‘The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden— except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.” Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:15-24(NLT)
‘“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:4-6(NLT)
Partnering is about strengthening your coupleness so you can love and lead your children well together. You need to partner in two ways.
First, you need a strong marriage. A solid, reliable relationship is what fuels both partners’ ability to do the work of parenting and in the case of the stepparent, empowers them to be part of the authority team. Parenting is hard work; it takes a lot out of us. What spurs us to invest so much of ourselves in our children is, for many, a relationship with the Divine (who continuously pours love into our hearts), and a healthy marriage.
Secondly, you must partner around your roles in parenting and play to each other’s strengths. Biological parents have a clearly defined role and relationship with their children. On day one, stepparents have neither. They are substitute parents. And without the biological parent’s support and backing, they may be unable to parent children well. Which brings us to the subject of child behavior management.
People sometimes confuse discipline and punishment. Discipline is about training a child. It’s about building their character and teaching them the ethics of life. Punishment is about correction and consequence. It is a negative form of discipline. Stepparents can on day one in the family slow-cooker offer discipline to a child, but should punish sparingly until a clear bond and trust is established.
When biological parents take the lead on handing down punishment to a child, they are playing to their strength and partnering with the stepparent by not putting them in a tough situation. When they communicate to their children that the stepparent “is in charge while I’m gone,” they are giving the sub a chance to be successful. And when they gently insist that their teenager act respectful, they are giving the substitute parent a chance to be viewed as an authority in the home.
Over time, stepparents can clarify their relationship with stepchildren and gain tremendous influence and authority in their life. In most cases, as your relationship deepens with a child, so will your role in their life.
from 7 Day Devotional for the Stepparent
