‘The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:3-5(NLT)
‘This is Solomon’s song of songs, more wonderful than any other.
Young Woman
Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine. How pleasing is your fragrance; your name is like the spreading fragrance of scented oils. No wonder all the young women love you! Take me with you; come, let’s run! The king has brought me into his bedroom.
Young Women of Jerusalem
How happy we are for you, O king. We praise your love even more than wine.
Young Woman
How right they are to adore you. I am dark but beautiful, O women of Jerusalem— dark as the tents of Kedar, dark as the curtains of Solomon’s tents. Don’t stare at me because I am dark— the sun has darkened my skin. My brothers were angry with me; they forced me to care for their vineyards, so I couldn’t care for myself—my own vineyard. Tell me, my love, where are you leading your flock today? Where will you rest your sheep at noon? For why should I wander like a prostitute among your friends and their flocks?
Young Man
If you don’t know, O most beautiful woman, follow the trail of my flock, and graze your young goats by the shepherds’ tents. You are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among Pharaoh’s stallions. How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels. We will make for you earrings of gold and beads of silver.
Young Woman
The king is lying on his couch, enchanted by the fragrance of my perfume. My lover is like a sachet of myrrh lying between my breasts. He is like a bouquet of sweet henna blossoms from the vineyards of En-gedi.
Young Man
How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves.
Young Woman
You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! The soft grass is our bed; fragrant cedar branches are the beams of our house, and pleasant smelling firs are the rafters.’ Song of Songs 1:1-17(NLT)
Very often a husband and wife can be married for many years without ever telling each other what they find most exciting in bed.
Why? Because talking about our sexual needs can be embarrassing. But it’s also because so much is at stake — namely, the emotional bond between husbands and wives.
But 1 Corinthians 7 says that a husband and wife should fulfill each other’s needs. How can that happen without clear, honest conversation?
Song of Solomon gives a great picture of a man expressing his desires in a loving and honoring way. In fact, it’s basically a very lengthy dialogue. The first portion is spoken by the young woman who longs to be near her man and enjoy his kisses. From there it gets down right steamy, and this husband and wife talk frankly about how they want to love each other.
If you’re feeling like many married couples — that talking about your sex life makes you feel uncomfortable — take a few days to read through Song of Solomon together. It can serve as an incredible onramp to generating your own love talks. And as you do, here are a few suggestions:
* First of all, you need to bring up the subject when you are not having sex and it needs to be a two-way conversation. That is, you need to not only be telling your spouse about some of your desires, but you need to be genuinely interested in theirs.
* Next, don’t be shy about telling what you like, what you don’t like (but be gentle here — you want to make things better, not cause hurt feelings) and what you would like to try.
* Ask questions about what your spouse likes, doesn’t like, and what he or she would like to try. Be open to hearing what your partner has to say. Encourage them to open up by listening well.
* If something is brought up that one of you is uncomfortable with, respect that and move on to the next thing. Never try to force your spouse to try something he or she is uncomfortable with, or make them feel guilty about their feelings and preferences.
By the way, if talking about your sex life is too embarrassing or uncomfortable for either one of you, write your thoughts and your questions out for each other. This will obviously take longer, but it will accomplish the same goal.
We’ve got to tell you that this simple suggestion of talking to your spouse about what you both want in your love life is almost always rewarding. We’ve given this assignment to numerous couples in counseling and we know it works. Not only that, there’s biblical grounds for this conversation.
Pray and ask God to help you and your spouse fulfill each other’s needs.
from Crazy Good Sex For Married Couples by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott