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1st Marriage ZZ

Get Rid of Your Contingency Plan

‘So Elijah went and found Elisha son of Shaphat plowing a field. There were twelve teams of oxen in the field, and Elisha was plowing with the twelfth team. Elijah went over to him and threw his cloak across his shoulders and then walked away. Elisha left the oxen standing there, ran after Elijah, and said to him, “First let me go and kiss my father and mother good-bye, and then I will go with you!” Elijah replied, “Go on back, but think about what I have done to you.” So Elisha returned to his oxen and slaughtered them. He used the wood from the plow to build a fire to roast their flesh. He passed around the meat to the townspeople, and they all ate. Then he went with Elijah as his assistant.’ 1 Kings 19:19-21(NLT)

‘“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:4-6(NLT)

Marriage is a beautiful adventure. However, if we are going to go on this adventure and be happy, we have got to get rid of our contingency plan. Turning back or giving up must be completely off the table. If we say we are all in, then it needs to mean that we are indeed all in! Why is this decision so important? 

When you commit to something completely, with no intention of quitting, it forces you to make it work. There is no other option.

In 1 Kings we find Elisha working in a field. He is plowing 12 acres of land and is on his last acre. This was not a hobby for him. This was his livelihood. He was working on a big project and was almost finished when Elijah comes and offers him an adventure of a lifetime. 

What Elisha does next is mind-blowing. Not only does he accept the offer, but he also shows that he is all in by burning the plow and killing the oxen. There is no way this prophet thing can’t work now because Elisha doesn’t have anything to fall back on. Even if he quits and comes back home there is nothing there for him to pick back up. 

He literally throws a farewell BBQ to his old lifestyle and sets off to make this new adventure work. He got rid of his contingency plan. He was going to be a prophet and that is exactly what happened. Not only did he become a prophet, but he also performed double the miracles that Elijah, his mentor, performed. I believe his success as a prophet can be traced back to the “all-in” decision he made.

We need to have this same “all-in” moment with our marriages. According to Google, roughly 50% of marriages end in divorce. That is a staggering number. 

So how do we help this percentage to go down? We don’t get divorced! We need to burn the plow of divorce and move forward knowing this is our only option. There is something very freeing in making the decision to be all in. When you decide divorce is completely off the table, it takes the stress off your marriage. 

You can focus only on making it work.

Pray then Act

Are you ready to get rid of your contingency plan? Are you ready to go all in? 

Adventure Awaits! Let’s Go!

Prayer

Father, help us to commit fully to our marriage. Divorce is no longer an option for us. We want to go all in! You have joined us together, and we are excited about the beautiful adventure in front of us!

Action

Take the word “divorce” completely out of your vocabulary.  

from A Beautiful Adventure Marriage by Alex & Tara Payne

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Love and Marriage – Day 5

Avoid Immoral Women
‘My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen carefully to my wise counsel. Then you will show discernment, and your lips will express what you’ve learned. For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. For she cares nothing about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. So now, my sons, listen to me. Never stray from what I am about to say: Stay away from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! If you do, you will lose your honor and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved. Strangers will consume your wealth, and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor. In the end you will groan in anguish when disease consumes your body. You will say, “How I hated discipline! If only I had not ignored all the warnings! Oh, why didn’t I listen to my teachers? Why didn’t I pay attention to my instructors? I have come to the brink of utter ruin, and now I must face public disgrace.” Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his great foolishness.’ Proverbs 5:1-23(NLT)

Although this chapter discusses adultery, it also offers good advice about making your marriage the exciting and fulfilling relationship we dream it can and should be. After reading this passage aloud together, share what first attracted you to your spouse and what you still love about them today. Instead of discussing what your marriage isn’t, share stories about your courtship and reminisce about the highlights of your times together. And depending on where your walk down memory lane leads you, you may or may not end up praying this time.

from Love and Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Love and Marriage – Day 4

‘Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters. Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it! Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies. Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” So we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” Remember your leaders who taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and follow the example of their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. ‘ Hebrews 13:1-8(NLT)

It’s understandable why we don’t think of our spouse as a brother or sister, but this passage, which includes a great verse about marriage, begins with reminding us all to love one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. After reading the passage aloud together, talk about how the points it makes relate to your relationship. Talk about the ways that it can be easier to treat other Christian friends better than the ones under your own roof. Talk to God together about the example of Christ’s love that He intends your marriage to be. Ask Him to lead the two of you to be leaders that point to God’s unchanging love.

from Love and Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Love and Marriage – Day 3

‘If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless. When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ 1 Corinthians 13:1-13(NLT)

The word love is used in many different ways. But the One who is Love offers us a clear definition in His Word. This passage challenges us to love up to God’s standard–like we have been loved by Him. This is a tough list for us to live up to impossible really without God’s love flowing in and through us. After you read this passage aloud together, tell each other how you feel the most loved. Pray together that God will increase your capacity to love each other with His love.

from Love and Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Love and Marriage – Day 2

‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.
Instructions for Christian Households
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.’ Colossians 3:1-19(NLT)

Your old self won’t be nearly as good of a spouse as your new self. This passage challenges us to set aside the poor behaviors that always get in the way of a healthy marriage and put on the character of Christ. Although it makes it sound as easy as putting on a coat, read it aloud together and listen for that one sinful trait that is the hardest for you to get rid of and the one godly trait that is the hardest to clothe yourself in. Confess the ways you’ve failed to put on godly character and ask your spouse to forgive you. Pray together that God will give you the determination to put His character on again and again every day.

from Love and Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Love and Marriage – Day 1

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:21-33(NLT)

God didn’t give us expectations and roles within marriage to squelch our freedom. He just wants us to know the way life works best. This passage about love, respect, and submission doesn’t always line up with contemporary thinking or modern practices, but we can be sure that the One who instituted marriage knows how to make it thrive. After you read this passage out loud together, talk about the part that is the most difficult for you to understand or to put into practice. Pray together that God will lead each of you to fill the role He has chosen for you in a way that brings glory to Him and honor to your spouse.

from Love and Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

As Long As You Both Shall Live

‘Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord . Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for him with all their hearts. They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths. You have charged us to keep your commandments carefully. Oh, that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees! Then I will not be ashamed when I compare my life with your commands. As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should! I will obey your decrees. Please don’t give up on me!
Beth
How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word. I have tried hard to find you— don’t let me wander from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.’ Psalms 119:1-11(NLT)

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

‘We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. ‘ 2 Corinthians 10:5(NLT)

Seek God. Fight fair. Have fun. Stay pure. And never give up. These five commitments are the keys to a lasting marriage. But we need God to do these things; we can’t do them under our own strength.

Leave the past in the past. Let every day be a new day. From this day forward, we can decide what we want our marriage to be. We can’t change the past, but God can change our future. Keep your marriage simple, focused, and Christ-centered, and you’ll have the marriage that most people only dream about.

Let’s pray together: God, help me see the ending of this Bible plan as a beginning of a new thing that You want to do in my marriage. I give You complete control of every area of my life — including my marriage — so that all of my life brings glory and honor to You. I want a marriage that shows the world what Your love, redemption, grace, and forgiveness is like. As I commit to seeking You, please be present in my marriage, and grant both of us Your favor. Thank You for all that You’ve already done in our relationship. And thank You for what I trust You will continue to do in us and through us. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

from From This Day Forward by Craig & Amy Groeschel

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Never Give Up

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ‘ Jeremiah 29:11(NLT)

‘Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. ‘ Matthew 19:3-8(NLT)

‘But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.’ 1 John 4:8(NLT)

‘If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? ‘ 1 John 4:20(NLT)

‘Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ‘ Galatians 6:7-9(NLT)

When you exchange rings and vows and enter into the covenant of marriage, you’re dedicating yourself to love “until death do us part.” But what happens when the love runs dry? What happens if only one of you chooses to read this Bible plan? What do you do when the worst happens, and those vows are shattered by unfaithfulness? Whatever you’re facing, even if it could be grounds for divorce, that means it can also be grounds for forgiveness.

Marriage is one of the toughest ways that we can see the proverb “iron sharpens iron” play out. No matter what fault you find in your spouse, the truth is, there are always ways that you need to grow and develop, too. If that wedding band starts to feel more like a handcuff, then you have a decision to make: you can decide to forgive what seems unforgivable. You can decide to extend the grace that God gave you to your spouse. You can decide to own up to your mistakes. When your car runs out of gas, you don’t sell it. You put more gas in! Let God love through you. And never give up.

Let’s pray together: Jesus, when I feel like I don’t have any love left to give, help me to love with Your love. Help me to keep the vows I made to You, even when I no longer feel them. Help me give the same grace You’ve given me. And be my strength on the days when I want to give up. I trust that You’re big enough to hold us together. In Your Name we pray, amen.

from From This Day Forward by Craig & Amy Groeschel

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Stay Pure

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

‘Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. ‘ Ephesians 5:3(NLT)

‘But you must be careful so that your freedom does not cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble. ‘ 1 Corinthians 8:9(NLT)

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.’ 1 Corinthians 6:18-20(NLT)

‘So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.’ Matthew 5:29-30Matthew 5:27-28(NLT)

‘“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ‘ Matthew 5:27-28(NLT)

‘The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.’ 1 Corinthians 10:13(NLT)

‘If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.’ 1 John 1:8-10(NLT)

‘Stay away from every kind of evil.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:22(NLT)

People spend months planning for their wedding but sometimes neglect to make marriage planning a priority. We may attend a premarital class or talk with the minister who performs the wedding, but we often don’t really open up about what issues we may be bringing into the relationship. We may not even be fully aware of how our habitual thoughts and behaviors could threaten our unity.

Because the marriage bed is God’s standard for sexual intimacy, it’s also the place that suffers most when sexual baggage is brought into a relationship. Whether it’s from a promiscuous past, sexually-charged music, racy novels, unhealed wounds from abuse, or exposure to pornography — any source of sexual stimulation outside the context of your marriage is a dangerous threat. No matter how harmless you’ve convinced yourself it is, if you’re keeping it a secret from your spouse, you’re closing the door to intimacy and opening the door to adultery.

Are you willing to build a barrier together to keep those threats out? Are you willing to limit your freedoms to keep you strong against temptation? Are you willing to be transparent with your schedule, your conversations, or your online interactions? Do this when you’re strong to protect yourself when you’re weak. Ask God to show you your weaknesses — then shore them up.

Will lines be crossed? Will failures happen? Almost certainly. Deal with issues as they arise. Ask God to forgive you. Ask your spouse to forgive you. But fight to stay pure. Purity matters.

Let’s pray together: Jesus, You paid such a high price to make us clean and new. Only You can make us pure in Your sight. Help us have the courage to stay pure. Give us the strength to forgive and to protect our hearts from the damage of sin. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

from From This Day Forward by Craig & Amy Groeschel

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Have Fun

‘Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. ‘ Ecclesiastes 9:9(NLT)

‘How beautiful are your sandaled feet, O queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman. Your navel is perfectly formed like a goblet filled with mixed wine. Between your thighs lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle. Your neck is as beautiful as an ivory tower. Your eyes are like the sparkling pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is as fine as the tower of Lebanon overlooking Damascus.’ Song of Songs 7:1-4(NLT)

‘I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own. Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love.’ Song of Songs 7:10-12(NLT)

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:18-19(NLT)

‘“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.’ Matthew 7:12(NLT)

‘Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches. ‘ Revelation 2:5(NLT)

Being engaged can be a lot of fun. It’s full of so much anticipation and excitement, yet it’s such a small window of time in the context of an entire life spent together. How can you carry that fun of courtship, engagement, and the honeymoon into year after year of marriage? How can you have fun when you’re facing financial strains, problems with the kids, or just the normal changing seasons of life? Do you have to keep pursuing your spouse even after you’ve already “caught” them?

Yes! You have to make fun a priority. It may seem like a luxury you can’t afford, but the reality is, it’s a necessary part of having a marriage that goes the distance. Fun is a requirement. And you can choose to have fun with your spouse.

What if someone else’s marriage looks more fun than yours? What if that girl at the bank laughs at your jokes? What if that guy at the office always seems to have better weekend plans? If the grass looks greener somewhere else — water your lawn! Be intentional about intimacy and connectedness. Work to get back to being best friends: laughing together, snuggling, looking to each other for comfort and joy. It may not seem fun to schedule time for fun, but that may be where you need to start. And that relationship is what you want anyway, isn’t it?

Let’s pray together: Father, we repent for the things we’ve allowed to crowd out our time with each other. Help us to make time for down time as a couple. Give us wisdom and creativity to find ways we enjoy being together. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

from From This Day Forward by Craig & Amy Groeschel