‘This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.’ Habakkuk 2:3(NLT)
“Experiencing a marriage where both partners are fulfilling their purpose doesn’t mean that every moment will be filled with bells and trumpets. It means that faith in God’s calling and direction for yourselves, and for each other, will often have to carry you through those mundane moments that show up as a normal part in everyone’s life.” Tony Evans
Dear God, it’s easy to question purpose and direction when things delay. It’s especially easy if the delay causes any kind of discomfort in the home, inconvenience or even financial loss of some sort. All too often these delays can turn to doubt. And doubt can lead to division as we question each other and Your purpose in each of our lives.
Lord, help us to fully commit to seeing You carry out Your purpose for both of us as individuals and for us together as a couple in Your timing. Give us patience when things don’t seem to be falling into place. Help us to pick up the shield of faith that reminds us that the vision is yet for the appointed time, and until that appointed time comes, God, we are to serve each other in humility, encouragement and mutual understanding.
When my spouse’s faith diminishes due to delays and detours toward their purpose—help me to be there to remind them to trust You in faith. And let my spouse do the same for me when it is my faith that wanes. There are days when one of us is strong and the other isn’t—when one of us has unwavering belief and vision for the future and the other doesn’t. Let us compliment each other to be the one to lift each other up in faith whether in prayer, or words of encouragement or simply by not complaining when things do seem to go wrong on this journey toward purpose. Between the two of us, help us to balance each other out so that our faith remains strong collectively and over time. In Christ’s name, amen.
‘So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. ‘ Ephesians 5:15-16(NLT)
“Time has been given to you for one reason. Your time has been given to you in order to accomplish your destiny. Time is consistent with destiny and purpose.” Tony Evans
Lord, Your Word tells us to be careful how we walk because the days are evil, and the time to pursue our purpose draws shorter with each day. You also tell us to walk in shoes of peace. When we live with peace as a mindset, it enables us to be careful how we walk. Because when we walk in peace in our relationship together, we don’t waste all of that time arguing, fighting, or responding in unkind ways. So much of our marriage has been lost to those moments where we did not choose to be careful how we walked, to use our time wisely and to walk in peace. God, forgive us. Let that not be the norm moving forward.
Rather, I pray for myself right now that, as Moses said, You will teach me to number my days in order that I will have a mindset of gratitude toward my spouse and the moments we do have together. Teach us to not waste our time on frivolous activities which do not bring us closer to Your purpose or on unproductive disagreements rooted in selfishness. Both of us have a great purpose to live out so enable us to be time-givers to each other rather than time-stealers. And we will do this by choosing peace as the atmosphere for our home. When peace is the atmosphere of our home, we are freed up to pursue purpose more fully. In Christ’s name, amen.
‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)
“God has created marriage for the divinely appointed purpose of exercising dominion over the sphere of your world where you have responsibility and influence. As a couple, you are to influence those around you rather than be influenced by the world.” Tony Evans
Father, You tell us that when we pursue You and Your Word, our minds will be transformed and renewed. We will then be in a position to discern what is your righteous will for us. But when we neglect Your presence and Your Word, it is easy to be conformed to the unrighteousness of this world. God, enable us as a couple to seek You every day, whether it’s in our conversations with each other, during times that we pray together, text messages that we send each other—in any number of ways—let us be a reminder to each other to renew our minds in Your Word.
We know that when our minds are attuned with Yours, the unrighteousness of this world will stand out. We seek to live by that standard, and not the world’s. Guide us into Your purpose each moment of each day. In Christ’s name, amen.
‘For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’ Ephesians 2:10(NLT)
“Marriage is a covenant union designed by God to strengthen the capacity and ability for each partner to carry out their purpose in the spheres of influence where God has placed them. Purpose involves impacting your world for good through fulfilling your purpose in all the places and ways God has positioned you to do so.” Tony Evans
Dear Lord, You have designed each of us with a unique personality and skill set. You’ve also given each of us a distinct passion and interest in certain things. All of this combined with our different backgrounds comes together to point us in the direction of our purpose. God, help me as a spouse to be a support to my spouse in pursuing their purpose. Show me what I can do to strengthen their ability to carry out what You have called them to do. I know You have a purpose for me as well, but I don’t want that to get in the way of what You have created my spouse to fulfill.
With every purpose comes challenges, setbacks, and discouragements in its pursuit. I want to be a sounding board for my spouse to be able to talk about these things in a safe, loving environment where I don’t try to fix it or question it or even change it, but rather I provide encouragement and hope to keep going. Help me to be a blessing in my spouse’s life so that they reach the greatest fulfillment of Your purpose in their life. Keep me from selfish ambitions and even selfish desires that may stand in the way of what You have designed us individually, and as a couple, to pursue. In Christ’s name. Amen.
‘My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart,’ Proverbs 4:20-21(NLT)
‘O my son, give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways.’ Proverbs 23:26(NLT)
You’ve probably heard these words DECLARED before: We Hold These Truths to be Self-Evident… In other words, everything that comes next doesn’t have to be proven, it’s just fact. We know from observing those around us. We know from our gut. Some things are just true.
So it is with the following statement, “The Most Important Thing a Dad Can Do…”
How would you fill in that blank? Check out responses on my Facebook post, and even offer your own thoughts. Many were expected truths: “be present, honest, forgiving, loving, etc.” But a few people read my mind:
The Best Thing a Dad Can Do is Love His Wife Well. (Be a loving husband!)
That’s it. It’s not rocket science. It’s self-evident. Kids are a direct beneficiary of the love shown between a man and a woman. Men cannot spend time, listen, forgive, model, say, or display anything if they are not there, and the only way to truly “be there” is to do everything in their power to protect the stability of their family.
I could throw out stats on the direct correlation between the stability of the family and the effects on children. Social sciences prove this concept ten times over, but the true test comes from your own experience. Think about your own life. How did your dad love your mom and what affect did that have on you?
You and I both know, “do what I say, not as I do?” doesn’t really work. Kids do what we do. So it begs the tough question, “What kind of man am I modeling?” Solomon said in Proverbs, “Let them (my instructions) not escape from your sight;” (4:21) and “my son…let your eyes observe my ways” (23:26).
I want my kids to adore their spouses one day. Am I adoring my wife? Do I hold her hand, kiss her, and laugh with her in front of my kids? I want my kids to resolve conflict quickly. Am I holding grudges, shouting constantly, or pursuing peace with my wife? I want my kids to own their mistakes. Do they see me apologizing sincerely? I want my kids to serve their spouses one day. Do I serve my wife in practical and tangible ways?
Someone once said, “Become who you want your kids to be.” If you dream about your kids loving one person well for a lifetime, it starts with you. It almost goes without saying, that’s the best thing you can do for your kids.
‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ‘ Ephesians 5:28(NLT)
‘I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own.’ Song of Songs 7:10(NLT)
I’m not sure Paul was the most popular men’s retreat speaker.
When he spoke, some fell asleep…and then fell out a window (Acts 20:9). He admitted to the church at Corinth his messages were a bit convoluted (1 Cor. 2:3-5). Even his buddy Peter threw him under the bus for his ivory tower verbiage (2 Peter 3:15-16).
Then there was his unfortunate use of the word nourish in Ephesians 5:28. I’m pretty sure every guy in the audience cringed a bit when Paul said to husbands, “nourish” your wife. We may think of nutritious foods, but in Paul’s day, the word often referred to nursing moms. Try and get that picture out of your head.
When my wife used her God-given equipment to nourish our children I don’t ever remember a time when I asked her, “Honey, when was the last time you fed the baby?” and she responded, “Oh, I don’t know, it’s been a few days.”
Because instinctively a mom knows her baby’s nourishment has to be consistent, catered to their tastes, and is crucial for their survival. In the same way, Paul calls husbands to nourish their brides.
Is your love consistent? I don’t know about you, but I rarely miss a meal. Unless I’m fasting (for a very short time!), about every 4-5 hours I feed the beast. It’s all too common for our wives to go months between meals: a date night, taking a walk, go on an adventure, a simple text saying, “are you tired? You should be because you’ve been running through my mind all day long,” or a well thought out letter. Nourishment must be ongoing.
Is your love catered to her tastes? You’re not going to catch me at the all you can eat tofu bar. Unless I’m on the mission field, I generally nourish my body with stuff I like. It’s common to give love the way we want to receive love. But your love language probably doesn’t match hers. Want to know if you are catering to her “love” taste buds, ask this UNCOMMEN question: “Honey, do you feel the depth of my love? Not do you know it, but do you feel it? If not, how can I nourish your soul?”
Do you realize your love is crucial to her survival? It’s no secret many women feel malnourished by their husbands. Their closets may be stuffed with clothes and pantry stocked with food, but their souls are famished for attention and craving emotional sustenance from the one who promised to love them until “death do us part.”
The Shulamite woman said in Song of Solomon, “I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me” (7:10). Every woman wants to be wanted, pursued, and longed for.
‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ‘ Ephesians 5:28-29(NLT)
I have a gift.
I can take my wife’s emotional temperature from across the room. When she is hot (and I don’t mean ready to slip between the sheets with me), I seek a cooler climate, perhaps on the deck with an iced tea. When she’s cold, I look for a warmer personality – like a TV – to keep me company.
Paul says, “cherish” our bride like we cherish our own bodies. The word means, “bring warmth to,” and from which we derive our words, thermal and thermostat. Unless you are in Seal training, you instinctively “cherish” your body. If it’s too hot outside, you put on your sandals and crank up the AC. If it’s too cold, you don the merino wool socks and build a fire. When Paul tells us to love our wives as we love our own bodies, he’s encouraging us to cherish their emotional needs in the same way we cherish our own physical needs.
If she’s chilly, it’s our job to warm her up. If she’s steaming, then we help lower the mercury. In other words, the call to cherish means we have to engage when we’d rather shrink back.
Whenever I sense a slight irritation with my wife, my tendency is to pull away. But if I get a tiny sliver in my finger, my whole body springs into action. My nerves shoot pain warnings to my brain; like missile lock, my eyes fix on the problem; my legs halt any movement; my other digits dig out the intruder. Proportionally the sliver affects a small surface area, but my whole body responds. I wish that was true in my marriage. When a sliver of bitterness or frustration gets between us, rather than initiate, I let it fester.
Paul says earlier in this letter, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger”
‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ‘ Ephesians 5:25-28(NLT)
‘And when I passed by again, I saw that you were old enough for love. So I wrapped my cloak around you to cover your nakedness and declared my marriage vows. I made a covenant with you, says the Sovereign Lord , and you became mine. “Then I bathed you and washed off your blood, and I rubbed fragrant oils into your skin. I gave you expensive clothing of fine linen and silk, beautifully embroidered, and sandals made of fine goatskin leather. I gave you lovely jewelry, bracelets, beautiful necklaces, a ring for your nose, earrings for your ears, and a lovely crown for your head. And so you were adorned with gold and silver. Your clothes were made of fine linen and costly fabric and were beautifully embroidered. You ate the finest foods—choice flour, honey, and olive oil—and became more beautiful than ever. You looked like a queen, and so you were! Your fame soon spread throughout the world because of your beauty. I dressed you in my splendor and perfected your beauty, says the Sovereign Lord .’ Ezekiel 16:8-14(NLT)
Don’t think too hard; just answer in one or two phrases. I’m going to wager you picked from a couple of general themes. Maybe you love her because of something she does for you: She’s beautiful. She’s funny. She makes you feel strong. She lifts you up. She’s godly. She’s, well, fun in bed.
Or you love her because it’s expected: You know it’s the right thing to do. After all, Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives” (Eph. 5:25).
Perhaps it’s a mixture of both. The first motivation capitalizes on her performance. The second focuses on your obligation. Both reasons are COMMON. And both reasons eventually run out of steam.
As men, we tend to love shiny gadgets. We crave the latest and greatest. So when the shine wears off a man’s bride, it’s no wonder we are tempted to pine for an upgrade. You may not pursue another woman, but if your primary motivation for loving your wife is her performance, at times, you secretly hope your wife will change. You may even drop some not so subtle hints:
“You working out today?” “Remember when you wore a bikini?” “I love the way Deron’s wife talks about him to others.”
Paul calls us to love our wives as Christ loves the church, but then Paul gives us the motivation – because one day Jesus will present the bride back to God (Eph. 5:26-28).
I’m guessing when Paul wrote this phrase, he might have read Ezek.16:8-14 that morning. God never loved Israel because of how she looked in the mirror or her impressive resume. God’s bride blossoms after the wedding day and becomes more beautiful and splendid over time, not because she “worked out” or “aged gracefully,” but because God loved her into radiance. If a man views the wedding day as the height of his bride’s beauty, then he will never love like Jesus. He’ll constantly be comparing what was rather than anticipating his role in what could be. For Jesus, the wedding day was simply the start of a lifelong extreme makeover designed to advance his bride to royalty.
When we love someone based on their performance: what they say, how they act, how they look, eventually they will let you down. None of us are perfect, and if you’re honest you long to be respected and loved by your wife because of you who are, not what you do or how you look. Trust me, as you get older, the mirror will become far more revealing than appealing. Performance driven relationships are exhausting.
When we love based on obligation, eventually marriage transforms into a cold union. Duty without a sense of glory always leads to drudgery. And drudgery always leads to death. It may not be the death of a marriage, but many marriages experience the death of intimacy. They married a soulmate, but ended up with a roommate.
Why do you love your wife? If it’s because of how she makes you feel or because it’s your duty, you’ll end up with a COMMON marriage. But if you want to be UNCOMMEN, love your bride as Christ loved the Church – who saw the glory in one day presenting his bride back to His heavenly father – even more beautiful than the day they got hitched.
‘When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:11(NLT)
‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)
You might have heard the phrase, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways” (1 Cor. 13:11).
You’d think Paul wrote this phrase right after his call to the Corinthian men to “act like men” in 1 Corinthians 16:13. But he didn’t. Instead he wrote it after a passage you expect to find ensconced in crochet or festooned on flowery greeting cards:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Yeah, the “love” chapter. “Love” in our culture is like WD-40. We spray it on everything: I love burgers; I love the Cowboys; I love my wife. Hopefully our love for our wives means more than our love for cooked cow or grown men tackling each other. Paul indicates there a came a time in his life when he grew out of an immature, boyish love and embraced a more mature, and dare we say, manly love.
If we’re going to love our wives like Christ loved the church, we must let the boy die. And in marriage, that’s far easier said than done. Check out the comparisons below:
Boys retaliate quickly when hurt; manly love is patient and kind. Boys require constant affirmation; manly love is not arrogant or rude. Boys stew, stammer, and hold grudges when they don’t get their way; manly love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. Boys try to win every argument; manly love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Boys have a short fuse; manly love bears all things. Boys write people off when wronged; manly love believes God’s best for the relationship. Boys lose hope after they’re hurt; manly love always hopes for reconciliation regardless of the pain. Boys expect to be served; manly love endures all things.
What’s one way to let the boy die in you this week? Endure a minor offense? Reflect on a criticism rather than retaliate? Serve in a tangible way (i.e. put the toilet seat down, offer to take the kids when you are tired, make the bed with all the throw pillows placed perfectly, etc…)?
At the end of his letter to this small church in Corinth, Paul wrote, “stand firm, act like men, be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13). This might have been Paul’s way to say, “BE UNCOMMEN!” Then he says, “let all that you do be done in love” (1 Cor. 16:14). One of the manliest things a man can do is love his wife in a manly way.
‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.’ Proverbs 31:10(NLT)
‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33(NLT)
‘The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.’ Lamentations 3:22-23(NLT)
‘Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.’ Ephesians 5:1-2(NLT)
Bible Reference(s): Proverbs 31:10 – “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”
Devotional Content:
I was struck with a profound marriage recharger in a most unlikely place—watching a fictitious TV show. Here’s the recap: a couple was on a date when he became her hero by rescuing her daughter who was in trouble. I got choked up as I watched the female character beam with delight as her new heartthrob saved the day.
An excellent wife looks for the hero in her man. “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). What better way to respect your husband than to see him as a hero?
When we follow what God says, it can be an act of worship. Titles such as cheerleader, servant, faithful one, encourager, fan can take on a whole new meaning if we look on those titles as godly. Being an excellent wife is a calling—and one which is of great importance to God.
The opposite of seeing your husband as your hero would be to take on the role of professional wife critic. When you criticize your man, what he hears is “I don’t trust you. I don’t respect you. I don’t think you’re doing it right.” Always treat him like he’s the smartest, most capable man in the world.
Anytime we tumble into disrespectful behavior toward our husband, we dishonor God, and we dishonor our marital vows. What does one do if this happens? Apologize and start over. With God, each day is a chance to start over. “The LORD’S loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).
He needs your respect. God commands it. When God commands something, he means business, and we need to follow what he says if we want to have a flourishing, God-honoring marriage. God has wired a man in such a way that he—seeks, needs, longs for—the approval of his wife. Seeing him as your hero will safeguard your respect for him. When he offers his help—he’s your hero. When he gives you a listening ear—he’s your hero. When he works hard—he’s your hero. When he gives you a tender embrace—he’s your hero.
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma” (Ephesians 5:1-2).
How you treat your husband is a reflection of how godly you are and how surrendered to Jesus Christ you are. Swapping “me” thinking for “we” thinking will not only honor God but will land you at happily-ever-after.
So what? Look for ways you can premier your husband as the role of your hero. Praise him in public. Compliment him in private. Cheer for him with large and small successes.
Dear God, help me be the excellent wife you describe in scripture. Give me wisdom to know the difference between critic and cheerleader.
from Seven Days To “From Me to We” Bible Plan by Lucille Williams
