‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)
‘“A newly married man must not be drafted into the army or be given any other official responsibilities. He must be free to spend one year at home, bringing happiness to the wife he has married.’ Deuteronomy 24:5(NLT)
‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.’ Proverbs 5:18(NLT)
‘The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:3-5(NLT)
‘Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ 1 Corinthians 13:13(NLT)
‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)
In our marriages, we all go through different seasons. Sometimes, our relationships feel great and fulfilling. We feel that we are really in love with each other. We are in a good place together. At other times, life happens. We feel stressed and frustrated. We may even be angry with our spouse. What do we do when we do not feel love towards the person we married?
The problem is that we have a cultural concept of love: we think that love is a feeling. From the biblical point of view, love is not primarily a feeling. Our affections can be influenced by love; however, love is mainly devotion. It is a commitment. We can choose to love. In fact, the Bible commands us to love our enemies. Surely, when we are commanded to love our enemies, we can choose to love our spouse. Some days, you might not feel like loving your spouse. On those days, you need to remind yourself to choose to love your spouse. Since we are commanded to love, to choose not to love is a sin. We must obey God and obey the Scriptures whether we feel like it or not.
We also need to understand that we live in a culture where dating and courtship are how the two people “fall in love” before they get married; the individuals choose their spouse. Throughout human history, however, marriages were arranged. Of course, some parents would allow their children to have a say in the matter. Nevertheless, the Word of God also required love in an arranged marriage. Love is faithfulness. If believers were commanded to stay faithful to the person they were arranged to marry, surely we need to stay faithful to the person we chose to marry.
Love is a choice to stay faithful day in and day out. It is a decision to do the right thing when we feel madly in love with our spouse. To love them back on the days that they bring us roses or cook us a really good meal that we like. We also need to love them on the days that they offend us. Love is a choice to do the right thing. We choose to love first; then, our feelings will follow. We need our choices to dictate our feelings, not the other way around.
from I No Longer Love My Spouse