‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.’ Colossians 3:1-17(NLT)
Most of the struggles we have in marriages are not due to a lack of information. They are due to a lack of obedience to what we already know. I’ve had the privilege to shepherd churches for thirty-four years, and I’ve done a lot of marriage counseling. I can tell you that most of the time the people sitting in front of me are not suffering from a lack of information. They have grasped the information. They could even give you the right answers of how their attitudes ought to be. They just don’t have within them the desire to do what Scripture says, or they don’t know how to live it out.
Individual Perspective
What needs to be in place in your own life if your marriage is to glorify God? What needs to be in place as an individual if you’re to experience the joy, unity, sense of purpose, and worship that God means for marriage to be? Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. This is often how we think, whether we’ll admit it or not. “Well, the reason that I responded that way, is because you responded this way. If you hadn’t said that, I wouldn’t have said this. If this hadn’t been your attitude, this wouldn’t have been my attitude.” As if somehow we’re excused to disobey the Lord because the person we are married to has not treated us properly. I want to remind you that glorifying God in marriage is a 100/0 proposition. That is, what I do, I do unto the Lord. And the life that glorifies God can be explained in the two great commandments: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. That is something that I am responsible for, regardless of how I’m treated, and that includes marriage.
We think about the love of God, a love that preceded our love for Him. He loved us before we ever loved Him, when we were unlovely, and even now the story of love is not our love for God, but God’s love for us. And it is this kind of love that we’re to demonstrate in all of our human relationships, including the relationship of marriage. So when you think about your marriage, instead of thinking about what you wish your spouse was, think about what the Lord’s work in your life should look like. This means that the first foundational issue for you as an individual is salvation.
from Keys To A Successful Marriage