‘Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his great foolishness.’ Proverbs 5:15-23(NLT)
‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)
‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges ; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.’ Philippians 2:3-8(NLT)
‘My lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among the lilies.’ Song of Songs 2:16(NLT)
Nothing binds a married couple together more closely and deeply than sex. That’s why words like satisfy and enraptured are used to describe it in passages like Proverbs 5. But sex is more than a physical act. It involves the total person: emotion, intellect, and spirit. That’s why we read that “Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived” (Genesis 4:1, emphasis added). Yes, this meant they had sex and she got pregnant, but their lovemaking was also a means of getting to know each other in one of the deepest ways possible.
Now, when you and your spouse experience sexual problems, that’s often indicative of other problems in your marriage, like a light going off on the dashboard of your car. When that happens, you don’t replace the dashboard; it’s just telling you there’s an issue somewhere else. In marriage, the issue usually isn’t sex itself but things like irresponsibility, bitterness, lack of affection or time spent together, poor communication, or even infidelity. Without addressing those issues, you can’t reasonably expect to have a healthy sex life.
Forgive my bluntness, but the act of sex doesn’t take very long. If you want a vibrant sex life, try a little tenderness the other twenty-three and a half hours of the day. But don’t use kindness just so you can have good sex; that’s a backwards approach. And keep in mind, too, that men are like microwaves and women tend to be slow cookers in this area. When you and your spouse are consistently gracious, kind, and respectful to each other, then a healthy sex life will naturally follow.
When intimacy in marriage is easy, natural, and mutual, it produces joy. When it’s pressured, demanding, and selfish, it’s devastating. Whatever you do, don’t ignore the warning light on the dashboard. Be brave, address the issues—getting professional Christian counseling if necessary—and trust God to help you work out those issues. The rewards for your perseverance are truly delightful.
God made the first husband and wife male and female, naked and unashamed, and it was good. He commanded them to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth. Sex is sacred within the marriage relationship, a coming together of body, soul, and spirit that brings such joy. Choose now to make true intimacy with your spouse your holy pursuit.
Tip #9: Keep the romance alive. Flirt with your spouse. Make yourselves attractive and appealing to each other in dress and actions. The Song of Solomon proclaims, “My beloved is mine, and I am his” (Song of Solomon 2:16). The way you courted your spouse is the same way you keep them
from Keep Calm and Marry On by Skip Heitzig