‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ‘ Ephesians 5:25-28(NLT)
‘See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him. Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is. ‘ 1 John 3:1-2(NLT)
Many men focus on romance before the altar, forgetting that true romance, flirtation, and fun actually begins after the altar. This is where the uncharted territory commences. This is where Heroic Husbands call home.
A husband fails when he thinks, “Whew! We’re married now. Glad I sealed the deal. Thankful I ‘beat the game.’ Now that she’s mine, time to sit back and chill.”
Marriages that deconstruct into divorce forget how to have fun as a couple. They exchange rings and vows, and then the pursuit fades away.
You see, pursuit is downright essential to every marriage, which is why dating – crazy-fun, expectation-shattering dating are so important.
Heroic Husbandry is a pursuing husbandry.
Start by looking at your wife and dreaming: “what can I do this week to usher unfathomable joy into her life?” Yes, it’s that simple. Secretly brainstorm and think: next step.
So, planning a dinner date is good. (Especially if she’s not expecting it.) But how can you take the next step? Maybe call the restaurant ahead and arrange a romantic (or silly!) shtick that the waiter is in on. Get creative. And crazy. Then, if you’re daring enough, take another step! Have a hand-written letter leaning against her pillow when she gets home, titled, ‘7 Things I Cherish About You.’
Husband, honestly – like, honestly – this is easy stuff. It just takes intentionality – unchaining of the romantic monster that is in you. Delete the first seven excuses popping into your mind right now, and get after her.
Jesus, our True Hero, pursues us with an abundant love. His finished work on the cross abundantly, overflowingly, excessively rescued us from our sin, restored us to God, and guaranteed us a bright future with Him. Therefore, when you pursue her with an abundant love, you’re loving her like Christ loved the church. That is Heroic Husbandry.
And here’s what’s cool. As much as she will benefit from it, you will benefit, too. She’ll tell everyone how heroic her husband is, reciting stories of your heroism around the family table for decades to come.
Husband, stay fun, think up those next steps, and heroically pursue.
from Heroic Husbandry: Reclaiming Hero Status in Your Marriage