‘Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:1-3(NLT)
‘Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:1-4(NLT)
‘Similarly, a family splintered by feuding will fall apart. ‘ Mark 3:25(NLT)
In most new blended homes, an initial effort is made to blend the role of parenting between the biological and step (new) parents. However, blending of these roles can be frustrating and the parents often decide to retreat from that effort in order to reduce friction in the home. So, “You discipline yours, and I’ll discipline mine,” is common. Is this healthy? No, because it sets up the home as two single parent families living in the same house. The easy road is usually not the right road. We experienced this frustration and it truly divided our home and marriage.
Here are four reasons why the “you discipline yours” family undermines itself:
1. The role of the husband and wife is to become one working together to support the children in their family. When this role is retracted from the new parent, they will likely feel disconnected because their position has been removed. The disconnect will eventually deteriorate the marriage and family.
2. Having two separate authorities and rules for his child/her child) in a home sets the stage for favoritism. When two sets of rules and discipline methods exist (one child is allowed to do something that another is not, or one child is punished more harshly than the other), it will likely cause children to compete or resent each other.
3. “You discipline yours” causes disunity. When husband and wife are not operating in unity, the family members may resist connecting to the family.
4. It hinders the home from developing into a loving, respectful environment.
A thriving family develops out of unconditional love among all family members. If spouses are not working together, the children will not try either. You and your spouse must bond together first. The children will follow suit.
Suggestions:
Set a goal with your spouse to build a united family, one that your children will want to model.
Spouses, agree on one set of rules and age-appropriate discipline that apply to all children in the home. Then have a family meeting to share the new family rules.
Our Prayer for You
Holy Spirit, give this couple the wisdom and direction to build a healthy thriving family. Show them Your design for a marriage and family. Thank You Lord!
Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry
from Blending A Family