Instruction on Marriage
‘Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife. Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. For instance, a man who was circumcised before he became a believer should not try to reverse it. And the man who was uncircumcised when he became a believer should not be circumcised now. For it makes no difference whether or not a man has been circumcised. The important thing is to keep God’s commandments. Yes, each of you should remain as you were when God called you. Are you a slave? Don’t let that worry you—but if you get a chance to be free, take it. And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ. God paid a high price for you, so don’t be enslaved by the world. Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you. Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are. If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems. But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short. So from now on, those with wives should not focus only on their marriage. Those who weep or who rejoice or who buy things should not be absorbed by their weeping or their joy or their possessions. Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away. I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin. But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry. So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s Spirit when I say this.’ 1 Corinthians 7:1-40(NLT)
‘A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:39(NLT)
Let’s look inside the church. It’s always amazing to me. You’ve got maybe 20 singles in the church, and they’re all praying to find someone to marry. And I want to say, “Look around the singles’ group. That one’s not married, and that one’s not married! So how about going out with each other? Explore that.” I think for that to happen in churches, we’ve got to lower the expectations and pressure. Sometimes young men and women within the church don’t want to go out with each other, because there’s an immediate expectation of marriage. They can’t even get to know each other. Let’s lower the pressure. If I ask you to coffee, it doesn’t mean I want to marry you. It means I want to go have coffee with you, and I want us to get to know each other better.
The One
“The One.” It’s a term used not only by Christians, but also in our society. How do you know that person is the one? In the church and as believers I would say first, don’t date anyone that you wouldn’t want to marry. That’s a good place to begin–from the standpoint of character. When I was a youth pastor many years ago, I would tell young people, “You’re not in a position to date until you have worked out for yourself a set of principles from the Word of God.” There are no Bible verses on dating. However, work out a set of principles from the Word of God that you won’t compromise even if it means you don’t have any dates. If you’re not willing to lose dates to uphold those standards, you’re not ready to date. You’ll compromise somewhere else. Once that’s in place, it really becomes a matter of desire. Do you desire to spend the rest of your life with this person? It’s wise to go to your parents because they know you very well. Ask them, “What do you think of this person?” Go to your siblings who also know you well and ask them what they think of the person. Go to mature leaders of the church. But above all, look to the Lord. My wife was the second woman I ever dated, and I asked her to marry me on the second date. So, there you go, that’s the way to do it. Not! That’s not the way to do it. We’ve been married for 34 years and love each other with all of our hearts. We’re looking to God. Just like in raising children, we’re dependent on Him. Jackie and I were very young in the faith when we were dating. We didn’t know a lot.
Do not knowingly violate His word. Take those principles you have set to heart and do not violate or compromise them. If you desire to marry a person and they’re in the Lord and their character is godly, you are free to marry them. In 1st Corinthians 7, Paul was talking about widows saying a widow can marry anyone she wants, but only in the Lord. That’s the standard.
from Christian Courtship And Dating