‘For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps. He never sinned, nor ever deceived anyone. He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed. Once you were like sheep who wandered away. But now you have turned to your Shepherd, the Guardian of your souls.’ 1 Peter 2:21-25(NLT)
‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
Husbands
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:1-7(NLT)
Submission is an attitude of humility and trust in God. A gentle and quiet spirit isn’t a mousy, beaten-down spirit. It is the spirit of a strong woman who trusts in a big God to change her husband. And because she trusts in God, she doesn’t have to act unbecomingly.
The promise to women in 1 Peter 3 is powerful. They are told that they can change their husbands without a word as they treat them better than they deserve while trusting in God. That is the essence of redemptive love.
Husbands are exhorted to redeem their wives by living with them in an understanding and honoring manner. This means men accept and respect the differences in their wives and don’t put them down or demean them. It also tells men to treat their wives as equals, as fellow heirs of the grace of life. And it tells men if they don’t treat their wives properly, their prayers will be hindered.
The bottom line is that God takes it personally when we mistreat each other. God loves our spouses and desires to love them through us—even when they aren’t doing the right thing. This doesn’t mean we should enable abusive or destructive behavior. That behavior requires tough love and occasionally some very serious action. However, this scripture addresses times when we are suffering because of the behavior of our spouses.
What do we do? We redeem them using Jesus’ example. Many of the greatest marriages I have ever seen, including my own, were the result of a godly wife or husband who had the courage and faith to do the right thing first and redeem the marriage.
from Strengths Based Marriage