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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

CELEBRATE EACH OTHER

‘Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! ‘ Philippians 4:4(NLT)

Scripture: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice!” -Philippians 4:4 NIV

Devotional: When Tam won her first Grammy, I was filled with indescribable joy. I can’t describe how proud I was of my wife. Seeing her on that stage made me reflect on her journey––the long tours on buses that sometimes broke down, the movie sets, late-night dinners, swollen knees, swollen ankles, lots of tears, lots of practice, lots of happy moments, and lots of funny moments. All of them brought her to this life-changing moment, and the only thing left to do was celebrate!

Celebrations are great reminders in marriage. Celebrations remind us that the rain won’t last forever, and the sun is going to come out tomorrow (thanks, Annie). The gift of celebration forces us to stop from life’s routine to smile at one another, commemorate a milestone, or just hang out and laugh. Most of the time, we give what we would want to receive, but the key to celebrating your spouse is to give what they want and need. 

Here are fifteen ways we’ve learned to celebrate each other. Try picking one or two to put into practice this week.

1.  Serve your spouse by preparing their favorite meal. 

2.  Become their personal assistant for a day. 

3.  Ask them to hire you as their personal massage therapist. 

4.  Compliment your spouse often. 

5.  Figure out one way to make them feel special every week. 

6.  Write a letter and tell your spouse what you love about them. Then allow your spouse to tell you what they love about you. 

7.  Make their special day a big deal (birthday, Valentine’s Day, anniversary). Do it big! 

8.  Write a personalized letter thanking them for things they do on a regular basis that you may have never acknowledged. 

9.  Shower them with acts of affection. Give them a real kiss, a strong hug, or a pat on the bottom (a gentle caress). 

10.  Create a fun scavenger hunt that leads them to you. 

11.  Appreciate them in public. 

12.  Cherish them in private.

13.  Honor them in front of your children. 

14.  Send flowers to their job, or hide their favorite candy somewhere on their desk.

15.  Send them a “sext” message that lets them know you’re thinking of them. Send it during a time when they will most likely blush and least expect it.

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Gracious God, thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for the priceless gift that my spouse is to me and to others. Help me to celebrate my spouse more this year than I have in past years. Help us not to focus so much on what is going wrong that we forget to celebrate what is going right. May our love deepen more and more as the years go by. We trust that you will keep us focused on you and focused on each other. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 

Fill out the following questions with your spouse. Knowing the answers to each question will help you to celebrate your spouse with more specificity and intentionality. After you’ve written down your answers, see if your spouse can guess the answers you wrote without looking at your responses. 

1.  What is your favorite color? 

2.  What is your favorite movie? 

3.  What is your favorite season of the year? 

4.  What did your spouse get you for Christmas last year? 

5.  What do you love to do that doesn’t cost any money? 

6.  Where can you go outdoors to be renewed? 

7.  What is something you’ve never done but you want to do? 

8.  Do you have a bucket list? What’s on it? 

9.  What did you like to do when you first started dating that you no longer do as a married couple? 

10.  Where is an exotic place you’d like to visit within the next three years?

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

COMMUNICATION

‘Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.’ Colossians 4:6(NLT)

Scripture: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:6 NIV

Devotional: Our marriage has only worked because we are committed to communicate in a way that honors one another and doesn’t diminish each other. Communication has been the binding force of our marriage, and when we communicate respectfully, it improves our intimacy, joy, and connection. 

When I think back on senseless arguments between David and me, I can’t help but ask myself, Was it worth it? Did I really need to raise my voice? What was lying beneath the surface of our frustration? We’ve had countless arguments over the years, and they have taught us seven lessons that we now consider as we practice better communication:

1.  Stick with the issue. When we use arguments as opportunities to bring up past issues, we can bruise our spouse with our words. Our goal is to never humiliate, embarrass, or belittle the other person. Instead, whenever we find ourselves in a heated conversation, we try to stick to the issue at hand and not bring up the past.

2.  Listen to understand. Don’t listen to respond. The goal of any argument is to listen to understand, not respond. If the other person is talking, we have to discipline ourselves to let them finish. This is much easier said than done, because we want to be understood first before we work to understand. But arguing with our spouse isn’t about being right. It’s about recognizing where we are wrong. Arguments are a gift, allowing us to see what frustrates and upsets our spouse, giving us an inside look into their heart. 

3.  Take a five-minute time-out when emotions get heated. When the water starts boiling, back away and take a break. Breathe, collect yourself, and then approach the situation differently. After we take time to cool off and think about how we are truly feeling, we can continue with the conversation and grow from the disagreement. 

4.  Never make the issue more important than the marriage. When we make our arguments more important than the marriage, we forget why we got married in the first place. A bad day doesn’t mean a bad marriage. 

5.  Never retire for the night angry with each other. The Bible encourages us with these words: “Do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). Some people need time to hit the reset button before they try to resolve things peaceably, so we have decided that at some point in the conversation, we agree to disagree right now—but we will continue in the morning. 

6.  Ask for help. When an issue becomes too difficult for you and your spouse to manage together, it’s okay to call on an objective third-party to help you figure things out. This ensures that both parties are heard and a resolve can be achieved. It is God’s will that your marriage prospers, and God is faithful to send help in the time of need. 

7.  Let it go. Sometimes the argument is over but the feelings remain. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is always worth it. Remember, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV). If you’re willing to extend the same grace that God has extended to you, your marriage will flourish. 

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Dear God, thank you for the beauty and blessing of marriage. Thank you for walking with us through the good days and carrying us through the bad days. Help us remember the big picture. Forgive us if we ever used an argument to belittle or humiliate our spouse. Teach us how to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Help us to learn how to apologize when we’re wrong. We will remember that one bad day does not have to turn into a bad life. Strengthen us through hard conversations. Grant us peace during difficult seasons. We trust you to heal every hurting marriage right now. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 

1.  When you argue, do you listen to respond?

2.  If a soft answer turns away wrath, how well do you do with speaking softly? What can you do to improve?

3.  Do you stick to the issue when you argue, or does the argument open up to other things? How can you rectify that today?

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

BLENDED AND BLESSED

‘Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding.’ Proverbs 3:13(NLT)

Scripture: “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.” -Proverbs 3:13 NIV

Devotional: We always like to say our family is blended and blessed. The term blended family is thrown around a lot these days, but the truth is every family is blended. Two people from different families fall in love and form a new family one way or another. Some of us are just more blended than others.

In our home, we never used the word step to describe our relationship with any of our children. I made that decision one day after I introduced Porcia to someone as my stepdaughter. I didn’t think much of it, but when we got alone, Porcia asked me never to call her a stepdaughter again. In my opinion, step is not just a word—it’s a posture of thought. It represents how someone on the outside is seen by those on the inside. I know this term works for many families, but to me, the word creates a separation. 

Blending families is difficult, but not impossible. Proverbs 3:13 says, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.” Let us be the first to tell you if you don’t already know: it will take much wisdom and understanding to love, live, and find laughter in each day being a part of a blended family. But the hard work will be worth it!

There’s a great gospel song that says, “Turn your pressure into praise!” This is exactly what David and I try to do in our family: allow pain to push us into purpose. The reality is, God purposed us to be together and parent these children. As believers, we know God will not call us to do something without equipping us for the journey. We know God will use everything in our pasts for good. Though it may be difficult to see, God will indeed use it all. 

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Father, help us to keep our marriage blessed, happy, and whole according to your divine will. Help us to be the parents our children need in childhood and in adulthood. Give us your grace and strength to get through each day, and show each of our children the amazing love that you have always shown to us. May our lives be an example to others that blended families can work. And whatever our family may be facing, may we always know that we can do this through Christ who gives us strength. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 

1.  What incremental changes can be made today so that your entire family can become better? (For example, family meetings, counseling, short-term goals, and so on.)

2.  If you are a part of a blended family, how might you work to better co-parent with your children’s biological parent(s) in the future?

3.  When you think about your childhood experiences, has anything from your past affected your present role as a parent?

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

COMMITMENT

‘Commit everything you do to the Lord . Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.’ Psalms 37:5-6(NLT)

Scripture: “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: he will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.” -Psalm 37:5-6 NIV

Devotional: Tam and I get asked all the time, “How have you stayed married for so long?” My simple answer is, God plus commitment. We committed to God first, and we committed to one another second. 

It’s no secret. Marriage is a beautiful gift, but it is also a commitment. Anyone can fall in love, but marriage takes work. A wedding ceremony will last for one hour, but a marriage will last for a lifetime. When it comes to my life, it’s Christ, it’s Tam, and then everything else. 

The first commitment we made when we got married was to honor our vows. If we honored our vows, then divorce would never be an option. Within the first week of our marriage, we decided to remove the option of divorce from the table. We wanted each other to know, “I’m not leaving you.” We were accustomed to rejection, and we grew up in families where marriage was not as healthy as it could’ve been, so we threw divorce off the table and focused on our commitments. We decided: if we do this, we are going to do this ’til death do us part. That was our promise to each other. That was our promise to ourselves. 

We know marriage has its challenges, but we are committed to never let the challenges drown out the joy. It’s a good thing to be married. It feels so good to know that we don’t have to make every decision our my own. It feels good to have a partner for life, someone who is always in our corner. Because of my commitment to Tam, she gets support, strength, encouragement, and love. And because of her commitment to me, I get prayer, wisdom, affirmation, and a beautiful woman by my side. 

WILL YOU PRAY WITH US? 

Heavenly Father, help us stay committed to our marriage through every season of life. Through the good and the bad, help us to prioritize each other. Grant us the grace to endure the difficult seasons, and give us the peace that surpasses understanding. Remind us of our vows when our faith gets tired. We trust you to be the glue that holds us together. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1.  What commitments have you made in your marriage? What promises do you struggle to keep when the going gets tough?

2.  Do you still have a copy of your wedding vows? If so, when is the last time you’ve read them together? 

3.  If you have your vows, revisit your commitments. After reading them, is there anything in your vows that has inspired you to live and love your spouse differently? 

from Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, & Family by David & Tamela Mann

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Embrace Endurance

‘Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.’ Hebrews 10:36(NLT)

‘Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. ‘ Ephesians 6:13(NLT)

As Christians, we have an enemy that is out to kill, steal, and destroy. He will do anything in his power to destroy us and our marriages. We are in a battle not only for our souls, but also for our relationships. There will be seasons of our marriage that are just hard. It is in those seasons we must learn to endure. 

To endure means“the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.”

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it’s under attack. Every day, everywhere you look, you can find ways marriage is being portrayed negatively. Everywhere you look you can see the side effects of this negativity. Every day there are couples throwing in the towel and giving up on each other and on the idea that marriage can work. 

If we want our relationship to be different, we must protect it. If we’re going to endure this life and be happily married in the process, we have got to do everything in our power to protect and nourish our most valuable earthly relationship. 

Endurance is not passive. It’s something we will have to choose to do every day in an active way. There will be days it will be crazy easy and there will be days it will be unbelievably hard, but every day it will be worth it. 

Your adventure is ahead of you, and you can make it a beautiful one! It’s there, it’s possible, and you have an awesome God who knows every mile you will encounter and is more than willing to help you with everything you will come upon. 

This adventure is long, and it will take work, but it’s beautiful, and it’s worth everything you will have to put into it! Endure every season—both the good and the hard—find the lessons and the blessings in the everyday situations that arise, and do everything in your power to get through the hard times you may experience, and you will get to your promised destination. 

What is our promised destination? Till death do us part! 

A happy marriage is possible! You can do this! You can have a beautiful adventure! 

Never, ever give up on yourself, your spouse, or your marriage! 

Keep moving forward together!

Pray then Act

Are you walking through a hard season in your marriage? Is there something you would like to see change?

Adventure Awaits! Let’s Go!

Prayer

Father, 

We want the marriage that You created for us. Show us how wild and beautiful marriage can be. Speak to us in unique ways that will draw us closer together as we draw closer to You. Meet with us and give us the wisdom to make the daily decisions needed for a successful marriage. We need You, Lord! Come be a part of our lives and this sacred relationship! Lead us on the adventure you have planned for us and let us see the beauty of it every day! Thank you for giving us this wonderful gift. Marriage was Your idea and it’s such a good idea! We love you! 

Actions

Enjoy the good seasons! Stand strong and endure the hard seasons! Never give up!

from A Beautiful Adventure Marriage by Alex & Tara Payne

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Explore Compromise

‘Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. ‘ Ephesians 5:1(NLT)

‘Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. ‘ 1 John 3:18(NLT)

What is one thing that makes going on an adventure so much fun? 

One, you’re getting out of your usual routine. You’re leaving the 9-5 of normal life and getting a chance to relax and have fun. You’re seeing new things, eating new food, and enjoying new experiences. You’re getting the chance to explore life in a new setting with a new point of view. You get to see how others live for a few days and what normal looks like to them. You get to see the beauty of this world. 

There are a lot of reasons why people enjoy adventures, but one of my favorite reasons is I get to explore all the things the Lord has created. I get to search out the beauty of God’s workmanship. 

I tell people all the time, I want to go to all the places, and I want to see all the things. I want to explore everything. I want to see and learn all I can about the world I live in. All adventures should have some kind of exploration to them and that includes the adventure of marriage.

How do you explore in marriage? One word . . .

Compromise

A compromise is “an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.”

As I was thinking about the word compromise, and how it’s necessary for a marriage to work, the word explore came to mind as well. So, what does explore mean?

Explore means  “travel in or through in order to learn about or familiarize oneself with it, inquire into or discuss (a subject or issue) in detail, or examine or evaluate (an option or possibility).” 

When I looked at the definitions to both words, I see how they could be used interchangeably in marriage. We are traveling through this adventure of marriage together and through it, we are constantly learning more about how our spouse views and responds to situations. 

When we take the time to discuss issues in detail and explore other options, possibilities, and points of view by having an open mind, compromise happens. Compromising with our spouse is a way of exploring all the possibilities. Through compromise, we can see things from different perspectives, and if we’re willing, we will learn that there is more than one correct way to do things.

Compromise is love in action.

Pray then Act

Do you have trouble seeing things from your spouse’s point of view? Do you only want to do things your way?

Adventure Awaits! Let’s Go!

Prayer

Father, although compromise is necessary for a marriage, it is hard. Help me to explore my spouse’s point of view, opinions, and ideas without instantly dismissing them for my own. Let compromise be something that is present in my marriage every day. Help me to actively love my spouse through compromise. 

Actions

Take some time today to pause and really listen to your spouse’s opinion and point of view. Explore all the possibilities instead of shooting everything down.

from A Beautiful Adventure Marriage by Alex & Tara Payne

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Consistency is Key

‘Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:7(NLT)

‘Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. ‘ Hebrews 12:14(NLT)

You can’t take a road trip if you don’t have the keys to your car. You could walk, but you wouldn’t get very far, and the journey would be harder than it needed to be because you wouldn’t be using the tools available to you. Without the proper tools, you would be working harder, but gaining fewer results. Keys are a necessity if you’re going to travel easily and go further.

Consistency is the key to having a good marriage. Without consistency, anything we do or say will not have the same effect because it will not be fully received. Just like going on a road trip with no keys, having a marriage without consistency is doing double the work with less result. It just makes things harder for no reason at all.

Consistency is the place where trust and peace are established and where they will thrive. According to Google being consistent means acting or doing something in the same way over time, unchanging in nature or standard. Let’s focus on the “over time” part of this definition for just a moment. 

Trust and peace are two things that are established over time. You don’t just wake up one day and fully and completely trust someone and that includes your spouse. Trust and peace start to form the moment you meet someone and continue to form over time as actions are done the same way.

If you want to accomplish something big, you have to make small consistent choices. 

Small consistent choices over time create big results.

By choosing life-giving words, over time, you can build trust and peace in your marriage. By doing what you say you will do over time, trust and peace can be established. By showing up every day and doing your best over time, trust and peace can be established.

Consistency doesn’t mean the absence of mistakes; it just means the presence of your best effort. Will you make mistakes? Absolutely, but when you are consistent in trying your best those mistakes won’t break your relationship. 

If you want to take a road trip you have to get in your car and drive each mile. If you want there to be peace and trust in your marriage, you must get up every day and make those consistent small decisions that will add up over time.

Pray then Act

What are some areas in your marriage where you need to be consistent? What small decisions do you need to start making today?

Adventure Awaits! Let’s go!

Prayer

Father, I need peace and trust in my marriage—your peace that passes all understanding. I know the only way I will have it is by making consistent decisions every day that will build peace and trust in my marriage. Help me today and every day to make good decisions that will establish that peace. 

Actions

Make a small decision today that will bring peace and trust into your marriage. Continue to make that same small decision every day.

from A Beautiful Adventure Marriage by Alex & Tara Payne

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Faithfulness and Loyalty

‘I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt. ‘ Exodus 6:7(NLT)

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:18(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

Faithfulness and loyalty are fleeting character traits these days. People say their vows, and, in some cases, they never intend on keeping them. They are just words to be repeated but hold no promise or commitment. At the first sign of trouble they throw in the towel on the relationship. This is not how it was meant to be.

Our marriages are meant to show the love Christ has for His bride—the husband leading the wife and loving her unconditionally and the wife submitting to her husband by respecting and honoring him. It is a commitment between one man and one woman. You are saying you choose this one person to spend your life together.

If you go back to the Old Testament you will see where God chose the children of Israel to be His people. God chose them just like we choose the person we marry, and then He spoke a vow over them that He would never leave them or forsake them. Basically, it was a marriage ceremony. He made a vow to be faithful and loyal. 

Ever since He made that covenant with her, He has been doing everything with the intention of drawing His bride to Himself. Even when she was acting a fool. He never left her. He never picked another bride. He remained and still remains faithful to her. That’s some amazing love. 

That is also some great news for us. When we get saved, we become a part of this beautiful love story. We become the bride of Christ which means His faithfulness is now extended to us. He has never walked away from His bride, which means He will never walk away from us! 

So, what should we do with this great loyalty and faithfulness we have been given? We should show great loyalty and faithfulness to our spouse. Our spouses should know we are committed to them. We are not going to walk away or give up at the first sign of trouble. We will fight for them and our marriages! 

By remaining faithful and loyal to our spouses we are showing them the love of the Father. We are showing them they are the one for us. The only one! 

Pray then Act

Have you fully committed to the vows you took on your wedding day? What are some ways you can show faithfulness and loyalty to your spouse today? Does your spouse know you are committed to only them?

Adventure Awaits! Let’s Go!

Prayer

Father, thank you for Your faithfulness. You have promised us in Your Word that You will never leave us or forget about us. Help me today to show that same faithfulness and loyalty to my spouse. Help me never to give up on them or our marriage.

Actions

Find a way today to recommit to your spouse. You could rewrite or renew your vows, or it could be as simple as telling them, “I choose you, and I will continue to choose you every day.”

from A Beautiful Adventure Marriage by Alex & Tara Payne

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Passionate Pursuit

‘The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”’ Luke 10:27(NLT)

‘Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?’ Proverbs 5:15-20(NLT)

I chased a bear into the woods . . .

Now, when I say I chased a bear, I mean I loudly and passionately chased a bear in the mountains of Tennessee. Let me paint a picture for you.

We were on vacation with friends and were driving back to our cabin. The sun was very bright. We were all talking when Alex turned the corner and the sun blinded him. I looked up and crossing the street was a black bear. My brain processed what it was, but I couldn’t get the word “bear” out of my mouth, so I start screaming like a crazy person. One of our friends saw it and yelled, “Bear!” Alex stops the car, and I go running down the street after this bear. With all the commotion the bear retreated into the woods. At the tree line, I dropped to my knees with arms extended as I violently scream, “COME BACK BEAR!” 

The bear took off never to be seen again!

The next morning, when Jesus and I were spending time together, He took me off guard when He asked me this question.

“What if you chased after Me and your husband like you chased that bear?”

What if I search for Jesus and my husband in this passionate way? What if I were that passionate about them? What if I were that relentless in my pursuit of them? What if I were that loud and wild about Jesus and my husband? What would my relationship with them be like if my pursuit looked like my pursuit of that bear?

What would other marriages look like if both spouses pursued the Lord and each other with that much intensity? 

I believe we would see this world change in unimaginable ways. I believe we would see marriages change in unimaginable ways.

We can make passionately pursuing our spouses a part of our daily lives. We can do this in many ways. 

Pursue your spouse by speaking well of them. Compliment them and tell them often you love them. 

Pursue your spouse by bragging on them when they do something good and encouraging them daily.

Pursue your spouse in intimate ways. Sex is a gift that we get to enjoy in marriage.

There are many ways you can pursue your spouse; just make sure you do so daily and passionately! 

Pray then Act

Are you passionately pursuing your spouse? Are you showing them love every day? 

Adventure Awaits! Let’s Go!

Prayer

Father, my spouse is a gift. A good gift you have given to me to enjoy. Help me to find ways every day to pursue them passionately.

Actions

Plan some alone time. It could be a night out on the town or a night in. Whatever you choose make the time as passionate as possible! 

from A Beautiful Adventure Marriage by Alex & Tara Payne

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Forgiveness

‘“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.’ Matthew 6:14-15(NLT)

‘Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!’ Matthew 18:21-22(NLT)

We are imperfect people. We all make mistakes—some intentionally, some accidentally. Forgiveness is something we all need to extend and receive pretty much daily, especially in marriage. 

When you first meet the one you’re going to marry, things are perfect. They’re perfect. You’re perfect. Everything is perfect. During that period forgiveness seems unnecessary, doesn’t it? Why would we ever need forgiveness? Everything is perfect! 

As time goes on, and you get married you start to realize all the things that were perfect to begin with aren’t actually perfect. Things get forgotten; hurtful words get spoken; and feelings get hurt. 

I would say the majority of the time hurting each other isn’t what was intended, but again, we’re two imperfect people doing life together—it happens. Regardless of the what, when, where, and how behind the conflict, forgiveness is necessary if any relationship is going to thrive and grow!

I will be the first to make a confession. There are times forgiveness is hard! 

At this moment, you may have a particular situation regarding your spouse in your brain, and you may be thinking of a hundred different reasons why forgiveness isn’t an option for you. However, forgiveness is not an option we have been given but a command from a Heavenly Father who loves us and knows what is best for us. 

One reason forgiveness seems hard is because we have the wrong idea of what forgiveness actually is. We have an enemy who likes to distort the true meaning of things, so we have problems with them. He has done a great job distorting the definition of forgiveness.

He tells us forgiveness is a feeling. We should only forgive our spouses when we “feel” like forgiving our spouse. He tells us forgiveness is conditional. When our spouse begs for forgiveness or has a good day, then we can reward them with forgiveness. He tells us forgiveness is impossible and that there are certain things which are simply unforgivable—all lies from an enemy who wants to see our marriages destroyed.

Here is the deal: forgiveness is essential. It is a choice you make and a grace you both need to extend and receive. You can’t have a happy marriage if one or both of you are holding on to some wrong or hurt feelings. Forgiveness and the acceptance of forgiveness must be actively pursued to make a marriage work.

Pray then Act

Is there something you need to forgive your spouse for today? Is there something you are holding on to that you need to let go of? 

Adventure Awaits! Let’s Go! 

Prayer

Father, Your Word tells us to forgive and keep on forgiving. Help me to make forgiveness a daily part of my marriage. I forgive my spouse today and will not let forgiveness ruin this adventure.

Action

Now that you have forgiven your spouse, walk it out. Do not bring the offense back up. It is in the past; continue forward.

from A Beautiful Adventure Marriage by Alex & Tara Payne