‘But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:2-5(NLT)
‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)
Gulp! This is a controversial myth to write about. If I write this myth one way, the more sex-driven spouse will cheer with adulation while texting this article to the less sex-driven spouse saying, “WAKE UP AND READ THIS!” While if I write this piece in another way, the less sex-driven spouse will sigh in relief and feel justified in saying “Nope” to sex even more often. Not to mention that this might inform your expectations for marriage if you’re single.
Regardless of whether you’re married or not, it’s always good to remember that your expectations for sex in marriage may differ from your spouse’s or future spouse’s, so it’s great to have a healthy view of how to honor and empathize with one another.
So, let’s let the Apostle Paul speak on this one. In 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, he said the act of sex is only between a man and his wife and neither should deprive the other unless by mutual consent. Husband and wife no longer solely “own” their own bodies, but each now belongs to the other.
At the same time, Paul also wrote in Ephesians 5:25 that men are to love their wives, just as Christ loves the Church. Christ gave up everything for the Church. He wasn’t demanding or selfish. He considered our need for a Savior even greater than His own life. So, husbands are called to an incredibly high standard. They’re called to lay down their lives for their wives.
Sex is a dance of mutual love and respect. The frequency of sexual intimacy that’s healthy will be different for each couple. Ask your spouse if they’re happy with your sexual frequency. If they say they’d actually like to have more sex or less sex, don’t just laugh it off. Consider how you can mutually satisfy and enjoy each other.
—Brandon, LMFT-S, PCIT
from Sex