Month: September 2020

‘Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord !” In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.’ Job 1:20-22(NLT)

When loss comes, grief is often not far behind. Though the shock of pain or the adrenalin of the survival instinct may make us appear strong for a time, grief—“the inward desolation that follows losing something or someone we loved” (J.I. Packer, A Grief Sanctified, page 9)—will eventually find its way into every fiber of our being.

Grief follows the great losses that some of us walk through (death, infertility, abuse, a wayward child, and so on), and it follows the smaller yet still painful losses (financial issues, missed opportunities, disappointments). All are hard to navigate in a marriage.

Job knew loss. He lost everything—his livestock, servants, and every one of his children. In one fell swoop, his wealth, security, and family were stripped away. Yet, in response to unfathomable affliction, Job does something equally unfathomable: he shaves his head, falls to the ground, and worships the Lord.

This is unfathomable because it is so different than the way most of us, including Christians, respond to trials. In Western culture, we’re often uncomfortable with grief, doing our best to avoid the reality that death and decay (of people and things) is evidence that this world is wasting away. Instead, we strive to appear strong, think positive, and fill our lives with whatever will help mask the pain. Or, instead of allowing grief and loss to drive them to a greater hope, many avoid facing brokenness head on by relieving the deep ache with whatever will dull the pain.

Alternatively, sometimes as Christians we do grieve, but we think that while we grieve we can be excused from worshiping God—we’ll start living for him again once we feel better and the grief has faded.

How can we learn to respond as Job did? And why would we even want to?

GRIEF IS NOT A SIGN OF UNBELIEF

Don’t think that Job’s worship was in place of his grief, or that those who believe do not feel grief at all. As the pastor and author John Piper points out:

“The sobs of grief and pain are not the sign of unbelief. Job knows nothing of a flippant, insensitive, superficial ‘Praise God anyhow’ response to suffering. The magnificence of his worship is because it was in grief, not because it replaced grief. Let your tears flow freely when your calamity comes. And let the rest of us weep with those who weep.” (Job: Reverent in Suffering, desiringgod.org/messages/job-reverent-in-suffering, accessed 12/1/19)

It’s natural and right to grieve the losses and pain we experience in this life. Grief and tears are not a sign of weak faith, but a normal and healthy response to the brokenness of this world and the painful effects that it has upon our lives. The Bible tells us that this fallen world is not the place we were designed for. The place we were made for is coming, but it is not here yet. Until then, we have to learn to live in a land between—grieving but hoping, unsettled in the pain but at peace in Christ’s presence, worshiping in our pain.

Having hope doesn’t mean we won’t grieve. Having hope means we grieve with the confidence that “Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5 v 10).

REFLECT

• How would you characterize the way you respond to grief? Does your spouse seem to grieve in a similar or different manner?
• Have you believed the lie that grief is a sign of unbelief? If so, how would things change if you allowed yourself to fully grieve, understanding that, like Job, you can worship the Lord in your sorrow?
• (Together, if possible) Share how your spouse can be an encouragement to you as you grieve the loss or pain you have experienced. Share with each other what has helped and what has hurt in regards to navigating your sorrow as a couple.

PRAY

Heavenly Father, thank you that you give us permission to grieve over the trials that you have allowed into our lives. Like Job, help me to come to you honestly about my heartache and to trust that you can handle my pain, questions, and wavering emotions. But help me not to get stuck there. Give me the strength and faith to grieve with hope and offer you a sacrifice of worship, trusting that you will one day bring full redemption and restoration to all that we have lost. Protect our marriage as we learn to grieve alongside of each other, and help us to grow together as we look to you in our sorrow. Amen. 

For further meditation: Psalms 13, 88; 1 Thessalonians 4 v 13.

from Together Through the Storms

‘Then the Lord asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil.” Satan replied to the Lord , “Yes, but Job has good reason to fear God. You have always put a wall of protection around him and his home and his property. You have made him prosper in everything he does. Look how rich he is! But reach out and take away everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face!” “All right, you may test him,” the Lord said to Satan. “Do whatever you want with everything he possesses, but don’t harm him physically.” So Satan left the Lord ’s presence.’ Job 1:8-12(NLT)

Trials—from small annoyances to seasons of deep suffering—will test every marriage. But not every marriage will be shaped by them in the same way. The mark these trials leave on us ultimately depends upon our response when they come. An old saying goes, “The same sun that melts the wax hardens the clay”—the same circumstances that produce in one person resentment, bitterness, and anger toward God and their spouse will in another person end up strengthening their marriage and growing humility, patience, kindness, and greater dependence on Christ.

The book of Job opens with a disagreement in the heavens about how Job would react to a sustained season of deep trial. Satan expected him to curse God when his earthly blessings were removed. He was right—not about Job but about his wife, who advised Job to do just what Satan was aiming for (2 v 9-10). But Job ignored her advice and defied Satan’s expectations by clinging to his belief that God was, somehow, working for good: “When he has tried me, I shall come out like gold” (23 v 10).

Don’t miss what Satan was doing. In plunging this couple into turmoil, he was aiming to divide them from each other and then drag them from God. Job lost everything and then faced losing his marriage. And often so will we, when trials and testing come. Storms will shape your marriage—but how they shape it depends on your response to them and to each other. So here are three key truths to remember when they come.

YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT YOUR ENEMY

There have been times when I have viewed Sarah as my enemy (though at the time I wouldn’t have said that out loud or written it in a book). Because we process our trials differently, especially when we are both carrying overwhelming stress loads, it’s all too easy to take our frustrations out on each other. What used to be nothing more than minor annoyances are suddenly magnified when fears, disappointments, and hurts press us from all sides.

So we need to fight the temptation to turn against our husband or wife and see them as the enemy. We need to proactively counteract that mindset. How? You can take the initiative to do something kind, thoughtful, and generous for your spouse. Leave a note on the bathroom mirror that says something that you love or appreciate about them, or how you can see God working in their life. Take on a chore that usually falls to your wife or husband—for me, that might be taking the initiative to throw in a load of laundry or to plan and prepare a meal for the family. Before turning on the TV, take time to pray for, talk with, and listen to your spouse.

If you are anything like me, you will often not feel like serving or moving toward your spouse—but our feelings often follow our actions. So rather than giving opportunity for bitterness or resentment to take root, cut off those thoughts as soon as they appear, and instead think about how you can move toward your spouse today and remind them (and yourself!) that you are on each other’s side.

REFLECT

• In difficult times, are there ways in which you have placed blame on your spouse or allowed differences and annoyances to turn you against each other? When struggles arise within your marriage, do you ever consider that you have an enemy who is seeking to destroy anything that glorifies God, including our marriages? How would remembering the spiritual battle that is raging and the strong defender we have in Christ impact the disagreements, struggles, and circumstances within your marriage?
• How does understanding that God sets the boundaries give you comfort and hope, and change your current view of suffering?
• (Together, if possible) Can you recognize areas in your marriage where the enemy has sought (perhaps successfully) to turn you against one another? What would it look like to resist him, asking Jesus to give you strength to stand firm and love one another?

PRAY

Lord Jesus, my heart is prone to wander, especially when times are difficult and painful, and the stresses of life seem to have no end. Search my heart, ground me in your truth, and give me clarity to see who my real enemy is. Help me to see where I have falsely accused or blamed my spouse (or others) for what we are enduring, and to realize that it may well be that my spouse is not the problem, but that the sin within me is. By the strength of your Holy Spirit, humble me now so that I may remember that my identity is found in you alone and not in my circumstances or in my spouse. Give me a renewed strength to fight and endure for your glory. Align our hearts together with yours and each other’s, and may we rest in your promises that you are sovereign over our suffering. Use my life and my marriage for your kingdom’s purposes and glory. Amen.

For further meditation: 2 Samuel 22 v 1-7; Psalm 18 v 16-19; 2 Corinthians 12 v 7-10; James 1 v 2-6.

from Together Through the Storms

‘“I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you.’ Job 42:2(NLT)

‘I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”’ Job 42:5-6(NLT)

LEARNING FROM JOB

Job knew trials. He lost his livestock, camels, and servants (in other words, his wealth and his livelihood); he lost every one of his ten children in a single day; he was struck with horrific sores from head to toe; and, as if that weren’t enough, his friends were convinced he had brought it all upon himself.

Understandably, Job’s suffering was so crushing that he longed for death and pleaded with God to make known the cosmic reason behind his torment (Job 23). And yet, after wrestling with his friends’ accusations, his unrelenting misery, and, finally, with God himself, Job came to this conclusion: 

I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted … I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you. (Job 42 v 1, 5)

Job’s life ended with an amazing picture of redemption, restoration, and healing (including wealth, children, and friendships). We aren’t promised a “happily ever after” in an earthly sense, but all those who follow the risen Jesus are promised an “inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you” (1 Peter 1 v 4). Yet our hope isn’t only in the eternal happiness and healing to come, but in the blessing of experiencing what Job did—of seeing and knowing our God more, even in—especially in—our darkest days. It was in the midst of his deepest suffering, and not after it, that Job came to see God—to know him, to experience him, to marvel at him. Through what was—to him—inexplicable suffering, he came to grasp “the greatness, majesty, sovereignty, and independence of God” (John MacArthur Study Bible, notes on Job 42 v 6).

Our prayer is that as we press on with a future hope of better days to come, we will not miss the life-changing blessings that Christ has in store for us right in the midst of our suffering.

WHY WE NEED JESUS

So this is where it starts, as it did for Job: we need not only to know about Jesus, but to know that we need Jesus.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But… (Ephesians 2 v 1-4a)

Saved and loved we may be, but we still sin. So, despite the “perfect-marriage face” most people put on each Sunday morning and when they’re with friends, our marriages are going to be sites of struggle as well as joy, because all our marriages are made up of two sinners. Tension and problems will blow up on good days—and when storms come to two sinners in the same boat, we’re often more tempted to push each other off the boat than help each other bail out water.

REFLECT

• Have you put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? If not, how might the truth of the gospel change your sense of hope, both for today and eternity? If you’re a Christian, how does the gospel change your suffering and your perspective on marriage even when challenges arise?
• In what ways do you think you most need God to help you or change you as an individual?
• (Together, if possible) What trials are putting pressure on your marriage? Do you believe that Christ can use these trials for the good of your marriage? Why/why not? How have you seen him chisel each of you to make you more like Jesus?

PRAY

Lord, thank you that nothing in my life is hopeless because you laid down your life for me, offering forgiveness, freedom, and eternity with yourself. You see my sufferings and know the hidden places of my heart and marriage that need to be renewed, healed, and redeemed. Help me trust that you have purposes beyond what I can see and that nothing is impossible for you. Help me lay down what I think is best and submit my desires for my life, family, and marriage to you. I believe that you are worth following, no matter the cost, but help me believe this more deeply. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness when I live in fear instead of faith, selfishness instead of sacrificial love, and pride instead of humility before you and others. In the weeks ahead, open my eyes to the truth of your word, and chisel what you must to reveal more of your image within me. Amen.

For further meditation: Psalm 130; 1 Corinthians 1 v 26-31; Ephesians 1 v 16-21; Hebrews 12 v 1-2, 3-13.

from Together Through the Storms