minded parents committed to helping each other work through these challenging times together.

from How To Help Your Millennial Return To Faith by Jason Jimenez

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ZZ

“Unspeakable Pain”

‘I prayed to the Lord , and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him.’ Psalms 34:4-7(NLT)

‘No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ‘ Philippians 3:13(NLT)

Most parents, if they are honest, will tell you they are hurting. They hurt over the bad choices their adult children are making. They hurt over the intimacy they once had with their son or daughter. 

 In too many families, faith went only as far as church attendance. Throw in a few extra church activities, a few family devotions, and lectures about doing the right thing. The truth is, many parents do feel they failed in leading their children spiritually. 

 I remember an older pastor sharing with me about his prodigal son. He and I were sitting in his office before I was about to preach in his church. I saw many pictures of his beautiful family there. But I noticed he had current pictures only of his daughters and not his son. When I commented on it, he said that he and his wife had not spoken to their son in years. The pastor teared up and said, “I’m to blame that he’s running away from God. I was too busy ministering to others, and I didn’t do enough for my son. That’s my biggest regret.” 

Sound familiar? Take out ministering to others and fill in the blank. We all have regrets and know other godly parents who do as well.

 Holding on to regrets prevents you from experiencing true freedom in Christ. Being tossed around by waves of regret is actually where Satan, the great Adversary, wants you to be. He doesn’t want you to let your regrets go. He wants you to drown in them. Every time you see your son or daughter making bad choices, Satan wants you to feel regret. He wants you to blame yourself for their sinful choices. But like the apostle Paul, you need to gain this assurance: “One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3: 13).

 The key is not to regret having regrets. (That only brings on more regrets.) Instead, give your regrets over to God and allow His healing power to take control of your life. As the old saying goes: you can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. 

 When you feel disappointed in the way you parented, or even ashamed, look to God. When doubts creep in and you feel you failed as a parent, cry out to the Lord. He will heal your pain. 

from How To Help Your Millennial Return To Faith by Jason Jimenez

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ZZ

“We’re Losing Altitude”

‘for I will speak to you in a parable. I will teach you hidden lessons from our past—’ Psalms 78:2(NLT)

‘Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. ‘ 2 Timothy 2:3(NLT)

In a recent study, LifeWay Research and Fuller Youth Institute estimated that over half of high school graduates will leave the church and become disengaged in their faith. This is alarming because many emerging adults are making big decisions that affect more than just their own lives—and they are making those decisions without faith in God. You may have a child who has rejected Christianity, or you may simply have a desire to help build an unshakable foundation for your child. 

Whatever the case, Christian parents need to be armed and ready to wage war for the hearts and souls of their adult children. We are knee-deep in a culture war for our children’s faith and for the future fate of Christianity in America. Satan never stops scheming and spreading lies. He doesn’t want you standing firm in the faith, nor does he want you leading your family. 

He uses the guilt and regret many parents carry to advance his agenda. It’s clearly going to take a lot of prayer and hard work to equip parents to rise up and use their influence and faith to change the direction of their homes. But it’s worth it. If you’re desperate to learn about your millennial and you want to find a better and more powerful way to communicate with him or her, then we welcome this opportunity to help reinforce your responsibility to have a strong relationship with your adult child. Your child might be an adult, but that doesn’t mean you’re not to play a role in his or her life. 

We want to empower you to do that, so we’ve sought some of the most respected Christian minds (Lee Strobel, Ed Stetzer, David Kinnaman, Sean McDowell) to help you understand the worldview of typical millennials and, hopefully, to bridge the gaps that exist between you and your adult child. It is our prayer that this plan will deepen your faith and equip you with the courage you need to become the parent your children (young or old) need you to be.

from How To Help Your Millennial Return To Faith by Jason Jimenez

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Communication In Marriage – Day 3

‘Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.’ Proverbs 16:24(NLT)

Communicating well during conflict also means never to “fight below the belt.” Fighting below the belt includes anything that would be considered hurtful to the other person’s emotional and psychological center. 

It may come through name calling, demeaning words, speaking with the intent to hurt concerning the other person’s family, threatening divorce, swearing, or bringing up the other person’s weaknesses or failures.

These types of direction in a couples’ communication should never take place. If they do, the conversation needs to come to an end until a healthy style of communication can be applied. Proverbs 16:24 reminds us, “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”

A lack of healthy communication during conflict can kill the affection and intimacy in a marriage by removing the safe environment needed for honesty and vulnerability. Harsh words lead to immediate thoughts such as, How dare she say that? or How dare he say that? Spiteful words force couples to take sides. 

Remember, you are ultimately on the same side. When you practice healthy communication during conflict, you will create an atmosphere for greater intimacy and love to flourish. 

from Communication In Marriage by Heather Hair

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Communication In Marriage – Day 2

‘The greatest among you must be a servant. ‘ Matthew 23:11(NLT)

Communication During Conflict

Along with a healthy, romantic love, married couples should also make an effort to learn how to properly communicate during conflict. Every relationship of ongoing contact will experience conflict of some kind. That’s a given. How we handle that conflict greatly affects the intimacy, or vulnerability, we offer each other following it. Thus, inept conflict skills can distance relationships creating more friction and resentment.

No one comes out of the womb ready and able to handle conflict perfectly. Communicating well during conflict is a learned trait. Why? We are naturally selfish. 

A healthy style of conflict management comes when we learn to elevate the other person to a higher level than our own, and vice versa. It takes practice and a willingness to concede. 

It also takes an emotional maturity level that filters actions through a grid of grace. Far too often, spouses function in the formal operational mode and, as a result, act out of the concrete judgment determinations. In that mode, thoughts and emotions remain on immediate and visual stimuli. When a married couple hasn’t matured beyond this level of interaction, it can lead to conflict. 

For example, when the wife sees that the dishes are still on the table hours after her husband’s breakfast, she may become angry. She sees dirty dishes and immediately equates them with laziness and apathy on his part. Afterall, she notices that he has plenty of energy to wash his car for the second time that week. She might even begin to feel offended that her husband would expect her to clear them. 

What she does not see is the depth of her own expectations clashing with those of her husband. Expectations come from a variety of sources: family, peers, television, etc. Nor does she recognize this as an opportunity to develop spiritual maturity by cultivating the virtues of service and grace. It is also an opportunity for her to practice communication skills with him in a way that is rooted in love.

Yet if she chooses instead to leave the dishes on the table while complaining instead, this will give occasion for his frustrations  to rise with her as well. He may later erupt in anger. Or she may clear them all the while grumbling, or perhaps simply noting his apparent offense and saving it for ammunition later.

No one enjoys feeling like a servant, particularly to a spouse. But Christ reminds us in the book of Matthew that, “The greatest among you will be your servant.” Cultivating a spiritual mindset about conflict is the first step to communicating rightly in scenarios of marital conflict. It removes the emotional attachment to unhealthy desires and leaves space for the couple to talk about the root that may be causing the conflict, rather than the fruit.

from Communication In Marriage by Heather Hair

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

Communication In Marriage – Day 1

‘You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.’ Song of Songs 4:9(NLT)

The key to any good marriage is communication. 

Marriage requires communicating about when we are happy, sad, disappointed, excited, as well as a myriad of other emotions. Two key areas that can be adversely affected by a lack of attention, or by past sins, are romantic communication and communication during conflict.

 Romantic Communication

Romantic communication is essential in cultivating a healthy and vital marriage relationship. During the dating stage, much energy is devoted to this kind of love (eros – romantic love.) However, if a couple marries on the foundation of an intimacy that may include several past partners or that may be rooted in physical contact alone, new external stresses and demands override the surface level and competing feelings of eros within each partner. Then when children are added, time demands that come from parenting may also limit what remaining resources were available for developing eros. 

When a marriage relationship lacks healthy romantic communication, it is important to revisit this area in a way that both supports and honors each partner.

Remember, romance involves capturing the attention of the other and not demanding it. Song of Solomon 4:9 states it this way in the New Living Translation, 

“You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.”

If you have found romance to be dwindling in your relationship, seek to communicate in ways other than words. Seek to communicate through non-verbal methods such that will capture your partner’s focus and heart. Communication doesn’t always have to mean a sit-down conversation. Oftentimes it involves a smile, wink, act of service, attractive outfit or any flirtatious manner you choose to interact with your spouse. Just because you are married doesn’t mean the flirting has come to an end. Relight the flame and enjoy each other completely. 

from Communication In Marriage by Heather Hair